Practical Psychology: Home Edition for Self Help

Practical Psychology:

Home Edition for

Self Help

Author: Robert Jones AFBPsS

Chartered Psychologist

CCAPS Publishing

© 2018 Robert Jones

Providing Services under the name

Cardiff Counselling & Psychological Services

Cardiff

Vale of Glamorgan UK

All rights reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher.

About the Author

Robert Jones has had a varied career path. After leaving school at the age of fifteen years with no qualifications because, according to his teachers, he wasn't good enough to study for GCE 0 level qualifications, he embarked on an apprenticeship with the North Thames Gas Board, in Essex, UK. After a number of years during which he travelled to Australia and New Zealand and back to the UK; and also during which his career included gas fitting, plumbing, fire-fighting, teaching, and providing nutritional consultations Robert qualified as a Clinical and Counselling Psychologist and he is registered in both fields with the Health Care Professions Council (HCPC) in the UK. Robert is also a Chartered Member of the British Psychological Society (BPS) and he is an Associate Fellow of the BPS (AFBPsS).

Robert presents you, the reader, with this information to encourage you. It is my hope that if you know a little about my beginnings, you will be encouraged to consider, that if you think that you are struggling, that struggle does not have to be forever. If I can make a better life for myself, you can also.

About this Publication

Following the successful publication of Practical Psychology, I considered the facts that there are a great number of individuals who would like to engage the services of a psychologist but are unable to, due to cost; and in the UK, the list within the NHS is extremely long. Therefore, many individuals who need help, do not get that help. My hope is that through applying what you learn from this book, this will be all the help you need.

This book does not claim to answer the needs of every client. However, whatever difficulties you the client are experiencing, this book can help in one way or another.

This book provides psychological approaches to therapy with what is referred to as an integrative methodology in psychological interventions. But not just any integrative methodology, one that works for most clients. An integrative methodology means, that we use several approaches to ensure the greatest probability that you will get well.

Practical Psychology, included a great deal of what is referred to as psychometric data, basically, the proof that the approaches to therapy that I employ, work. Clearly, this information is not needed for a client such as yourself, therefore, it is not included in this book.

Contents

About the Author

About this Publication

Ch1.  A Common Response

Ch2. Introduction to Self Therapy

Ch3. Humanistic Psychotherapy

Ch4. Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

Ch5. EMDR

Ch6. REBT Introduction

Ch7. Stories About Changed Memories

Ch8. REBT: The Snake Story

Ch9. REBT: Changing Our Feelings

Ch10. Mindfulness

Ch11. REBT: A Return to Changing Our Feelings

Ch12. REBT: Changing Our Thoughts

Ch13. REBT: Changing Our Behaviours

Ch14. The Sidewalk

Ch15. Assertiveness for Climbing Out Of Holes

Ch16. Climbing Out Of Sexual Grooming Holes

Ch17. Couples Therapy

Ch18. The Sociological Perspective

Ch19. Lateral Thinking

Ch20. Helping Ourselves Through Grief

Ch21. Individuals With Weight Difficulties

Ch22. Practical Psychology

Appendix 1

Appendix 2

Appendix 3

Appendix 4

Appendix 5

Appendix 6

Acknowledgements

Other Books by This Author

Ch. 1 - A Common Response for Common Problems

We know from the research that people who suffer from stress may suffer fear or helplessness at its worst form and may feel numb or detached. They may experience a tendency to lose perspective, feel restless, or they may feel anxious or depressed.  They may also suffer somatic symptoms such as a sore throat, dizziness, blurred vision or sweaty palms or feet. So, if you are experiencing these sorts of symptoms, and your doctor has given you the all clear physically, it's very likely that you are stressed.

What happens when we are stressed is, our  internal mechanisms feel threatened and we react. We avoid  our partners, our parents, and sometimes our work. When this happens, without attempting to correct things or without talking about our stress  a circle of avoidance strategies may be employed by you the client, making it harder to become healed. Stress can also cause us to react by becoming angry and striking out at others, perhaps this is occurring for you. When we react in these ways due to the stress in our lives it is important to receive help. This is, or course, where psychology comes in.

We know that if we have high  self esteem we are less likely to feel stressed, and a lack of positive self esteem, and has been shown to be related to anxiety and depression. So if we feel good about ourselves we are less likely to become depressed but the reverse is true if we feel bad about ourselves.

What is referred to as vulnerable self esteem predisposition is seen as a dormant state that may be triggered by life events. What this means is, if something in your past, probably during your childhood, has caused you to feel bad about yourself, then you are probably predisposed to becoming anxious or depressed. This statement isn't made so that others can be blamed. If somebody made you feel insecure, they probably didn't even realise they were doing it.

If this is the case that you feel bad about yourself, it is important to discover the reason for this predisposition. If an individual is predisposed to particular feelings, actions, or thoughts, that predisposition began somewhere. As I write these words I am reminded of an individual who was recently interviewed by the BBC (Coughlan, 2018). Coughlan reported that this young woman was brought up in a country area of America where she wasn't allowed to go to school. She was home schooled, but not much teaching went on. This young woman, it is reported, secretly bought text books, under a parental regime of obsession about the State, where even hospitals were seen as the enemy. As a child, this woman had been controlled by her parents to inhibit her hobby interests, and contact with others outside her family. Her father's paranoia even extended to having an extensive armoury to ward off potential federal agent penetration.

Even though this woman, brought up like a woodland animal appears to have her past under control, she allows her emotions to show with statements such as You can miss someone every day and still be glad you don't have to see them.

