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Democrats pushed ahead with the impeachment of Donald Trump yesterday in two back-back-back marathon hearings featuring current and former White House officials with firsthand knowledge of the Trump administration’s scheme to leverage military aide for dirt on Trump’s political rivals. During the first hearing, Army Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman and Jennifer Williams, a foreign service officer detailed to Mike Pence, testified that they were alarmed at Trump’s phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, noting that it seemed inappropriate and ran counter to expressed US policies. During the second hearing, US special envoy to Ukraine, Kurt Volker, and a former top adviser on Russia and Europe for the National Security Council – witnesses called by Republicans – testified that they were aware of the administration’s Ukrainium One scheme. Volker admitted to being a participant but acted deaf, dumb, and blind about the having the whole picture, while Morrison said he was worried about the political fallout if the public got word of Trump’s phone call Zelenski.

Army Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman certainly suffered the slings and arrows from Republicans and the during the impeachment hearings. Vindman fired back by reminding them that telling the truth was not only “right,” but also his his sworn “duty” as a US military officer. The Washington Post has a good write up on why the symbolism of Vindman wearing his Class A dress uniform to the hearing sends a powerful message. The New York Times has a piece about how Republicans shat their own bed in trying to paint a uniformed service member as a DEEP STATE partisan hack and an immigrant with dual loyalties. Additionally, it’s important to note that (historically speaking) using the military as a political prop is a slippery slope, regardless of the altruistic intent.

Today’s second round of back-to-back impeachment hearings will feature US ambassador to the EU Gordon Sondland for the morning session, followed by deputy assistant secretary of Defense Laura Cooper, and undersecretary of State David Hale. Don’t forget that it was during Cooper’s testimony that House Republicans barged into the SCIF to eat pizza and throw tantrums about the then-“SECRET” impeachment hearings.

Sondland’s testimony is likely to be the highlight of today’s hearings seeing as how he suddenly remembered telling an aide about the Ukrainium One scheme AFTER other officials came forward. It’s been theorized the super rich mega-MAGA-donor could plead The Fifth in order to avoid embussening himself and anyone else in Trump World. This morning the The New York Times reports Sondland had been keeping Secretary of State Mike Pompeo updated on “key developments” in the Ukrainium One scheme, and talked with Pompeo about leaning on Zelensky to commit to Ukrainium One during a planned meeting between the two leaders in Warsaw. Pompeo reportedly approved of the plan, but the trip to Poland was canceled so Trump could play weatherman for Alabama. [Morning Maddow]

Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at all the crimes Republicans are hoping Trump DIDN’T commit.

Andrew Favorov, a suit over at the Ukraine’s state-owned gas company Naftogaz, has agreed to sit down with proescutors fo the SDNY about his dealings with Rudy Giuliani’s chucklefucks, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman.

Sen. Bob Menendez, the ranking member on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, wants the State Department to investigate and punish diplomats who are dicking around on their personal cellphones. The move comes after cyber and national security experts lost their minds upon hearing that Gordon Sondalnd had been conducting US government business on his personal phone – “at all times,” according to Fiona Hill – over text messages and WhatsApp.

TIME is reporting Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has been whispering to several prominent Republicans he wants to GTFO of the Trump administration so he can run for Senate in Kansas, but the impeachment hearings are making things … difficult. In response, a person close to Pompeo says Pompeo is still carrying water for the Trump administration, and that any reports him trying to make a hasty exit are “just wrong.”

Last week Trump pardoned three disgraced members of the military convicted of war crimes, including Navy Special Warfare Operator Chief Edward “Eddie” Gallagher. In an additional slap in the Eagle’s face, Trump restored the paygrade of Gallagher. As military nerds and the Pentagon brass predicted, the incident is dividing members of the military between those think we live in MAGA country, and those who think perpetrators of war crimes are an inexcuseable national disgrace. This morning the Navy is expected to strip Gallagher of his Trident pin, a symbol of his SEAL status, as well as the pins of the officers who oversaw Gallagher.

Don’t forget there’s 2020 Democratic debates tonight! Ten candidates will take the stage in Atalanta at 9pm on MSNBC tonight. There won’t be any new faces tonight, so you don’t need to update your candidate flashcards (yet). You can expect candidates to talk about voting rights, Barack Obama urging caution in the rush to the left, and impeachment.

Over the last few days candidates have been spending a lot of time running around Georgia an effort to boost their appeal among black voters; several even rolling out new plans that I unfortunately don’t have time to list.

