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Pleasing People: How not to be an approval junkie
Are you a people pleaser? Are you addicted to “approval” from others, and would do just about anything to get that approval? Biblical counselor Lou Priolo exposes all the prideful manifestations of this problem and, as always, offers solid, systematic Biblical solutions! Even readers who feel that they do not have this problem should read this helpful book, because what you don’t know can and will hurt you and others.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 30, 2007
About the author
Lou Priolo
62 books39 followersLOU PRIOLO is the Director of Biblical Counseling at Eastwood Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, Alabama. A graduate of Calvary Bible College and Liberty University, he is the author of The Heart of Anger , and The Complete Husband. Lou is also a Fellow in the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors. He resides in Wetumpka, Alabama with his wife, Kim, and daughters, Sophia and Gabriella.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
July 8, 2024
I've been looking forward to reading this book for quite some time! This book is filled with a plethora of applicable information. I loved the perspective the author brought to the topic. I hope to add a physical copy to my home library one day. 3.5-4 stars. ✨
February 25, 2023
Very good. I enjoy Priolo’s writing - clear, convicting, and biblical.
June 24, 2024
This was a GREAT book. Fantastically written and it was very helpful. Although, my reason for 4 stars was the over repetitiveness of this book. Could’ve totally been a MUCH shorter book and there was just too many points in one chapter that could’ve definitely been turned from 5 points to 2. BUT, ON A GOOD NOTE, it was very beneficial for me.
June 12, 2011
The desire for man's approval can be a driving, ruthless force in our lives. Before reading this book, I imagined who Lou Priolo calls an approval addict, or a people-pleaser, as a very kind, humble person with perhaps a bit too much of a servant's heart. However, rather than a misguided servant, the people-pleaser is self-centered, conceited, and even dangerous. Self-interest in the people-pleaser's motivation. They will do almost anything to get the approval of others.
The good works a people-pleaser does to get approval may outwardly seem irreproachable. Instead of loving his neighbor as himself, the people-pleaser loves himself. He may do what externally seem like good works, but because they are done with a self-serving interest, they do not count. The Pharisees were famous for their shows of religious acts, but their righteousness was only outward. People-pleasers are experts at polishing their exterior to perfection, just like the Pharisees, but inwardly their hearts are not right. God wants our hearts, and we are to serve Him with sincerity. Loving the approval of man leads you to do good works in order to get the praise of man. Our desire should be to glorify God, not ourselves.
The root of the people-pleaser's problem is pride. They have themselves reigning on the thrones of their hearts. No matter what they do, they have self-interest and pride as their motivation. Some people-pleasers are involved in so many ministries and activities they cannot fulfill their responsibilities. Saying "yes" to one thing may mean saying "no" to something that ought to be a priority. Sometimes we don't want to have to admit that we can't do everything. We sometimes don't want people to think badly of us for not participating in what they think we should participate in. The truth is that we should be more concerned about fulfilling our God-given responsibilities. Humility doesn't demand people think well of us.
People-pleasers do not appreciate correction. In fact, they hate it. Because they are so absorbed in their self-image, any attempt to correct or suggest a need for improvement is seen as a threat. They value their pride more than the truth. They fail to see that before honor comes humility (Pro. 18:12). The people-pleaser wants the prestige of positions in authority, without being willing to take on the responsibilities and hard work that such a position requires.
Worrying what people will think of us affects our ability to resolve conflicts properly. It's not a good idea to brush everything under the rug so that all can be peaceful. This isn't true peace. A people-pleaser wants the approval of others so much he is not willing to risk their disapproval in confronting them. Also, he doesn't want to appear too sensitive to offenses, when in reality a Biblical approach would be to approach the offender and resolve the conflict. If the person you correct does not respond properly to your correction, his friendship is not worth having. In not receiving reproof, he demonstrates his friendship with the world - he embraces the philosophies and mindsets of the world. James 4:4 says that friendship with the world is enmity with God. Since this is so, you shouldn't desire to be friends with such a person.
