all right everyone let's hear it for ACETAMINOPHEN let's give it up for STORE-BRAND TYLENOL let me hear you make some NOISE

all right everyone let's hear it for ACETAMINOPHEN let's give it up for STORE-BRAND TYLENOL let me hear you make some NOISE

World’s first neutering [x]

World’s first neutering [x]

Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:

• you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.
• these places include (but are not limited to) if you don't already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it's fine.
• some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.
• your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it's fine.
• your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).
• how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.
• how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)
• if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.
• if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.
• all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.
• a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)
• almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it's a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. "but I already-" eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you'll thank me later.
• yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it's okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they've seen weirder that day and 2. they'd far rather you see them now than later when it's been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it's okay. consider it a rite of passage.
• adults need more sleep than children. don't believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.
• vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it's okay.
• if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you're getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it's gross and yucky. I don't care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.
• you'll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don't already do. this is fine.
• your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn't what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it's normal to be upset or not upset, but don't let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it's okay.
• it's okay. I promise.

Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:

• you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.
• these places include (but are not limited to) if you don't already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it's fine.
• some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.
• your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it's fine.
• your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).
• how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.
• how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)
• if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.
• if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.
• all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.
• a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)
• almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it's a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. "but I already-" eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you'll thank me later.
• yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it's okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they've seen weirder that day and 2. they'd far rather you see them now than later when it's been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it's okay. consider it a rite of passage.
• adults need more sleep than children. don't believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.
• vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it's okay.
• if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you're getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it's gross and yucky. I don't care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.
• you'll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don't already do. this is fine.
• your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn't what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it's normal to be upset or not upset, but don't let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it's okay.
• it's okay. I promise.

• falling asleep may get easier. like scarily easier. cross your arms and get comfy in a good chair easier
• if you still have your wisdom teeth and they're impacted, they might act up around certain points in your menstrual cycle. nobody told me this!
• the lenses in your eyes begin to harden more and more as you age. go get an eye exam
• you might find you have a new allergy out of nowhere. welcome to adulthood! it's fine
• a more balanced food intake will be needed to shit properly if you don't already have issues. you'll find yourself knowing what natural laxative foods you prefer (coffee, prune plums, aloe vera, flax, olive oil, strong black tea, canned pears etc) and it won't be weird
• back pain and sciatica are normal, but if it's chronic, get it looked at. not chiropractors btw. i mean an actual doctor that went to a registered medical school
• good comfy shoes are worth more than gold
• more and more you'll want some fuckin peace and quiet. this will inevitably rarely happen
• your tastebuds will change! i find myself enjoying more bitter and rich, complex flavours like super-dark chocolate now, than at 20
• posture is fake! look it up! just stand and sit in a variety of comfortable poses and move your body often. try to avoid shrimp poses though. like where you lean forward too much. they can get you so bendy that you won't stand tall for hours.
• if you look away from a topic it will feel like you're missing something, more and more. this is fine. i don't know who those new celebrities are either. you'll suddenly not care one day and it will be beautiful
• you'll never stop thanking the universe that you're not a teenager, because fuck that

okay but if you ever see a male creative who had a string of great work and then everything else he did was dogshit, go to the "personal life" part of his wikipedia and look at his relationships. you'll either find a major tragedy he didn't recover from (completely understandable) or, more likely, there was a woman in his life doing uncredited shit editing his stuff or contributing generally and she's not there anymore.

I told a friend about this phenomenon in literature and he called me weeks later like, I remembered what you said about women doing uncredited work when tim burton came up. he made a string of bangers then everything else just was nowhere near as good. the timeline matches perfectly to when he was with this german visual artist (lena gieseke). he's done some good work in collaboration, but if things were dug into I suspect we would find she did a lot more than people realise.

so yeah whenever you look around like wow women didn't work in history, or, women aren't auteurs, or, there just aren't as many great female writers - societal reasons for that aside, half the time they absolutely did.

okay but if you ever see a male creative who had a string of great work and then everything else he did was dogshit, go to the "personal life" part of his wikipedia and look at his relationships. you'll either find a major tragedy he didn't recover from (completely understandable) or, more likely, there was a woman in his life doing uncredited shit editing his stuff or contributing generally and she's not there anymore.

I told a friend about this phenomenon in literature and he called me weeks later like, I remembered what you said about women doing uncredited work when tim burton came up. he made a string of bangers then everything else just was nowhere near as good. the timeline matches perfectly to when he was with this german visual artist (lena gieseke). he's done some good work in collaboration, but if things were dug into I suspect we would find she did a lot more than people realise.

so yeah whenever you look around like wow women didn't work in history, or, women aren't auteurs, or, there just aren't as many great female writers - societal reasons for that aside, half the time they absolutely did.

