still not over how the unthinkable homosexual lifestyle dennis is desperate to avoid with mac is just exactly the same as his life right now except he’d also be getting his dick sucked whenever he wanted 🤷
Dr. Carlisle Cullen meeting Dr. Gregory House would be amazing
It takes House no time at all to clock Carlisle as Different, but thatâs not his concern. No, House gets pissed off because he cannot put a crack in Cullenâs easy, patient, benevolent demeanor. He cannot get a ride out of him no matter what he says or antics he pulls.
House catches wind that Carlisle is visiting PPTH to teach or consult on a case and immediately seeks him out because he simply must meet the doctor whose research covers such a wide breadth and is so prolific despite his young age. Ofc he immediately clocks the strangeness and within an hour he settles on âvampireâ. He speedruns the process of accepting the existence of vampires; what he cannot accept is that a bloodthirsty creature would have a career as a doctor without any underlying motive. Also, Wilson doesnât believe him* so of course he has to prove it.
House verbally grills and physically pokes and prods Carlisle in increasingly obnoxious and over the top ways. Carlisleâs only worry is attracting attention, but ofc everyone at the hospital is used to Houseâs shit. Nurses only give Carlisle apologetic looks as House literally shoots a blow dart at his face (it bounces off, needle tip crumpled on impact)
Bonus if Edward is tagging along with Carlisle as an assistant or intern or something (we know heâs studied medicine before). He refuses to be in the same building as House. He knows he couldnât deal with Houseâs antics with a straight face while also hearing one of the loudest, most batshit minds heâs ever encountered
*I feel like Wilson would refuse to believe vampires exist, and House would sneer âso you believe in ghosts, but not vampires?â Wilson: âyou believe in vampires but not ghosts?âWilsonâs arguments against Carlisle being a vampire are rooted in the traditional vampire things: heâs out in the daytime, didnât flinch walking past the hospital chapel, etc. This vexes House to the point where he makes his team break into Carlisleâs hotel room to gather clues. They find Edward there. Hijinks ensue, etc
Also⌠House is wearing red colored eye contacts and cheap ass plastic vampire teeth when he pulls the coffee cup stunt. He figures if he canât trigger Carlisle with the blood he can at least offend him enough that he lets something slip. Carlisle just chuckles and says âI think that costume could use a cape. Iâd offer mine, but itâs at home.â and he winks.
House is, for once in his life, speechless. He later asserts that vampires obviously have mild hypnotic abilities. (We know his ass was just dazzled)
during bella’s time as a human, edward loved taking her out on picnic dates, or cooking dinner for her, or, when she insisted, cooking together with her (especially when he was still learning to get the hang of seasoning). for the most part that made him feel like he could almost be human with her - chopping vegetables together in comfortable silence, or getting lost in a conversation while she ate. every now and then she would accidentally get a couple crumbs stuck to her cheek, or a smear of ice cream on the tip of her nose, or a bit of sauce at the corner of her lip. he wanted so badly to kiss it away, and many times he leaned forward and almost did, but his natural revulsion to human food always made him stop instinctively and ruined the moment. it was nothing dramatic, really, but it was yet another reminder that as much as he tried to be human with bella, he never was.
so when they went on their first hunt after bella woke up as a vampire and she made a mess of herself when she caught her first mountain lion, edward couldn’t help himself. his feet started walking towards her without him even thinking, and his amused expression confused her. she felt the lion’s blood all over her lips and chin dripping down to the ground, brought her hand, also blood-stained, up to her face, and asked “what? did i do something wrong?”. without a word, he removed her hand and started kissing the blood off her chin, inciting a surprised laugh from her: “edward, what are you doing?”. he just laughed back in response. was he supposed to explain that he was yearning to make this simple gesture for months? that somehow animal blood tasted sweeter off her skin? that in spite of the years he spent dreading the day she’d become a vampire, he was ecstatic to be kissing her while a carcass she drained lied at their feet? maybe in another life he had been human with her. but in this one, she was a vampire with him, and it felt so, so right.
after that moment he secretly wished bella never learned to be neat with her hunting, just so he could walk up to her every time and kiss the remaining streaks of blood from her face. and because she picked up right away how much he enjoyed it, she never really bothered to learn.
I think what really drew me in to twilight when I was a teenager is that, despite the epic vampire whirlwind romance, the teenagers actually do feel like they have REAL lives, and it’s a real shame that that doesn’t translate to the movies (bc a movie with pointless scenes of the main character making enchiladas & doing homework would be crazy boring). I like that Edward enjoys skipping class to sit in his car & listen to Linkin Park CDs, I like that Bella spends her weekends doing laundry and drafting her Macbeth essay, and on sunny days she lays out a blanket to read in her backyard. I like that she drives to her best friend’s house after school to watch him fix cars and do homework together, I like that they have joint family dinners that are just eating spaghetti on fold-out chairs on the deck. I like that her friend group piles in mike’s mom’s van to go hang out at the beach, and when she brings a camera to school they all start a “picture war.” I like that she has a part-time retail job and sits at the kitchen table filling out uni applications with her boyfriend. It definitely loses that quality around eclipse when the focus has to stay on the actual plot, but I like that twilight & new moon feel pretty grounded in what introverted lower-middle class small-town teenagers are actually doing.
i’ve been trying to read Breaking Dawn but I can’t get over the Rasputin and knowing that whole part is going to happen makes me so terribly not wanna read the rest 😭😭
Well thereâs your problem. Youâve been trying to read Breaking Dawn.
Phew. That was close. Glad we were able to resolve the situation.
Are you scrolling past this and afraid you may be reading Breaking Dawn?
To resolve the situation, here are some simple steps you can take:
Step 1: Identify the hazards. Are you holding a book? Check the length and cover. If itâs black and unreasonably long with some bitchy little chess pieces on the cover, youâre in danger!
Step 2: Decide who might be harmed and how. Unfortunately, if youâve made it this far, itâs likely that youâve read Eclipse; youâve struggled enough already. Your sense of self-preservation may be compromised. Ask yourself if you are prepared to incur the further psychic damage of plot points including but not limited toâŚ
8 whole chapters of Bella being the most bestest newborn vampire there ever was, obliterating the already-weak stakes of her choice to become a vampire? -1hp
Jacob POV section that continues to beat the long-dead corpse of the potential his character showed in the first book in your face? -1hp
Asinine miscommunication-based climax with near-Harry Potter levels of âthe System is okay, actuallyâ? -1hp
A cop deciding âok I guess donât need the details of this very uncanny thing that happened to my own daughterâ? -1hp
Bella carrying to term one of the most hazardous pregnancies of all time despite never indicating any interest in parenthood whatsoever in 3 whole books? -1hp
Jacob wasnât actually in love with Bella, he was in love with the kid she was destined to have with a guy he hates? -1hp
Jacob & Edward father-son exchange? -1hp
The Truck dying under suspicious circumstances? -10hp
Step 3: Dispose of hazardous material. If youâre unprepared to make it through the above points safely, consider handing Breaking Dawn off to someone whoâs wronged you in the past, or someone with overall rancid energy.
Step 4: Seek refuge and begin treatment. Community support is invaluable. Still seeking closure for the Twilight saga? Ao3 and ff.net are here for you!
Donât worry. We all make mistakes. I too am prone to thinking âsurely it canât be as bad as I remember.â Optimism keeps this forsaken planet going âround. Just remember to be careful out there!
And remember, kids: True Blood ended after season 4!
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