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    Potty Humor: Jokes That Should Stink, But Don't
    Potty Humor: Jokes That Should Stink, But Don't
    Potty Humor: Jokes That Should Stink, But Don't
    Ebook303 pages1 hour

    Potty Humor: Jokes That Should Stink, But Don't

    By Brian Boone

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    About this ebook

    Get ready for the hundreds of gross-out groaners to be found on the pages of Potty Humor! From the folks who brought you Dad Jokes and Dad Jokes Too, here’s an entire book devoted to pee jokes, poop jokes, barf jokes, and more. This volume of icky humor will have your friends and family cringing and moaning all year long!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOpen Road Integrated Media
    Release dateSep 1, 2020
    ISBN9781645177197
    Potty Humor: Jokes That Should Stink, But Don't
    Author

    Brian Boone

    Brian Boone is an editor and writer for the bestselling Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader line of trivia and humor books. He wrote I Love Rock n’ Roll (Except When I Hate It) and coauthored American Inventions: Big Ideas That Changed Modern Life and How to Make Paper Airplanes. He has contributed to How Stuff Works, Barnes & Noble Reads, McSweeney’s, Splitsider, Someecards, The Onion, Adult Swim, and Funny or Die. He lives in Oregon with his family.

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      Book preview

      Potty Humor - Brian Boone

      NUMBER ONE

      Pee Jokes

      When we first started this book, we didn’t have any pee jokes.

      But then they started to trickle in.

      ________________

      Do you like jokes about pee?

      Urine luck!

      ________________

      Q: Why do teenagers always go to the bathroom in groups of three, five, or seven?

      A: Because they can’t even.

      ________________

      Dad: How was the first day of summer, son?

      Kid: It was great! I saw the world’s biggest urinal!

      Dad: I thought you went to the city swimming pool?

      Kid: Oh, is that what it’s called?

      ________________

      The real reason men prefer showers to baths: because peeing in the bath is disgusting.

      ________________

      Two boys head into the school bathroom and go into separate stalls. They finish at about the same time.

      The first boy goes to the sink to wash his hands, while the second boy heads for the door. The first boy asks, Hey, aren’t you going to wash your hands? I was taught that you always wash your hands after using the bathroom.

      The second boy just laughs and says, Well, I was taught to not pee on my hands.

      Knock-knock!

      Who’s there?

      Impatient bladder.

      Impatient bladder wh—

      Well, there it goes.

      ________________

      While out on his adventures in Sherwood Forest, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and such, Robin Hood never once had to risk capture by stopping to find a bathroom. That’s because he always had a Little John at his side.

      ________________

      Q: What kind of bathroom is common at the North Pole?

      A: Ig-loos.

      ________________

      Q: What kind of beverage would you give to someone too drunk to use the bathroom?

      A: A slur-pee.

      ________________

      A little boy in church needed to go to the bathroom. Mom, can I go take a dump? he asks. Yes, his mother replies, but next time don’t say ‘dump’—say ‘whisper.’ It’s far less crude. The next Sunday, the boy is sitting by his father, and again he needed to use the bathroom. Dad, I have to whisper, the boy said. Okay, the father replied. Whisper in my ear.

      ________________

      Knock-knock!

      Who’s there?

      Urine.

      Urine who?

      Urine ice person to help me get to the bathroom on time.

      ________________

      Have you ever heard of an ool?

      That’s a pool with no p. (They’re very rare.)

      ________________

      I just love pee jokes.

      To me, they’re comedy gold.

      ________________

      Q: What kind of exercise do you do after having too many Starbucks drinks?

      A: Pee-lattes.

      ________________

      Knock-knock!

      Who’s there?

      Florida.

      Florida who?

      Florida bathroom is all wet!

      ________________

      Man: Hey, where’s the urology office?

      Receptionist: Just follow the yellow brick road.

      ________________

      Q: What is your doctor’s favorite beverage?

      A: Probably those cups full of urine she always asks for.

      ________________

      There are two types of people in this world:

      those that pee in the shower, and liars.

      ________________

      Knock-knock!

      Who’s there?

      Dino.

      Dino who?

      Dino you’re in there, I can hear you peeing!

      ________________

      On the first day of school, a kindergarten teacher tells the class, If anyone needs to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. A kid pipes up, How is that supposed to help?

      ________________

      Q: What’s 20 feet long and smells like pee?

      A: The conga line at the old folks’ home.

      ________________

      Husband: Should the kids pee before we get on the plane?

      Wife: Yeah. I should go pee myself.

      Husband: Or you could just use the bathroom over there.

      Three kids are walking through a forest when they come across a giant slide. A wizard stands beside it and tells the kids that whatever drink they want will appear on the slide as they go down it.

      The first kid gets on the slide and shouts, Root beer!

      The second kid goes down the slide and shouts, Lemonade!

      The third kid hits the slide and shouts, Weeeeee!

      ________________

      Q: How are toilet bowls like wedding anniversaries?

      A: Men tend to miss them both.

      ________________

      A man broke up with his girlfriend and moved into a new apartment. He adopted a dog to keep himself company, and every day he took that dog for a walk past his ex-girlfriend’s place. And every day, that dog would pee on her flowerbeds. It was a classic case of Spot marks the ex.

      ________________

      Q: Why do dogs stop to smell every single tree, bush, and pole when you take them for a walk?

      A: They’re just checking their pee-mail.

      ________________

      A man finishes peeing and his wife walks in after him. Hey, she asks, did you just pee and not flush? Yes, he said. It’s pretty clear.

      ________________

      Maternity nurse: Ma’am, do you need to go to the bathroom?

      Woman: Yes, I could stand to pee.

      Husband: No, honey, you should probably sit down so it doesn’t go everywhere.

      ________________

      I remember this time when I was 10 years old and I wet the bed. My mom got so angry.

      I was standing on her nightstand when she woke up.

      ________________

      Knock-knock!

      Who’s there?

      Stella.

      Stella who?

      Stella ’fraid of peeing your pants?

      My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down.

      I don’t know why I’d been carrying it around in the first place.

      An elderly couple sees their doctor for their annual checkup. The man is up first, and tells the doctor, I’m eating well, and I’m still in control of my bladder and my bowels. My only concern is that when I get up at night, some unknown force turns on the bathroom light for me.

      The doctor says nothing and goes to the next room to talk to the wife. Your husband says that when he gets up at night to pee, some unknown force turns on the light. Do you know what he means by that? he asks.

      Darn it, she sighs. He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.

      ________________

      Q: What do old people and swimming pools have in common?

      A: They’re both full of pee, but only one can actually hold their water.

      ________________

      Q: What question did Shakespeare ask right before he went to the bathroom?

      A: To pee, or not to pee?

      ________________

      Patient: Doctor, you’ve got to help me. It really hurts when I pee!

      Doctor: Does it burn?

      Patient: I don’t know, I’ve never set it on fire.

      ________________

      Q: What kind of nut pees into its own facial hair?

      A: A pee-stache-io.

      ________________

      A kid asks, Hey, Dad, what’s our IP address?

      The father walks him to the bathroom and points at the toilet.

      ________________

      Q: If a nut on the wall is a walnut, what do you call a nut in a toilet?

      A: A

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