Coming out

For other uses, see Coming out (disambiguation).

Coming out of the closet, or simply coming out, is a figure of speech for lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, and asexual (LGBTQ+) people's self-disclosure of their sexual orientation (or lack thereof) and/or gender identity.

Framed and debated as a privacy issue, coming out of the closet is described and experienced variously as a psychological process or journey; decision-making or risk-taking; a strategy or plan; a mass or public event; a speech act and a matter of personal identity; a rite of passage; liberation or emancipation from oppression; an ordeal; a means toward feeling gay pride instead of shame and social stigma; or even career suicide. Author Steven Seidman writes that "it is the power of the closet to shape the core of an individual's life that has made homosexuality into a significant personal, social, and political drama in twentieth-century America."

It is important to differentiate between different definitions of coming out, rather than assuming the term is always used to mean the same thing, especially in order not to mistake someone's intention. First, people come out to themselves, an awakening and a process of identity development that goes through stages and then is over. They do not have to tell anyone else their sexual orientation in order to be out, they just have to know who they are. This type of coming out is about when someone learns something new about their own identity. Second, people have the right to choose to whom they will disclose their sexual orientation.This decision making process continues throughout the lifespan, especially when someone moves, starts a new job, and/or makes new friends. Because people can lose jobs or other support by coming out, it is important to respect their right to tell who they want to, rather than outing them. This type of coming out is about sharing information about one's identity with people that they know. Third, some people choose to publicly declare their sexual orientation to a group of strangers as an act of political activism. This is not done to figure out who they are or who their friends really are but to make the identity less invisible and to educate potential allies. This type of coming out is about advocating for equal rights and cultural sensitivity. These three definitions are not exhaustive, but knowing at least these three different uses of the term coming out can be helpful to those who are trying to understand the process.

American gender theorist Judith Butler argues that the process of "coming out" does not free gay people from oppression. Although they may feel freer to act as themselves, the opacity involved in entering a non-heterosexual territory insinuates judgment upon their identity, she argues in Imitation and Gender Insubordination (1991).

Coming out of the closet is the source of other gay slang expressions related to voluntary disclosure or lack thereof. LGBT people who have already revealed or no longer conceal their sexual orientation and/or gender identity are out, i.e. openly LGBT. Oppositely, LGBT people who have yet to come out or have opted not to do so are labelled as closeted or being in the closet. Outing is the deliberate or accidental disclosure of an LGBT person's sexual orientation or gender identity, without their consent. By extension, outing oneself is self-disclosure. Glass closet means the open secret of when public figures' being LGBT is considered a widely accepted fact even though they have not officially come out.

It can also be used in various non-LGBT applications, sometimes humorously.

History

Further information: Timeline of LGBT history

19th century gay rights advocate Karl Heinrich Ulrichs introduced the idea of coming out as a means of emancipation.

In 1869, one hundred years before the Stonewall Riots, the German homosexual rights advocate Karl Heinrich Ulrichs introduced the idea of self-disclosure as a means of emancipation. Claiming that invisibility was a major obstacle toward changing public opinion, he urged homosexual people to reveal their same-sex attractions. In his 1906 work, Das Sexualleben unserer Zeit in seinen Beziehungen zur modernen Kultur (The Sexual Life of Our Time in its Relation to Modern Civilization), Iwan Bloch, a German-Jewish physician, entreated elderly homosexuals to self-disclose to their family members and acquaintances. In 1914, Magnus Hirschfeld revisited the topic in his major work The Homosexuality of Men and Women, discussing the social and legal potentials of several thousand homosexual men and women of rank revealing their sexual orientation to the police in order to influence legislators and public opinion.

The first prominent American to reveal his homosexuality was the poet Robert Duncan. In 1944, using his own name in the anarchist magazine Politics, he claimed that homosexuals were an oppressed minority. The decidedly clandestine Mattachine Society, founded by Harry Hay and other veterans of the Wallace for President campaign in Los Angeles in 1950, moved into the public eye after Hal Call took over the group in San Francisco in 1953, with many gays emerging from the closet.

