A LITTLE MISHAP!
PAIRING Barty Crouch Junior x Gryffindor!fem!reader
SYNOPSIS absolutely bored of your arses, you and your friends accidentally summon something worse than a demon
CONTENT WARNINGS crack!, pandora being the token raven in the lion house, debuting my favourite nickname for dear bartemius
SYNOPSIS 2.3k words
You should have known that any game Pandora Rosier suggested would end in absolute horror.
It started as a totally, regular, normal night. A storm raged outside, rattling the windows of the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory, but inside, everything was warm, golden, and just the right amount of chaotic.
James (not part of the plan but insisted to help a damsel in distress (lily)) had sneaked in butterbeer from the kitchens, Marlene was dramatically retelling her latest Quidditch victory (complete with accurate air reenactments) with her girlfriend in her arms, and Mary was sprawled across your bed, half-listening and half-reading the latest Witch Weekly. Dorcas, ever the voice of reason, had been the one to suggest a game, if only to distract Pandora from her latest experiment involving moonstone dust and a stolen Niffler trinket.
And then, of course, Pandora pulled it out.
The book was old- thick, heavy, and bound in a leather that looked suspiciously alive. You have seen it a few times since she acquired it from her equally as eccentric uncle. The pages crinkled like dried leaves as she flipped through them, muttering excitedly under her breath.
“It’s a divination tome,” she explained, eyes gleaming with eerie delight. “But not the fluffy, crystal-ball nonsense Augburn teaches. Real divination. Spells for contacting the other side.”
You exchanged a wary glance with Lily. She looked utterly unimpressed. Marlene, however, looked downright ecstatic. Mary scoffed, rolling onto her stomach. “You mean ghosts? We live in a castle full of them. I can go ask the Grey Lady for relationship advice if I want to be spooked.”
“This is different.” Pandora’s light voice aired out. “This is summoning.”
Which, in hindsight, should have been your first sign to shut the book and go back to braiding Mary’s hair.
Instead, curiosity (or perhaps stupidity) won out, and ten minutes later, the six of you were sitting in a circle on the floor, the candles dimmed, and Pandora reciting something in what sounded like very questionable Latin. You held hands, mostly for the aesthetic and vibes, but also because, if something did go terribly wrong, it was nice to have a buddy to cling to.
The air shifted. At first, it was subtle. The dormitory grew colder, the flames on the candles flickering as though disturbed by an invisible breeze. Then, the shadows stretched unnaturally along the walls, curling like ink in water. Your stomach twisted, a prickling sensation running down your spine.
“…'Dora,” Dorcas said slowly. “What exactly was this spell supposed to do?”
Before she could answer, the entire room lurched.
It felt like the world had hiccupped, reality itself skipping a beat similarly to apparating. The shadows pulsed, the air crackled- and then, with an ungodly pop, a figure appeared in the center of your summoning circle.
A very real, very alive figure.
A bloody boy.
A boy who, by the looks of things, had been mid-sentence before he was unceremoniously yanked through time and space.
His expression went from slightly annoyed to bewildered to absolutely furious in the span of three seconds. His sharp blue eyes darted around the room, taking in the six of you, the book, the circle of candles, before finally landing on you.
“Excuse me,” he said, voice dangerously low. “Where the bloody hell am I?”
There was a beat of stunned silence. Then, as if he was graced upon realization, the borderline maniacal bloke pointed an accusatory finger at Pandora.
“What did you do?!”
Pandora looked from the boy to you, her expression somewhere between awe and mild panic. “…I think I accidentally summoned him?”
The boy, who was wearing (hideous) Slytherin robes, by the way, and not just any Slytherin robes, but the kind only someone with an absurd amount of family wealth and blood purity obsession could get away with- made an outraged noise.
“Summoned?” he repeated incredulously. “Summoned? What the hell, Rosier! I was in the middle of a conversation- ” He stopped short, his eyes narrowing. “Where is Regulus?”
You blinked. “Regulus? As in Regulus Black?”
“No, Regulus Frownalot” He answered sarcastically, expression flickered, something calculating shifting behind his eyes. “Yes, Regulus Black. Wait. Who are you?”