A God-pleaser, as opposed to a people-pleaser, loves God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength. In other words, he loves the approval of God more than the approval of man. This love for God results in a genuine love for his neighbor. The God-pleaser serves others, not for his own glory, but for God's. Loving your neighbor as yourself is something the people-pleaser does not understand. It involves making it your goal to help others achieve their God-given goals. Unlike the people-pleaser, he is able to see and meet the genuine needs of others. Everything he does is motivated by his love for God. If, in following God and the truth, others mock and despise him, the God-pleaser may be grieved but he will not change his ways. He is firmly rooted in his faith. He values truth more than friends.
The good works a people-pleaser does to get approval may outwardly seem irreproachable. Instead of loving his neighbor as himself, the people-pleaser loves himself. He may do what externally seem like good works, but because they are done with a self-serving interest, they do not count. The Pharisees were famous for their shows of religious acts, but their righteousness was only outward. People-pleasers are experts at polishing their exterior to perfection, just like the Pharisees, but inwardly their hearts are not right. God wants our hearts, and we are to serve Him with sincerity. Loving the approval of man leads you to do good works in order to get the praise of man. Our desire should be to glorify God, not ourselves.
The root of the people-pleaser's problem is pride. They have themselves reigning on the thrones of their hearts. No matter what they do, they have self-interest and pride as their motivation. Some people-pleasers are involved in so many ministries and activities they cannot fulfill their responsibilities. Saying "yes" to one thing may mean saying "no" to something that ought to be a priority. Sometimes we don't want to have to admit that we can't do everything. We sometimes don't want people to think badly of us for not participating in what they think we should participate in. The truth is that we should be more concerned about fulfilling our God-given responsibilities. Humility doesn't demand people think well of us.
People-pleasers do not appreciate correction. In fact, they hate it. Because they are so absorbed in their self-image, any attempt to correct or suggest a need for improvement is seen as a threat. They value their pride more than the truth. They fail to see that before honor comes humility (Pro. 18:12). The people-pleaser wants the prestige of positions in authority, without being willing to take on the responsibilities and hard work that such a position requires.
Worrying what people will think of us affects our ability to resolve conflicts properly. It's not a good idea to brush everything under the rug so that all can be peaceful. This isn't true peace. A people-pleaser wants the approval of others so much he is not willing to risk their disapproval in confronting them. Also, he doesn't want to appear too sensitive to offenses, when in reality a Biblical approach would be to approach the offender and resolve the conflict. If the person you correct does not respond properly to your correction, his friendship is not worth having. In not receiving reproof, he demonstrates his friendship with the world - he embraces the philosophies and mindsets of the world. James 4:4 says that friendship with the world is enmity with God. Since this is so, you shouldn't desire to be friends with such a person.
A God-pleaser, as opposed to a people-pleaser, loves God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength. In other words, he loves the approval of God more than the approval of man. This love for God results in a genuine love for his neighbor. The God-pleaser serves others, not for his own glory, but for God's. Loving your neighbor as yourself is something the people-pleaser does not understand. It involves making it your goal to help others achieve their God-given goals. Unlike the people-pleaser, he is able to see and meet the genuine needs of others. Everything he does is motivated by his love for God. If, in following God and the truth, others mock and despise him, the God-pleaser may be grieved but he will not change his ways. He is firmly rooted in his faith. He values truth more than friends.
July 5, 2020
I didn’t love this book or its tone really but it was convicting and full of scripture.
February 3, 2021
There is nothing particularly wrong with this book, it's biblical, it's a good mix of theology and some practical suggestions, but it's just too long and repetitive.
Almost every chapter has a list of 10 points, and all the points are so similar that they all merge into one. I found it very repetitive. Also the number of quotes from Richard Baxter is overwhelming, it almost makes me feel like the author should have just pointed to his book rather than written a new one.
I skim-read most of the second half which was on how to please God. Most of it was basic lessons for living with Christ: How to clothe yourself with humility, ask for forgiveness and forgive others, serve others, read your bible, pray etc. Useful probably if you are new to the faith, but there are other books that explore these topics more fully.
What I did find it really helpful was in the second half of the book where thought processes of the people pleaser vs the God pleaser were compared. For me, the example that stood out was
People pleaser: "I'll probably make a fool of myself"
God pleaser: "If I make a fool of myself, so be it. I'm more concerned about meeting his needs than I am about what he thinks of me".
