The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats Quotes

“The groomer wasn’t provided any dental care or skin care and that’s the truth. Just ask his dentdermatautologist, he’ll tell you.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“Sifting with a sifter, artifacts after artifacts after artifiction that was ruled out as planted by some teenagers that were trying to pepper the site with pepper shakers that were from millennia ago, failing to take into account that those items were created less than 200 years ago.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“The mummy felt betrayed, like when a spouse agrees on a movie you decided to watch only to put on a different movie as you go to the bathroom, having to sit through the whole movie and not argue about it because it’s not worth fighting over, just boiling up inside and remembering it for later when they want their coffee with half-and-half, knowing that you put 2-percent milk in there and they won’t know, but you will.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“like a blustered Bostonian sheep blubbering about being sheared at the ba ba”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“The hummingbird realized that this was a psychological tightrope that he had to navigate carefully, so he did it sideways because this was the only way he could move when perched”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“as he buzzed his wings with excitement, eyeing and eyeyanging the containers more closely, which he always did when looking at anything because he used both the dark and light part of his eyes to see.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“After all, what was school for, but to strain your eyes in order to decipher what a doctor had said, which was a question you should especially ask if the prescriptions were from an optometrist that questioned the legitimacy of his teachings.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“And to make matters worse, the two deer shining the lanterns inside the ambulance’s headlights were tired and explained through an intercom system that would not be working again until the morning.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“The following morning, Wilhelmina awoke to a lone lily pad moaning after escaping from an exquisite Monet painting piece that was hosting some shades of watercolor chips that were a century and half-oldish that subbed as a dish for artsy gourmet-eating tadpoles that had both a yearning for the foggy past and longing for their froggy future.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“But before the man could reach the door, there was a knock, like one that happens to precipitate a courtship meeting for two punctuation marks that are going out to dinner and one really doesn’t like the restaurant, but goes anyway because they’re a comma dating.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“We can have this mutually beneficial agreement; we’ll call it a squid-pro-quo. If you do change your mind and are interested, meat me tomorrow at Pooler’s Jeweler’s in town, around 1:00 pm.'
The black bear thanked the hammerhead for his time, waved goodbye, and walked off, leaving the hammerhead shark before he could ask any more questions, such as whether the black bear used the word 'meat' for 'meet' out of a jovial tease to annoy him or a precursor for nagging him repeatedly over the course of their job together.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“even when written in a solid white line consideration is still a two-way street.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“like someone who obsessively collects paintings of hoarders”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“flurry of tuna that ate a caduceus because they had a lot of mercury in them”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“He had been thrown into the dungeon after refusing to accept that ‘bridegroom’ was no longer an acceptable term to call a groom. Needless to say, he had been there quite a long time.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“like a person who musts up the courage to take part in a tomahawk throwing competition only for their shoulder to lock into place, straining a vein and looking like you’re posing for a portrait that would probably look even more badass if you had signed up to be the nude model in an art class which takes a lot of courage unless you’re already vain.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“but only after our own respective prides slowly melted away, like a lion family ice sculpture being left near those restaurant heaters that a maître d’ was going to have to blame a waiter for so she could keep her job and he could lose his as payback for him dumping her for the ice sculptor.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“The mule took out two small jars, one of a white gooey texture and another of a blueish red liquid that wasn’t purple because the mule had skipped art class when he was younger”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“Breathe in and breathe out for me in even 1-2 counts,' the doctor instructed Herman.
Herman did as he was told even though one is an odd number.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“the designer music shop that sold status cymbals.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“But then the room became sullen, like a community member meeting for sheep that are hearing a ruling about to be declared and are asked to speak now or forever hold their fleece.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats

“as they marched out on their way to band practice to get fitted for new hats to hide foam rollers in, as the athletic director was very against the band members having smooth fascia and demanded they have sore muscles while the football team played.”
― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats