Enter the WISE AND GAUDY SLIME, attendants, clowns, and wizards, with DOGGONLO the SEER
GAUDY SLIME
Again I come to you, my followers,
To ask a question near my goopy heart:
When speaking to a parent, gender - none,
What name am I to give them when I call?
For, while “progenitor” is accurate,
‘Tis not a quip to call across the town.
FIRST CLOWN
The word that comes to mind at first is “dom”.
FIRST WIZARD
‘Tis true, but if revers’d thy message is,
A “moderator” comes to mind, with “mod”.
SECOND WIZARD
Why, “op” would work when paired with “admin” ‘tis.
GAUDY SLIME
Say “admin” when respect and love thou needst,
Say “op” when meant derogatorily.
DOGGONLO
At first, hearing thy words, I was to jest;
But then, at second thought, I pondered it.
What could one use when not a “ma” or “pa”?
So, “ma”, the word, comes from a babe’s outcry,
Since “em” and “ah” are easy to pronounce.
And “da” and “pa” are also simply said.
So what for gender-null? What for our Slime?
Well, “ja” and “tha” and “tsa” are none a fit,
As “ja-tha-tsa” are difficult to say -
No babe could speak them while still in its youth.
And in addition, repetition’s key,
For “ma-ma” is to “pa-ma” pref'rable.
We’ll stay with low and back-held vowels, too,
For “ee” and “eye” are too complex for babes,
So to the “ah” and “ooh” we keep our sound.
Remaining still available to us,
Good “ga”, kind “ka”, wise “wa”, and, lastly, “la”.
Of these fine gents I point to “la” and “wa”
As consonants that almost vowels be
And make for ease of song for baby voice.
If ever I a child take to me
(For man or woman, neither one am I)
A “wawa” or a “lala” will I be.
And as they grow, their speech will strong become
Till finally my true name’s in their grasp:
‘Tis Waluigi.
FIRST ATTENDANT
Spite! O, I am hit!
I thought I was to learn the lore of words
But struck by cruel and slapstick strike am I!
THIRD WIZARD
Uh, “baba” works, it’s used in other tongues.
SECOND ATTENDANT
Yes, “baba” is the one I use, i'faith.
But still - o Seer, why must thou attack?
SECOND CLOWN
It seems to me that “tata” is the one
For babes to “tatas” cling, no matter what.
GAUDY SLIME
Wait, clown, dost thou speak truth to me? Real truth?
Will babes reach for a breast devoid of milk?
CLOWNS and ATTENDANTS cheer in affirmation.
O never had I thought this day would come.
Enter the gay mothers, THOUGHTFUL and SUZLOUA.
THOUGHTFUL
I cannot of a milkless breast inform,
But lights shaped like a breast will draw the babe.
SUZLOUA
I’ve heard the same by others said before.
My son’s reached out for tied balloons in past.
GAUDY SLIME
In gratitude I share with you a tale
‘Twas whisper’d to my ear a moment since:
One said, when baptised, he then look’d about
And tried to eat the “milk” of candles lit.
THIRD CLOWN
This scene has all that ever I could want,
The milk of human kindness shows itself,
The gender-neutral words are brought along,
And finally, our Waluigi’s here.
GAUDY SLIME
Before we go, one final note to say:
A friend has lately told that, as a child,
They’d call for “maud” to come, for ‘twas
A combination “ma” and “dad” in brief.
Merriment and rejoicing. The SHAKESPEAREIFIER lurks in the corner, taking notes.
