Happy Riddler Birthday!!!!!!! YAY!!!! 🎉

a scenario where both Bruce and Tim are out and about as civilians and end up needing a rescue from their respective Supers so Jim Gordon has to sit there and watch as Superman (fine as long as he's just visiting) and Superboy (near-identical to the former but says fuck?) carry the two Wayne family members back down to safety while simultaneously playing the "I've never met this man in my life! Just a lucky rescue! / If you even look at my human I'm going to go feral" game all the way down.

Jason and Bruce are out late one night in Gotham as civilians. They get cornered by a mugger and Jason nearly pisses himself, he’s so amused. He teases the would-be mugger about their hand placement, even tries to goad the mugger into a fight because he’s Red Hood. He can disarm anyone in seconds. It doesn’t matter if you have a gun — he has two.

He’s Red Hood, and he has the literal Bat of Gotham standing behind him like a wall of muscle. They’re as close to invincible as humans get, in this town. And that kind of confidence scares off their would-be mugger.

But then Jason turns around, a smile stretching across his face, and Bruce is white. Bone white and so so quiet, eyes wide and trained on where the mugger had been standing.

“awww, Bruce is such a dad” right, but he’s not your typical “snores on the couch” kind of dad. he’s the “will pinch off/plug your bleeding artery with his bare fingers and then yell at you for almost dying” kind of dad. who also happens to snore on the couch, if that makes sense.

Tim, sitting in the Cave, arms crossed, clearly pouting:

Kon, who has learned to speak fluent Bat over the years: do you wanna go watch a video of [recent disaster] together and you can tell me how you would have organized and run the civilian evacuation differently?

Tim:

Kon:

Tim, sniffling: yeah

may I suggest the “Everyone breaks” / “But not you.” / “Everyone breaks. Even me” conversation for an angsty Batfamily fic? Bruce calmly explaining to each subsequent Robin that there will be a point where everyone — even him — will break under torture. because to break is to be human, ultimately. their job, just like Bruce’s, is to hold out long enough that breaking isn’t yet a possibility. long enough to be found, to be rescued, to be safe. your job is to banter, to deflect, to drag things out and speed them up where applicable. to keep away from your breaking point at all costs. because you will break. it’s not a question of if, but when. and knowing exactly where that breaking point is for yourself will always be an asset, not a liability. the people who go into interrogation assuming they will never break - those are the liabilities. they will break hard and fast because it is so unexpected.

or, the one where Bruce trains Robins to outlast torture methods that have put JL members on the floor, but it’s not because he trains them physically. it’s a mental game, and his birds play it like masters.

Clark + telling people Bruce pads his suits

Superman: Unchained #1 and uh one of the earlier issues of Justice League (2018). Both written by Scott Snyder. I think he’s trying to tell us something.

Bruce teaching his kids martial arts: “now, when you’re in this position, you can break the knee if you want—”

Dick, whispering to Jason: “if you want??”

we don’t talk enough about the random stashes and caches the Batkids have all over Gotham. not Jason’s safe houses, not the random places Bruce buys up to keep weapons and cars — I mean the duct taped box of petty cash jammed in a random gargoyle’s mouth on the roof of the old abandoned Gotham Opera. the stash of expired protein bars Dick left wrapped up in a plastic bag and buried in a planter outside of GCPD headquarters. random ammo dumps Jason keeps all over town in strategic 1.5 square mile intervals so he’s always got a bail-out option. Bruce’s endless supply of backup comms and trackers that are glued inside the back vent of every single Green Line bus that runs through Gotham that doubles as a moving tracking net for Oracle. Duke’s candy stash that he keeps inside a light pole at the top of the Narrows for bad days. or for kids who run through the candy he usually carries on his belt. Tim’s bug-out medical bags he developed with Bruce and stores all over downtown with AEDs because he had to defib a civilian once and never wanted to be unprepared again. Cass and Damian’s constantly evolving trade of mini animal figurines that they leave on various perches/rooftops the Batfamily use. Steph’s backup gloves she hides in a disconnected electrical panel because hers always rip at the worst time. Cigarettes both Jason and Bruce keep for bribes (different brands) (same stash location) etc. the possibilities in a city as large but also as compact as Gotham are endless, especially when Wayne Manor and even a well-stocked safe house might be too far away at any given time.

please can someone draw Hal Jordan or another Green Lantern in this, I need to see it…..for science

they’re kinda giving gay

bruce wayne dilf agenda