In 1951, Donald Webster Cory published his landmark The Homosexual in America, exclaiming, "Society has handed me a mask to wear...Everywhere I go, at all times and before all sections of society, I pretend." Cory was a pseudonym, but his frank and openly subjective descriptions served as a stimulus to the emerging homosexual self-awareness and the nascent homophile movement.

In the 1960s, Frank Kameny came to the forefront of the struggle. Having been fired from his job as an astronomer for the Army Map service in 1957 for homosexual behavior, Kameny refused to go quietly. He openly fought his dismissal, eventually appealing it all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. As a vocal leader of the growing movement, Kameny argued for unapologetic public actions. The cornerstone of his conviction was that, "we must instill in the homosexual community a sense of worth to the individual homosexual," which could only be achieved through campaigns openly led by homosexuals themselves. His motto was "Gay is good." With the spread of consciousness raising (CR) in the late 1960s, coming out became a key strategy of the gay liberation movement to raise political consciousness to counter heterosexism and homophobia. At the same time and continuing into the 1980s, gay and lesbian social support discussion groups, some of which were called "coming-out groups," focused on sharing coming-out "stories" (experiences) with the goal of reducing isolation and increasing LGBT visibility and pride.

Sociolinguistic origin

The present-day expression "coming out" is understood to have originated in the early 20th century from an analogy that likens homosexuals' introduction into gay subculture to a débutante's coming-out party. This is a celebration for a young upper-class woman who is making her début – her formal presentation to society – because she has reached adult age or has become eligible for marriage. As historian George Chauncey points out:

Gay people in the pre-war years [pre-WWI]... did not speak of coming out of what we call the gay closet but rather of coming out into what they called homosexual society or the gay world, a world neither so small, nor so isolated, nor... so hidden as closet implies

In fact, as Elizabeth Kennedy observes, "using the term 'closet' to refer to" previous times such as "the 1920s and 1930s might be anachronistic."

An article on coming out in the online encyclopedia glbtq.com states that sexologist Dr. Evelyn Hooker's observations introduced the use of "coming out" to the academic community in the 1950s. The article continues by echoing Chauncey's observation that a subsequent shift in connotation occurred later on. The pre-1950s focus was on entrance into "a new world of hope and communal solidarity" whereas the post-Stonewall Riots overtone was an exit from the oppression of the closet. This change in focus suggests that "coming out of the closet" is a mixed metaphor that joins "coming out" with the closet metaphor: an evolution of "skeleton in the closet" specifically referring to living a life of denial and secrecy by concealing one's sexual orientation. The closet metaphor, in turn, is extended to the forces and pressures of heterosexist society and its institutions.

Closeted

Being closeted or in the closet means being aware of one's lesbian, gay or bisexual orientation or true gender identity yet averse to revealing it because of various personal or social motivations. It can also include denial or refusal to identify as LGBT. Overall, most reasons not to come out stem from homophobia and heterosexism, which marginalize LGBT people as a group.

On a personal level, there are internal conflicts involving religious beliefs, upbringing, and internalized homophobia in addition to feelings of fear and isolation. Also, there are potential negative social, legal, and economic consequences such as disputes with family and peers, job discrimination, financial losses, violence, blackmail, legal actions, restrictions on having or adopting children, criminalization, or in some countries even capital punishment.

Given the number of unpleasant, harmful or even fatal consequences of coming out in world societies, it is questionable to call being closeted a bad choice. As a strategy, remaining closeted is the result of various goals to minimize potential loss and harm or to increase social standing and putative wealth not just for average people but also for social figures such as entertainers, athletes, and political leaders.

Identity issues

See also: Identity (social science) and Personal identity

When coming out is described as a gradual process or a journey, it is meant to include becoming aware of and acknowledging one's same-sex desires or gender identity. This preliminary stage, which involves soul-searching or a personal epiphany, is often called "coming out to oneself" and constitutes the start of self-acceptance. Many LGBT people say that this stage began for them during adolescence or childhood, when they first became aware of their sexual orientation toward members of the same sex. Coming out has also been described as a process because of a recurring need or desire to come out in new situations in which LGBT people are assumed to be heterosexual or cisgender, such as at a new job or with new acquaintances. As Diana Fuss (1991) explains, "the problem of course with the inside/outside rhetoric...is that such polemics disguise the fact that most of us are both inside and outside at the same time."

