And speaking of Sophia Tolstoy, her diaries are just so depressing.
“I am to gratify his pleasure and nurse his child, I am a piece of household furniture, I am a woman. I try to suppress all human feelings. When the machine is working properly it heats the milk, knits a blanket, makes little requests and bustles about trying not to think […].“
She wrote this when she was 19, one year into her marriage to Leo and as she was pregnant with the first of his 13 children.
A few years later, when she was 25 or so:
“I am so often alone with my thoughts that the need to write in my diary comes quite naturally … Now I am well again and not pregnant—it terrifies me how often I have been in that condition. He said that for him being young meant “I can achieve anything”. For me […] reason tells me that there is nothing I either want or can do beyond nursing, eating, drinking, sleeping, and loving and caring for my husband and babies, all of which I know is happiness of a kind, but why do I feel so woeful all the time, and weep as I did yesterday? I am writing this now with the pleasantly exciting sense that nobody will ever read it, so I can be quite frank with myself […].“
During her 12th pregnancy she wrote about taking scalding baths and jumping from high pieces of furniture to try and miscarry. And at one point while reading her husband’s diary (which he told her to read) she found the sentence “There is no such thing as love, only the physical need for intercourse and the practical need for a life companion.” In her own diary she wrote “They ebb and flow like waves, these times when I realise how lonely I am and want only to cry…”
A few years before her husband’s death, she published a cycle of prose poems titled “Groans”, under the pseudonym “A Tired Woman”.
the most depressing quote from her diaries:
“I have served a genius for almost forty years. Hundreds of times I have felt my intellectual energy stir within me and all sorts of desires - a longing for education, a love of music and the arts… And time and again I have crushed and smothered these longings… Everyone asks, “But why should a worthless woman like you need an intellectual or artistic life?” To this question I can only reply: “I don’t know, but eternally suppressing it to serve a genius is a great misfortune.”
ok this is the first time ive ever had to do this but I really need the help right now. i know its going to be hard to get the full amount in the time that I have but any help would benefit me so greatly. i am putting the explanation under the cut as it is very long but TLDR:
I got into the film school of my dreams on a scholarship, but student finance will not pay for the full course fee because my university is independent, (£20k, SF can only pay £14.4k) so I have to pay the remaining fee (£5.6k) by June 1st. I cannot graduate if I don’t pay this fee and I am under 2 months away from graduating. all evidence and explanation is under the cut.
hi so i got this email on Monday but couldn’t add to this post because i was super busy on a shoot. i guess i have until July 27th (when i stop attending lectures or editing sessions at my uni) but so far i have only raised £841 so could i please get more help!!
“Hi [the name i go by at my uni],
We hope this message finds you well.
I am contacting you again as there are still outstanding fees for your course that were due to be paid by 1 June 2023. The outstanding fee amount is detailed below: Course fee: £20000 Outstanding fees:£5600
I would request that you arrange to speak with the Admissions team as a matter of urgency in the next few days, prior to your course finishing at the end of July, to discuss how you plan to make payment of these fees.
Please ensure that you get in touch ASAP. Kind regards
No one here has made me feel bad about it, but i feel like shit. Towards the end of April, beginning of May, I had gotten SA’d while homeless. I haven’t been feeling great and I took a test, turns out I’m pregnant (i think about 6 weeks now). I can’t afford to have this baby and as much as I would like to keep it, I need to get an abortion. I’m lucky my state still has it, but the lowest cost for a pill is $580 and for the in-clinic abortion, it’s $600/ first trimester. Losing my dad and having to crowdfund for the boys has not helped anything (have $95 left for last bit). I’m doing tarot readings, my bestie @scarsofbeauty is still doing commissions. Please consider helping a poc trans nonbinary person.
$120/$495 (some resources ppl sent me were able to get it lowered! 06/13/23 2:28 am)
