I don't have much of substance to complain about, apart from the game being fairly short. You can beat it in the time it takes your local trashy couple of neighbors to stop arguing. But I also don't have much to gush about. I guess it does make me miss these wacky games that would come out quite often back when game development didn't cost the GDP of a small country.

I straight-up dropped the first PaRappa because the timing of the controls was impossible to handle. I don't know if it was a problem with the emulator or what, but fortunately, the second game works just fine.

DNF - 1 hour

Not sure if it's a problem with the emulator, but the rhythm is completely screwed. The controls turn into an exercise in frustration. Try hitting the buttons in sync with the audio? Miss. Try hitting them in sync with the dance? Miss.

You might as well be playing by yelling commands to an Echo Dot in real time. Because of that, what should be an immensely satisfying gameplay becomes a chore of repetition and mission restarts.

I tried tweaking some settings, and even read some tips online; nothing worked. Damn shame.

Y'all ever heard of this indie franchise, Resident Evil? A month or two back, I bought RE4 and enjoyed my time so frickin' much that I decided to make my way back through the franchise in release order—minus the spin-offs for now. I grabbed RE1 for PC and fell in love about as fast as a teenage boy seeing a cute cashier at the grocery store. The thing is old-school, brother, through and through. You will die, again and again—hell, they even name the achievement for dying the first time, "Get Used to This."

This is perhaps where my appreciation for the game really bloomed. There is very little handholding. They drop you in that sinister-ass mansion and tell you to fuck off. Teaching the boy how to swim by throwing him in the pool, if you will. Because of that, my every advancement was a victory, each puzzle a rewarding experience, and even figuring out how to grab the shotgun felt special. It wasn't just a gun I bought with credits; I EARNED it.

Oddly enough, the tank controls didn't take that long to click. I knew through cultural osmosis that they're a big point of contention in the older games, but for me, they're pretty neat. Just like the level design itself, there's an exhilarating feeling when you master the controls and start dodging zombies like Michael Jackson doing a moonwalk with ants up his ass.

What else? Oh yeah, the game is a masterclass in horror. The fixed cameras bring a level of tension that just isn't possible to replicate with 3D cameras. Is there something beyond that corridor I can't see, or is my mind playing tricks on me? Even the slow door animations on the loading screens startled me because I always kept thinking they'd sneak a jumpscare in at some point.

All in all, a terrific experience. I might go back and replay as Chris one day to see what changes in the story. I find myself in a bit of a conundrum, though, because I don't know if I should play the original RE2 next or try the remake.

8 Ink Ribbons/10