LGBT identity development

Main article: Sexual identity § Models of sexual identity development

Every coming out story is the person trying to come to terms with who they are and their sexual orientation. Several models have been created to describe coming out as a process for gay and lesbian identity development, e.g. Dank, 1971; Cass, 1984; Coleman, 1989; Troiden, 1989. Of these models, the most widely accepted is the Cass identity model established by Vivienne Cass. This model outlines six discrete stages transited by individuals who successfully come out: identity confusion, identity comparison, identity tolerance, identity acceptance, identity pride, and identity synthesis. However, not every LGBT person follows such a model. For example, some LGBT youth become aware of and accept their same-sex desires or gender identity at puberty in a way similar to which heterosexual teens become aware of their sexuality, i.e. free of any notion of difference, stigma or shame in terms of the gender of the people to whom they are attracted. Regardless of whether LGBT youth develop their identity based on a model, the typical age at which youth in the United States come out has been dropping. High school students and even middle school students are coming out.

Emerging research suggests that gay men from religious backgrounds are likely to come out online via Facebook and Blogs as it offers a protective interpersonal distance. This largely contradicts the growing movement in social media research indicating that online use, particularly Facebook, can lead to negative mental health outcomes such as increased levels of anxiety. While further research is needed to assess whether these results generalize to a larger sample, these recent findings open the door to the possibility that gay men's online experiences may differ from heterosexuals' in that it may be more likely to provide mental health benefits than consequences.

Transgender, transsexual, and intersex communities

LGBT people tend to share a feeling of relief that coming out can provide. However, the act of coming out differs for transgender, transsexual, and intersex people in some fundamental ways:

1. By coming out, trans and intersex people disclose their gender identity and, if applicable, their decision to transition to the gender role with which they more closely identify. However, in many cases, coming out for intersex people does not involve gender identity. For trans people, the transition is to a different gender role than that assigned at birth and for intersex people, to the fact that they were born intersex.
2. Coming out is a pre-requisite to transitioning particularly if the transition later includes undergoing sex-reassignment surgery.
3. For some trans people who pass and are mistaken for being cisgender, coming out occults important parts of their full sense of identity or their complete gender history.
4. Conversely, coming out can be viewed as inauthentic or as a self-betrayal for some trans and intersex people who have chosen to live in stealth because the disclosure is at odds with their true gender or in the case of being intersex, the fact they were born intersex.
5. When trans or intersex people come out, it impacts how they label their sexual orientation and how they interact with communities to which they feel they belong or in the case of intersex, the label other communities attach to them.
6. Backlashes or other negative reactions to a trans person's coming out are caused by transphobia and sexism, with additional homophobia and heterosexism in some cases.
7. Backlashes or other negative reactions to an intersex person's coming out are caused by internalized hatreds that threaten people's sense of self, identity, and worldview. Denial that some people were born with a mix of female and male anatomy and/or chromosomes is also a factor.

Legal issues

Further information: LGBT rights by country or territory

In areas of the world where homosexual acts are penalized or prohibited, gay men, lesbians, and bisexual people can suffer negative legal consequences for coming out. In particular, where homosexuality is a crime, coming out may constitute self-incriminating evidence.

Effects

In the early stages of the lesbian, gay or bisexual identity development process, people feel confused and experience turmoil. In 1993, Michelangelo Signorile wrote Queer in America, in which he explored the harm caused both to a closeted person and to society in general by being closeted.

Because LGBT people have historically been marginalized as sexual minorities, coming out of the closet remains a challenge for most of the world's LGBT population and can lead to a backlash of heterosexist discrimination and homophobic violence.

On the personal and relationship levels, effects of not coming out have been the subject of studies. For example, it has been found that same-sex couples who have not come out are not as satisfied in their relationships as same-sex couples who have. Findings from another study indicate that the fewer people know about a lesbian's sexual orientation, the more anxiety, less positive affectivity, and lower self-esteem she has. Further, Gay.com states that closeted individuals are reported to be at increased risk for suicide.

