Memento Mori

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
rottenpumpkin13

spilledquinoa asked:

I kind of hc that if Genesis didn't join Shinra, he would have been a ridiculously successful and brilliant chemist. like, yeah, he could have taken over his family's business but I think he'd have rather been a super eccentric chemist. which kind of brings up another interesting hc, what if, instead of being a SOLDIER, Genesis joined Shinra as a chemist and was in the science department? Angeal and Sephiroth would probably still be SOLDIERs but I kind of think that Genesis would at least eventually become a better chemist than Hojo. what if when Hojo got inevitably assassinated, Genesis became the head of R&D? and then, if his degradation did still happen, he would have the knowledge and means to create a cure himself. idk I just think it's fun :)

Genesis would’ve been an insanely good chemist, probably the best if he’d actually chosen that path instead of hyper-fixating on being a SOLDIER. He had the intelligence, the creativity, and, frankly, the level of pettiness necessary to surpass people like Hollander, if only out of sheer spite. He absolutely believed he could have cured his own degradation if given enough time in a lab, and it would’ve killed him when he realized that he couldn’t despite his efforts.

I like to hc he sticks his nose into science whenever it suits him. Poking around Hollander’s research, criticizing experiments, Hollander tolerates it only because Genesis is one of the few people who takes his whining about Hojo seriously.

*Sephiroth enters Hollander’s office, looking vaguely like death itself*

Sephiroth: Dr. Hollander, I have a cold and I refuse to see Professor Hojo.

*Genesis, in a lab coat, spins around in the chair*

Genesis: Well, you’re in luck. Hollander’s out, so I’m filling in!

Sephiroth: You’re not remotely qualified for this.

Genesis: Excuse me, have you forgotten who you’re speaking to? I invented Banora White juice.

Sephiroth: Inventing a beverage commonly found in the lunch boxes of school children does not qualify you to practice medicine.

Genesis: You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew how much vitamin C was in that thing.

Sephiroth: Genesis. Give me actual medicine so I can be on my way and inform Angeal that you’re somehow being entrusted with people’s health and possibly performing surgery.

Genesis: Oh, relax. Sit down and let me get a good look at you.

*Sephiroth sighs but obeys, sitting down as Genesis examines him*

Genesis: Hm. Mild inflammation of the nasal passages, slight fever, mako regulation disrupted, classic symptoms of viral rhinopharyngitis. I’ll prep an intravenous infusion to expedite homeostasis restoration.

Sephiroth: …That was shockingly professional. I regret doubting you.

*Genesis is silently preparing an IV with the grace of a seasoned physician*

Sephiroth: That’s a saline drip, right?

Genesis: It’s Banora White juice.

Sephiroth: I’m leaving.

ff7 ffvii final fantasy 7 sephiroth final fantasy vii genesis rhapsodos ff7 crisis core crisis core headcanons
rottenpumpkin13

okkks-blog asked:

zack outperforms sepiroth on a mission how long does it take for the excitement to wear off

Zack: I can’t believe I outperformed you on that mission today! Do you know how crazy that is?! Not everyone can do that!

Sephiroth:

Zack: This is a historical moment! Someone write this down. The day Zack Fair took down the enemy before Sephiroth could!

Sephiroth:

Zack: Next thing you know, they’ll be calling me the hero of SOLDIER!

Sephiroth:

Zack: I mean, this is proof I’m on your level! Like, I might actually be stronger! Imagine that I one day beat you in a spar?? I bet I’m close!

Sephiroth:

*Cloud walks by*

Sephiroth: Strife, congratulations on besting me in combat the other day. I’ve never been disarmed by an opponent so efficiently.

Cloud: Thank you, sir.

Zack: DAMN IT!

ff7 ffvii final fantasy 7 sephiroth final fantasy vii ff7 crisis core zack fair cloud strife crisis core
rottenpumpkin13

Anonymous asked:

To address gender stereotypes, and because someone told him he can’t and NOBODY TELLS HIM HE CAN’T! It was Hojo. Sephiroth decides to come to work and spend the whole day in a dress. He might never go back to normal (if you can call his outfit that) attire ever again. It breaths. It accentuates his graceful figure as well as showing off his very toned muscles in a way his coat and pants and boots never could. Also, how much more humiliating will the defeat of his enemies be when he is crushing them under foot and they can’t even look up at him in their shame lest they accidentally catch a glimpse of his up-skirt and be labeled a loser and a pervert.

Lazard: Sephiroth, why are you wearing a dress? And I ask that in a nonjudgmental, HR-compliant manner that will not result in mandatory sensitivity training.

Sephiroth: Hojo implied I should cut my hair to “present as more traditionally masculine.” So naturally, I have chosen to escalate.

Lazard: I see. That is both deeply petty and impressively committed. Carry on.

Genesis: EXCUSE ME— I wore a dress two months ago, and you sent me back to my quarters to change. Why does he get a pass?!