Heading into tonight’s debate, Joe Biden is running in a statistical tie with Sen. Elizabeth Warren in California according to a new PPIC poll of likely voters. There’s also new polls that show Biden’s lead in South Carolina holding firm, with Warren running a distant second. There’s a new Saint Anselm poll of likely primary voters in New Hampshire that show’s Pete Buttigieg surging to 25 percent that’s been driving headlines, but polling nerds (including me) are skeptical on this one – there’s 6.1 margin of error, and the sample size is small and rather specific for such a sweeping statement.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren has a plan to deal with white nationalists. Warren’s plan ties together gun control, calls for stricter punishment for people committing hate crimes, and puts investigations into suspected domestic terrorists into the hands of the FBI instead of Barney Fife and the good ‘ol boys. [Plan]

The internet wants to know who farted on MSNBC’s Hardball the other night. Both both Rep. Eric Swalwell and the show’s host, CHRISMATTHEWS, have denied they supplied it, with the latter claiming it was “a mug scraping across the desk.” Sensing that something stinks, The Daily Show took a deep dive into #FartGate.

And here’s your morning Nice Time: RED PANDAS!

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Way, way back in July, I wrote a post here about the “Patriot Cane” — a solid steel cane manufactured for the purpose of assaulting liberals at protests and bludgeoning anyone exercising their First Amendment right to set an American flag on fire. I don’t think I ever thought about it again until this morning, when I woke up to find that the Patriot Cane guy was blaming that article for the failure of his business, and that several of his associates would like me, a snowflake, to go back to my safe space. I assume that what they mean by “safe space” in this context would be a place in which I am not in danger of being whacked in the head with a steel cane, and yes, I would like to be there. Always, if I can help it.

But I am not the only one to blame here. The Patriot Cane guy also blames conservatives who did not rally together to purchase his canes in massive quantities for the purpose of spiting me and the hilarious article I wrote here on Wonkette.

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Yes, if there is one thing the Left does not do, it is infighting! We’re known for it.

One of the responses to this tweet came in the form of a poem from a QAnon person, which I think is pretty special.

As much as I feel for anyone who has been laid off for any job, I cannot say that I would be sorry to see the Patriot Cane go, as I do have a selfish desire to not be hit over the head with a steel pole for not loving Donald Trump. What can I say? I’m delicate like that. I also don’t really believe that a Wonkette post from July is the reason he has to lay anyone off — can’t imagine there’s really a whole lot of crossover between people who read us and the kind of people who would buy Trump-themed assault canes. Or that there were people who were going to buy a Trump-themed assault cane but then saw my post and decided against.

I would think perhaps his canes did not sell because “a cane with which to assault flag-burners and antifa” is just not a must-have item for most people. How big could the “people who go around picking fights with activists but also require a cane” demographic even be?

ANYWAY, this is now your open thread. Enjoy!

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During an appearance at The Texas Tribune Festival that is probably getting way more attention than it normally would because today is pretty boring news-wise (not that we are complaining), Beto O'Rourke tried to shake things up by calling for Donald Trump to resign, or at least for those around him to encourage him to do so.

“The best possible path … is for this president to resign, allow this country to heal and ensure that we come back together with the greatest, most ambitious agenda we’ve ever faced, none of it possible while he remains in office,” the former El Paso congressman said during a conversation with MSNBC’s Garrett Haake at The Paramount Theatre in Austin.

He also said the same thing earlier this week on CNN. It is apparently his new thing that he is going with.

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Via The Hill:

“If you looked at the polling on impeachment around Nixon at this point in the investigation, it wasn’t the most popular thing in the country. Yet, with the vantage of hindsight, we know that it was absolutely the right thing to do, and President Nixon did the right thing and resigned before it moved to a trial in the Senate,” O'Rourke said on CNN.

“I’m calling upon those who are close to President Trump now…who right now are complicit in what the president is doing to advise him to do the right thing and to resign from his office.”

Please, as if Trump has anywhere near the integrity of Richard Milhouse Nixon.

I mean, I’m not saying I wouldn’t like it to happen. I would like it very much! I would also like 87 million dollars, a second home in Paris, a first home here (What? I rent.), Tina Turner to come out of retirement, an immediate second season to The Politician to magically appear on Netflix, several horses, and also for this to happen somehow, retroactively:

Or like, maybe I just get to hang out with them? That would be cool. It would also be a lot more likely to happen than Donald Trump going “You know what? That Beto O'Rourke guy is right. I should resign. I will get right on that.” Shit, I think we’ll be lucky if the man actually leaves office when his term is up. I have my suspicions that he will not.

O'Rourke also said that he plans on staying in the 2020 race until the end, despite the fact that he’s polling at like, 2-3 percent, well behind Andrew Yang, whom no one ever even heard of before this year. I’m not gonna say anything, because I get persnickety about people saying that candidates I like should drop out, but I think at this point, a sudden surge to the top is only slightly more plausible than Trump resigning.

