You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

no sorry

Hi so, honestly, there isnt a difference between bi and pan, bi is attraction to all genders, we have two labels that describe the same orientation.

Basically, the pan label was popularised online in the early 2000s. at the time there was a pervasive idea tht bisexuals were only attracted to cis men and women. This is from the first post on the 2002 Livejournal community, I Am Pansexual:

“… [T]his community is for pansexuals, as described in the user info. Pansexuals love people of all genders, male and female, but unlike bisexuals, pansexuals love transgendered, androgynous and gender fluid people, people who don’t fit into the categories of male or female.”

you can find the source for that quote and read more info on the history of pansexuality here. Those who IDed with the pan label back then used pan to mean attraction to cis men, cis women, and trans people. This definition is transphobic, trans men and women arent different genders to cis men and women and therefore, they dont fall under a separate attraction, nonbinary people arent a new third gender that you need a whole new and different sexuality in order to be attracted to. This is generally what people are referring to when they say the pansexual label has transphobic origins, but there have also been several redefinitions of pan that have also been transphobic.

I reccomend watching this youtube video which addresses the narrative that bi activism has a history of ‘rampant transphobia’.

Since 2002 the label has gone through several changes in definition, but the most common one lately seems to be that pan is attraction to all genders (regardless of gender); while bi is attraction to 2 or more (gender is a factor in attraction).

But if we look back at bi history, we can see that bisexuality has never been limited by gender, bisexuals were never fixated on the bi = 2 definition. its also useful to know that when people first started iding as bisexual (Stephen Donaldson, also known as Donny the Punk, was one of the first people to id as bisexual in around 1966 and the label gained popularity in the 70s), it meant something similar to unisex.

Bisexuals have been describing their bisexuality as attraction regardless of gender since the 70s;

“Being bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender”

Janet Bode, The Pressure Cooker, View From Another Closet (1976)

“I am bisexual because I am drawn to particular people regardless of gender. It doesn’t make me wishy-washy, confused, untrustworthy, or more sexually liberated. It makes me a bisexual.”

The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?, By Lani Ka’ahumanu (1987)

and The 1990 Bisexual Manifesto:

“Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.”

evidences that bisexuals were aknowledging nonbinary genders (although they would have used genderqu**r or genderfuck instead of nonbinary as nonbinary was coined as a gender term more recently than the 90s) and including them in their bisexuality a decade before the I Am Pansexual community even existed. This is one of the many reasons why the pan label is also biphobic, because it trys to redefine bisexuality against bisexuals will, so that pan can mean attraction to all genders instead of bisexual.

If you want to read more about how different definitions of pansexual are based in biphobia i reccomend this article.

Here is the current defintion of bisexuality, as used by the American Institute of Bisexuality, and the Journal of Bisexuality. from the bi.org website:

“There are as many ways to be bi as there are bi people. No one word can fully capture the nuances of personality, culture, beliefs, or personal preference; no word should try to. The term bisexuality makes no such pretense—  it is a general and inclusive term that encompasses everyone; all sexes and all genders. That does not mean that bi people are attracted to everyone, merely that bi people’s attractions aren’t limited by sex or gender.”

“Please also note that attraction to both same and different means attraction to all. Bisexuality is inherently inclusive of everyone, regardless of sex or gender.“

If you want to read more about bi history then this article; The Bisexual History They Don’t Want You to Know by @mediumkravitz is a good place to start. Kravtiz has also written; Does Liking a Nonbinary Person Make You Bi or Pan? Not Necessarily. which might clear up any confusion on where attraction to nonbinary genders fits into sexuality.

Also lastly, if you would like to read more on bisexuality and bi history, i recently made this masterlist of bi books, which might be helpful.