Time to chill

                                                   

  It's time to chill and get my tits together, y'all    

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Now I love an indoor Inauguration as much as the next person, but I'd feel a lot better about this one if this bitch >>>

lovelovelove kizzeskizzeskizzes

  ...were the ho about to get the Golden Presidential sceptre/Bamix.  

 Because Lady Bunny is NOT going to be the next President, I am expecting the next four years to be retrograde fucking progress for 3/4 of the citizens of the world, because it's still a sad but true-ism:  whither goeth the USA shalt the rest of the hithers go.  

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OK FINE FINE FINE.

OK.

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Were you thinking of car detailing as a nice side hustle?

Consider the downside before you invest!

"Just a sec," sang Dee "Judy's checking out my rack!"

"Here's a wet-wipe," said Desiree. "Now try to act surprised when they get here." 

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      Last summer (what evocative words!) I purchased a number of very carefully selected books that I was going to read over this Winter. Have I read them?  I've read one.

Halfway.

You wanna see a picture of the rest?

  All those books stacked up on the floor ^^^. And no, I didn't stand around and wait for the TV to float me a provocative bit of subtitling - it just did it itself.    

So yeah. 

You know what I have read?  A lot of vintage Sci-Fi, is what. Lummox-heavy, female-denigrating, actually-bullet-shaped-rockets with little fireworks-fins on them spaceship-flying Science Fiction, 

- oh and let's not forget! SCIENTIFICALLY FUCKING WRONG science fiction. With bad illustrations.

Ate that shit up.

ATE IT UP.

Oh and hand me that complete Riverworld collection.

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Another thing I did was get way into a genre of music known as Yacht Rock.  

"Holy God Olaf we are rockin' in the free world on this yacht."

"Yes Ivy, this is the Good Life indeed, with a capital 'Cocaine'.  It's why I shaved my legs."

Yacht Rock is 1970's - early 1980's happy, poppy rock that did not require you to sit in a dark room with a bunch of candles going, but did require that you have a shit-ton of posters and they were of peace signs, mushrooms and wizards. 

Hello I'm k d lang.  

Top yacht Rock groups are Hall and Oates, CSNY, Toto, and Ambrosia.

The song "Baby Come Back" by Player is a Yacht Rock anthem.

The song "How Deep Is Your Love" by the BeeGees is quintessentially Yachty in tone.

Anything by Atlanta Rhythm Section is Yacht Rock.

 

Why the yacht?  Because. 

Picture it.  It's 1978. It is a beautiful day. You don't have any communicable diseases, and you're hanging out on your yacht. It is quite possible that you've had a couple of cocktails and the hint of a spliff; and you need some tunes, and "Oh hey dude leave this on, I love this song by Firefall/Toto/ Little River Band...."

Ahhhhh.  

Listen to the whales. 

Scrape some barnacles off your hull.

Yacht Rock.

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                In direct competition with Jon, I present my own Camp As Tits video selection:  

                                   Yachty as fuck 

                                             FATHER FIGURE 

                                                          by George Michaels

                                               

Yeah!  I can feel that tide rising, kids. The gulls are calling and the buoys are rockin'! Other nautical puns! Now if you will excuse me I am going to hang out on this yacht and pretend that Trump isn't president again! DAMMIT OLAF BRING ME A NEGRONI 

City of Angels

 When I am totally involved in a project, I can't hear what people say to me, I forget to eat, I forget what day it is and I keep odd hours. I am utterly absorbed and oblivious to the world.  And it was this level of absorption that lead me to entirely miss what was happening in California until the day before yesterday. So yeah, I'm feeling super guilty about this. Savannah, I wish I'd known sooner. Anybody out there lurking in California, that's my explanation. Stay safe. Hug your family.

A news report intruded during a documentary I was watching and it was like getting hit with cold water.  Everything went by the ways. I pulled up every report and video I could find. I got ahold of Ms. Savannah. I was, and am, horrified. 