[Texas Tribune]

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For years now, the Right has been obsessed by the idea that a large percentage — perhaps even the majority — of people who claim to be liberals are in fact actors who are being paid by George Soros to pretend to be liberals. It’s not that we actually care about anything we say we care about, or that we even disagree with the Right on anything, deep down. We are all just in it for all the sweet, sweet cash. If it were not for George Soros and all the checks he hands out, everyone would go around sounding like Rush Limbaugh all the time.

The latest person to be accused of this kind of treachery is 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg. For the last couple weeks, brain geniuses across the internet have been posting various forms of “proof” that Thunberg is not actually a teenager who really cares about the environment, but rather an actress who is being paid to pretend that she is a teenager who really cares about the environment. They are very excited about this theory, presumably because they think that would then mean that climate change isn’t actually a problem.

This ridiculousness was “reported” this week by the conservative “news” outlet, DC Clothesline, and relentlessly repeated across social media, to the point where Snopes actually had to debunk it. The evidence they cite is the fact that Thunberg has an IMDB page… because she was in some documentaries about climate change and also narrated a short film, also about climate change. What the actual credits are do not matter, of course — what matters is that it says “actress” on the page.

Below is my actual favorite take on this whole thing, from r/The_Donald, and kind of the whole reason I decided to do this post in the first place.

YES. Her grandfather, improbably, is probably about the same age as George Soros. Sure! George Soros is not from Sweden, but he is from Hungary, and it’s the same continent. Who is to say they didn’t run into each other at some point? Surely, it is totally possible that they met one time and then concocted a plan to turn his granddaughter into a pretend climate change activist in order to make people feel bad about fucking up the environment and ruining EVERYTHING for Reddit poster “BonafideTarzan.”

Another theory put forward on social media is that Thunberg is in fact a child actress from Australia named Estella Renee.

A particularly hilarious Facebook post, via Snopes:

Aspiring Actress impersonates crying child climate activist at UN, impersonator is a sham. Screams “How dare you!” from acting class.

Estella Renee is a very talented shakespearian actress from Australia. She can do Scandinavian accents. She can break down and cry. She can scream “How dare you!”. She deserves an Academy Award not a Nobel for impersonating Heidi looking Greta Thunberg, a fictional Character before the UN yesterday, a fake climate activist, a child actor age 15 and ½ screaming “How dare you!” straight out of “ Streetcar named Desire! ”.

Otherwise, she’s a sham and a fraud! Her publicist refused to respond to our calls, but NY customs identified her as Estrella Renee, here “to see the sights” at her entry from Australia. Her adult accompaniment signed her into her hotel room as Greta Thungren, but we confirmed she is Estelle Renee. We turned over her illegal false identity to DHS who has confirmed her dual identity, but is still investigating. They are not sure impersonation is a crime.

Yet, what a fraud!!

Also:

These people!

The best though, I think, is the lady who actually linked the damn Snopes article, while wanting to know who paid her.

Does it get stupider? It sure does! Because the whole reason these people started claiming that Thunberg was actually “Estella Renee” is because they got their wires crossed with another conspiracy theory about another teenage climate activist. Estella Brasier, you may recall, is the young Australian girl from the climate strike last week who went viral after speaking to the news.

After Brasier’s interview went viral, some jerks found out that she did some acting and even had a profile up on some kind of Australian casting site from when she was 12 (she is currently 14), and decided that this “proved” that she was a “crisis actor.” You know, because once you do any acting, you are never allowed to do any activism in your life, unless it is to be a crisis actor.

Hoax-busting site Lead Stories contacted Brasier’s father, who was happy to clarify things:

The events of that day are in the public domain and were on every TV station. The ideas and concerns expressed by Estella depicted in that video are entirely genuine, not paid for, she was not acting.
Estella is 14 years old. She attends the local creative and performing arts high school, she sings and acts. She is a passionate climate activist and has been one ever since she found out about climate change. Students tend to get worked up and excitable in demonstration/rally situations. She runs an environment group in her school of 1,300 students.

Thousands of her school friends are striking and they need no encouragement from adults to do so. It had hit the headlines in Australia because that rally was held in the Prime Minister’s electorate before the election.
Estella was not expecting to be interviewed by the media that day: it could have been her, it could have been anyone else. She was just standing closest to the cameras.
It is possible to be both worried about climate-change and a child actress at the same time.

You guys should know that I, too, attended a performing arts high school, while also doing a whole bunch of activism. Coming out with it right now in case it comes back to bite me in the ass later!

People often say, when it comes to belief, “eh, whatever gets you through the day” — but if needing to believe that legions of children are being paid to pretend they think not destroying the planet is a good idea is what gets someone through the day, I think they should really just sit down with themselves and reconsider literally everything in their life that lead them to this point.

