Something salient that I learned about having any sort of relationship with someone who has anxiety:
The concept of “fair” is horrifically skewed for them.
Someone I was with today expressed how he didn’t like that I was “always” accommodating him in regards to where we went for food/shopping/outings/etc (spoiler: it’s not always, but I’m learning that anxiety makes people exaggerate these kinds of things to themselves and holy shit I worry about them)
To which I replied “It would be more unfair for me to put you through extreme discomfort just to keep our arbitrary tally marks the same amount.”
Me paying for his coffee after he paid for the sample platter we split is fair.
Me making him stress out when I don’t even care about the venue in the first place is unfair.
If you’re like me and don’t have anxiety but love someone who does, make sure to calibrate your definition of fairness with them so they don’t implode.