There are some real gems in this book, it just takes some digging to find them.
Almost every chapter has a list of 10 points, and all the points are so similar that they all merge into one. I found it very repetitive. Also the number of quotes from Richard Baxter is overwhelming, it almost makes me feel like the author should have just pointed to his book rather than written a new one.
I skim-read most of the second half which was on how to please God. Most of it was basic lessons for living with Christ: How to clothe yourself with humility, ask for forgiveness and forgive others, serve others, read your bible, pray etc. Useful probably if you are new to the faith, but there are other books that explore these topics more fully.
What I did find it really helpful was in the second half of the book where thought processes of the people pleaser vs the God pleaser were compared. For me, the example that stood out was
People pleaser: "I'll probably make a fool of myself"
God pleaser: "If I make a fool of myself, so be it. I'm more concerned about meeting his needs than I am about what he thinks of me".
There are some real gems in this book, it just takes some digging to find them.
November 15, 2020
¿Qué es el temor al hombre? ¿Cómo me afecta y cómo lo detengo?
El temor al hombre es de los pecados que más nos daña y que menos atendemos. Llegamos a temerle más a las personas y a lo que pensarán de nosotros de lo que tememos a Dios y lo que él piensa de nosotros.
En este libro Lou trata de ayudarnos a evaluar de dónde viene ese temor, hacer una profunda introspección, entender y reconocer el pecado qué hay detrás de todo esto. Además nos da toda una perspectiva bíblica de cómo luce alguien que busca agradar a Dios en todo, termina con varios consejos prácticos para vivir el día a día intentando complacer más al Dios vivo que nos ha salvado que a otros seres humanos igual de pecadores e imperfectos que nosotros. 100% recomendado.
El temor al hombre es de los pecados que más nos daña y que menos atendemos. Llegamos a temerle más a las personas y a lo que pensarán de nosotros de lo que tememos a Dios y lo que él piensa de nosotros.
En este libro Lou trata de ayudarnos a evaluar de dónde viene ese temor, hacer una profunda introspección, entender y reconocer el pecado qué hay detrás de todo esto. Además nos da toda una perspectiva bíblica de cómo luce alguien que busca agradar a Dios en todo, termina con varios consejos prácticos para vivir el día a día intentando complacer más al Dios vivo que nos ha salvado que a otros seres humanos igual de pecadores e imperfectos que nosotros. 100% recomendado.
September 27, 2023
This book is wonderful! It really breaks down the sin of people pleasing in a practical way. It helps in both understanding where the sinful desire to please people comes from and how to fight that sin in your own life, with plenty of Scripture to back up the points made. The quiz at the beginning of the book was especially beneficial in evaluating how much hold this particular sin has in your life.
May 15, 2017
This book was a hard book as it exposed so many of my sinful tendencies to live for the approval of others. But as much as it wounded me, it led me to Christ as the ultimate source of healing and grace. Not only did it show me the depths of my sin, but it showed me the approval that I long for is found in the gospel of Christ.
October 6, 2021
Excellent. Not an easy read, especially if you are a people pleaser, but its full of truth because it's full of God's word. Worthy of multiple rereads.
July 25, 2016
The scope of my review includes more than just the book. It includes a lot of personal context at the time of reading - things I have been wrestling with lately, specifically sanctification and assurance. The next paragraph is the most relevant to the book. The later ones are more personal.
Outstanding. The best strength of this book (consistent with another of the author's books that I have read) is the way the author can bring out new or deeper insight into a passage of Scripture that I have read before. He does this by offering a thoughtful explanation or question that nearly compels application. This strength of the author makes many points more memorable and impactful. As with many other similar books, sometimes the illustrations distract rather than assist, but this is a minor flaw.
By reading this book I have been convicted of how much I am enslaved to fear of man, how swollen my pride is beyond my abilities and ambition, and how selfishly I live. I have been greatly encouraged though, by reading this book and the counsel of Scripture, that I have freedom and strength to change. The book, echoing many others, reminded me that the path to freedom and peace is loving God above all else, drawing life and identity from Him, seeking to please Him, and being thus filled to overflowing to love and serve others.
