4 reasons why I'm never getting married

Charyn Pfeuffer

2018-04-27T15:10:20Z

girl alone — Marriage is a life goal for some people — not all. Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock

Marriage is a lifelong dream for many — I can't say the same for me.
Though I've had my fair share of long-term relationships, there's many reasons why I'd rather not get married — like my independence and polyamorous relationship style.
Here's why I'll never get married.

A walk down the aisle has never been part of my agenda. I never bought into the whole "happily ever after after" scenario. To me, the concept of marriage is akin to being buried alive. Ditto for baby making.

That said, I know I'm in the minority — marriage and parenting are life goals for a lot of people.

An editor at a major wedding magazine once told me, when critiquing one of my articles, "I don’t think you're marriage-minded enough to contribute to our magazine." I wore that feedback like a badge of honor for ages.

I've done the long-term coupling thing, so I'm certainly not a commitment-phobe (most recently I was in a relationship that lasted 11 years). In every relationship, I've always had the same agreement with my partners: I want the both of us to show up on a daily basis because we actively choose to — not because we're bonded by a piece of paper and a promise.

And if/when we reach the point when either of our hearts or minds are no longer in it, we agree to have that conversation and go from there. In my experience, this arrangement has led to civilized splits — plus it's much easier than negotiating a divorce. I'm a low-key person who doesn't like drama — this relationship style works well for me.

Here's are few more reasons I'm never going to get married:

1. I'm in no way religious

officiant, wedding — I don't need a lavish event to celebrate love. Paul Rich Studio/Shutterstock

There’s no almighty power I feel the need to declare my true love before. Sure, I can see the sentimental value of gathering friends and families to seal the sacred bonds of matrimony, but it’s never been a priority for me. I don’t have a lot of family, and I host festive events for my friends at every opportunity. I don’t need a lavish event to celebrate love.

2. Weddings can be pricey

copacaban beach — I'd rather spend my money on travel than a wedding. Shutterstock/Catarina Belova

As much as I love a good party, I can think of 101 things I’d rather spend money on than a wedding celebration. The average wedding cost in the United States is $33,391. That’s a whole lot of travel, and I have serious wanderlust.

I’ve joked with partners over the years that the only way I’d consider tying the knot was if I could get a killer set of kitchen knives. Which is kind of silly, given I’m at a point in life where I can afford any wedding gift registry item I want on my own.

3. I'm independent — and not just financially

solo traveling — I'm independent and can support myself. vonnahmed1/Shutterstock

That said, I am financially independent; my very own "knight in shining armor," if you will. I don’t need a spouse to support me, and in every relationship, I've kept a separate bank account.

I also need a lot of alone time and space. I've cohabitated with partners in the past, but have maintained a long streak of solo living. I can't imagine swapping my solace for shacking up with a significant other anytime soon.

4. Monogamy isn't for me

holding hands — The style I practice is polyamory, which means I can have sex, love, and, deep intimacy with multiple partners. LightField Studios/Shutterstock

In another twist, I'm non-monogamous. Roughly 5% of Americans, myself included, live a non-monogamous lifestyle.

The style I practice is polyamory, which means I can have sex, love, and, deep intimacy with multiple partners. Sure, I know plenty of happily married poly couples. I've had (and have) partners who play a significant, ongoing role in my life, but I fiercely value my freedom.

Some of us were raised to think of intimacy and partnership in a very particular way — a way that involves marriage. But there are countless ways to live and love, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

Marriage isn't necessarily a flawed institution — it's just not for me. And the thing is, whether you put a ring on it or not, all relationships require support, communication, and effort.

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