[Snopes]

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We were never going to get a gun control bill out of this White House. We know that, we’re not A IDIOT. But yesterday’s news that Donald Trump traded away background checks for NRA cash to fight his own impeachment is a new kind of horrifying. And we’re betting that suburban women in Arizona, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin will agree.

Last night, the New York Times reported that NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre had just emerged from a meeting in the Oval Office with a promise from Trump to “‘stop the games’ over gun control legislation.” And by “games” he means expanding background checks to all commercial sales including at gun shows and online, a plan which was supported by the Vanky Faction at the White House and opposed by her brother DJ and his posse. Sorry, baby!

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The first version of the story, appearing at 5pm, referred to “financial” support and an explicit quid pro quo, although it was edited 90 minutes later to remove these.

The current version says, “It was not clear whether Mr. Trump asked Mr. LaPierre for his support, or what that support would look like.” But it reports Trump is privately worried that the NRA is running out of cash and might not be able to kick up $30 million for his campaign the way it did in 2016, particularly as it’s mired in litigation and under scrutiny by the Attorneys General of New York and DC. We can clear up the Times’s confusion as to “what the support would look like” though – gosh, will it be ad dollars, or will it be endorsements, or will it be political cover for any insane, illegal shit that Democrats kick up during the impeachment inquiry? The answer is YES.

LaPierre denied the Times’s report, saying, “The NRA categorically denies any discussion occurred about special arrangements pertaining to the NRA’s support of the President and vice versa.” But he declined to elaborate on what they talked about, saying, “The NRA is not inclined to discuss private conversations with the President.” Let’s take a wild guess that this conversation went right into that Osama bin Laden vault next to the incriminating transcripts of calls with Putin and MBS.

If Trump wasn’t under water with suburban women before, he sure as hell will be when the next mass shooting happens (God forbid!) and it turns out he sold the gun control bill for NRA cash. Which makes it all the more puzzling that he hit the panic button already, inviting LaPierre in for a meeting which was inevitable going to leak. Particularly when the NRA has almost as much riding on Trump’s re-election as Trump himself does.

Yesterday Democrats on the Senate Finance Committee released a report labeling the NRA a “foreign asset” of Russia and accusing it of using tax-exempt dollars to support the private business interests of its leadership. We won’t go into all boringass tax law details on a Saturday, but the bottom line is, if Democrats take the White House in 2020 and appoint a real IRS commissioner, the NRA will be in DEEP SHIT. Even deeper than they’re already in with NYAG Letitia James. Conversely, the Committee’s Republicans gave the NRA a clean bill of health and bought Wayne’s explanation that his longterm secretary Millie Hallow just messed up the records by saying that Wayne LaPierre had agreed to foot the bill for that Fun'n'Gunz field trip to Moscow with Russian spy Maria Butina back in 2015.

Check out this statement in the New York Times by NRA chief of staff Josh Powell, who may or may not have strained the gun group’s budget even further with his own little #MeToo problem, throwing Hallow under the bus.

In order to facilitate the transfer of funds to [former NRA President Pete] Brownell, Millie falsely stated that Wayne approved of certain expenses when he had not. In fact, Millie apologized to me (and others) later for the misrepresentation.

He’s a charmer, ain’t he? The point is, the NRA goons need Donald Trump as much as he needs them, so there was no need to hang out a sign announcing that Trump was selling the gun bill for cash to fight the impeachment. But President Pantsload isn’t thinking straight lately, so look for a whole lot more of these unforced errors.

TL, DR? Fuck all these gun whores. The end.

[NYT / Politico / NYT, again]

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source https://www.wonkette.com/donald-trump-murders-gun-control-in-exchange-for-impeachment-support-from-the-nra-allegedly

Donald Trump knew damn well that the Russians hacked our elections, and he invited them into the Oval Office to tell them it was TOTALLY FINE. Yes, this was at the same May 10, 2017, meeting where he told Russian Ambassador Kislyak and Foreign Minister Lavrov, “I just fired the head of the FBI. He was crazy, a real nut job,” because “I faced great pressure because of Russia. That’s taken off.” Don’t worry about the cops, Sergei, hack away! And yes, this is one of the conversations White House lawyers stuck in the double-super-secret code word vault to make sure the American public never learned what a filthy traitor their president was. And yes, this shit is all coming out since the White House, which has always leaked like a sieve, is in total meltdown now that Nancy Pelosi has released the impeachment kraken.

(Although if we had to guess, we’d say this particular love note comes courtesy of “former official” John Bolton, who would have had access to the vault full of embarrassing transcripts and has been very clear that he’s going to stick a shiv in Trump the first chance he gets.)

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The Washington Post reports:

President Trump told two senior Russian officials in a 2017 Oval Office meeting that he was unconcerned about Moscow’s interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential election because the United States did the same in other countries, an assertion that prompted alarmed White House officials to limit access to the remarks to an unusually small number of people, according to three former officials with knowledge of the matter.

