IN AT THE DEEP END

I’m done with dating sites!’ Julie laughed, in reply to her daughter’s tentative enquiry.

She heard Sophie sigh at the other end of the phone.

‘Seriously, darling, nothing but losers and liars!’ she went on, hoping to put an end to the debate.

‘But, Mum…’

‘No “buts”. I’ve had enough for a lifetime.’

Julie could almost hear Sophie’s mind whirring as she prepared her next attempt at negotiation. What would it be? Some veiled reminder of her age? Or perhaps a reference to the number of years since she divorced Sophie’s father?

‘What’s wrong in finding a friend? Someone to hang out with? Somebody nice, with a good sense of humour? You know – GSOH?’ Sophie said. ‘I just don’t want you to be lonely, Mum.’

Julie hesitated, softening at Sophie’s concern for her. ‘Is that what it means?’ she chuckled. ‘I thought it was Good Salary, Own House!’

‘WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN YOUR IDEAL MAN?’

Sophie laughed. ‘Oh, Mum! You’re so out of touch! And you’ve only done online dating twice. It’s hardly exhaustive. There must be some decent guys out there. Please don’t give up.’

Julie was laughing as she recounted the conversation to Gemma at work.

‘Honestly! I’d rather have a cup of tea than go on another blind date.’

The kettle boiled. Gemma methodically dunked two tea bags into mismatching chunky mugs – unwanted freebies from a petrol station – and considered Julie’s situation.

‘So if the two Likely Lads you’ve met are non-starters, what are you looking for in your ideal man?’ Gemma asked, adding a dash of milk to both mugs.

‘Oh, you know! The usual. Tall. Dark. Handsome.’

Gemma rolled her eyes.

Julie was just getting into her stride… ‘Stylish. Prosperous. Fit…’

Gemma started to guffaw, then she leaned towards the window, peering at the sky, ‘There they go! Flying pigs!’

Julie pressed