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    Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore!
    Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore!
    Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore!
    Ebook106 pages1 hour

    Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore!

    By Angelina Assanti

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    About this ebook

    From multiple award-winning comedy writer, Angelina Assanti, comes her first non-fiction book. Determined to keep her sense of humor though cancer, she talks about what happens to a patient from diagnosis through treatment. Told she would only need surgery, she was shocked to learn she would also need chemotherapy and radiation at her post-surge

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThe City of Palms Publishing Company
    Release dateSep 27, 2016
    ISBN9780997984354
    Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore!
    Author

    Angelina Assanti

    Angelina is from a small town in Massachusetts. Growing up in New England gave her an appreciation for sarcasm. She was a radio personality then transitioned to stand-up comedy but she found her real passion when she penned her funny debut novel called "The Lottery Heiress." With the success of that first novel, she went to work on the follow-up, "Mark Taylor's Checkered Past" which went on to win a President's Award in Humor from the Florida Authors and Publishers Association. She felt legitimized as a writer being granted access to Betty Ford to do the research for that novel. In the middle of the third book in that series, Angelina found out she had cancer. After radical surgery, radiation treatments and some rounds of chemo later, she decided to write her first non-fiction book entitled, "Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore!" This book was hailed by Reader's Favorites who said, "Assanti's prose is beautiful and she knows how to connect with readers through her masterful use of humor." The book has also won two President's Awards from the Florida Authors and Publishers Association. Now she asked to speak at various events to warn people about getting their annual check-ups. Her life was saved because of early detection so now she speaks about that as well as prevention.

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    • 5/5
      I’ve never had cancer, but if I were ever diagnosed, there’s no one I’d rather have by my side than Angelina. Her natural comedic nature comes through on every page, even when I was crying over the loss of her cat. Thank God I Got Cancer is a very quick, yet very moving read, and one that left me wondering what happened next? Assanti’s story should serve as a reminder to all of us of just how lucky we are for the wonders of the medical community, but also for that human spirit that keeps us going forward one step at a time, even in the face of adversity. Angelina has my admiration, just for her ability to find something to laugh about, no matter the subject.

    Book preview

    Thank God I Got Cancer...I'm Not a Hypochondriac Anymore! - Angelina Assanti

    1

    THE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE

    We were only a month in to a new year and I already declared it the worst year of my life. Last August, my husband and I were driving back from a fabulous weekend in Boca Raton when I got a phone call that would be the first bad news in a long line of terrible things to come. I have not put all the hardships I faced in this book. After all, I hardly know you!

    My grandmother had a stroke and was in the ICU. They didn't know how bad she was. I told my mom we were on our way back home. My grandparents were not in great health, but they were maintaining their independence. This would be really difficult for my grandfather.

    He was legally blind, and his hearing was not that great, even with hearing aids. We offered to take him in, so he didn't have to be alone. He refused.

    As the weeks went by, I drove him to the hospital every day to check on my grandmother. The doctor told us they would have to release her to a nursing home because grandpa could not give her the kind of care she would need. She was in a nursing home for six weeks. While we were there, we observed a ward down the hall from her room. It was the lockdown ward. That was where they put the people suffering from dementia, and Alzheimer's disease.

    We were so glad she didn't have either of those. Those patients were loaded up with so much medicine they were like zombies.  We all agreed no one should have to live like that. There must be nothing worse than being a prisoner of your own mind. As the months went by my grandmother recovered and went back to the apartment she shared with my grandfather. 

    December

    My cat, Samson, had a lump on his chest. I was not concerned about it.

    He’d had lipoma five years previously and we were told it was going to come back.  A few weeks went by, and I noticed it had gotten huge. It was time to take Samson to the vet. As soon as the vet touched him, he told us a lump like that is always cancerous. I should've taken him in right away. I really thought it was his lipoma coming back. He did not have any symptoms. I noticed he was drinking a lot of water – a lot. But he was eating like a little pig, as he always did.

    So, I did not have any cause for concern. The doctor suggested surgery and sent his tumor away to a pathologist to tell us exactly what it was. Okay, I will stop this story and tell you – there’s a reason why I’m telling you about my cat’s cancer. Weeks went by and the prognosis was good. I was thrilled because we rescued Samson eight years ago, and he was an awesome cat.

    Meanwhile, for my grandfather, the news would not be so good. My mom drove him and my grandmother to the hospital because he had chronic shoulder pain. Still a sharp guy, we were confident he would be out in a few hours. When my mom called me later that night, she told me he’d been admitted.

    I went to see him the next day, and I think that was the last time he knew who I was.

    They had a psychologist and a neurologist visit him, and they told us he had dementia, and he would never be coming home. Grandpa had a tough life. He was one of 11 children and his mom put him and two of his siblings in an orphanage because she could not afford all of them. Grandpa never wanted to show affection. Maybe that's where I get it from.

    I know what you're thinking – I thought this was supposed to be a funny book - we're getting there. I need to give you background information first, so you know my frame of mind when all this was going on. Don't worry, it gets funny when I'm diagnosed with cancer.

    God, that is Sad!

    My mom researched the residential care facilities in the area and made an educated decision. One was sold to us as a rehab facility center. My grandfather was an active guy. We did not want zombified like the patients at the rehab where my grandmother went for her rehabilitation. We were told this too was a rehab facility and that he would be active, and the staff would be interacting with him and giving him exercise.

    None of this was true. He wound up being confined to a wheelchair. Every time he would try to get up an alarm went off. They were not giving him exercise. They were not even providing decent meals. This facility was like punishment. It treated the patients with memory issues like prisoners. They kept them so drugged-up they were not even conscious most of the time.

    Back to the cat

    We got the pathology report back. By then the vet had already seen Samson for his post-op check-up and said it looked Samson would be okay. They thought they removed all the cancer during his surgery. But he had Fibrosarcoma, which is always terminal for cats and dogs. One month after the surgery the lump was back. This was absolutely devastating. The vet said we needed to put him down. There was nothing we could do. I would not hear of it. How did this happen? How do you prepare for devastating news when you were told there would be a different outcome?

    2

    THIS ISN’T HELPING MY HYPOCHONDRIA

    Icontacted a holistic doctor I know and tried a Native American recipe for healing. It looked like it was working

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