Depending on the relational bond between parents and children, a child coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender can be positive or negative. Strong, loving relationships between children and their parents may be strengthened but if a relationship is already strained, those relationships may be further damaged or destroyed by the child coming out. If people coming out are accepted by their parents, this allows open discussions of dating and relationships and allows parents to help their children with coping with discrimination and to make healthier decisions regarding HIV/AIDS.

A number of studies have been done on the effect of people coming out to their parents. A 1989 report by Robinson et al. of parents of out gay and lesbian children found that 21% of fathers and 28% of mothers had suspected that their child was gay or lesbian, largely based on gender atypical behaviour during childhood. The 1989 study found that two-thirds of parents reacted negatively. A 1995 study (that used young people's reactions) found that half of the mothers of gay or bisexual male college students "responded with disbelief, denial or negative comments" while fathers reacted slightly better. 18% of parents reacted "with acts of intolerance, attempts to convert the child to heterosexuality, and verbal threats to cut off financial or emotional support".

Jimmie Manning performed a study in 2015 on positive and negative behavior performed during the coming out conversation. During his study he learned that almost all of his participants would only attribute negative behaviors with themselves during the coming out conversations and positive behaviors with the recipient of the conversation. Manning suggests further research into this to figure out a way for positive behaviors to be seen and performed equally by both the recipient and the individual coming out.

In/out metaphors

Dichotomy

The closet narrative sets up an implicit dualism between being "in" or being "out" wherein those who are "in" are often stigmatized as living false, unhappy lives. Likewise, philosopher and critical analyst Judith Butler (1991) states that the in/out metaphor creates a binary opposition which pretends that the closet is dark, marginal, and false and that being out in the "light of illumination" reveals a true (or essential) identity. Nonetheless, Butler is willing to appear at events as a lesbian and maintains that, "it is possible to argue that...there remains a political imperative to use these necessary errors or category mistakes...to rally and represent an oppressed political constituency."

Criticisms

In addition Diana Fuss (1991) explains, "the problem of course with the inside/outside rhetoric...is that such polemics disguise the fact that most of us are both inside and outside at the same time." Further, "To be out, in common gay parlance, is precisely to be no longer out; to be out is to be finally outside of exteriority and all the exclusions and deprivations such outsiderhood imposes. Or, put another way, to be out is really to be in--inside the realm of the visible, the speakable, the culturally intelligible." In other words, coming out constructs the closet it supposedly destroys and the self it supposedly reveals, "the first appearance of the homosexual as a 'species' rather than a 'temporary aberration' also marks the moment of the homosexual's disappearance--into the closet."

Furthermore, Seidman, Meeks, and Traschen (1999) argue that "the closet" may be becoming an antiquated metaphor in the lives of modern-day Americans for two reasons.

1. Homosexuality is becoming increasingly normalized and the shame and secrecy often associated with it appears to be in decline.
2. The metaphor of the closet hinges upon the notion that stigma management is a way of life. However, stigma management may actually be increasingly done situationally.

National Coming Out Day

Main article: National Coming Out Day

Observed annually on October 11, by members of the LGBT communities and their straight allies, National Coming Out Day is a civil awareness day for coming out and discussing LGBT issues among the general populace in an effort to give a familiar face to the LGBT rights movement. This day was the inspiration for holding LGBT History Month in the United States in October. The day was founded in 1988, by Dr. Robert Eichberg, his partner William Gamble, and Jean O'Leary to celebrate the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights one year earlier, in which 500,000 people marched on Washington, DC, United States, for gay and lesbian equality. In the United States, the Human Rights Campaign manages the event under the National Coming Out Project, offering resources to LGBT individuals, couples, parents, and children, as well as straight friends and relatives, to promote awareness of LGBT families living honest and open lives. Candace Gingrich became the spokesperson for the day in April 1995. Although still named "National Coming Out Day", it is observed in Canada, Germany, The Netherlands, and Switzerland also on October 11, and in Britain on 12 October. To celebrate National Coming Out Day on October 11, 2002, Human Rights Campaign released an album bearing the same title as that year's theme: Being Out Rocks. Participating artists include Kevin Aviance, Janis Ian, k.d. lang, Cyndi Lauper, Sarah McLachlan, and Rufus Wainwright.

