I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, "So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store"

One of the kidnappers says "balaclavas" but it's muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. "You wrote baklava, that's a pastry." The other kidnapper goes "stfu" and then after a pause goes "Why would you buy from a crime store"

I looooove the shit that's like

"You have the power to possess me and take over my body but you don't because you respect me"

because it can lead to

"I'll let you possess me and take over my body when necessary because I trust you"

being trans and having a cis person go "can I ask a personal question?" is always an interesting gamble

it's either like "how has your transition been going? :)" or they'll ask if your penis has eyes now or some shit

me when someone abruptly asks me if i want to go and do something fun together but the fun thing wasn't part of my daily plan:

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