“I’m personal friends with Ralph Lauren.”

Disposable filler, but you've gotta love that alternative title [The School That Ate My Brain].
— Jaime Russell, Book of the Dead

The Brotherhood of Eternal Knowledge

After 100 years without women, Ettinger Academy has opened its doors to the fairer sex, and two of the first are big hair/big sweater Virginia Madsen and Twin Peaks alum, Sherilyn Fenn. A solid rookie year roster if you ask me.

Poster, title, cast hints at a good time, but Zombie High feels overly PG-ified for the peak slasher era. Nothing gratuitous here, unless you count the pastel in evil teacher Richard Cox’s on-campus bedroom (also features: healing crystals [important to the convoluted plot] and a life size pin screen). And I know we aren’t really using the term "friendzone" anymore, but Paul Feig’s character in this is the most hapless, friendzoned doofus I’ve ever seen.

Anyways, it’s all derivative old-sucking-young, fight-the-power, rock music saves the day stuff, more vampiric than zombie, but possibly worth a look because Madsen gets to yell “you’re tapped, fucker!” while decapitating an aging vampire man in the youth serum wine cellar, as well as engages in a high speed car chase in which she flips her vehicle over another vehicle and walks away with only a couple bruises. Kiss my butt, immortality cult patriarchy!