Studio Exec: So, you hear about this Michael Oher guy, defensive line for the Baltimore Ravens?

Me: Yeah, incredible story. Guy brought himself out of poverty with his sheer skill and determination, made it to the NFL!

Studio Exec: Epic! Good thing he had the help of a wise, God-fearing white woman played oh so lovably by Sandra Bullock!

Me: Whoa - no, no, Chad, please don't take this where I think you -

Studio Exec: Oh, yes. Her journey is one of equal importance. In fact, he couldn't have done it without her.

Me: Dear God, if I'm reading this script correctly, why did you make Michael a simpleton character? Are you racially blind, you fuck?

Studio Exec: Heck no I'm not! And luckily for this young boy neither was she. There'll even be a scene where she goes into the impoverished side of town and warns the black community there to stay out of her side of town!

Me: If I take my prosthetic off, I can beat myself and the producers with it -

Studio Exec: She helps him acquire his skill for the game!

Me: She did not! He did that! You're making him a supporting character in his own biopic?

Studio Exec:...ooh, what a twist!

Me: How many parts of this film do you plan on whitewashing??

Studio Exec: Eh. All of it, I guess.

Me: Why? Why do we need another white savior movie? Why do we need to erase half of this man's drive and skill in order to make Midwestern America feel good about themselves? Why do we need a movie that talks down to every one of every denomination? Why do we need a movie that panders to liberal guilt, American exceptionalism, and will piss off a lot of people, including people with common perception and Michael Oher himself? Why do we need to give Sandra Bullock a grating, condescending role that will unfortunately eclipse her role in Gravity, one of the greatest lead performances ever! Why's it so "meh" in quality, like a first time film student made it? Why the hell, Chad? Why?!

Studio Exec: Kid, we'll never know, but hey, we got a Best Picture nomination.

Me: What? You're joking - holy shit, how? This beat Coraline for a nomination? Food, Inc.? Black motherfucking DYNAMITE?