How far this woman has come emotionally since she moved to the UK and became a Gates Scholar, and conferred with her PhD from Cambridge University may be open to conjecture. This woman is discussed because her past has certainly affected who she is. And, one cannot help but wonder how much she has been affected when one reads her account of mainstream education where the biggest worry is that it sounds like such a passive, sterile process. A conveyor belt you stand on and you come out educated.

Another moderator to feeling stressed is the level of optimism. Perhaps the woman discussed above is optimistic about her future. She has reason to be optimistic since she has a story to tell, her story has been published, and her story has been discussed by the BBC. It's possible that the reason for this woman's optimism is her financial security. I wonder, however, about her emotional security, I sincerely hope this also goes well for her.

Everyone gets stressed at some time in their lives. Things that may cause us to be stressed include issues related to our age, our gender, our past educational experiences, our motivation level, our overall level of self esteem, our overall self concept and issues related to our family. Other things that cause stress relate to when we are away from home and feel home sick, when we begin a new relationship, or when we need to develop new skills. I remember leaving secondary school with no qualifications, entering a trade, and getting on with life with little self esteem, having received punitive measures at school. So how has this affected me as a clinician? I have compassion for all of my clients, but none more so than those that I learn have had similar experiences to myself.

As you, my reader, learn to overcome your difficulties, I am confident that your confidence in yourself will grow and your difficulties will become a thing of the past. My question to you  therefore is, how has your past informed your present? What is your self esteem like? You may be an excellent student, mother, father, mechanic, or doctor, but what is your confidence like? Do you really know how good you are, or is your confidence a facade for fooling others? If we know more about ourselves, then we are more able to help ourselves.

Additionally, peer evaluation is also an element of self concept. When peer evaluations are found to be negative, negative continuity exists between study habits at high school and university or the work place. Parents may feel that neighbours are critical of them. Work colleagues, from your perspective, may be looking down on you. But are they really? Perhaps they are secretly wishing they were more like you.

In my own experience when I was young, because my peers looked down upon me because of my apparent inability to study, I shied away from further study. In later life as a school teacher and now as a psychologist I example to young clients what they are able to achieve, when given the opportunity. Has anyone ever helped you to see your own potential?

How often do you participate in sports, going to the theatre or other recreational activities? It is recognised by researchers that these activities  and similar activities help to build self esteem.

It is also known that if individuals  have a positive  outlook on life, they are less likely to suffer depression due to stressful life events.

In 2008 I conducted some research in Queensland Australia. My research was conducted at a major private university and compared the levels of stress, depression, and anxiety experienced by the students at that university, with students at a state university. My research found that the students at the state university were very stressed, and most of these students were either depressed, anxious, or both depressed and anxious.

None of the students at the private university, however, were found to be stressed, anxious or depressed. My research found that the reason none of the private students were emotionally unwell was because they were enjoying their lives on campus. And, the reason for their enjoyment was found to be associated with the facilities at the university. These facilities included a sports centre that provides volleyball, swimming, cricket and tennis, among others, promoting a reversal of empowerment deficits. In a nut-shell, this means that the students felt that they had more power in their lives by participating in these activities. With this empowerment the students had an increasing  sense of accomplishment and self-actualization. They had increased motivation to setting and realizing goals, bonding with other students and broadening social skills, and they were able to promote their levels of social inclusiveness, as well as building psychological health.

At this university there are also on-campus, restaurants and a tavern where students may dampen their responses to stress and thereby reduce tension.

This research is interesting because of another important reason: Because this university is multicultural, and because there are many students at this university that come from the far east as well as western nations, and because other research tells us that Far-Eastern students are generally more stressed than Western students; that the ways in which individuals wind down is universal. That is to say, where-ever you come from in the world and whatever your cultural heritage, you can overcome stress by doing pleasant things like going to the movies, having a quiet drink with friends, or participating in sport.

I recently worked in therapy  with a woman who was aged in her middle 60’s. Prior to her retirement from teaching she had been very active, cycling, skiing, running, tennis; but now she was totally inactive. She had become a couch potato. Her husband had joined her in this past-time of watching television. Together they had forgotten what it was like to be active. As part of what is referred to as a positive psychology approach (see later in this book), they were encouraged to get back into their healthy pursuits. And together they regained not only their physical health, but their psychological health also. Thus, from the findings from the study at the University just discussed, and from the findings encountered within a clinical setting over a number of years, it may be seen that a combination of a positive psychotherapeutic approach and exercise in various settings has the potential for extremely good therapeutic outcomes for every client, including you, the reader.

CHECK TIME and HOME WORK

What do you enjoy doing for yourself? Notice I said YOURSELF, not your family, not you and your partner, not you and your family, YOU! Sometimes YOU time can include others, but not if it takes away from YOU. If doing something with others causes ANY form of distress, then it isn't YOU time.

When was the last time you did this?

Isn't it about time you made this a regular part of your life?

Your Homework - At some time during the next week, and each week from this point in time do something for yourself that you enjoy. It may be sitting by the beach watching the waves, taking a warm bath, or going for a coffee. You choose.

Ch.2 - Introduction to SELF THERAPY

When I first trained in psychology, one of the first things that we students were told is WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. We each have our own experiences during childhood, our own experiences as we develop, our own work experiences, relationship experiences etc. It follows, therefore, that in the same way that different individuals treat us based on their life experiences, we professionals should also treat our clients with difference. Because we are effectively treating our clients, though I hate that medical term, we should be treating them as individuals based on THEIR life experiences.

It is from this perspective, that this book is written. You, the reader, you, my client by proxy are different. Nobody in the world has ever had exactly the