Assertive Communication

Assertive Communication There are four main categories of expressing yourself to others: I. I. Passive II. Aggressive III. Passive/Aggressive IV. Assertive Passive Behavior- Often referred to as non-assertive behavior.  The choice of non-action  Usually avoidant and indirect  Protection of rights and attainment of needs left to others Group Questions: 1) What does passive behavior look like? 2) What feelings are behind passive behavior? ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES Low risk Avoid dealing with problems- Needs not met It’s easy Destroys self confidence Avoid trouble Builds anger and resentment Others have to do the work Let others choose for you Play it safe, Avoid mistakes Let’s others guess how you think and feel *Sometimes saying nothing is the best choice Others may take advantage www.takingtheescalator.com II. Aggressive Behavior- The other end of the spectrum.  Dominating  Insisting on your needs at the expense of others  Can be physical or verbal or both Group Questions: 1) What does aggressive behavior look like? 2) What kinds of feelings are behind aggressive behavior? ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES Needs get met Victimizes others (you get what you want) Others build anger and resentment toward you Violates rights of others Can lead to physical or emotional abuse Lose friends, gain enemies Not socially acceptable (especially when dealing with authority) Aggression breeds more aggression (retaliation) GROUP QUESTION – Even if being aggressive may seem like a way to get things done quickly in the short term, what are some of the eventual long term consequences of an overly aggressive lifestyle? www.takingtheescalator.com III. Passive/Aggressive Behavior    Combination of passiveness (outside) and aggression (inside) Described as: manipulative, deceitful, indirect Smiling on the outside, angry and resentful on the inside 1. What does passive/aggressive behavior look like? Examples: Deceptive Face/phony Put-downs (Passive/Aggressive Humor) Sarcastic Sneaky Talking behind others back Vengeful Vindictive Gossip 2. How do you know when behavior is Passive/Aggressive?  The outside behavior does not match the inside thoughts- for example: OUTSIDE “Thank you” “honest, I’ll try really hard” “you are my friend” INSIDE “I can’t stand you” “I’m not doing this junk” “you are a jerk” Passive aggression can be subtle for example: Habitual lateness Insulting jokes Controlling others by making them wait Sarcasm Being overly nice to someone’s face Spreading gossip  Can be any “back door” effort to evoke anger or other painful emotions in others.  Passive/Aggressive behavior can result from a combination of anger and fear. www.takingtheescalator.com IV. Assertive- Standing up for and expressing what you think and feel while respecting the rights of others. Self-assured and direct in claiming one’s rights but in a confident and considerate manner MINE Passive Aggressive Passive/Aggressive Assertive X X PERONAL RIGHTS and RESPECT YOURS X  Only others needs are respected  Only my needs are respected [deceitful]  Pretending to respect your needs but really not X  Both mine and your needs are respected What does assertive behavior look like? Confident and relaxed Open Direct Expressive Emotionally Honest Clear, firm speech ADVANTAGES Let’s others know how you feel Problem is attacked, not the person Establishes mutual respect Effective in setting needs met while avoiding conflict DISADVANTAGES None Group Question: If a person can learn to be assertive when necessary, how can that be beneficial in different life areas (School, work, family, socially) – How can assertiveness be a critical coping skill to have for effectively dealing with substance use issues? (In what situations may it be necessary to be assertive?) www.takingtheescalator.com