my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

I want everyone who’s unearthed this after 5 years to reblog it and say “lmao me” to know that getting divorced from this person was one of the best decisions of my life

This website is amazing

*frots you like this*

did I tell you guys how much my boss spent on food delivery apps last year

don’t think I did so this post is now open for your responses: my boss told our warehouse manager that he was surprised by how much he himself had spent on food delivery apps last year. Anyone wanna guess a figure.

Thank you for playing along! The answer is NINETY FIVE THOUSAND AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS. This is just under the average full time adult salary, which is about $100k.

When we asked how this is possible, he said “oh, we just order it multiple times a day!”

That is about $260 worth of food delivery every. Single. Day. For a year.

We call him Uber Eats Boy.

a gallon of milk but with this kind of cap:

quick suggestion

The unholy trinity.

let me raise you an idea ive been keeping for years, just for this moment

is astounds me that each image seemed like the worst thing ever, but then the next image would top that, and now we have ascended to Lovecraftian levels of bad and I fear for the fabric of sanity and reality it may get worse the more this post grows. 

Please keep adding to this post.

is this anything?

i hate you all except you spray can of sprite im okay with you existing

me when im drinking sprite

friend who lives hundreds of miles away: i made food

me: can i have some

friend who lives hundreds of miles away: yes

ALT

why did they make oreo flavored oreos. where’s brennan lee mulligan

👏 how 👏 many 👏 shrimps 👏 do 👏 you 👏 hgave 👏 to 👏 eat

👏 before 👏 you 👏 srimps 👏 flimp 👏 geep

👏 eeb 👏 ko 👏 freeg 👏 nan 👏 zo 👏 big 👏 zig

👏 shrimps 👏 are 👏 made 👏 of 👏 shrimp

Greek Nathan's foot long Yogurt Hot Dogs

Greek Nathan's yogurt foot long hot dogs

:(

omanyte roll cake

@junemarin_2