The past few days have been incredible. I fucking love university so much, freshers has been mint so far. Get on so well with my house mates but in particular one guy Oli is just totally on my level, along with this girl Annie who is one of the sickest females. We are the three musketeers lool. Living with two Norwegian guys too who are great, one in particular is awesome. Freshers is going great, really fucking great. Registered as a student today properly as well, can’t wait to get started
It was a reactionary decision and one of the stupidest I have ever made. We were on the brink of something so good, whatever this dimension to us was about to reveal itself there was something magic about to happen until I fucked up. I learnt from my mistake, I really did learn such a big lesson but now I can’t help but feel we’ve gone back a few steps and it’s going to take some time to get to that level again. It was like taking a drug and a part of your mind is opened up, whatever happened that night something was about to take over until I went and did what I did. I hope that one day we can finally understand and fully express ourselves boundlessly.
I want to talk to you so much but I’m a little shy; you told me not to be sad and there was a frustrated edge to your voice, although not at me specifically. It is fair to say that we have been through this so many times and we both want to be as happy as we can, so I don’t blame you. Then I was drunk and text you these thoughts that despite their truth it’s best not to talk about because it doesn’t help anything. We are both aware of the restrictions in place so it’s just best to enjoy the good things and not go into this. I shouldn’t have said what I did and after the last time we spoke I am now a little timid because I want things to be good. I acted stupidly and should be patient.
Fighting the pure feeling of sadness that is consuming the entirety of my mind now. Things are so so good, definitively the best. This is always the case, the extremity of feelings pushed as far as it can go. The low must come from that insane high. It’s inescapable. No matter how hard, it is only chemically natural this should follow but I can’t explain how excruciating it is.
there are so many feelings and thoughts trying to escape my body and mind. I don’t know how to articulate them or come to terms with them so I’ve been drinking and smoking this all away. Each time I sober up they come back stronger and I just want to fucking scream at everyone and be loved by them at the same time. I am scared sometimes because I don’t understand myself. I don’t know what to do because I can’t continue to suppress this or something fucking terrible is going to happen but I can’t face up to it because i don’t know what is even going on inside my head
READING FESTIVAL WAS SO GOOD
Saw so many bands but highlights were getting sweaty to Hadouken and seeing how sick Chase and Status are live and finally seeing Left Boy! Met so many nice people, got a free hoodie and the whole weekend was just absolute jokes. Really fucking loved it.
OFF TO READING FESTIVAL GUYS!! See you on Monday :)))
going to meet faye soon and smoke and have hot chocolate and give her cuddles because quite frankly she is wonderful
Y NOT FESTIVAL