Positives#30 There's still hope

Last year I encountered my mum's cousin via a Facebook page for the market town where they were both born, and where I spent a few years of my childhood.

Her dad and my grandad were brothers, and it was via her that I learned of the existence of one of their half brothers, who had died during WW2. 

They all had the same mum, who had married again after her first husband ( my great grandad) died when he was in his 30s. My mum had never heard about this uncle, who died when she was a few years old, as like many men of that generation, my grandad was a man of few words.

How and where my great uncle had died during the war was a mystery that my Great Uncle J had tried to solve all of his life, and one which cousin A, now aged 90, had been trying to continue.

I tried to find information about Japanese prisoners of war, as it had been suggested to cousin A's dad at some point that that was where his brother had died, but I could find nothing of relevance.

Cousin A had discovered the regiment that great uncle A had been in, and recently her son was on holiday in the area of the regimental museum. Staff were very helpful, and were able to tell him that he had died in Egypt and is commemorated on the Alamein memorial.

From that, I was able to trace his army record, only to find that it was closed, and is due to remain so for a further decade. I put in a Freedom of Information request for it to be opened and for me to have access to the information contained in it. 

There is no exact date of death for my great uncle, just a period of 4 days during which his death occurred. I have, from that, traced the movements of his regiment and battalion, to find that he was fighting in a battle during which they were besieged and ran out of ammunition.

He was 21 years old. 

I cannot begin to imagine the horror and fear he must have felt.

Such is the backlog of requests, it could take up to a year for the National Archive to get to my request and go through the record and give me a decision as to whether they are prepared to open it early. I had another update today, telling me that same thing again, so there's still hope.

I really hope that I can help to solve the mystery for cousin A, to give her peace for both herself and her dad, and for my Great Uncle A, who I didn't know existed until last year, but who has never been forgotten by family members.

Positives#29... good things

Things have just been chugging along here, the same as usual, apart from us managing to have another few days away on our own. Our son in law finally had some time off... he was back to cancelled rest days this week. We have to grab the opportunities where we can, and fortunately my husband could book some annual leave at the last minute. 

We came back on Wednesday evening so that I could do daughter duties for my mum on Thursday, and went back to the caravan on Thursday evening, taking my younger daughter and the little one. She worked from there on Friday and Monday.

We had glorious weather all weekend, and whilst I spent a lot of time resting and sleeping I did manage a walk to the beach on Saturday...

... and a trip to Tesco via the pub on Monday morning. Just a lime and soda for me. Toast and jam for the little one, cappuccino and a bacon and sausage sandwich for my husband.

We came across a charity furniture shop when we were on our own last week. We found it by accident, called in and found the perfect replacement for the caravan sofas that made my back ache.

They were delivered on Friday- and our old ones were donated to the same charity. Our friends on the site would have loved them, and we would have happily given them to them for nothing, but they don't have patio doors like we do, and our old sofas wouldn't fit through a single door. We only have space for one chair, so chose the one that, like the sofa, has had barely any use. 

The colours in the fabric are perfect with the orange/ terracotta and teal soft furnishings etc that I have acquired. 

I now need beige curtains rather than black ones, but after an unexpected bill in addition to buying the sofas, I'll have to wait yet another month as I don't want to use savings... I try to cash flow as much as I can.

The path down the garden was almost impassable

After enough pruning to fill the garden waste bin that we pay the council for, it's passable again. There are still some trees in the garden to be pruned, but we need to buy a cordless saw and wait until later in the year in case of nesting birds. Despite the pruning it's still got the wild and woolly feel that I love.

The garden keeps on giving as far as flowers for the house are concerned. This is my favourite combination... golden rod, shasta daisies and crocosmia, all from the sunny front garden.  I added some laurel prunings from the back too. The hedges at the front have been trimmed and the borders tidied, so all looks OK at the front of the house.