Media

Highly publicized coming-outs

Government officials and political candidates

In 1987, Barney Frank U.S. House Representative for Massachusetts's 4th congressional district publicly came out as gay, thus becoming the second member of the Massachusetts delegation to the United States Congress to do so. In 1983, U.S. Rep Gerry Studds, D-Mass., came out as a homosexual during the 1983 Congressional page sex scandal. In 1988, Svend Robinson was the first Canadian Member of Parliament to come out. Governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey announced his decision to resign, publicly came out as "a gay American" and admitted to having had an extramarital affair with a man, Golan Cipel, an Israeli citizen and veteran of the Israeli Defense Forces, whom McGreevey appointed New Jersey homeland security adviser. In 1999, Australian Senator Brian Greig came out as being gay in his maiden speech to parliament, the first Australian politician to do so.

Athletes

Further information: Homosexuality in sports

The first US professional team-sport athlete to come out was former NFL running back David Kopay, who played for five teams (San Francisco, Detroit, Washington, New Orleans and Green Bay) between 1964 and 1972. He came out in 1975 in an interview in the Washington Star. The first professional athlete to come out while still playing was Czech-American professional tennis player Martina Navratilova, who came out as a lesbian during an interview with The New York Times in 1981. English footballer Justin Fashanu came out in 1990 and was subject to homophobic taunts from spectators, opponents and teammates for the rest of his career.

In 1995 while at the peak of his playing career, Ian Roberts became the first high-profile Australian sports person and first rugby footballer in the world to come out to the public as gay. John Amaechi, who played in the NBA with the Utah Jazz, Orlando Magic and Cleveland Cavaliers (as well as internationally with Panathinaikos BC of the Greek Basketball League and Kinder Bologna of the Italian Basketball League), came out in February 2007 on ESPN's Outside the Lines program. He also released a book Man in the Middle, published by ESPN Books (ISBN 1-933060-19-0) which talks about his professional and personal life as a closeted basketball player. He was the first NBA player (former or current) to come out.

The first Irish county GAA player to come out while still playing was hurler Dónal Óg Cusack in October 2009 in previews of his autobiography. Gareth Thomas, who played international rugby union and rugby league for Wales, came out in a Daily Mail interview in December 2009 near the end of his career.

In 2013, basketball player Jason Collins (a member of the Washington Wizards) came out as gay, becoming the first active male professional athlete in a major North American team sport to publicly come out as gay.

On August 15, 2013, WWE wrestler Darren Young came out, making him the first openly gay active professional wrestler.

On February 9, 2014, former Missouri defensive lineman Michael Sam came out as gay. He was drafted by the St. Louis Rams on May 10, 2014, with the 249th overall pick in the seventh round, making him the first openly gay player to be drafted by an NFL franchise. He was released St. Louis and waived by the Dallas Cowboys practice squad. Sam was on the roster for the Montreal Alouettes, but has since retired from football.

Artists and entertainers

In 1997 on The Oprah Winfrey Show, actress Ellen DeGeneres came out as a lesbian. Her real-life coming out was echoed in the sitcom Ellen in "The Puppy Episode" in which the eponymous character Ellen Morgan played by DeGeneres outs herself over the airport public address system. On March 29, 2010, Puerto Rican pop singer Ricky Martin came out publicly in a post on his official web site by stating, "I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am." Martin said that "these years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed." Singer Adam Lambert came out after pictures of him kissing another man were publicly circulated while he was a participant on American idol season 8.

Military personnel

In 1975, Leonard Matlovich, while serving in the United States Air Force, came out to challenge the U.S. military's policies banning service by homosexuals. Widespread coverage included a Time magazine cover story and a television movie on NBC.

In 2011, as the U.S. prepared to lift restrictions on service by openly gay people, Senior Airman Randy Phillips conducted a social media campaign to garner support for coming out. The video he posted on YouTube of the conversation in which he told his father he was gay went viral. In one journalist's summation, he "masterfully used social media and good timing to place himself at the centre of a civil rights success story."

