One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.
Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?
Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?
Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?
***
Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.
Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?
***
Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?
Customer: …I’m pretty good.
Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee*
***
Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?
Customer: ….they’re okay.
Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.
***
Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.
***
Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.
***
Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!
***
Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.
***
Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!
Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates approriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.
Now THIS is customer service
I don’t think I’ve ever in my life met someone who LOVES customer service so much. Like, her favorite passtime is taking angry phone calls and helping the person calm down and only hanging up when they are satisfied. Her dream job is working as a flight attendant and personally I would love to recieve instructions on how to put on an oxygen mask from her.
They’re older than Florida. The Floridian peninsula is the solidified runoff of the Appalachians that got caught on some coral. It’s why we’re like this, I think. You don’t stand a chance of being normal when you were created by the shed skin of an elder god draping itself over a hollow skeleton. You’re always going to be a little Off.
this episode has convinced me that it is vic, not brennan, who is sam’s true narrative foil. his archnemesis. a worthy adversary who does not hesitate to throw his psychological torment right back at him
the analysis going on in the notes is delightful so to summarize:
sam is brennan’s foil but vic is sam’s foil
brennan poses no real threat to sam because at the end of the day he wants to win by following the rules. vic is a more effective adversary because they will do anything to get at sam, points be damned
ALT
ALT
