I had this truly awful lady I worked with many years ago. She was rude, callous, and generally pretty unpleasant. She was exceptionally homophobic to my face. She told me incredibly upsetting stories about animal abuse.
But even with all that negative karma I don’t think anyone deserves to have their boyfriend literally die on them while having sex.
Which is what happened to her.
He orgasmed and apparently that ruptured a blood vessel somewhere important can’t remember if it was brain but I think so and he died with his dick still inside her which I’m pretty sure is the kind of thing that should guarantee you free therapy for the rest of your life.
But the craziest part was that she performed CPR and actually managed to restart his bodily function which is absolutely mind boggling. Can you imagine going from mid coitus to life saving procedure? The presence of mind she must have had. It’s bonkers.
Ultimately, he didn’t live. While she’d gotten his body going his brain never resumed function and he passed a few hours later.
But because she’d kept his heart beating he was at the hospital when he died and he was an organ donor. They were able to harvest his organs under ideal conditions. Even though she didn’t save him she did save three or four other people by resuscitating him.
i couldn’t decide on one reaction image but uh
DO YOU THINK I’M JUST GOING TO LET YOU GET AWAY WITH BEING FUNNIER THAN ME?! Right in front of my salad?!?!?
Oh, I’m a native, born and raised here. The reason I’m seemingly implausibly fluent in english is a combination of random factors, both odd and not that odd. When I was like 3-4 or so, mom put me into an english-speaking daycare for a while so that I could pick up the language properly when she noticed that I was learning to understand english faster than I was learning to read subtitles on TV (unlike in many other countries, finnish TV is never dubbed save for children’s cartoons).
Both of my parents needed english for their jobs - my father was an IT wizard and my mother an international sales agent - so they were both fluent and understood just how important knowing the lingua franca du jour is going to be in an increasingly international world. The fact that they were willing to put this much thought into our future wellbeing but I was still bullied at school for being filthy because nobody kept an eye on my hygiene probably illustrates what kind of a odd mish-mash of being neglected, materially spoiled and randomly well-provided for my childhood was.
Then I turned 11 and was allowed to free-roam unsupervised on the internet. This was back when “grammar nazi” was a scalding insult and not a government job title, so whenever I got into arguments on the internet with strangers who had no idea they were arguing with a child, aggressively correcting the opponent’s grammar was considered a winning move. My grasp of english grammar rules was honed on the brutal battlefields of obscure 2005-2010 forums with no sympathy for angry teenagers with an undiagnosed Something Wrong With Them.
So I am not “officially” bilingual by many formal parametres since neither of my parents were native speakers, but the same standards also don’t recognise “the living room TV” as a parental figure, or consider “feral child abandoned into the wild who was found and raised by a wild pack of internet strangers” a valid backstory.
what the hell kind of parameter for “bilingual” doesn’t start and end at “can speak two languages”?
Finnish ones. Every time I’ve called myself “bilingual” in school entrance exams, job interviews, or doctor’s appointments, I’ve been asked which one of my parents is a native speaker, and they get dismissive after I explain that they were both native finns. One of my psych accounts even worded it as “considers himself to be fluent to a native level” in english.
As far as the finnish education and health care systems are concerned, I identify as a fluent english speaker.
Some countries have language exams you can take (Japan, for instance) to prove fluency, like a certification. Is that a thing there?
Gymnasium graduation exams have grades that go on a bell curve, and I got Laudatur - the highest grade - on english. So I have a paper that verifies that I was in the top 5% of all students taking an english in the graduation exams that year in the entire country. But that’s not native as far as these people are concerned.
Finnish is so nuanced and infinite that native finns that don’t speak any other language assume that all other languages are the same, and that only being raised entirely within a language could ever allow one to speak it perfectly.
Actually now that I think of it, this would make a really funny thing to adopt into a fantasy setting. Elvish languages are so stupidly complex and infinitely nuanced that the skill level of a non-native speaker is measured in how advanced and subtle their grammar mistakes are, and therefore elves are obnoxiously adamant in their stance that nobody can ever truly perfectly learn any language as a second language, including themselves.
Talking in obnoxiously poetic purple prose like “I plead you to forgive the clumsy ways I set my words, as I have only dabbled in learning Common for a mere 58 years, and the perplexing complexities of a language not my own leave me staggering helplessly like a fawn treading on the smooth ice of a frozen lake. I implore that you find the kindness in your hearts to have patience with me, as I choose my humble clumsy words with less intuitive skill than a young child.”
And a dwarf, also in Common, goes: “shut your fuck mouth.”
Every version of Buddie but ESPECIALLY queerplatonic buddie. “yes, we love each other. yes we tagteam (90%/10%) raising a child. yes, i would marry him. yeah i would probably have sex with him but it’s not high on the list of priorities. are we dating? uhh no where the fuck would you get that idea lmao ????” just. so fucking good ugh.