After just a small Premium Bonds win of £50 this month, I treated myself to a professional haircut... the first since the end of 2020. It now looks something like this photograph, though mine is its natural colour of brown with lots of grey and white running through it. I really don't have the patience for the maintenance that colouring my hair would require, and honestly, I cant wait for it to be completely grey/ white, if it happens. 

There's a strong possibility that it won't though, as my great grandma died aged 82, still with dark hair, lightly run through with grey, my grandma was the same when she died aged 77, and my mum's hair still looks more blonde than grey at 86.

We have a family wedding next month so I'm hoping it will still look ok for that... despite being very short, it looks good with my headpiece.

Health wise, I'm much the same; still tired no matter how much I rest or sleep, and still wobbly. I just have to keep taking the tablets and plod on. 

Positives #28 Exposed UPDATED

I can't bear grifters: people who pretend to be poor, people who pretend to have cancer, people who lie about fundraising, all people who lie in order to profit from the sympathy/ goodwill of others.

The latest to be uncovered are 'Raynor and Moth Winn'. They of The Salt Path books and film.

When the first book came out and they were doing the rounds on TV I felt that things just didn't add up; just like I did with a cook who allegedly was so poor that she removed the light bulbs in her house. I've been poor, both as a child and an adult, and her stories didn't ring true right from the start.

Then recently I saw 'Raynor' promoting the film adaptation of The Salt Path alongside Jason Isaacs, who plays 'Moth'.  At one point during the interview, Isaacs angrily said, 'You can't say it, but I can. You were conned,' when speaking about how the 'Winns' supposedly lost their house.

Thanks to a piece of investigative journalism by Chloe Hadjimatheou of The Observer, it seems that his angry words are very far away from the truth of the matter.

Grifters. 

May they continue to be exposed.

**************UPDATED***************

Raynor Winn has issued a statement and medical letters regarding her husband's illness.

Points of interest.. 

• She says that the 'friend' with whom they allegedly had the business deal that went bad, told them that he couldn't repay them their £100,000 investment as he didn't have the money. However, he could lend it to them through his company at an interest rate of 18%  and have the loan secured on their house. Why would you risk your house in order to recoup an investment from years earlier that hadn't paid out?
• The walk on which The Salt Path is based took place in 2013... the walk that she states they undertook because of the loss of their home which was followed a few days later by a terminal diagnosis for Moth Winn. However, the medical letters issued by Raynor Winn show that it was in 2015 that CBD/CBS was suggested as a possible cause of Moth Winn's longstanding neurological symptoms. It was not a firm diagnosis, as he had what the neurologist has described as an atypical and mild presentation. This is a very different scenario to the supposed terminal diagnosis two years earlier in 2013.
• They tried to 'raffle' their house to clear the debt, stating it had no charges/ mortgage on it. This was untrue, as it still had a large mortgage, and the £100,000 charge on it. In short it was not theirs to raffle.

Positives #27 Improvement

It's been a tough week, physically ( I had a fall) and mentally ( too many things going on/ people to deal with)  but we arrived at the caravan late on Friday evening,  just the 2 of us. 

Peace at last.

Yesterday, I had a 10 minute stroll to the sea and back, and a gentle amble around town. I still look like I'm under the influence when I walk, but it's improving. Although the exhaustion isn't anywhere near as bad as it was, I was flagging by the time we got back in the car.

I actually cooked yesterday, making a vegetable packed sauce. When I look back at how I used to make almost everything from scratch, and make bread, cakes, biscuits and jams it feels a bit pathetic to say I cooked a sauce, but an eating disorder is a thief and robs you of a normal life.

My husband had spaghetti and meatballs with lots of cheese sprinkled on it. I had a much smaller portion, and had bagged salad, tomatoes and cucumber with it. I enjoyed the salad, and forced down most of the spaghetti and meatballs.

I'm trying to do better, whilst taking the mega doses of vitamin D, and the high strength B12. My swollen tongue is starting to look more normal ... it had become so large that it had teeth marks in it as it was squashed into a too small space.

