I don’t believe in guilty pleasures when it comes to movies. If you love a film, love it with your full heart like a man (RAAAAA🇺🇸🦅) don’t be a piss boy and use stupid names like guilty pleasure. But if i did this would be that. holy shit? this was so good? so badass. what’s going on people? have we lost our DAMN MINDS?! If i were to make a pros and cons list there would be no cons. no joke. no cons. sometimes i feel like im seen as satirical because of how much i genuinely love movies everyone hates (specifically by “horror fans”🤓") but out of all movies i review, out of alll the shitty movies i love and admire, if there were any movie that i would defend with my everything it would be this one…. and halloween 8. as a normal person, i make a note of my thoughts throughout watching. some of my very intimate thoughts (trigger warning for very insightful) were: “walter white lookalike ass chasing our guy” “cool shot of a gun (we go inside of the gun and see it go it’s pretty sick)” “the trenchcoat on top of jeans n black wife beater is growing on me” and “EXPLOSIONS UP THE ASS”

i watched this for one reason and one reason only: “is it really that bad?” (me from the past) and no it was NOT! i am shocked and absolutely baffled at the amount of haters this movie has culminated itself with. leave me out of this hate train because i will NOT stand for it. can you guys get your heads out of your asses and just watch tara reid, stephen dorff and christian slater fuck around find out for an hour and thirty minutes? also, i’ve seen a lot of people say they don’t understand the plot but i don’t know if maybe im like a super genius film bro with a big ass brain and thick nutts or something but it was really not a very complicated plot. tara reid date christian slater he investigates paranormal indigenous people scary tribes who worship ancient ALIEN (but it’s barely mentioned so that’s where the confusion rises i suppose) and this doctor guy finds (steals) a relic and turns humans into aliens with the coolest 2000s cgi right out of my aforementioned thick nutts. the soundtrack is also unbelievably sexy. mnemic plays in the background while slater and reid shoot aliens in the dark, it’s a very lady terminator (which by the way is also a very good underrated movie everyone should see) scene that i absolutely ate up. GOD THIS SOUNDTRACK, fuck. there’s also a voiceover at the start (slater, obviously) and at the end (also slater) that are not the most necessary ones but perfect in my eyes. 

what else can i say? i think this is the first time i’ve ever written a two paragraph (if you could even call it that) review about a movie in a positive way, so i guess that means something? but don’t take my word for it, i eat yogurt with goldfish crackers together and think human centipede 3 is a masterpiece. 🤷