How to do this daily is the rub. It is hard, painful work to believe what God has said, believe that He has given me power to change, deny my desires and obey Him. Every day I choose the "easier" path and cave to the fear of man (amongst many other things). Selfishness in my flesh, doubt in my mind and the hardness of heart that develops from always caving in wage war against what I know and believe to be true. A life-long habit of sowing to the flesh feels impossible to change. I don't recall the author explaining the difficulty of sanctification, but his specific points and applications (I hope) will be helpful to remember and begin practicing ways to seek to please God more than man.
Outstanding. The best strength of this book (consistent with another of the author's books that I have read) is the way the author can bring out new or deeper insight into a passage of Scripture that I have read before. He does this by offering a thoughtful explanation or question that nearly compels application. This strength of the author makes many points more memorable and impactful. As with many other similar books, sometimes the illustrations distract rather than assist, but this is a minor flaw.
By reading this book I have been convicted of how much I am enslaved to fear of man, how swollen my pride is beyond my abilities and ambition, and how selfishly I live. I have been greatly encouraged though, by reading this book and the counsel of Scripture, that I have freedom and strength to change. The book, echoing many others, reminded me that the path to freedom and peace is loving God above all else, drawing life and identity from Him, seeking to please Him, and being thus filled to overflowing to love and serve others.
How to do this daily is the rub. It is hard, painful work to believe what God has said, believe that He has given me power to change, deny my desires and obey Him. Every day I choose the "easier" path and cave to the fear of man (amongst many other things). Selfishness in my flesh, doubt in my mind and the hardness of heart that develops from always caving in wage war against what I know and believe to be true. A life-long habit of sowing to the flesh feels impossible to change. I don't recall the author explaining the difficulty of sanctification, but his specific points and applications (I hope) will be helpful to remember and begin practicing ways to seek to please God more than man.
February 9, 2024
I arguably haven’t read a book nearly as convicting as Lou Priolo’s “Pleasing People” since “The Screwtape Letters.” Mr. Priolo’s writing stands tall with other titans of the faith like Lewis, Tozer, Lutzer, and Ray Comfort. Without a doubt, I think this book is required reading for any serious Christian; the sin of people pleasing takes various forms.
Priolo uses an abundance of Scriptural evidence to help the reader discern the proper distinction between seeking the approval of man and seeking the approval of God. “People Pleasing,” also called “Fear of Man,” or even more simply called, “Pride,” is an idol of the heart. It is a sin that I still wrestle with significantly. I’ve born the weight of people pleasing for many years, and mostly out of fear.
This book isn’t a comfortable read to lackadaisically enjoy with a cappu-frappu-chocolate-cino-latte after listening to Hillsong music and reading a daily chapter of “Jesus Calling” or anything by Joyce Meyer (in fact, I would caution every believer against those things - but I reckon the coffee is the most neutral pairing). This is a textbook on “training in righteousness.” This book was a hard read for me. I took a lot of breaks; some of which were because I was offended at the exposure of my sin, and some of which were because I was too ashamed to continue reading for the day. The Lord has used this book to expose sin and weakness in my life, but He has not left me hopelessly crushed. The guidance in this book is 100% biblical Truth, and I will return to it for continual spiritual nourishment as I do with “The Screwtape Letters” and “The Pursuit of God” for many years to come.
“Pride is an insidious thing. Just when you are convinced that you have one of its tentacles under control, another one snakes out to grab you. Oh, it has probably been there all along, but you never saw it be-fore. So off you go to try to bring it under the Spirit's control, and in time, by God's grace, you do. Then, just as you're thinking you've got it under control, out wriggles another one. Pride is like a garment with a million secret pockets that you're constantly discovering.”
Priolo uses an abundance of Scriptural evidence to help the reader discern the proper distinction between seeking the approval of man and seeking the approval of God. “People Pleasing,” also called “Fear of Man,” or even more simply called, “Pride,” is an idol of the heart. It is a sin that I still wrestle with significantly. I’ve born the weight of people pleasing for many years, and mostly out of fear.