I cooked mushrooms on toast for my husband this morning, and I had strawberries,  Greek yoghurt and a sprinkle of muesli.

I had ham and salad bits at lunchtime.

Tea/ dinner for me will be a Gym Kitchen curry. Yes, it's processed,  but it's protein packed, flavour packed and I like it. As I've said previously,  I'm not going to give myself yet another food hangup.

The weather here today is changeable, but we have Wimbledon, F1, books and Lego to keep us entertained, and we have each other, and peace and quiet if we choose it.

Positives#26 Gardens

 

When I got married in 1984, I didn't have a garden, just a concrete back yard with 8' high walls at the back of my 1876 mill workers' terrace. I used to watch Geoff Hamilton on Gardeners' World and dream of having one, and I had my favourite gardens that I passed on my way to work. My husband built me a raised bed in the yard using bricks reclaimed from an old wall at my parents' house, and I softened the high walls with climbers.

From there I moved to a 1970s semi-detached on an estate. I had gardens back and front and was in my element. My neighbours were surprised that I loved gardening so much. I explained that I'd waited 8 years to get a garden, whereas the gardened semi was their first house. By the time we moved 19 years later, barely a bit of fence was visible due to the planting of trees, shrubs and climbers. We had birds nesting in both front and back gardens, frogs and dragonflies were regular visitors.

When we moved here, the back garden was the best part of the property as it had only 2 fence panels. The rest was high hedges, lots of trees, shrubs, perennials and several David Austin roses. We've made numerous changes over the years, including opening up a disused 400 square feet at the bottom of the garden, and digging up the front garden to grow veg at one point. 

The gardens mostly look after themselves now. We just prune back anything that gets too big, and hoe the very small amount of bare soil that we have. I managed to spend 10 minutes pruning today, just to clear the pathway a bit, so I popped some of the astilbe flowers and a bit of foliage into the vase along with the honeysuckle from last week. 

I've never forgotten that 8 year wait for a garden, and I still appreciate the ones I have. They're a source of great joy to me.  I just wish I had the energy to do what I want and need to in them.

Positives#25 Slow changes

I'm almost there with making changes to the caravan living area. It's taken months as everything is secondhand or has been brought from home. There's just the large expense of the curtains now. There's nothing I can do about that as I need 4 matching pairs and I'm never going to find them secondhand. I'm happy with how it looks so far, but will be really glad to get those black curtains!

Mirror £3 Shelter: resprayed using leftover paint
Black rug: 3rd hand, passed from elder daughter, to younger daughter, to me.
Ornaments: all secondhand

Fake plant: brought from home 
Plantpot: 50p Shelter
Terracotta and teal objets: £1 each local recycling centre shop
Small lidded pot: gift from colleagues 43 years ago on my 17th birthday 
Small teak animals: 4 for 20p carboot sale
Teak elephant: £3 tabletop sale Llandudno
Shells: picked up from the beach
Gu pot: saved after my husband ate the pudding

Fake plant: brought from home
Plant pot: £1.99 local hospice charity shop

Fake plant and plantpot: brought from home
Watercolour: painted by my daughter
Clock: £1 local animal charity shop 
DAB radio and speakers: £1 carboot
Lamp and shade: came with the caravan. I zhuzzhed the shade up using £3 worth of ribbon

Fabric: £3 in total from charity shops in Burnley

Re-covered dining chairs. I decided to do 2 of each, even though I have enough of the teal colour to do all of them with loads to spare. I intend to make some cushion covers when I have the energy.

As ever, it won't be to everyone's,  or maybe even anyone's, taste. I'm just trying to show that you don't need to spend a fortune, but you do need to be patient.

Next on the list at home is the bathroom. We've been discussing it today and firm plans are in place. Unfortunately, the only big thing I have for in there is the mirror, which was originally used in there, then in the hallway, and is now stored in the garage. I'll use existing stuff where I can( towels, bathmats, toothbrush holders, soap dispenser etc), but will have to buy paint, flooring, basin taps, and new shower parts. The wallpaper arrived and is even better than it looked online.

