hi and welcome to
✨bullshit that has ACTUALLY happened somewhere in the Pokémon franchise✨
-a teenaged boy runs away from home because of his abusive mom only to join a crime gang funded by his abusive mom.
-the player character is given a smartphone by and with direct contact to God.
-a man cosplaying God (the same God you got a phone from) attacks you with a demon banished to another dimension.
-a suicide cult led by an evil snowflake kills like one hundred other protagonists.
-there is an entire elemental typing consisting of abused and evil Pokémon that is super effective against everything else.
-the player falls into an alternate world and one of their friends is immediately arrested for playing sports.
-in the thrilling sequel, a bunch of ghosts kidnap children in their amusement park in the Shadow Realm.
-now that I think about it there are like three different games where the player character starts by falling from the sky.
-the protagonist of the TV adaptation has died like seven times, been crucified in Paris, watched several apocalypses, and has watched SO many people die in front of him, and I don’t think he’s brought it up like, ever.
-in one game, you can go on a crusade to brutally conquer the entire continent.
-the player of one game is part of a time loop caused by a magic turtle that indirectly kills one of their friend’s mother. Or father. Depends on the version.
-the player’s adoptive father is possessed by the personification of hate and sends them directly to Hell, then tries to do it again when they get out.
-the mafia’s plan for getting their boss back after he left is to violently hijack a radio station and ask really nicely.
-a space agency’s plan for stopping a meteor form colliding with the earth is to open a wormhole to another dimension. this plan is stopped by a woman in a torn cape who destroys their equipment and robs them.
-the protagonist’s father had a godlike clone fuse his consciousness with a mouse, and fights a man who fused his own consciousness with an alien.
-the one a cult leader chose to be king of his new religion is an abused autistic boy with green hair and wearing a baseball cap.
-you literally rob people’s Pokémon in one game and you’re still the good guy. …is there a gender neutral version of “good guy?”
And now for a BONUS ROUND!
✨shit that has gone down in the Pokémon manga adaptation alone!✨
-terrorists blow up an ENTIRE port city!
-one protagonist spent two years trapped in a Dream Realm™.
-you think that’s bad? TWO protagonists are trapped in the depths of space for like six months!
-you think THAT’S bad?! FIVE protagonists are turned into stone for an indefinite time period!
-a little orphan girl is hypnotized and trapped in a suit of armor.
-they crucify the gym leaders???
-one boy is whipped in the face with a chain used to subjugate the Gods Of Time And Space and he’s literally fine.
-a father punches his son in the face and hurls him down a staircase. The American translation censors this as a lightning strike.
-this same son fell into the ocean because of an earthquake like five chapters after he was introduced.
-one of the current protagonists is basically Wednesday Addams.
-two protagonists were kidnapped by birds and raised by a supervillain.
-two villains try to destroy the environment of an entire country, cause an apocalypse, and are stopped by being trapped in a flying car which crashes.
-a mysterious supervillain saves them— SOMEHOW— and makes them fight to the death for a suit of armor. The one that survives causes the apocalypse AGAIN but dies.
-they both get brought back from Hell to save the world, and after that’s over, they turn to dust and go back to Hell.
-the supervillain who saved them the first time also summons like ten gods and dips out, never to be seen again.
In other words Pokémon is weird (affectionate).