Depictions of coming out

In 1996 the acclaimed British film Beautiful Thing had a positive take in its depiction of two teenage boys coming to terms with their sexual identity. An episode of a popular Quebec television series L'Amour avec un Grand A called Lise, Pierre et Marcel focuses on the life of a homosexual man who is married and reveals to his wife and kids that he is attracted to another man. In the Emmy Award-nominated episode "Gay Witch Hunt" of The Office, Michael inadvertently outs Oscar to the whole office.

Ellen DeGeneres's coming out in the media as well as an episode of Ellen, "The Puppy Episode", "ranks, hands down, as the single most public exit in gay history", changing media portrayals of lesbians in Western culture. In 1999, Russell T Davies's Queer as Folk, a popular TV series shown on Channel 4 (UK) debuted and focused primarily on the lives of young gay men; in particular on a 15-year-old going through the processes of revealing his sexuality to those around him. This storyline was also featured prominently in the U.S. version of Queer As Folk, which debuted in 2000.

The television show The L Word, which debuted in 2004, focuses on the lives of a group of lesbian and bisexual women, and the theme of coming out is prominently featured in the storylines of multiple characters.

Coming Out, which debuted in 2013, is the first Quebec program about being gay.

Extended use in LGBT media, publishing and activism

"Out" is a common word or prefix used in the titles of LGBT-themed books, films, periodicals, organizations, and TV programs. Some high-profile examples are Out Magazine, the defunct OutWeek Magazine, and OUTtv.

Non-LGBT applications

In political, casual, or even humorous contexts, "coming out" means by extension the self-disclosure of a person's secret behaviors, beliefs, affiliations, tastes, identities, and interests that may cause astonishment or bring shame. Some examples include: "coming out as an alcoholic", coming out as a BDSM participant", "coming out of the broom closet" (as a witch), "coming out as a conservative", "coming out as disabled", "coming out as a liberal", "coming out as intersex", "coming out as multiple", "coming out as polyamorous", and "coming out as a sex worker." The term is also used by members of online BIID communities to refer to the process of telling friends and families about their condition.

With its associated metaphors, the figure of speech has also been extended to atheism, e.g., "coming out as an atheist." A public awareness initiative for freethought and atheism, entitled the "Out Campaign", makes ample use of the "out" metaphor. This campaign was initiated by Dr. Robin Elisabeth Cornwell, and is endorsed by prominent atheist Richard Dawkins, who states "there is a big closet population of atheists who need to 'come out'."

See also

• Biphobia
• Down-low (sexual slang)
• Ego-dystonic sexual orientation
• Heterosexism
• Homophobia
• Labeling theory
• List of gay, lesbian or bisexual people
• National Coming Out Day
• Outing
• Self-esteem
• Terminology of homosexuality

Further reading

• Collins, Jane (editor). Bisexual Coming Out Stories. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-304-93995-1.
• Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt, When Someone You Love Is Kinky." Greenery Press, 2000. ISBN 1-890159-23-9.
• Everlark, Sarah (editor). LGBT Coming Out Stories. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-312-73116-5.
• Fisher, Allison (editor). Lesbian Coming Out Stories. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-304-93824-4.
• Fisher, J.F. Coming Out As Bisexual. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-304-93824-4
• Fuss, Diana (editor). Inside/Out: Lesbian Theories, Gay Theories. Routledge, 1991.
• Harper, C.H. (editor). Gay Men's Coming Out Stories. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-312-70625-5.
• Mellark, Margaret (editor). Transgender Coming Out Stories. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-312-72373-3.
• Quentin, Jane (editor). Gay Coming Out Stories. Lulu, 2014. ISBN 978-1-312-72444-0.
• Seidman, Steven. Beyond the Closet: The Transformation of Gay and Lesbian Life. Routledge, 2003. ISBN 0-415-93207-6.
• Smith, Lauren. "Queer Theory in the Composition Classroom." 2000.
• Thomas, Calvin (editor). Straight with a Twist: Queer Theory and the Subject of Heterosexuality. University of Illinois Press, 1999. ISBN 0-252-06813-0.
• Stramel, James. "Gay Virtue: The Ethics of Disclosure." Dissertation, University of Southern California, 1996.
• Coming Out Transgender in Same-Sex Relationships