You opened your mouth to answer, but before you could, Lily- bless her prefect instincts- stood up, dusting off her skirt. “Alright,” she said, ever the problem solver. “Let’s remain calm. Clearly, this was some sort of magical mishap, and we just need to figure out how to send you back.”
The boy turned to her, incredulous. “Send me back? Oh, brilliant idea. Let me just pop over to the nearest return portal- oh, wait! I can’t, because you lot just ripped me out of existence!”
“Technically,” Pandora said brightly, “I think we just shifted your existence a little!”
“You think?”
You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Okay, everyone shut up for a second. Let’s take a step back. You- Slytherin boy- who are you, and why were you talking to Regulus?”
He gave you a scathing look. “I am Barty Crouch Junior. And I was talking to Regulus because that is what friends do. Why am I even telling you this? You should've introduced yourself before asking me! I asked first, red moron!”
You stared at him, ignoring his absolute pathetic juvenile behavior. “Barty Crouch Junior? As in Crouch Crouch?”
“Wow,” Marlene whispered. “We summoned a Crouch. That’s a new level of unfortunate.”
Barty looked moments away from hexing someone. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I inconveniencing you by being unwillingly transported into your- your filthy lion's den of all places?” His lips curled in distaste. “Merlin, it smells like Quidditch and coitus in here.”
“Alright, first of all, we are all perfect little saints practicing celibacy,” you shot back, but you could hear a mumbled 'like hell we are' from somewhere next to you. “Second, we didn’t mean to summon you.”
“Oh, that’s comforting. I feel very much safe now”
“Look, we’ll figure out how to send you back, alright?” You folded your arms. “Until then, you’re just going to have to sit tight and deal with it.”
Barty scoffed. “Fantastic. Trapped in a room with a bunch of Gryffindors. What a dream come true.”
“You know, for someone who just got accidentally kidnapped, you’re being remarkably annoying about it.”
Barty glared. You glared back back with your best scowl. But something in the air crackled. And for the first time, a flicker of something else crossed his face- mild curiosity, maybe, or amusement.
“Fine,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “Let’s see if you Gryffindors can actually fix this mess.”
Barty had spent the last hour in a state of perpetual annoyance, arms crossed, watching as you and your friends frantically flipped through Pandora’s cursed book. He had interjected a few times, mostly to mock the inefficiency of Gryffindors under pressure, but for the most part, he just sat there, an unwilling hostage to whatever this absolute mess of an evening had become.
And then there was Pandora.
Barty had tolerated a lot of things tonight: being yanked out of existence, being surrounded by Gryffindors, even Marlene’s relentless teasing. But Pandora Rosier who had been nothing but comforting to him? She was testing him.
Because while the rest of you were frantically trying to find a spell to reverse whatever Pandora had done, the witch herself had been flipping through the book at a leisurely pace, humming to herself, occasionally muttering things like, Oh, that’s an interesting rune placement, I should write Xeno or Wow, that would have been so much worse, Evan would like it.
And now? Now she was giggling. Barty had had enough.
“Are you enjoying this?” he snapped, watching as she grinned at some obscure text.
Pandora looked up, unbothered. “Immensely.”
“Wonderful,” Barty deadpanned. “Glad to know my involuntary abduction is providing you with a bit of light entertainment, Panda.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Barts,” Pandora said, waving a hand. “It’s not like you’re suffering.”
“You summoned me, Pandora!”
“And you’re the one acting like I performed dark magic,” she shot back, turning a page. “Honestly, I’ve seen worse displacement spells. You could have been summoned into a lake. Or the astral plane.”
Barty narrowed his eyes. “I hate you.”
Pandora beamed. “Regulus would be so sad to hear that.”
“Regulus is going to murder you when I tell him about this.”
“You think that,” Pandora mused, “but I reckon he’d be far too amused to be properly angry. He’s got that weird little laugh when he’s trying to hide how funny he finds something. You know the one.”
Barty scowled because, unfortunately, he did know the one.