What's going on isn't ordinary.  It's almost apocalyptic.

The only fire I've ever been in the middle of happened years ago when we were riding through Eastern Washington in August.  We had gone way inland toward the east, and there had been lightning storms in the night, so as the morning wore on, soon all the hills around us were showing areas of fire.  You could see it get bigger and creep down slopes and across fields like a black stain. Sometimes it would just go out. Sometimes you'd be looking at a patch of grass and suddenly it would just go up without warning.  A fire would spring up on one side of the highway and leap to the other, like it was chasing us. The way it moves over the land doesn't make sense, and it moves terrifyingly fast. We'd come out from under the smoke and ride for five miles, blue sky, yellow fields, no wind, and suddenly there'd be a blast of furnace hot wind at your back, and long orange claws would come reaching across the grass on either side of the highway, the sky would turn smoky orange, and suddenly embers are falling, they're landing on you, they're landing in the road ahead.   The fire that we'd been trying to outrun all morning long jumped in front of us, and we were doing well over 70mph at the time. All we could do was speed up and hope that someone or something wasn't blocking the road. That's just a little bit of what a wildfire is like in dry country. 

What I'm describing wasn't even a match lit against what's going on in Los Angeles.

I can't believe what I'm seeing come out of California. Most of those houses have not just burned, they've been incinerated.  This is a huge firestorm with 100mph gusts pushing it. Houses and trees are vaporizing.  And the worst thing, the most heartless and disgusting thing in all of this horror is how the insurance companies are cancelling policies. 

   I'll just leave this here. Yes I will.  

Speaking of disgusting things, Paris Hilton went online (aka used a natural disaster to put herself in the public eye) saying that she was 'Heartbroken beyond words' that her beachfront house had been destroyed - which I assume has no more importance to her financially than losing a fake eyelash in the toilet. The very last people who need to be involved in this discourse are the wealthy. You lost your car collection? You lost your mansion? You had choices. Lots of choices. Way more than the thousands of families living around you did. Have the grace to shut up. 

Here's a good overview of the situation on the ground from the Guardian US:

  Community groups provide relief as LA staggers from wildfire emergency | California wildfires | The Guardian

There are links to relief efforts included in the article. I don't know how well The Guardian vets things like that; I would do my research, but if you want to help, it's a good place to start.

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LITTLE DROOGIES!

 Yes it's 2025 and I am feeling FOXY!  Gone are the drab laments of the old year, all gummy and weird and covered in lint. Come are the culinary blandishments of KAY KELLOG and her High Fructose Corn Syrup Chanteuses!* 

Except there are no Chanteuses. Instead we get

                                                 The Saucy Beef Bake!!!!!!!

   Just look at this saucy fucker!  

You know what that sauce is?  

One can of tomato sauce, straight out of the can, dumped into a bowl. 

Don't trust me?  Read on:    

Kellog's Cereals were invented by a crazy person who wanted America to stop masturbating.  I did not know that this was such a huge problem for our nation at that time but apparently it was. And what better way of achieving that end than...corn cereal! It seems so obvious now, doesn't it?

 No shit, look it up.

Now here it is 1971 * whooshing time travel noises* wow we are there. And things are groovy.

   Wow lookit the grooviness     

In these modern times Kellog has given us a product known as Kellogs Corn Flakes Crumbs, because the average housewife in these modern times was way too busy to do something as time consuming as whacking a bag full of Corn Flakes with a bottle.  

However you arrived at the crumb state, you then dumped them into this mixture....

...and made a nice little wreath out of it. 

I'm assuming a wreath because I wouldn't eat this shit on a bet. Can you fucking IMAGINE. 

Allow me to persist in this fantasy.

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Calm down. You need more breakfast cereal atrocities. Well who doesn't?  And I am here to please you ravening thrill cultists. No, I really am. But you will have to wait.

   

HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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* see, I'm riffing offa 'Kay Kaisers Kollege of Musical Knowledge' only you don't know what that is, and I belabored that reference into rags.