This book isn’t a comfortable read to lackadaisically enjoy with a cappu-frappu-chocolate-cino-latte after listening to Hillsong music and reading a daily chapter of “Jesus Calling” or anything by Joyce Meyer (in fact, I would caution every believer against those things - but I reckon the coffee is the most neutral pairing). This is a textbook on “training in righteousness.” This book was a hard read for me. I took a lot of breaks; some of which were because I was offended at the exposure of my sin, and some of which were because I was too ashamed to continue reading for the day. The Lord has used this book to expose sin and weakness in my life, but He has not left me hopelessly crushed. The guidance in this book is 100% biblical Truth, and I will return to it for continual spiritual nourishment as I do with “The Screwtape Letters” and “The Pursuit of God” for many years to come.
“Pride is an insidious thing. Just when you are convinced that you have one of its tentacles under control, another one snakes out to grab you. Oh, it has probably been there all along, but you never saw it be-fore. So off you go to try to bring it under the Spirit's control, and in time, by God's grace, you do. Then, just as you're thinking you've got it under control, out wriggles another one. Pride is like a garment with a million secret pockets that you're constantly discovering.”
July 28, 2024
Dr. Lou Priolo’s book, “Pleasing People” has a central focus of shifting one’s ambition in life to pleasing God and loving God‘s approval rather than loving the approval of man. This book is rich with Scripture and reveals how prevalent and serious the sin of people pleasing is. It exposes the sinful desires and motives and how often we are more concerned with the opinion of fallible men rather than the opinion of the infallible God. The book also reveals how people pleasing robs believers of joy and peace which are birthrights for Christians. It exposes the problem and the dangers of people pleasing while also teaching how one can change. Priolo emphasizes that change comes through the Holy Spirit applying the word of God to our hearts to lead to transformation. He reminds us that it’s not enough to simply stop the bad behavior but we also need to put on Godly behavior. Priolo teaches the reader how to shift their focus towards the things that are above and not towards the things of this earth. He teaches how to become a God pleaser rather than a people pleaser. He teaches how to replace the fear of man with the fear of God. He teaches how pride is at the core of people pleasing and how we must clothe ourselves in the humility of Christ. This book will transform how you see God, yourself, and those around you. It will help you to be set free from the bondage of people pleasing and to become more heavenly minded. I highly recommend this book to anyone who finds themselves being too concerned about their reputation and worried about what others think of them. This book will help you to take every thought captive and make them obedient to Christ and will renew your mind!
August 11, 2024
Excellent. This book was definitely heavy at times because of how convicting it was to me. It is super loaded with scripture and offers an honest look at the sin of fearing man more than God. The first part of the book deals primarily with the dangers of living to please people, ways people pleasing manifests itself, and why living to please man is pointless. The second half of the book deals with what it looks like to live to please God and ways to fight against the sin of fearing man. I appreciated the points about how pleasing people is just a manifestation of pride and how living with an eternal perspective can be one way to fight this sin. The heart journal in the appendix as well as the explanation of how to use it to examine the heart motives around specific instances of fearing man and how to replace those motives/thought patterns/desires with the truth of scripture seems like a very helpful tool.
September 6, 2020
Highly recommend!! Excellent read for those of us struggling with pride and people pleasing. I didn’t realize how helpful and necessary this book would be - will definitely be Re-reading it and keeping it close.
August 24, 2024
I thought I wasn't a people pleaser, because I can easily go against the peer pressure and culture. But I learned that there are so many facets of people pleasing, and I certainly have a few of them. Lou Priolo convicts and helps to recover from this habit. Practical book for a respected sin.
May we become God pleasers instead of people pleasers!
May we become God pleasers instead of people pleasers!
November 6, 2024
Super convicting and thought provoking
October 5, 2022
I think I was expecting something else. Didn’t really learn anything new. All ideas were basic/ common sense to me. A good reminder though. Some of the tone of the book I didn’t like but may appeal to other.
I would think this book would be more for those who are active Counselors. A good guide/ resource book.
I appreciated how all Scripture was printed out.
I would think this book would be more for those who are active Counselors. A good guide/ resource book.
I appreciated how all Scripture was printed out.
