A group of far-future linguists and archeologists suddenly *poof* into existence in front of me. One is holding a tablet. “What is the difference between ‘red sauce’ and 'tomato sauce?’” they ask me. “The distinction is not clear in extant texts from this time and place.”
“Uh, they’re the same thing,” I tell them. “Who are you?”
“Yes!” the being with the tablet exclaims.
One of the other researchers groans. “No! My thesis…months of writing wasted…” One of the others comforts them.
“Now, what is this object for?” The first researcher holds up a discolored, dinged-up plastic object. It’s clearly been buried in the ground for quite some time, but the two holes and the scuffed plastic window are distinctive.
“That’s a cassette tape. You record music with it.”
“Interesting, interesting.” The being enters something on the tablet.
“How are you speaking English?”
“Sophisticated translation technology,” one of the researchers confides. “We are students of your society. From the future.”
“What does this pictogram represent?” The researcher with the tablet turns it around so that the screen faces me.
It’s the eggplant emoji.
“Sex,” I say. “Why do you need to ask me this if you can time travel or whatever? Can’t you just go wherever you want to go and look around and see how these things are being used?”
The beings shift guiltily and look at each other. “Technically, travel to times and places prior the advent of time travel is strictly prohibited. Paradoxes, you know.”
“Oh.”
“We must be get back before our advisor returns to the lab. Just don’t tell anyone you saw us, alright? The space-time continuity depends on it. Can you do that?”
“Uh, sure, I guess?”
One of them pats me on the head. “And don’t go to Mars.”
“Okay. Wait, why? Is it dangerous?”
“No. Just not worth it.”
The group disappears in a shimmering light.
The cassette clatters to the sidewalk behind them.
Out of befuddlement, mainly, I pick it up. It’s clearly old, discolored and scuffed, but it still has tape in it.
I carry the tape around in my pocket for a while. The curiosity builds. I want to know what’s on that tape. I don’t have a cassette player anymore, so I go to Goodwill and pick up the first one I can find, praying that it still works. I plug it in. It turns on.
I slide the tape inside. It’s dirty, but it still seems to be in decent shape. I snap the player closed and hit play. The wheels begin to turn. I hold my breath.
A familiar tune starts up. A wobbly voice comes out of the machine.
we’ve talked about discovering a kink via reading a fic by an author you trust, but have we talked about discovering a kink because you’re trying to figure out how a canon relationship could possibly have happened, and a very specific kink is the only reason that makes sense?
still not going to name the ship, but basically the situation is very similar to “he wouldn’t fucking say that” except it’s “they wouldn’t actually date that”
but since it’s canon that they’re together, I’ve done the recommended exercise. Instead of “what would it take for him to say that?” I thought about “okay, what would it take for them to date that?”
and (since it’s my NoTP), the only answer that was at all forthcoming to me was A has a super specific kink that B fulfills for them
saw a woman comforting her sobbing child saying “i already told you, you have to keep looking forward, looking back just gets you hurt” and i thought she was sharing a beautiful life lesson about the importance of letting go of regret and resentment. but it turns out the kid just wasn’t looking where he was going and ran into a wall
i think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh
I’m sorry for the inaccuracies, Doctor Yiff
no matter how I respond to this I don’t look good, well played. i walked right into that
Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.
Did you just legitimately tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in a university to give you your lung transplant?
doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them
You will die in 7 days
It took doctor’s like 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking for attention while a furry artist I knew just went “that sounds like crohn’s” after hearing me complain once and ended up being right
Also I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I
[ID: a comic illustrating the above thread as if it was happening in a theater. The users are mostly shaped like their icons, pukicho is a pikachu and hokuto-ju-no-ken is a gengar. The last panel is gengar looks back where a speech bubble comes out of the crowd to say, “you could if you weren’t a fucking coward.” /end]
I can’t believe I’m actually seeing this post
Magic of tumblr,
I am morally obligated to add the YouTube video whenever this thread crosses my dash
why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.
Don’t tell me delayed orgasms aren’t a thing
learning new things about the german rail system today
Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.
But her family. Holy shit.
First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever
Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.
And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper
And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.
And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK
And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”
So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE
And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for
And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker
And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”
And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”
And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth
And yeah
Yeah, I think I kinda get it
Anonymous:
You know, "human for scale" when showing the sizes of animals living or extinct is kind of vague. We should use a specific famous person with a well-known height for scale. Like Sigourney Weaver
