I know it’s stupid and I know I should be grateful to have a roof on my head. But for real the feeling of working and being able to only afford a studio is what hurts me the most I think.

Like I don’t want a fucking big house, I don’t even want a house. I’m fine with a small apartment.

I just want to have a fucking definite bedroom and not have a view on fucking kitchen.

And I’m only realising now that I haven’t had my own bedroom for a long time now. Like when I was little kid. After that I had to share a room with my brother. And when I had my own bedroom everyone had to go through it cause it was the only way to the bathroom so no sleeping in peace and intimacy whatsoever.

Then I started living in studios while being a student and that’s ok studios should be only for students and/or as a temporary living place.

Then I actually had my bedroom when I was with my roommate. But obviously it wasn’t my own place and I was a shit roommate even though she barely complained and she’s still my closest friend.

And then back to a studio. Except I’m working full time, 40hrs a week and can’t afford to rent a two rooms apartment.

Maybe I’m asking too much.

But this fact is making me having a breakdown right now.

I just want to be able to close the door to my bedroom and see nothing. No light from the internet box. No fridge buzzing. Not hearing my cat digging his litter for 10 minutes straight (mind you even behind sound proof walls I’d probably hear him), no odor because I cooked etc. I just want my bed, my cat and the only things in sight being my books.