my therapist: so how are you doing today?
me:
Is your therapist washing you?
used her hand sanitizer
When I say “I love this artist” I either know 5 of their songs that I play on repeat or I know their entire discography and you just have to guess which one it is
are you a LGBT(Let’s Guillotine the Bourgeoisie Tonight) gay or a LGBT( Love Grabbin Big Titties) gay
was playing 20 questions on the 8 hour drive to visit my grandparents & after like 10 minutes of utterly fruitless questioning my brother suddenly asks me with such exasperation & contempt "is it some sort of petrified remains"