Marlene, ever entertained by the spectacle, leaned over to you and whispered, “I kind of love that she’s not scared of him.”
You grinned. “Oh, she thrives on chaos.”
Barty, meanwhile, pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we focus? I’d rather not be here when the sun comes up, thank you very much.”
“We are focusing,” Lily snapped, looking dangerously close to hexing him herself. Tou grinned, taking great pleasure in the teens anger. "Yes, Barts, we are working so hard right now. Do be patience, will you."
“I highly doubt that,” Barty muttered. “At the rate you’re going, I’ll be a permanent resident.”
Dorcas groaned, flopping back onto her bed. “We’re trying, alright? But magic like this isn’t exactly easy to undo!”
Mary, who had woken up ten minutes ago, no one really noticed that she fell asleep like a baby in her girl's lap, groggily mumbled, “What if we just… did the spell backwards?”
Pandora looked delighted by the suggestion. “That’s actually not the worst idea-!”
“No,” Barty interrupted. “Absolutely not. I am not about to let any of you risk splitting me in half because you thought it would be fun to rewind me into existence.”
“You say that like it’s not a completely valid risk,” Pandora mused.
Barty clenched his jaw. “I swear to Merlin-”
And then, after another twenty minutes of arguing, another round of searching, and another layer of pure exhaustion settling over the group-
You suddenly stopped flipping through the book. Everything went quiet. You furrowed your brows, then looked up at Barty. “…Why are we even doing this?”
Barty exhaled sharply. “Finally. Thank you. That’s what I’ve been saying-”
“No, no,” you interrupted, shutting the book with a thump. “I mean… why are we looking for a spell when you could just… y'know, walk out the door?”
The room fell into dead silence. Even the storm outside seemed to pause.
Barty blinked. “…What?”
“You go to school here,” you said slowly, as if explaining something to a particularly dense child. “Your dormitory is literally downstairs. Instead of looking for some complicated reversal spell, you could just… leave.”
A full beat of silence.
Then, a particularly annoying groan of frustration could be heard. “You-” Barty gestured wildly, “-You fuckers had me sitting here for hours-”
“To be fair,” Pandora interjected with a raised hand, “you didn’t think of it either. Aren't you supposed to be smart, Mister 12 O.W.L.s? ”
Barty let out a strangled noise of pure exasperation. “Dont go smarty pants with me, Panda. Are you telling me that I could have left at any time? That you idiots had me sitting here, wasting my life, when all I had to do was walk out the door?”
“Well,” Pandora said cheerfully, “yes.”
Lily, meanwhile, had buried her face in her hands. “I cannot believe we’re this stupid.”
Mary nodded, looking absolutely done with all of this, just muttered, “I need a drink.”
Barty stood up so fast his chair nearly toppled over. “You know what? I’m done. I am leaving. I never want to see any of you again.”
Dorcas, still half-sprawled on her bed, yawned. “Go on, then.”
Barty stormed toward the door. You watched him go, something oddly anticlimactic about the way he just- left.
No grand magical solution. No complicated ritual.
Just… walking.
He reached the door, yanked it open but paused, tilting his head. He turned back, eyes landing on you for just a second longer than necessary.
You raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Barty scoffed. “Nothing.” He looked at Pandora, scowling. “You’re the worst.”
Pandora smiled like he’d just paid her a compliment. “Tight sleep, Barts! Remember to use the acorn essence for the whackspurts.”
He rolled his eyes but nodded. And with that, he turned on his heel and disappeared down the stairs.
The second he was gone, Marlene burst out laughing. “That was so much better than if we’d actually figured out the spell.”
Lily groaned. “I still can’t believe we didn’t think of that earlier.”
Mary, flopping back into the pillows, simply muttered, “I hate magic. Should've just ignored the damn letters.”
Pandora, ever the menace, just picked up her book again and sighed happily. “That was so fun. We should summon people more often.”
You looked at her, horrified. “'Dora, no.”
But as the others laughed, as the storm outside finally settled, you couldn’t help but glance at the door, thinking of the strange way Barty had looked at you before he left.
Temporary housemate to acquaintances indeed.