Positives#24 The seasons

 

I found this in the Shelter charity shop in Prestatyn recently. It's my favourite charity shop in the town, with items priced to sell, and no evidence that they ascribe to the Mary Portas idea of what a charity shop should look like.

I've bought a lot of things for the caravan from there, along with a few clothing items and books. The staff are lovely.

It cost a whole British pound for an original artwork which now hangs in the bedroom alongside my picture of a Cornish town in Summer. 

Negatives #10..The effects

I'm so used to feeling exhausted, in pain and wobbly that I just carried on... until last week I couldn't. I was too weak to stand, nauseous, dizzy and in pain.

My vitamin D level is deficient, and as a consequence so is my phosphate level. My B12 is close to being at deficient levels and I already have symptoms from that...  a scalloped tongue, forgetfulness, difficulty understanding things,  exhaustion and an inability to walk in a straight line are just a few. I'm still 34 points away from B12 deficiency so I'm going to have to try to treat it myself. I've bought the highest strength tablets I can find.

I've agonised about it being self inflicted due to the ED, but have tried to tell myself that's a mental illness, and that I am trying to get better. I've been eating chicken, ham, salmon, eggs, dairy and fortified cereals for over a year. Obviously, together with the multivitamin I've been taking, it hasn't been enough, as both levels have dropped dramatically since I was referred to the ED service 2 years ago.

Feeling nauseous and having no appetite isn't helping the ED as it's impossible to force food down when I feel so sick. 

Despite feeling as I do, I took my mum to a hospital appointment on Friday morning, a medical appointment on Monday that involved picking her up at 7.30 am, and another this morning. My husband drove on Friday and Monday, but I had no choice but to go as I know all about her medical problems and he doesn't. I have to attend, explain things and advocate for her. I returned home exhausted,  and slept for hours. Yesterday I looked after the little one, sadly doing the minimum possible. I can't dance or play energetic games at the moment, so I was glad when their daddy returned from a 4.30am start, and their mummy finished work.

Tomorrow I have to do my mum's shopping, and sort out 3 things that arose from today's appointment.  I haven't had chance to have a sleep today and my eyelids are beginning to feel heavy so I don't think I'll see much of the TV this evening.

I did manage to cut myself some flowers this afternoon to brighten up the room...

Hydrangeas, feverfew and honeysuckle.  I love this time of year for being able to easily fill a vase.

Negatives #9

I saw my GP yesterday. He listened,  and sent me for a myriad of blood tests.

I'm vitamin D deficient again, very close to being B12 deficient again and feel ill.

Negatives #8, Positives #23

Our newly constructed raised bed at the caravan is filling up. We've bought a lot of the plants from a nearby house that are selling them for charity. 

We managed 3 days on our own at the caravan last weekend, which was blissful. Unfortunately I woke up ill on Monday morning and have been struggling since. It could be the ME/CFS. It could be anaemia ( my hematocrit level was slightly low at my last FBC). It could be that the vitamin deficiencies have returned ( my B12 level dropped by over 300 between 2020 and my last test in 2023, so if that trend has continued I'll be quite deficient by now), or it could be something that I have no idea about.

If I still feel unwell tomorrow I'll ring the GP surgery.  I'm lucky that I'm at a good surgery and have always been able to be seen on the same day for anything that's not routine.

On a brighter note, I'm planning a bathroom makeover.

I found this wallpaper on Wilko's website, but then found it cheaper at World of Wallpaper, a site I've used before. I paid £12.74 per roll as there was an extra 15% off.

I'm going to paint the ceiling ( I'm saying 'I', but I'm in no fit state to do anything at the moment), and the walls above the tiles, in a dark green to match the paper, which will be hung on the only untiled wall. My walls are over 9' high, the tiles are neutral, so the room can take the dark colour. All the woodwork will be done in the same colour. I'll need new basin taps, shower door seals and handles, and some new flooring, but will shop around for everything to get the best deals.