December 2, 2024
This is my second or third time through this book and it won't be my last. I am so grateful for Lou Priolo's specific examples of how this sin manifests in my life and how I can change my thinking and actions by the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome it. Being a slave to people's approval is an absolutely miserable way to live; making it my ambition to please God and God alone is abundant life and peace.
October 12, 2011
This book was very challenging to read because it hit so close to home. Several times I had to stop and focus on the information and let it absorb for a few days. I appreciated that the author wrote out the scripture he used to back up his statements. I would highly recommend this book to anyone.
Read
March 26, 2015Very challenging!
January 4, 2016
Not the self-help manual you'd infer from the title, this was helpful if not earth-shatteringly wonderful
August 22, 2018
Nailed me.
June 16, 2019
A must-read for pretty much everyone except maybe Al Mohler and Ray Comfort.
December 19, 2021
This is one of the most convicting books I've ever read. One of my favorites for life!
January 10, 2024
A much needed book! It is an in-depth manual to help someone strive to be a God-pleaser instead of a man-pleaser. I gleaned much from the book. Some of my takeaways are below:
The sin of pride is at the heart of people pleasing.
Codependency (best term used in society for people pleasers) probably best falls under the category of idolatry. It is loving the approval of men more than the approval of God.
There are two sides to idolatry; the first side is neglecting God, and the second side is replacing God with a cheap substitute.
Fearing God will keep us from sin, but fearing man will bring a snare (Proverbs 29:15; John 12:42–43).
People pleasing is not keeping the peace, rather abandoning the peace of God for peace with man. It is being a coward at heart.
People pleasers rarely confront or speak to others about the sin in their lives.
The people pleaser is unsatisfied with his own life, coveting what God has given to others.
Man pleasing causes one to have many masters.
People pleasing places one under bondage because they’re attempting to please man more than please God.
Trying to please man will cause you to lose rewards — Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18
The inordinate desire to please men will blind you from sin — Matthew 23:16-26
Pride tempts you to change things in your life according to man’s priorities instead of the Holy Spirit’s agenda.
Pride focuses on changing the outward more than the inward.
Excessive love of what other think causes you to believe opinion of self over God’s opinion — John 5:44
People pleasing can cause to listen more to flattery of man than conscience and Spirit. Look into the mirror of God’s Word more than approval of man.
It’s not wrong wanting to please others as long as it doesn’t cause you to say no to the approval of God
People pleasing cause one to be indecisive.
People pleasing causes one to be a hypocrite.
The people pleaser depends more on his abilities to get friends than he depends on God to give him friends.
If pleasing God does not satisfy you, no amount of men’s approval will satisfy you.
If you want to stop being a men pleaser, work at being a God pleaser. You must have a stronger desire to please God.
The God pleaser is more concerned with what God sees on the inside, rather than what man sees on the outside.
A God pleaser programs his life by God’s Word instead of the world’s culture.
Ephesians 5:8–10 commands us to know how to please God.
It is not wrong please others, but it is wrong to love the pleasure of man to the point it places you in bondage.
Instead of asking what would please others, ask yourself what would please God.
The sin of pride is at the heart of people pleasing.
Codependency (best term used in society for people pleasers) probably best falls under the category of idolatry. It is loving the approval of men more than the approval of God.
There are two sides to idolatry; the first side is neglecting God, and the second side is replacing God with a cheap substitute.
Fearing God will keep us from sin, but fearing man will bring a snare (Proverbs 29:15; John 12:42–43).
People pleasing is not keeping the peace, rather abandoning the peace of God for peace with man. It is being a coward at heart.
People pleasers rarely confront or speak to others about the sin in their lives.
The people pleaser is unsatisfied with his own life, coveting what God has given to others.
Man pleasing causes one to have many masters.
People pleasing places one under bondage because they’re attempting to please man more than please God.
Trying to please man will cause you to lose rewards — Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18
The inordinate desire to please men will blind you from sin — Matthew 23:16-26
Pride tempts you to change things in your life according to man’s priorities instead of the Holy Spirit’s agenda.
Pride focuses on changing the outward more than the inward.