Because Voice of America Radio and open endorsement of anti-corruption groups is exactly the same as hacking and disseminating politicians’ emails and flooding social media with propaganda claiming that Hillary Clinton is a racist pedophile.

Four former officials confirmed the story to the Post and said they were disturbed by Trump’s pro-Russia bias and predilection to privately excuse Putin’s election interference while publicly denying its existence.

“He was always defensive of Russia,” said one former senior official, while another told the Post, “What was difficult to understand was how they got a free pass on a lot of things — election security and so forth. … He was just very accommodating to them.”

Also accommodating? Burning our pals the Israelis by passing their spy stuff to Russia in that same meeting. LOCK ‘ER DOWN, BOYS.

And White House lawyers were very accommodating to their traitorous boss, making sure to quarantine those incriminating transcripts on the “Bin Laden server” – so known because it was used to house information of such exquisite sensitivity that leaks might harm national security, not just to hide stuff that might be politically embarrassing. In his complaint, the whistleblower said that the Ukraine shakedown transcript wasn’t the only one locked down “solely for the purpose of protecting political sensitive — rather than national security sensitive — information.”

Guess what else wound up buried in that vault? CAN YOU EVEN GUESS?

Tell us, CNN!

White House efforts to limit access to President Donald Trump’s conversations with foreign leaders extended to phone calls with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman and Russian leader Vladimir Putin, according to people familiar with the matter.

Fam, we are shook. Although, in fairness, Trump’s conversations with his Real Daddy Vladdy are personal, so it’s UNLEGAL for us to know about because of Handler-Asset privilege.

The Post’s source offered a half-hearted defense of the White House’s classification practices, saying, “It was more about learning how can we restrict this in a way that still informs the policy process and the principals who need to engage with these heads of state.” But CNN reports that, in the wake of Jamal Khashoggi’s murder and dismemberment in the Turkish consulate at the hands of Saudi government assassins, Trump’s conversation with Mohammed bin Salman was buried so deep no one ever got to see it.

In the case of Trump’s call with Prince Mohammed, officials who ordinarily would have been given access to a rough transcript of the conversation never saw one, according to one of the sources. Instead, a transcript was never circulated at all, which the source said was highly unusual, particularly after a high-profile conversation.

Which is all fine, and the president is entirely unbothered by any of it.

These leaks have just begun, and it’s about to get much worse as White House staffers wake up to the prospect of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees to fight congressional subpoenas, particularly since Democrats have said they’ll use Congress’s inherent contempt power to impose fines on witnesses who obstruct the impeachment investigation. And it’s not just Donald Trump in jeopardy here. The “White House lawyers” who set up this classification wheeze to hide Trump’s perfidy and ignorance from the public have to be doing some serious math this weekend. Lookin’ at you, Pat Cipollone! And also …

GOOD MORNING, JOHN EISENBERG! Adam Schiff is about to make you a star!

CNN’s sources say that Eisenberg, deputy White House counsel for national security affairs and a lawyer for the National Security Council, was responsible for locking the Ukraine transcript in the Bin Laden Server. And if that name sounds familiar to you, then you’ve been spending way too much time paying attention to this and should probably go reacquaint yourselves with your loved ones. (Guilty!)

Remember that story Evan wrote yesterday about the whistleblower first going to CIA General Counsel Courtney Simmons Elwood – thanks to the Times, which got this scoop, we all know that the whistleblower works at the CIA – who called up the White House to see if they knew anything about the Ukraine shakedown call getting locked in a vault? Turns out that the CIA’s lawyer called up the White House in early August and got … JOHN EISENBERG on the horn. The Times noted that, “He was already aware of vague concerns about the call.” Which … yeah, no shit he was!

Eisenberg, the guy who locked that conversation up and threw away the key, was “aware of vague concerns” that there might be something inappropriate there?

UH HUH. Here’s how CNN described it, referring to Ellwood as “general counsel of the intelligence agency,” because they are not the New York bloody Times.

During that call, the general counsel informed Eisenberg and [John] Demers [assistant attorney general for the DOJ’s national security division] that there were concerns being raised about one of Trump’s phone calls with a foreign leader. Eisenberg invited Demers and the intelligence agency’s general counsel to review the transcript of the call, and Demers traveled to the White House the following day to review it. The general counsel of the intelligence agency declined to review the call, according to the official.

Did Ellwood refused to investigate further because she figured out that Eisenberg was in on the coverup? If Demers knew this was coming down the pike in August, how soon did he loop Bill Barr in? Does the timing of this call have anything to do with DNI Dan Coats being shoved out the door the last week of July and his deputy Sue Gordon being pushed out on August 9, leaving (acting) DNI Joseph Maguire in place to receive the whistleblower complaint when it landed on his desk on August 26?

