Lyn's Reviews > Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

The year is 2114 and in an upstairs apartment in Lower Tadfield, Oxfordshire, England four people – Marge, Ron, Neville and Madam Tracey – sit around a table. They are gathered for a séance.

Madam Tracey: I can feel my spirit guide approaching.

Marge: Ooooo, this is exciting!

Madam Tracey: [In a dark brown voice] How! [Then in her normal voice] Geronimo is that you? [And again in the deep voice] Yes, this’n is me.

Neville: This is just like in that old book by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens, I mean JUST like it!

Madam Tracey: [In the Geronimo voice] How you mean?

Ron: I read that book, you’re right; there is a spiritual medium who pretends to be led into the spirit world by Geronimo!

Madam Tracey: Eh, gentlemen, please, you must concentrate … Um, hey, wait a minute; I really am feeling a presence!

Freddy Mercury: [singing] Can anybody find me, somebody to love?

Neville: What?? Who’s that? Where did that voice come from, is that Freddy Mercury?

Freddy: Yes, Neville, it is I, Freddy Mercury, coming to you from the Great Beyond! This séance has created a paranormal gateway by the mention of Pratchett and Gaiman’s collaboration.

Terry Pratchett: Hello! What have we here?

Neil Gaiman: It appears that we have intruded upon a séance, I feel invited, don’t you?

Terry: I do, as well, Neil, and how is everyone tonight?

[the table sits in stunned, awkward silence]

Freddy: Onstage, I was a devil. But I was hardly a social reject, may we be included in your séance, you were attempting to contact the spirit world weren’t you?

Marge: Um, well, I wanted to speak to my deceased sister Pamela.

Terry: Now there’s a lovely girl, dear, dear Pamela.

Neville: Wait! I see, we mentioned your book Good Omens and we are here with Madam Tracey, and …

Neil: And here we are, lovely to join you, also nice to see Lower Tadfield still standing after all this time, and that you remember us. Yes, Good Omens was a first-rate occult book, full of catchy prophecies and witty Pratchett sayings.

Terry: Yes, indeed, like this one: “God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”

Neil: Yes, that was a good one, and pivotal for that story. Also, here was one that I very much liked: “Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.” Isn’t that right, Madam Tracey?

Madam Tracey: Um, er, ah …

Ron: What was so special about Good Omens that could create a spiritual gateway to open up and visit us here?

Terry: Good Omens was about the end of the world, about a spiritual conflict, but mainly about being human, and how even angels and demons, yes even the Anti-Christ can find happiness here on earth and so we should too, or some such balderdash, I recall it selling rather well.

Neville: The end of the world? Is it coming?

Freddy: Sooner than you would think, Neville, but then I’m just a musical prostitute, my dear.

Neil: Armageddon is scheduled to begin next week.

[The table sits in horrified silence]

Neil: Naaah! Just messing with you! [All the ghosts laugh]

H.P. Lovecraft: Hi guys, interrupting a séance? Can I join in? Good Omens was great, by the way.

Terry: Well, thank you, Yank, that mean’s a lot coming from an old spook like you …
Madam Tracey: OK, EVERYBODY OUT!! This is MY séance

Neil: Really?? How rude, Madam Tracey. Fine, we’re leaving; I hear there’s a Wiccan coven meeting over in Berkshire. By the way, “Madam” Tracey – who’s real name is Marjory Potts, and who is fooling you three here for money – I’ll be letting the real Geronimo know about your needing a spiritual guide, I’m sure he would love to oblige, ta ta!