I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know
Bilbo barely passed Old Took’s record lifespan after having a supernaturally-life-extending ring for 60 years. which begs a question. what the hell did Old Took do
I have a theory that somewhere back up the line gandalf fucked a took. This sounds like complete crack but hear me out. The tooks are rumored to have “fairy blood” which in LOTR terms means either elves or maia. There is an ancestor who’s unusually tall and many of them are noted to live unusually long lives unless they meet with illness or injury, same as the numenorians did. They don’t hve extra pointy ears and elves don’t have a special interest in the line. But who DOES have a special interest in looking after tooks (and bilbo who is a took on his mother’s side/his adopted son frodo)? Gandalf. That dude is ALWAYS fussing over some silly little guy. He regularly brought the old took birthday presents.
Back in the day some bold hobbitess decided to climb that old man and ever since then gandalf has been looking after his line of tiny crazy bastards and no one will convince me otherwise.
Gandalf’s attitude towards Pippin just took on a whole new layer.
not the person who sent the ask that received these tags but... i too am a lover of egotistical asshole self sabotaging suicidal codependent protags. tell more about bartimaeus?
THE BARTIMAEUS TRILOGY by jonathan stroud is the greatest fantasy series for children ever written. it takes place in an alternate history london where magicians make up the ruling class. as was once true in real life, england is a massive colonial power with a baseless aristocracy that brutally oppresses the working class. the “commoners” believe that magicians have inherent power, but secretly all magicians are just educated in the art of summoning and controlling spirits (hatefully referred to by humans as “demons”). all western magicians of this period punish and abuse spirits into doing what they want, no exception, as has been the case in many places and in many time periods over the years. the spirits are just invisible, giving the magicians the illusion of power.
the series is about 3 people: nathaniel, a traumatized adolescent boy who rapidly starts sacrificing his morals for power and prestige in the cutthroat world of the magic elite; bartimaeus, an ancient all-powerful djinni that nathaniel relies on to do his dirty work; and kitty jones, a commoner whose friend is brutalized by a magician who is never brought to justice. it’s actually also about a fourth person who died thousands of years ago, but that’s a surprise tool that will help us later.
the story is about how these 3 lives intersectin a decade of political turmoil, as the commoners’ oppression becomes untenable and foreign governments sick of the british empire’s power seek to exploit its growing weaknesses. it’s about how the power-hungry oligarchy cannibalizes itself, and how external political, cultural, and social forces shape the characters and their relationships.
it’s about trauma and power and justice. it’s about oppression and freedom and classism and colonialism and the many purposeful lies inherent in the system you believe you can’t change (*cough* capitalism *cough*). it’s about how connection to another person can change you. it’s about recognizing who the real enemy is.
it’s also, if you would believe it, riotously, insanely funny, mostly because bartimaeus—who narrates about 50% of it—is a sarcastic, irreverent drama queen who can never shut the hell up. he’s been alive for 5000 years and he’s made it this far by being avoidant and self-serving and bitchy and lucky. he thinks he’s hot shit and he kind of is, but he’s mostly just driven by a need to survive. he and nathaniel are friends but also not really. nathaniel is both scared of him and scared to lose him, and the series ultimately centers on their relationship, the wariness and abuse and dependence, and the way it changes as nathaniel changes. nathaniel also does go through severe depression, for that anon who was asking about lockwood.
the bartimaeus trilogy is tightly, deftly written, and one of the only kids’ series that i think 100% holds up without caveats. there’s a great balance of action, emotion, humor, character development, and plot, and the worldbuilding is insane—it’s very smart and never overexplains anything. i can’t recommend it enough. every character is written with such care and realism by a writer who Knows How to Write. it’s so, so good. every fantasy fan should read it imo.
a tired mime on break leaning against nothing and smoking an invisible cigarette
After a few minutes, they look at their watch-less wrist, realize their “mime a break” time is over and their real break has begun, and takes three steps over to the wall to lean against it and pull out a real cigarette.
I’m sorry, but medieval settings are banned. Yes, it just came in. You’re not allowed to do anything with an aesthetic inspired between the years 476-1453 until further notice. No, you can’t do a deconstruction, it’s a sweeping ban. Yes, I understand how well researched it is, but it’s not allowed anymore. Sorry, may I interest you in submitting something on the bronze age or early modernity instead? No? Okay, listen, you can do a setting inspired by history from that time outside of Eurasia, but you have to go to elbiotipo.tumblr.gob.ar to get a permit though, and lately there haven’t been many approvals,
