itsy bitsy peter!!

i fear peter has always been a strange child

who remembers shaggy dog (2006)

I DON'T LIKE IT!!! IT SHOULD NOT BLINK LIKE THAT!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!

it's okay I made it so it will only blink one time and then never again

I think about this terrible post and this awful gif that I made, and I want you to know it is taking every fiber of my being not to repost this on the fish account

also, its sister tweet:

How could you forget:

Had to add this gem

Pouring one out for Poison Junior.

also, its sister tweet:

How could you forget:

Had to add this gem

Pouring one out for Poison Junior.

the biggest questions detective pikachu answered

no one but professional trainers has a full team of 6 in the pokemon universe because it would be a fucking gigantic hassle to deal with 6 animals, let alone different types that need different things

some people don’t evolve their pokemon because imagine having a fucking cat and then you can choose to make the cat five times as big and strong. would you do this if you weren’t battling.

Technically if your cat isn’t battling it doesn’t evolve.

That does however give cat owners a strong incentive to not let their cat outside, because realistically any cat that is allowed to roam free is gonna rack up exp until it evolves.

I let my litten out one day and a week later incineroar rips my door off and demands wet food only

Caring for this incineroar for three days before my litten shows up. Who the fuck is this then?

this is the funniest addition anyone’s ever made to this post

Cosmic alignment…

Fuck all of the good luck posts out there. Reblog this to immaculate your vibes

Broke: adopt a child

Woke: borrow your boyfriend's

awesome girl with a REALLY lame crush. my favorite

@duchi-nesten

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

theyer old enough that they used to connect 

They're older than Florida. The Floridian peninsula is the solidified runoff of the Appalachians that got caught on some coral. It's why we're like this, I think. You don't stand a chance of being normal when you were created by the shed skin of an elder god draping itself over a hollow skeleton. You're always going to be a little Off.

They used to be as tall as the Himalayas.

Okay but are they older or younger than sharks?

THEYRE OLDER THAN SHARKS BY LIKE THIRTY MILLION YEARS

What's a bitch gotta do to find floor plans for REAL historical palaces and mansions and not fake ones people made up for Minecraft or to sell to Americans

I actually ran into this problem earlier this year, but luckily, I also found a good place!

The Library of Congress actually has an entire collection containing floor plans for historical buildings, with pictures, drawings, floor plans, etc. The place I was looking at doesn't even exist anymore, but they took the time to document everything down to the designs in the moulding.

Hope this helps!

THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE 😭

I hate it when people do this. Folks, even if you're comfortable with minimal personal space, many other people are not. It can be very intimidating and disturbing to have a stranger enter your personal space unnecessarily. There is also the fact that if you are standing so close to someone that they cannot avoid making physical contact with you, such as elbowing you when they hand their money to the checkout operator, they will feel obligated to apologise when the fault is actually yours for standing too close. If you don't want to take an elbow to the face or have your foot stepped on, don't stand so close that people can accidentally do these things.

Think twice, especially, if you are a large man: having a man enter their personal space can be downright scary for anyone who is smaller than you, particularly children, women, and folks with disabilities. You never know what negative experiences other people have had. (You might be sure that you would never hurt anyone, but they don't know that.)

If a person asks you to give them more room, do it unless there is a very good reason why you cannot (in which case, gently apologise and explain the reason). If you remain — or worse, argue — you are showing that you are willing to violate their boundaries as well as their personal space. From that point on, if they react defensively, lash out, or start to panic, you are the one who has created that situation by not moving when you were asked to.

As the speaker in the video points out, there is really no reason to crowd someone if there is space around you both. You won't make anyone get through their business faster by crowding them: if anything, you may make them anxious or irritated so that they fumble and take longer. Just take a couple of steps back and be patient, and you will avoid putting unhelpful pressure on anyone.

Tumblr posts have 3 options.

1. 0 notes. Big flop.

2. #10k (failure, you get 2k)

3. About 1000 comments and a total of 50k notes still going around while your boog is dead

boog

Boog

Don't do this.

HA! THIS MAKES IT A NUMBER 2! I WILL NOT BE CURSED WITH FOREVER NOTES!

I'm sorry to break it to you but sometimes posts that say "#10k notes" do still get 10k notes.

Well this done won't so that's reasurring

im doing my part

@walmart-the-official

your boog is dead and you have surpassed 3k

hey so last night i was looking for charming teddy bears, and what should have been a just and noble quest devolved into a horrible discovery:

for around 200 big ones, you can purchase a teddy bear with the body of a man and the eyes of a creature that knows it should not exist

despite the fact it's dressed like the boring guy you avoid at office christmas parties in every ad, it does not, in fact, arrive at your home khaki'd up and ready to go.

he's 5'7" so i hope you just have clothes for an adult man just laying around. and yes, his name is Puffy.

anyways the naked photos further cement his horrid homunculus status.

all of the information provided about this thing make it seem like its creators only have a passing understanding of human beings.

i mean like yeah. that is true. teddy bears are usually shaped like bears and this one certainly is not.

kill the ones you love. puffy is enough.

puffy is enough.

hey! don't be scared, okay?

puffy is a milky brown!

this shit's so easy idk why y'all get so worried

is this you

they'll never get me

@annabelle--cane @theshitpostcalligrapher I think you're my two moots who love ruining these...

@walmart-the-official