Angeal: Because your dress came with a parasol, full decolletage, lace gloves, a wig, dramatic makeup, and an active attempt to seduce the VP.

Genesis: Successfully seduce the VP*

Zack: Can I wear a dress?

Lazard: If it doesn’t hinder combat and it’s only for one day, sure.

Zack: Okay, but what if someone tries to look up your skirt in a fight?

Sephiroth: I have ensured that, should it happen, they will experience a lethal combination of shame, confusion, arousal, and an existential crisis so profound that they will be instantly rendered unable to continue combat.

Angeal: Ridiculous. How could simply looking under a man’s dress possibly….

*Angeal, in his hubris, bends down and lifts up the dress*

Angeal: !!!

*He smooths the dress back down and stands back up*

Angeal: The bastard is wearing a garter belt.

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rottenpumpkin13

Anonymous asked:

Rufus finds out that soldier has untapped intelligence that may help him solve his attempts on his father’s life by making him back down via blackmail instead. The only way to get Kunsel to talk is to properly wine and dine him (look, Kunsel is a cheep date if he knows the person looking for info is low on finds, or he likes them. A Shinra doesn’t fit anywhere on his list). Rufus also employs the Turks to help him win his way into Kunsel’s heart files.

Also? Kunsel is just cheeky enough that he is starting to grow on Rufus, the Turks, and his dog. Maybe.

*Rufus and Kunsel are at a candle-lit dinner, Rufus is clearly trying to seduce Kunsel for his personal gain*

Rufus: Tell me something thrilling~

Kunsel: Oh, okay. Sephiroth and Genesis share underwear sometimes.

Rufus:

Kunsel:

Rufus: …That’s not exactly what I meant.

Kunsel: Are you sure? It’s objectively fascinating. Nothing says bromance like borrowing each other’s jockstraps.

Rufus: I was hoping for something… dangerous~

*He reaches for Kunsel’s hand, brushing his fingertips along the back of it*

Rufus: Something that will make my heart race~

Kunsel: Oh, gotcha. Director Lazard is committing embezzlement on a daily basis and regularly expresses his desire to bash your head in with a hammer.

Rufus: That's—…

Rufus, taking a deep breath: I want something exhilarating. A secret so dark, so forbidden, it will leave me breathless~

Kunsel: Zack and Cloud shower together sometimes and it’s so refreshing to see two best friends who are comfortable with each other like that.

Rufus: Kunsel.

Kunsel: Oh, wait, wait, I got one. The chicken they serve in the SOLDIER mess hall on Tuesdays is actually chocobo meat :/

*Rufus, patience thinning, grips Kunsel by the shoulders and pulls him close*

Rufus: I want you to tell me the most damning secret about Shinra you know. Excite me. Enthral me. Tell me something that will urge me to kiss you.

Kunsel: Went to a tarot reader. They said Sephiroth’s gonna turn evil in about three years. Told Sephiroth this. He said, and I quote, “The oddly maternal voice of the sleep paralysis demon that watches me at night told me I’ll achieve true mental clarity in three years” so I shouldn’t worry.

Rufus:

Kunsel: Please don’t kiss me.

Rufus:

Kunsel: I’m not homophobic, I just don’t like you.

ff7 ffvii final fantasy 7 final fantasy vii genesis rhapsodos ff7 crisis core kunsel ff7 rufus shinra
rottenpumpkin13

Anonymous asked:

Cloud has suddenly become aware of learned how to weaponize those Chocobo Baby Blues. 🥺

How does he go about using his powers for good within ShinRa? Who are the top 3 the most susceptible? Who’s the biggest surprise that they’re susceptible? What sort of revolution anarchy events occur as a result of Cloud’s ways? Who was the first to just try to scoop him up and carry him everywhere? Is he, in fact, plotting with Dark Star for better quality of goods in the mess hall? Literally anything else?

Cloud: Zack, can you cover my mission to Kalm tomorrow? No one in the infantry will do it for me.

Zack: Sorry, man, but tomorrow’s my only day off this month.

*Cloud clasps his hands together and does the deadliest, most soul-crushingly adorable puppy eyes known to mankind*

Zack: ………DAMN IT! FINE! OKAY! I’LL DO IT!

(One hour later)

*Zack marches into Sephiroth’s office, dragging Cloud behind him*

Zack: Hey Sephiroth, can I borrow 1,000 gil?

Sephiroth: No. Asking a superior for money is wildly inappropriate and unprofessional. If you managed your budget like the rest of SOLDIER, you wouldn’t need to beg.

*Zack hoists Cloud up like a sacrificial offering and shoves him directly in Sephiroth’s line of sight*

*Cloud clasps his hands together and does the deadliest, most soul-crushingly adorable puppy eyes known to mankind*

Sephiroth: Here, take everything I own. My life savings, my retirement fund, my secret emergency stash. Do you need me to rob a bank? Because I will.