OMG, WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

It means we are never getting another day off again, and we’re not even mad about it.

[WaPo / CNN / NYT]

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We told you last week that this week’s top ten post would probably have a SURPRISE in it, and we did not lie! It was not a surprise to us, of course, because we know all the things.

Longtime readers know that yr Memphis Wonkette right here has a Wonkette Niece named Evelyn, who would you believe it is almost SIX now? Well, her baby sister Izzy was born this past Sunday morning, and therefore you get BABY PICTURES. Also, you may now bestow your thanks upon Izzy, because we are pretty sure her birth is the real reason we are finally impeaching Donald Trump. (True story: We said “Donald Trump” to her and she made a pterodactyl sound. She might have been farting at the time.)

Anyway, you get BABY PICTURES. But you have to read your top ten stories first before you get more!

Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare finds? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.

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Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Trump GRRRR SO MAD! Let’s Read The Whistleblower Complaint That’s Making Him GRRRR SO MAD!

9. Chuck Todd Did Journalism On Biden ‘Ukrainium One’ Story, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH CHUCK TODD?

8. The GOP Knows Damn Well That Donald Trump Ordered That Code Red

7. Trump SCAAAAAAARED

6. Grifty Jacob Wohl Has Some Hot Tips On Being Manly And Whatnot

5. Trump: NO UKRAINE CRIMES! NO UKRAINE CRIMES! OK Here Are My Ukraine Crimes.

4. Trump Crime-Bosses Ukrainian President To His Face On Live TV, Very Legal And Very Cool!

3. NANCY DON’T FAIL US NOW! Your Nancy Pelosi Trump Impeachment Liveblog!

2. Trump Insists That It’s Illegal To Investigate His Crimes, Figures That Everyone Will Just Go Along With It

1. This Morning’s DNI Hearing Gonna Drive Trump BATSHIT. A Liveblog!

Those are good stories!

Ready for one million more baby pictures?

Happy uncle:

Happy BIG SISTER:

Everybody is happy and healthy and wonderful, so that is the good news. There isn’t any bad news, except for how OH FUCK THERE’S TWO OF THEM NOW.

Also, Wonkette Baby/Toddler/Grown Woman Donna Rose, daughter of your editrix, would like to cut into this post real fast to let you know that it’s still mostly all about her, so here are some FASHIONISTA pics:

OK that’s all, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

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source https://www.wonkette.com/your-weekly-top-ten-found-a-new-baby-look-at-it

How did you start your day? Some nice coffee with a scoop of alcohol beverage in it, like usual? Here is how the president of the United States started his day:

Hahahahahaha, he is so stupid. That tweet has been up for hours. Donald Trump, who spelled it “discribing” right there, thinks that apostrophes are called hyphens, and moreover, he thinks that if you add a “hyphen” to a misspelled word, it makes it … correct?

Giphy

This is not new. Look at this Trump tweet from 2017:

See the big HYPHEN? It means Trump spelled it right.

Obviously we could not let this day pass without acknowledging the new best stupidest Trump tweet ever sent, and it serves as a nice springboard for a post we’ve been wanting to write this entire godforsaken week. We’ve been so busy with the actual mechanics of the Trump Ukraine scandal that’s getting him impeached, we’ve had zero time for the funny palace intrigue stories that have been coming out all week.

Short version? Trump is SHOOOOOOK. And the White House is LOSING IT.

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Let’s just quick-style look at some quotes from White House officials and former White House officials talking to the #FakeNews to tell them how bugfuck that loser really is right now.

NBC News says the White House is in a “total panic” over impeachment. There is a lot of “anxiety, unease and concern,” and a “person close to the White House” says, “There’s not a lot of confidence that there’s no there there.” Another person says everybody is “shell-shocked” and they are worried that if this impeachment thing keeps up, Trump might … wait for it … “respond erratically and become ‘unmanageable.’”

Yes, what a terrifying prospect, that Donald Trump, who is usually so cool, calm and collected, might become erratic and unmanageable. Imagine that.

Giphy

In the Washington Post, Ashley Parker quotes Trump bud Christopher Ruddy, who bemoans the “nuts” people who think impeachment might be good for Trump, and says, “People can’t underestimate the amount of bad advice he gets from people who are not strategic thinkers.” STUPID IDIOTS. The article quotes Newt Gingrich, who thinks impeachment might be really good for Trump, INSERT PUNCHLINE ABOUT STUPID IDIOT HERE.

White House aides are particularly worried that Trump will be so obsessed with getting impeached, he won’t even get to do his big trade deals with Canada and Mexico, because those were soooo gonna happen.

In the words of one former aide, “It may lead to less structured output from the White House.”

