My Daddy Was a Cow & My Mama Was a Boy

Half person half cow, that's me a cowboy
hodeladle hodeladdle life's a nightmare

nateconnolly:

nateconnolly:

Lies I have told children ages 7-9

  1. I am five billion years old
  2. My name is Snuffalufagus Bartholomew Von Maximus the Third
  3. I’m in Kindergarten because after college they make you start again all the way back in the beginning.

#being a camp counselor this summer opened my eyes to a whole new world of lying to children it’s awesome

The first thing you learn as a new summer camp counselor is that most children sincerely enjoy hearing adults tell them obvious lies. I think it comes in part from the inversion of the normal child-adult dynamic: they get to be the ones who tells us “no,” and they’re positioned as a person with important knowledge. This is good practice. I think children need a safe environment in which they can internalize the fact that sometimes, adults tell them things that are not true. That is a safety skill. So, it’s fun for them, it’s good for them, and it’s a bonding activity. Whenever kids were hurt on the playground, they made a BEELINE for me specifically (as opposed to the other counselors, even when they were much closer physically). I attribute that in part to the fact that I was very approachable because I was The Silly Adult Who Lets You Correct Him.

The second thing you learn as a new summer camp counselor is that supervising small children as they cross the street is more stressful than being hunted for sport.



foone:

girlmachinezeph:

flightyquinn:

fuckyeahsnackables:

lynati:

open-sketchbook:

I have a new theory which has resulted from me writing porn on my phone which im certain is old hat to everyone but is new to me

it kinda goes like this

basically, as a person or community writes a kinky story for longer, they will kind of inevitably move up a chain of ‘paradigms of justification’ required to make the kink continue to make sense.

the pace will vary depending on the kink, but motion is inevitable.

so say you decide to write some rope bondage kink. as you continue to write, you are likely to progress through the stages as follows:

  • Stage 0 - Baseline: i am writing A tying up B, because i want to, A wants to, and B is into it (or isn’t, depending on what kinda freak you are). Regular fic goes here.
  • Stage 1 - Psychological: Why is does A like tying up B? Why does B like being tied up? Normal character stuff. Not yet weird. You’re still normal. If you mom found out you were writing this, she’d probably still love you.
  • Stage 2 - Logistical: How does A afford all those rope? Why hasn’t B’s hands fallen off from lack of circulation? Getting odd you’d write about this, but fair enough, real kinksters deal with this. You just like to pay attention to details.
  • Stage 3 - Sociological: You have written the kink long enough that you need it to be normalized in-universe in order to push the envelope. You need a Federal Department of Kinky Shit

    Why has nobody called the cops when B goes missing for three days due to the suspension bondage setup you researched for two hours last night? Did you just invent a law so its okay for A to tie up the pizza delivery guy? Why is it not a violation of the labour code that B spends all her time literally tied to her desk?

    This is where the descent into madness begins. You have total freedom now to introduce new characters, but they will probably end up being A-like and B-like because that’s your kink and why you started writing in the first place. People laugh when they see the premise, but keep reading.
  • Stage 4 - Biological: Oh, now you fucked up.

    See, eventually, you’re going to start wondering why the world is filled with people like A and B. You’re going to need to answer definitively why B didn’t fucking die when you accidentally wrote a poorly conceived stress position in chapter 2. You gotta answer why there’s only like 1 A for every 10 Bs. You realize with horror you accidentally implied that shibari harnesses is literally a biological requirement for human reproduction.

    It’s over for you. This is ABO with extra steps. Get thee to a nunnery.
  • Stage 5 - Synthesis: “Oh fuck, it all makes sense now.”

    Terminal brain stoppage. Death would be a mercy.

The thing is, once you have progressed through these stages, you are going to skip ahead in future stories because, let’s face it, its incredibly convenient to have these structures laid out for you. If you’ve gotten to Stage 3 in a previous fic and then start a new one, well, you could fuck around justifying what’s going on, or you could simply bring back the Federal Department of Kinky Shit and jump straight to the silk cord. It’s efficient and we’re all busy people.

I ended up following this trajectory with my first set of Porn On Phone stories pretty closely:

  • Hot lady am sexy kidnaps!
  • But why am hot lady sexy kidnap?
  • How am hot lady afford lavish lifestyle for sexy kidnapee?
  • Why am nobody arrest hot lady for sexy kidnap?
  • am reason related to why am no men in stories?
  • characters am now exclaim 'judith christ!’ when stub toe.

Terminal. Put me down like the dog I am.

But the dark realization I had, right about now, is that all the normie fics out there, all the boring straight stuff?

… yeah they’re already at Stage 5. The straights are living at stage 5, patriarchy is their Federal Department of Kinky Shit, they believe in alphas and omegas already.

So, put that way, it’s actually totally normal and okay to do this progression, right? Like, it’s subversive. This is feminist! This is feminist! I scream, as I’m dragged into the van and driven down to the river to be drowned like an unwanted kitten. I’m the normal one! You’re all mad!

anyway i started writing a star trek porn parody in an attempt to write 'normal’ porn again, hit stage five within 3000 words, had a mental breakdown, and came here to write this.

image

Originally posted by magnus-is-swagness

image

Was prepared to leave a cheeky “this is how we got Omegaverse” comment and move on. Then I saw It.

The straights are living at stage 5, patriarchy is their Federal Department of Kinky Shit, they believe in alphas and omegas already.

Not only have I been beaten to the punch, the punch has been given brass knuckles and lessons in mixed martial arts. This line is more raw and impactful than anything I could possibly add. I am deceased.

It’s simple really, start off with the Universal Department of Kinky Shit conquering the universe.

Ahh, the HDG option!




labelleizzy:

official-boob-posts:

kactusnz:

phoenixyfriend:

BOOBS-HAVERS. PLEASE ANSWER:

When do you put on a bra?

Every day. It’s comfortable, or I’m in pain if I don’t.

Every day, it’s required by society and/or roommates or family, even at home.

If I’m expecting company or leave the house, I wear a bra. If I’m home, nah.

I never wear a bra because, it’s just not noticeable. (woman)

I never wear a bra because I do not care and it’s not that big of a deal.

I have babies and wear a bra bc I need something to absorb any leaks.

I just do whatever, whenever the mood strikes me.

I only wear bras when I expect I’ll need support (e.g. exercise)

I wear a binder/sports bra or other ‘hide the boobs’ garment for gender reasons.

I never wear a bra, bc it’s just not noticeable under baggy clothes (nb/trans)

Society doesn’t require bras of me (man, closeted trans woman, late bloomer, etc

Other???

@official-boob-posts

I lead a strictly no bra household

it only goes on if I’m leaving, and even then maybe not

I voted for “I never wear a bra because I do not care and it’s not that big a deal” EXCEPT THAT it WAS that big a deal. I had a breast cancer scare and a biopsy. I’ve hated bras forever and the one thing I realized once I got my negative test results from the biopsy, is that I’d be happiest never to wear them again, if I could work that out.

I wear sports bras if I have to, I have a couple of nice camisoles and some comfy tank tops because showing nipples through a shirt still feels uncomfortable (in this stupid society).

Almost 15 years now since that biopsy and I ditched all the pokey underwire bras and I don’t miss them AT ALL (nonbinary post menopausal genderpunk greysexual)

😇


ninjasmudge:

ninjasmudge:

worlds slowest fanfic author tries really really hard

everyone in the notes we are all holding hands. everyone who hasnt worked on a wip in weeks or months or years, its okay. we are going slow but we are going





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