mia’s review published on Letterboxd:
& the answer has got to be love! / the possibility that love is not enough
after dropping friends off a herd of deer crossed the road into the dorm parking lot and ran across the empty fields. i followed them to a different parking lot where a boy stood quietly watching and taking photos and when he left we waved at each other and he gestured like Deer!! and i was like I know!! n both of us were sheepishly amazed at this moment we had to ourselves
one of them was curious off on her own & one had a broken foot so i called my boyfriend who knows abt wild animals & he didnt pick up. called an animal hospital and they couldnt help but called me honey. called the non-emergency police line and the dude was like yeah the deer are free-roaming as long as theyre walking around they dont need a vet and hung up on me.
a doordash driver floored it thru the parking lot & i tried to flash my headlights like watch the fucking deer!!! but he didnt see, even tho they were running all around him. then a woman came up to my car n was like are u with doordash? and i was like no its that guy so she went to get her food and went back inside and seemingly did not notice the giant stag standing right in front of her.
u know how it ends i had to drive home & write a review & be a little self-indulgent talking about how the loneliness i felt at 14 is an entirely different breed from every loneliness i've felt since. at 17 i started t & gave up my chances of having my own children which for weeks i sobbed over, apologizing to my older self, safe in another world. i will be dealing with the consequences of mismanaging my chronic pain at 18 for the rest of my life & all my obsessive attachments at 19, wrong pills, wrong people, it's everyone's story. & idk where i got this idea that im innocent now of all the hurt thats coming up somewhere down the line but i accept all of it, i welcome it, i can tolerate a little more survival
that floating image of pre-transition ascensia, the old self as synonymous, somehow, w rebirth—part of us is still waiting to be born