Strawberries With Low Battery
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I GOT MOTHERFUCKING ATEEZ TICKETS AND THE SEATS ARE EVEN GOOD! LIZA, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS MOST MAGICAL GIFT! I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO REST NORMALLY UNTIL THEN!
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Are Pinky and the Brain still trying to take over the world? Because at this point, I’m willing to hear the Brain’s platform.
At this point, I’m willing to hear Pinky’s platform.
(via kushikito)
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*I cast Slander Person at 9th level, making everyone think you drive a cybertruck*
(via bendingsignpost)
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Had to go for a follow up to make sure my body is working again, and still had to get the hospital bracelets and again they gave me the FALL RISK one because I’m in a chair.
The intake lady is writing on my other band and this is how the conversation goes.
Me: “Can I borrow your Sharpie when you’re done?”
HER: “I guess? For what?”
ME: “I wanna draw hearts around the fall risk so it’s less like a literal fall warning but more like a ‘you’ll fall for me’ warning.”
HER: *taking back the Sharpie she was about to hand me* “I remember you now! From Wednesday! No, you can’t have a Sharpie and you better not have any pens or markers in your purse.”
ME: “Don’t worry, I never come prepared.” *has like 10 pens and probably a Sharpie in her purse* “How did you remember me?”
HER: “Honey, I could sniff your unique brand of trouble a mile away.”
ME: “Thank you! That’s so sweet!”
HER: “You have pens in your purse, don’t you.”
ME: “You’re not allowed to search me.” *wheels away really fast since check in is complete.*
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Got my clinical notes just now from my ordeal yesterday. The nurse had asked then if there was anything I wanted to be put in the notes. And I said, answering her question totally wrong on purpose, “please put in whatever the last thing I say before the anesthesia puts me to sleep.”
I do not remember the chunk of going into the OR and having the first sedation, so I was happy I asked.
“Clinical note request from patient. Not alert or oriented beginning sedation, said quote, ‘someone help. They drugged me and took me to a secondary location.’”
I really hope I actually said that.
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Guess which bitch woke fully up during surgery this morning? It me was me..of course nothing is easy. Nothing painful was going on when I did but making an anesthesiologist go “oh fuck!” And have to scramble over while the doctor says “I’m not mad, just disappointed” while Qeen played at low volume? 10/10 A+ No notes.
Also yes I’m being serious it was hilarious and I laughed for 2 seconds before I was knocked out again.
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What’s the normal number of donuts to snack on while waiting for the chicken soup to cook
Is four the normal number
Yeah
Good so six was probably fine then
I was gonna say “until there’s no more donut” so yeah, six is totally fine.
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@ltleflrt has been reading Burn Down the Sky again apparently, and that was our puppy love phase of friendship, so it feels like she keeps finding little love notes in the comments we wrote on paper and origami folded and put in each other’s desks in middle school.
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Yesterday I went to get an oil change and the tires rotated on my car because somehow I made it to adulthood. I spend about an hour texting both @ltleflrt and my sister about how bored I am.
I keep looking over my shoulder into the bay because my precious strawberry is Right There give her back!
AND THEN.
This fucker doing the oil change tries to fuck with my radio. I hate it when mechanics do that shit. However, my car is close enough to me to ping the Bluetooth on my phone. I have a little plug in thing because my car is old, but she got the range.
So naturally I hit that whole garage with Disney songs. Mulan, of course. Then someone yells, “TAYLOR, WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!”
Thus I turn to international boy band sensation, BTS, and play “Mic Drop.”
Then Taylor turns my radio off.
Is this a small town thing or do mechanics just fuck with your car where they’re not supposed to be everywhere? I’ve never had one mess with my radio just because before.
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It’s that time of year again for many of us. The day we have to reset that one single clock we have that takes a madman’s mind to figure out.
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Didn’t have “see your political action philosophy expressed by Jorts the cat” on my 2025 bingo card.
All cats are anarchists.
Probably like 80% of cat owners are also anarchists.
Fill every drawer in the U.S. Treasury with glitter and a note that says Go to Hell.
I sincerely think my boss would be mad he thought of none of these if I show him this post. *waits patiently for work time to show him the post*
(via joasakura)
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@ltleflrt is a danger to me as a bestie. Y'all need to know this. Her insight is pissing me off! 😂
You may be a chaos gremlin, but you’re predictable to ME 💜
Suck my nards, Babyface!