Excessive love of what other think causes you to believe opinion of self over God’s opinion — John 5:44
People pleasing can cause to listen more to flattery of man than conscience and Spirit. Look into the mirror of God’s Word more than approval of man.
It’s not wrong wanting to please others as long as it doesn’t cause you to say no to the approval of God
People pleasing cause one to be indecisive.
People pleasing causes one to be a hypocrite.
The people pleaser depends more on his abilities to get friends than he depends on God to give him friends.
If pleasing God does not satisfy you, no amount of men’s approval will satisfy you.
If you want to stop being a men pleaser, work at being a God pleaser. You must have a stronger desire to please God.
The God pleaser is more concerned with what God sees on the inside, rather than what man sees on the outside.
A God pleaser programs his life by God’s Word instead of the world’s culture.
Ephesians 5:8–10 commands us to know how to please God.
It is not wrong please others, but it is wrong to love the pleasure of man to the point it places you in bondage.
Instead of asking what would please others, ask yourself what would please God.
February 16, 2020
I’ve decided to upgrade this book from 3 stars to 4 for these two reasons:
1. It took me a lot longer to read than I anticipated, and I had to read it for a class, so I was forcing myself to read it, which caused me to start to resent it. If I had been able to read it at my leisure because I chose to, I probably would have enjoyed it more.
2. I didn’t care for the writing style, but I don’t think it’s fair to take away an entire star for that reason, and if I had done what I said in point #1, it probably wouldn’t have bothered me as much.
Now onto my thoughts.
The first two chapters were rough for me. First of all, I have known I am a people pleaser for several years and thought I was doing a really good job of removing that from my life, but I still scored fairly high (65) and was called an “approval addict” which stung. A lot. And also, in chapter one he lists (quite harshly, I might add) the negative traits of a people pleaser and in chapter two the positive traits of a non-people pleaser, but a lot of them were the exact same and he didn’t make it entirely clear the difference. I have to admit, if I hadn’t been required to read the whole thing, I probably would have quit right there.
The rest of the book was pretty good, but was a lot of what I already knew that I was already trying to accomplish in my life, so because I was trying to read it in a hurry, it got frustrating. Repetition is key, but when you already know something, repetition is annoying.
Like I said before, I didn’t care for the “tone” of the book. I can tell that the author is a very sarcastic, joking, probably loud and expressive kind of person. As I was reading, I was imagining a man jumping around narrating the book in my head. Wagging his finger for the admonishments, giving me side eye for the sarcastic parts, and a cheesy smile for the bad jokes. I would prefer a more straight to the point, give the facts and move on type of tone, this was a little over the top for me.
But, overall, the information and the enlightenment in the book would be vital to a lot of people’s lives. We live in a world of people pleasers, I can think of only a few people in my life that stuck out as someone who did their own thing no matter how people viewed them. It is rare to find a person that is more concerned about how God views them than people, even in church. So I definitely recommend the book based on that.
I don’t like that the verses are not KJV, but I’ve never seen a book on this topic written with only KJV verses, so you have to take what you can get.
1. It took me a lot longer to read than I anticipated, and I had to read it for a class, so I was forcing myself to read it, which caused me to start to resent it. If I had been able to read it at my leisure because I chose to, I probably would have enjoyed it more.
2. I didn’t care for the writing style, but I don’t think it’s fair to take away an entire star for that reason, and if I had done what I said in point #1, it probably wouldn’t have bothered me as much.
Now onto my thoughts.
The first two chapters were rough for me. First of all, I have known I am a people pleaser for several years and thought I was doing a really good job of removing that from my life, but I still scored fairly high (65) and was called an “approval addict” which stung. A lot. And also, in chapter one he lists (quite harshly, I might add) the negative traits of a people pleaser and in chapter two the positive traits of a non-people pleaser, but a lot of them were the exact same and he didn’t make it entirely clear the difference. I have to admit, if I hadn’t been required to read the whole thing, I probably would have quit right there.
The rest of the book was pretty good, but was a lot of what I already knew that I was already trying to accomplish in my life, so because I was trying to read it in a hurry, it got frustrating. Repetition is key, but when you already know something, repetition is annoying.
