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~KittyKage
When I open for commissions it is announced through my journal, and a form is made available to fill in.
I do not accept commissions via notes or instant messages.
I will respond to questions of what I might take for a commission, but I will not promise a slot ahead of opening.
View my comm queue linked below to get an idea how far away I might be from opening
Commission Queue and Projects
Bluesky
I do not always have responses to comments, but I read and appreciate them all.
Stats
Comments Earned: 7398
Comments Made: 3429
Journals: 14
Comments Made: 3429
Journals: 14
Recent Journal
The state of my mind
a month ago
This is a journal about my fear, and is probably going to be a bit of a ramble, I'm not sure what I want to say or how I want to say it. The last number of years have been.. Rough, I've already told some of the events to friends but I won't go into it here. At least I have finally told some people rather than kept it bottled up inside any longer than I already had.
I have experienced things that have stuck with me, they have followed me for years, and it stopped me from experiencing my life. I couldn't tell if I was feeling joy, I would cry sometimes without knowing why or even sometimes realising that I was. The memories took their toll on me, as much as I pretended they didn't or glossed over their existence, I did not realise how badly it was affecting me until about a year ago when I finally started to take a close look at myself, I had been avoiding doing so for a long time. I had started hiding away from the world and friends, and I have had trouble opening up and trusting people even with simple things, rarely even leaving the house.
It has taken time and effort I have been managing to pull myself out of that pit, I have been able to tell that I'm experiencing fun again, and been wanting to talk with friends more, to stop hiding. I still slide back occasionally, it is a struggle even to tell someone that I'm going AFK or heading to bed, like I don't want to share even the smallest detail. It feels like opening up in any slight way will put me in very real danger. I'm trying to tell that feeling to bugger off, I have managed more successfully of late, but sometimes it comes on so strongly and without warning.
I'm trying to improve, and I know have the support of my friends even if I find it difficult to open up to their efforts or let them know that I appreciate them. That I'm able to write this at all is proof that I am no longer stuck in that pit and can climb out, even if I fall back into it sometimes. It's as much for myself to know that and to be able to believe it, as it is to let others know. I still have healing to do, I may still have for a long while to come.
I have experienced things that have stuck with me, they have followed me for years, and it stopped me from experiencing my life. I couldn't tell if I was feeling joy, I would cry sometimes without knowing why or even sometimes realising that I was. The memories took their toll on me, as much as I pretended they didn't or glossed over their existence, I did not realise how badly it was affecting me until about a year ago when I finally started to take a close look at myself, I had been avoiding doing so for a long time. I had started hiding away from the world and friends, and I have had trouble opening up and trusting people even with simple things, rarely even leaving the house.
It has taken time and effort I have been managing to pull myself out of that pit, I have been able to tell that I'm experiencing fun again, and been wanting to talk with friends more, to stop hiding. I still slide back occasionally, it is a struggle even to tell someone that I'm going AFK or heading to bed, like I don't want to share even the smallest detail. It feels like opening up in any slight way will put me in very real danger. I'm trying to tell that feeling to bugger off, I have managed more successfully of late, but sometimes it comes on so strongly and without warning.
I'm trying to improve, and I know have the support of my friends even if I find it difficult to open up to their efforts or let them know that I appreciate them. That I'm able to write this at all is proof that I am no longer stuck in that pit and can climb out, even if I fall back into it sometimes. It's as much for myself to know that and to be able to believe it, as it is to let others know. I still have healing to do, I may still have for a long while to come.
I'm glad you liked it enough to recall it two years hence. :>
Deft with heft~
Thank you for saying so about my weird words.
Was it that post from SolarDelton that brought you over, by the way? :}===<
CorneliousRR