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rottenpumpkin13

Anonymous asked:

May we pretty please have more of ‘Assistant DirectorCloud being a badass? <3?

  

— 🪷

*Cloud walks into the briefing room with a clipboard*

Cloud: Good morning. Lazard’s out sick, so I’m running things today. Hope that’s cool with everyone.

Sephiroth: You have no rank, no authority, and no formal training for this.

Cloud: And you have no mother on record, no documented existence before Shinra, and no shirt.

Sephiroth:

ff7 ffvii final fantasy 7 sephiroth final fantasy vii cloud strife crisis core ff7 crisis core
rottenpumpkin13

okkks-blog asked:

lazard stands right outside the presidents office with him in a power outage does he manage to not kill him

*Lazard stands in pitch darkness beside President Shinra, practically vibrating with excitement*

Lazard, internally: This is it. My moment. No cameras, no witnesses, no consequences. All I have to do is lunge, wrap my hands around his greasy throat, and squeeze. Foolproof. Effortless. The perfect crime.

*Lazard pounces, and is promptly body-slammed by what feels like a moving tree*

*The lights flicker back on. Lazard looks up… and sees Sephiroth pinning him to the floor*

Lazard: ?!?!?!

Sephiroth: Director, you were about to trip and fall directly onto President Shinra. Fortunately, I heroically saved you from making such repulsive physical contact.

Lazard: ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

ff7 ffvii final fantasy 7 sephiroth final fantasy vii ff7 crisis core crisis core lazard deusericus
rottenpumpkin13

eviltwunkfan asked:

i do legitimately think all of gzsc (probably kunsel too) has slipped and called angeal a variation of “mom”

They absolutely have. Angeal makes sure they eat, tells them to rest, scolds them when they make bad decisions, and has perfected the disapproving arms-crossed stance that makes even Sephiroth hesitate. It was inevitable. The real tragedy is that it happened so many times, in so many different situations, that even Angeal has stopped reacting to it. He just sighs and moves on. Genesis does it on purpose now. Zack does it by accident at least once a week. Cloud tries to pretend it never happened. Sephiroth once slipped up:

Sephiroth: Hey mom—

Angeal: ?

Sephiroth, panicking: —omomomomom. That’s the noise I make when I eat.

Angeal:

Sephiroth, realizing that was a terrible save: I did not just call you mother. That would be illogical. An unsound statement. You are not a mother.

Angeal:

Sephiroth, sweating: Actually, let’s analyze why you assumed I meant “mother” in the first place. That’s rather telling. Perhaps you see yourself in a maternal role? That’s quite an interesting psychological slip, Angeal.

Angeal:

Sephiroth: This means that calling you “mother” isn’t entirely incorrect. In fact, it would be honoring your commitment to our wellbeing and friendship to call you mother.

Angeal:

Sephiroth: Isn’t that right, mother?

Angeal: Please stop talking.

Sephiroth: Okay.

ff7 ffvii final fantasy 7 sephiroth final fantasy vii ff7 crisis core angeal hewley crisis core
rottenpumpkin13

holly-sephiroth asked:

What does Sephiroth think about the concept of time travel?

Sephiroth knows time travel is impossible, but that doesn’t stop the thoughts and what-ifs. If he could go back, if he could change some things, he’d do it in a heartbeat. For example, in his mind, he’d go back to his birth and wait for even the faintest glimpse of his mother, find out how she died, if it was because of him, and try to stop it from happening.

Or he’d go back to Rhadore all those years ago. Maybe if he had explained himself, if he hadn’t let things get so out of hand, they would have listened. Maybe if he had just one more conversation with Rosen, things would have ended differently. Maybe he’d still have his locket, the only tangible connection to his mother.

And then there’s Angeal and Genesis. If he knew time travel were possible, the first thing he’d do is make sure they never sparred that day, that Genesis never got hurt. He would tell them how much they meant to him before it was too late, before everything started to unravel. Maybe if he had just said the right words, if he had fought for them, they’d still be here. Of course I’m not saying time traveler Sephiroth would be perfect, but

Genesis: Look, the Seconds are done for the day, let’s spar in the training room.

Sephiroth: Over my cold, rotting, rigor-mortis-ridden corpse will I ever step foot in that cursed training simulator again. Not in this lifetime. Not in the next.

Angeal: What? You love sparring.

Sephiroth: You know what else I love? Injecting you both with my blood. Let’s do that instead. Then we’ll have dinner while I express, in excruciating detail, how much you both mean to me. After that, we’ll corner Hollander for answers about your biologies, and if the information enrages us, we’ll process our emotions in therapy, and then we’ll abandon Shinra to live peacefully in a cottage in the mountains.

Genesis: …..or we can just go spar?

*Sephiroth pulls out rope and duct tape*

Sephiroth: I won’t hesitate.

Genesis: ?!!?

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