Like I said before, I didn’t care for the “tone” of the book. I can tell that the author is a very sarcastic, joking, probably loud and expressive kind of person. As I was reading, I was imagining a man jumping around narrating the book in my head. Wagging his finger for the admonishments, giving me side eye for the sarcastic parts, and a cheesy smile for the bad jokes. I would prefer a more straight to the point, give the facts and move on type of tone, this was a little over the top for me.
But, overall, the information and the enlightenment in the book would be vital to a lot of people’s lives. We live in a world of people pleasers, I can think of only a few people in my life that stuck out as someone who did their own thing no matter how people viewed them. It is rare to find a person that is more concerned about how God views them than people, even in church. So I definitely recommend the book based on that.
I don’t like that the verses are not KJV, but I’ve never seen a book on this topic written with only KJV verses, so you have to take what you can get.
July 7, 2023
I'm disappointed. Right from the start, this book provided me with helpful, probing questions for understanding my heart when it comes to people pleasing. As I kept reading, it ended up conveying legalistic principles that place the focus more on our behavior than our relationship with God.
A couple of application points — for example, the idea that being critical of authority results from a people pleasing heart — were stretches, and did not clearly relate to the proof texts the author used to support them. They sounded more like rules from 2000s evangelical American culture than from the Bible. I also felt demeaned by a few comments the book made about women.
I appreciate this author's ability to probe deeply into matters of the heart, but I would not recommend this book to anyone. There are resources out there that draw on similar themes while centering on the grace and love we've received through Jesus Christ rather than a checklist of things we need to do to earn God's favor. I hope this author and anyone who's read this book has grown in their knowledge of that truth over the last decade and a half.
A couple of application points — for example, the idea that being critical of authority results from a people pleasing heart — were stretches, and did not clearly relate to the proof texts the author used to support them. They sounded more like rules from 2000s evangelical American culture than from the Bible. I also felt demeaned by a few comments the book made about women.
I appreciate this author's ability to probe deeply into matters of the heart, but I would not recommend this book to anyone. There are resources out there that draw on similar themes while centering on the grace and love we've received through Jesus Christ rather than a checklist of things we need to do to earn God's favor. I hope this author and anyone who's read this book has grown in their knowledge of that truth over the last decade and a half.
February 14, 2018
precise, clear, practical and explicitly biblical
Pleasing People addressed a significant need in my own heart. I am personally thankful for Lou's direct approach to tackling this needful topic. The book opens with a helpful assessment tool that draws the reader in to his need for biblical help on the issue. What follows is an exhaustive treatment of the topic of living for the praise and applause of men over the praise and applause of God.
My only reason for 4 stars instead of 5 is the book's length. It does tend to drag some toward the end, though the author is unapologetic for this. He does his best to address the topic from every angle, and it could be considered a one-stop shop for counseling someone through this pervasive issue.
Pleasing People addressed a significant need in my own heart. I am personally thankful for Lou's direct approach to tackling this needful topic. The book opens with a helpful assessment tool that draws the reader in to his need for biblical help on the issue. What follows is an exhaustive treatment of the topic of living for the praise and applause of men over the praise and applause of God.
My only reason for 4 stars instead of 5 is the book's length. It does tend to drag some toward the end, though the author is unapologetic for this. He does his best to address the topic from every angle, and it could be considered a one-stop shop for counseling someone through this pervasive issue.
September 28, 2022
Took me a while to finish, because it became a “backup” book for me, but it was good. The best parts for me were the examples… those hit me personally, and hit on some of the exact phrases I hear in conversations everywhere: in counseling, at church, with friends, etc.
I appreciated most how the author did not shy away from getting to the prideful root of almost all of our people-pleasing tendencies, yet still found a way to show how we can view our neighbor biblically. For example, we don’t stop being kind to people, but you stop being kind in order to be SEEN as a kind person.
It was an interesting book; not one that became a favorite, but good.
I appreciated most how the author did not shy away from getting to the prideful root of almost all of our people-pleasing tendencies, yet still found a way to show how we can view our neighbor biblically. For example, we don’t stop being kind to people, but you stop being kind in order to be SEEN as a kind person.
It was an interesting book; not one that became a favorite, but good.
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