We will miss Trump’s “structured output,” R.I.P. all of that.

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Finally, Roll Call reported this week that the White House is makin’ BIG MAD THREATS that if Democrats go through with this imepachment thing, well then, guess what Trump’s gonna do, bet you can’t guess, THIS IS NOT A THREAT, IT’S A PROMISE:

“House Democrats have destroyed any chances of legislative progress for the people of this country by continuing to focus all their energy on partisan political attacks. Their attacks on the President and his agenda are not only partisan and pathetic, they are in dereliction of their Constitutional duty,” White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said in a statement.

Oh no, Trump might stop doing “achomlishments” and it’s all the Democrats’ fault for “destroying” that possibility.

We are trying to imagine a world without Trump doing “achomlishments” all the time and … well … which “achomlishments” are we referring to, please?

Giphy

OK, Stephanie Grisham, we’ll take that dare. Be careful out there on the road this weekend, y'hear?

In summary and in conclusion, President Fucker is fucked, and we cannot stop laughing.

HELL WEEK OVER, HAVE AN OPEN THREAD.

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source https://www.wonkette.com/white-house-worried-impeachment-will-make-trump-liddle-more-bugf-ck-dead-weight-than-usual

While we were out on vacation much of the week, we were blessedly unaware that Fox News anchors Shep Smith and Tucker Carlson had had a knockdown-drag-out news/opinion fight over two days, complete with bitter snittiness (Carlson) and a very good How Dare You, Sir, I Say Good Day (Smith). It culminated in a warning from management to Smith that if the News Side kept back-sassing the Opinion Side, Smith would be removed from the air, so don’t you believe it at all if you hear Mother Murdoch tell you she loves all her children equally.

On Tuesday, Shep Smith, representing the embattled reality-based side of Fox, chatted with former judge Andrew Napolitano, who said hells yes, Donald Trump asking the president of Ukraine to please look for dirt on Joe Biden was illegal AF.

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Napolitano: Trump’s admitted contact with Ukraine is a crimeyoutu.be

This was before the not-a-transcript of the call was released, but just to be clear, Smith asked, the thing Donald Trump had already admitted he’d done was a crime, yes?

Why yes indeed, Napolitano said, it’s “the same crime for which the Trump Organization was investigated by Bob Mueller […] An agreement or a solicitation for assistance for an American campaign, regulated by the Federal Election Commission, where you are seeking the assistance from a foreign government, that’s the crime.”

That evening, Carlson brought on his show another Fox News lawyer, Joe diGenova, who explained presidents can’t commit crimes, and Andrew Napolitano is a fool, for failing to recognize this basic truth.

I think Judge Napolitano is a fool and I think what he said today is foolish. No, it is not a crime. Let me underscore emphatically that nothing that the president said on that call or what we think he said on that call constitutes a crime and even if he had said you’re not going to get the money, it would not be a crime.

Why is it not a crime? It’s really quite simple: It is not a crime. Because. Also, Nancy Pelosi didn’t really open an impeachment inquiry, because she didn’t hold a vote on it, and besides, she isn’t the speaker anymore. Trump said so.

Wednesday afternoon, Smith had Napolitano back on, and they rehashed what a “campaign” is and why it can’t get “help” from a foreign government, which we understand is a real law somehow. Smith also did some editorializing, saying that one Fox law talker guy calling another Fox law talker guy foolish is repugnant, plus also a lot of other Fox law talkers agree with Napolitano.

You will almost certainly guess who Carlson’s very special guest was that night! Yes, it was his own inflated ego and pretended sense of outrage, followed by Joe diGenova, who agreed that it’s very “partisan” to talk about the “law” if it doesn’t support Donald Trump. Carlson emphasized that he’s never had a partisan thought in his life, and it’s very unfair to be partisan like “some of our day-side hosts,” not that he’s mentioning any names.

Carlson was very, very outraged at all the fighting, why can’t we get along? But is there any crime? Heck no, diGenova explained, because the Constitution says everything the executive branch does is very legal and very cool:

Now, let me sort of educate Judge Napolitano. The president of the United States is the executive branch under Article II. He is the chief law enforcement officer of the United States. He can ask anyone—a citizen, a foreign leader—a question. He can make a suggestion about an investigation because he runs them.

The whole thing ended with Carlson lamenting that all that nasty partisanship from the News Side was making people cynical:

When you dress up news coverage, when you dress up, rather, partisanship as news coverage, and pretend that your angry political opinions are news, you know, people tune out.

Or at least it makes Fox News viewers tune out, because news that looks bad for Donald Trump is not news. Carlson summed up that the viewers, his smart, unbrainwashed viewers who are not partisan, “know dishonesty when they see it.”