I'll keep the existing 7' tall cupboard that I bought from the BHF charity shop a couple of years ago, all of my towels, plants and planters, and my existing bin and toothbrush holders etc as they are all neutral.

Ideally, I would have a whole new bathroom fitted, but with 5 of us in the house, and it being the only bathroom, there's not much chance of that. Along with the kitchen, it's a very hard worked room that is in constant use.

Positives #22 UPDATED

I finished the cushion this afternoon. Apart from toing and froing to the garage for the car to have its MOT, and a bit of shopping in Lidl,  I've spent most of the day stitching,  by hand, and with the machine . I altered 3 pairs of trousers aswell as doing the cushion.

I reused the piping that was around the duvet cover I used to make the curtains in our caravan bedroom, which saved me the job of making my own. Everything else is thrifted... old wool blanket, felt and embroidery thread.

I'm happy with how it looks, and even happier that it's finished. I'll take it to the caravan this weekend...

Over 12 years on since I made the green one, I now have a cream one... I like how they look together, even if the cream one does have an extra flower! 

Positives #21

I finally got round to taking photographs of our finished bedroom yesterday. I thought I'd do it after I'd cleaned and tidied it after I'd finished childcare at 2.15pm. Everything in the room is secondhand except for the bed, bedding, and curtains. Cleaning and tidying made me feel better and more in control... tidy house, tidy mind so it's said. I could never concentrate on uni assignments if the house was a mess, so maybe that's true. I also made soup after cooking a chicken carcasss in the slow cooker.  That was my dinner. Brunch was allotment strawberries,  Greek yoghurt and a sprinkle of muesli. I was aiming to exercise in the afternoon,  but cooking and cleaning won.

Looking from the window end of the room towards the curtained wardrobe space that leads to 'Narnia'... the storage area in the eaves.

I love this view,  but the TV is a necessary evil. I've been bedridden several times this year and would have gone mad without some comfort tv to watch.

A wider angle of the view

The curved corner cabinet was £15, the one next to it was £25. Both came from the Emmaus charity shop. The white cupboard houses the boiler. My husband built the cupboard in 2011 when we moved here, using parts of our daughter's old wardrobe.

I covered the little drawers in wallpaper. Wevd had them for years and this is the latest incarnation. The 70s teak lampbase was originally used in the living room, the planter was 30p at the carboot,  and the painting of a windmill was a charity shop find years ago... my husband's several times great grandfather had a windmill in East Yorkshire in the early 1800s.

My dolls house fits perfectly on the tall, narrow drawers, that fit into the alcove space. They were bought using Christmas money, along with the low set I use as a bedside cabinet.

The G plan Fresco wardrobe was the first piece we bought for the room. It cost £150 and we had to take it to pieces to get it up the narrow staircase. My Ercol chair was bought at a carboot sale years ago... I paid £15 for 3 Ercol chairs.

The soft furnishings pick up the colours in the wallpaper 

I covered these small drawers with leftover wallpaper too. They were £3 at a carboot several years pre covid. The vase was £10 at the carboot sale, the lava lamp was a birthday gift. The small wooden pot was made for me by an old friend's husband, and the red heart was made by my elder daughter. The book is secondhand...I used to own a copy when Centennial was shown on TV in the late 70s, but don't know what happened to it,  so I bought myself a new to me copy recently.

The sideboard came from Emmaus a few days after we bought the cupboards. I'd originally agreed to buy a dressing table elsewhere,  arranged for it to be delivered, then received a message to say that they had sold it to someone else. I was fuming, but everything happens for a reason, and the sideboard provides much more storage. I paid £225 for it, then saw one for over £600 not long after. It is also G plan Fresco, so all the furniture matches. Getting it up the stairs was easier than anticipated!

I bought the painting in Liskeard over 10 years ago  for £8. It's a view of Polruan painted in 1976. I still need a rug for my side of the bed but haven't yet come across one. It's on the list that I carry around in my head!