Found this graphic and i really appreciate having options for activism that aren't going to protests.

Found this graphic and i really appreciate having options for activism that aren't going to protests.

Yall the point is that sex toys need to be in a sex store not a pharmacy. Also five year olds these days can in fact read, three year olds these days can read I work in a daycare I have seen it. And why would there be a sex toy AISLE in a PHARMACY in a DRUG STORE?? I’m so??? Sex toys don’t belong in drug stores.

I grew up in pennsylvania, which has pretty stringent liquor laws, so it was absolutely wild to me the first time I walked into a grocery store in california and they had ALCOHOL. RIGHT THERE. NEXT TO THE FOOD. I was shooketh, may I tell you! Alcohol belongs in The Alcohol Store! Why would you treat it as something you can just... purchase! With money and an ID! RIGHT THERE IN PUBLIC! How was anyone not worried that kids might... reach out and TOUCH a bottle!!

I got over it.

Anyway drugstores (in the US) also dispense birth control medications and viagra, sell tampons, antifungals, condoms, and all manner of hygiene products incl. douching kits. Makes perfect sense to me that they'd also sell sex toys. They've got everything else you'd put on your junk.

Eh, five year olds can read, but they're unlikely to be squirrelly about things unless the grown-up in question models squirrelly-ness.

Like, if I had been out shopping seven years ago, it would have gone like this.

Kiddo: For . . . her . . . peas . . .
Me: It says "for her pleasure" but that's just for adults.
Kiddo: Can I have a lollipop? Can we both have lollipops? I'm bored.
Me: We will pick up the lollipops on our way out at the checkout. Can you tell Mama what's next on the list?
Kiddo: . . . Cog soup?
Me: Good guess! Cough syrup. And no, I don't know why gh says f in this particular case, letters do weird things. Let's go.

… cog soup.

#pharmacies are selling sex toys because they sell sexual health items#the fact that they don't have to be coy about it is a good thing as it denotes a huge advancement in our collective social maturity#which i am not about to have taken away by people who can't be bothered to explain things to their children#did you pop them out expecting to never have to think through what you're saying to them?#skill issue

Pharmacies sell hemorrhoid cream and condoms and suppositories and douches and wart treatments and breast pumps and lube and birth control and waxing strips and laxatives and rectal thermometers. Your kid is three feet tall and doesn’t know shit and wouldn’t notice anything if you didn’t make a damn big deal over it. Stop pretending this is about protecting kids and say what you actually mean, which is, “I don’t think strangers should easily masturbate”, an insane statement and a bizarre thing to care about

it fucking sucks being a disabled person who can't work and having to see these fuckass posts where someone's like "ahaha jobless people have no life and that's why everyone shitty online has No Job" and everyone and their mother reblogs it joyfully onto my dash for me to see. yes unemployed and unemployable people are truly without exception dogshit people with no hobbies and no redeeming qualities. you're so right. anyway if you'll excuse me i have to start my shift at the I'll Never Be Employed Because Of Permanent Disability And I Love Knowing How You Really See Me store

it fucking sucks being a disabled person who can't work and having to see these fuckass posts where someone's like "ahaha jobless people have no life and that's why everyone shitty online has No Job" and everyone and their mother reblogs it joyfully onto my dash for me to see. yes unemployed and unemployable people are truly without exception dogshit people with no hobbies and no redeeming qualities. you're so right. anyway if you'll excuse me i have to start my shift at the I'll Never Be Employed Because Of Permanent Disability And I Love Knowing How You Really See Me store

if ur able to work can u reblog this i am seriously SO sick of it.

btw this isn't solely a disability rights issue or an issue about people who are entirely unable to work. you should also be thinking about the people who are regarded as unhireable. transfems are hugely discriminated against in this way, people of color are passed over for less qualified white people, anyone who has any difficulty playing the interview game is less hireable... frankly anyone who made the mistake of pursuing the things they love and now has a degree for a niche field. if you still joke about Jobless People it's because you've fundamentally connected the worth of people to their labor, and specific labor, work that you see as valuable. and while i'm at it stop making fun of people who still live with their parents. asshole.

I now understand the allure of the chicken salad sandwich.

No copypasta has ever ruined my life as comprehensively as Hell Fuck Castle. I write tabletop RPGs, and now every time I read a lore blurb about an ancient ruined kingdom where everything was cool until the last ruler fucked it up, my brain whispers "King Big Sad Guy, who did the Flame Thing".

No copypasta has ever ruined my life as comprehensively as Hell Fuck Castle. I write tabletop RPGs, and now every time I read a lore blurb about an ancient ruined kingdom where everything was cool until the last ruler fucked it up, my brain whispers "King Big Sad Guy, who did the Flame Thing".

This one?