And Carlson got the last word, because according to Gabe Sherman at Vanity Fair, Fox honchos told Smith Thursday to leave poor Tucker ALOOOONE:

Fox News CEO Suzanne Scott and president Jay Wallace communicated to Smith this morning to stop attacking Carlson, a person briefed on the conversation said. “They said if he does it again, he’s off the air,” the source said. (Fox News spokesperson Irena Briganti denied that management had any direct conversation with Smith).

And now no one will ever be dishonest to Fox News viewers again.

[Slate / Vanity Fair]

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source https://www.wonkette.com/tucker-carlson-gonna-beat-up-another-gay-dude-in-a-bathroom-watch-out-shep-smith

New York Times columnist David Brooks, who is the Tom Friedman of David Broders, has finally weighed in on the decision to start impeachment hearings against Donald Trump. The high-minded moral scold, who in August insisted the 2020 election “is about the moral atmosphere in which we raise our children,” has retreated to a position of pure situational-ethics pragmatism: Sure, Donald Trump is guilty of trying to bully the Ukraine into helping his campaign, but impeaching him would be bad because Republicans in the Senate would never convict him, and then Trump would proclaim himself the victor.

Far better for Democrats to ignore their constitutional duty, because if Dems decide to drop impeachment, perhaps Brooks thinks Trump won’t proclaim victory. David Brooks’s logic is bad, and he should feel very bad indeed.

To be sure, Brooks has a lot of company on the Times’s opinion page:

Darned liberal media!

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Let’s review the many reasons moderate Republican David Brooks thinks impeaching Trump would be terrible for Democrats. We’ll give him credit for getting one minor point sort of right: Impeachment has the potential to get a lot more public attention than the Democratic candidates running to replace Trump. Brooks is probably right that “Democratic policy debates are going to be obscured” and “Congressional Democrats will become the most visible party leaders,” at least during impeachment hearings. Which is a very good reason to hold the hearings this fall, and winter if necessary, and not drag the process too far into 2020.

But we had to laugh at Brooks’s fretting that impeachment might result in moderate Democrats finding themselves “further marginalized” in the primary race. Why, yes, if it weren’t for impeachment, any of the remaining Tim Ryans might really catch fire.

Mostly, though, Brooks, who usually loves taking quixotic stands against higher education, social media, policy proposals (instead of moral renewal), fancy elitist college-educated sandwich ingredients, and people objecting to racism (if it even exists), is concerned with the practical outcome of impeachment: Trump’s guilty as hell, but there’s no way 20 of today’s Republicans would vote to convict Trump of anything. Therefore doing the right thing is pointless, and impeachment hearings that would demonstrate how badly Trump abused his office would actually be all to Trump’s benefit. There might be an “ugly backlash” once Trump was acquitted, you see, as if every waking moment of Donald Trump’s life isn’t already dedicated to ugly backlash.

Trump lives for backlash and instability. May as well lay out all the evidence of his wrongdoing, so Republicans will be forced to defend it, instead of stepping aside and letting Trump boast that the Dems couldn’t find anything wrong with his misrule. Put the fuckers on record.

Virtually all of Brooks’s claims about the supposed horrorshow of impeachment can be answered simply by pointing out the same bad things would likely result from not impeaching Trump. “This process will increase public cynicism,” says Brooks. Fine. And nobody would be the least bit cynical about a decision to let him get away with asking for foreign help in the election, plus a cover-up, plus a call to execute White House officials who revealed the malfeasance?

Oh, but impeachment could also “embed Trumpism within the GOP.” Again, we have to wonder if Brooks has actually looked at his party at all in the last three years. For the sake of American democracy, the more the Republican Party is associated with Trump in the public mind, the better – he is, after all, the apotheosis of 30 years of Republican dog whistling, paranoia, and shitty economics anyway. Best to dispose not only of the brand, but the party, too.

Brooks at least brings this bizarrely Brooksian claim to the argument: Holding the “president” accountable for his violation of constitutional norms would actually be “elitist.” Yes, really: Brooks insists that if elected Democratic representatives impeach Trump, it would send the terrible message to the American People that their votes don’t count, because the elitists they voted to put in Congress would be overturning an election “won” by the guy who got 3 million fewer votes in 2016. Worse, if the Senate were to try Trump in accordance with the Constitution, that too would be elitist:

Elections give millions and millions of Americans a voice in selecting the president. This process gives 100 mostly millionaire senators a voice in selecting the president.

Well heck, if David Brooks is saying he’d prefer to get rid of the millionaires in the Senate, we could get behind that. Too bad money is speech, or we might be able to do something about it.

In conclusion, David Brooks is once again wrong and stupid, the end.

[NYT]

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source https://www.wonkette.com/david-brooks-trump-will-claim-victory-if-impeached-so-wed-better-give-him-all-he-wants