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James_Byrne
I also really like the old Heston flick SECRET OF THE INCAS, so much so that I made a site devoted to it. Check out:
htpp://www.secretoftheincas.co.uk
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My Father, Rua Alguem 5555 (2003)
Heston's great final performance
The film begins with the son, Hermann, visiting the scene of his father's atrocities at Auschwitz in May 1976. Following a map of the death camp he makes his way to Block 16a and stares in horror at the fading, decaying paintings of children on the walls. Heston's narration warns him of "the gravity of the situation" and tells him to "travel on a false passport" when he visits him in Brazil. The movie fast-forwards to 6 June 1985, an exhumation of a corpse believed to be Mengele is taking place at Embu, 17 miles from Soa Paulo, Brazil. A lawyer, Paul Minsky (F. Murray Abraham) is anxious to talk to Hermann, whom he knows to be the son of Mengele. The lawyer represents New York's Jewish community, and also a pair of twins who were mutilated by Mengele, and watches as Hermann is attacked by an elderly Jewish lady with an Auschwitz number tattoo on her wrist. Hermann reluctantly relates to Minsky his 1977 meeting when he visited his father in Brazil, and Minsky wants to know all the facts - not believing that the dug-up corpse is actually Mengele. The lawyer and his clients seek justice.
The movie is now back in 1977, and Hermann is met at the airport at Rio de Janeiro by his father's secret security guards, who warn him not to leave his hotel or go anywhere without their say-so. A ferocious angry mob gathers outside the hotel, chanting threats with "The murderer is still alive" placards, and a stone is hurled through his hotel window bearing the message "Bring the Nazi murderer to trial".
Hermann keeps having nightmares about his miserable childhood, being constantly bullied at school, and his teacher alienating him from his fellow pupils by refusing to read out his name, Mengele, during the morning roll-call. "They tolerated me but it was if I wasn't there" laments Hermann.
The reunion with his long-lost father is bitter, ice-cold and stressful. They stare at each other for ages before Mengele hugs his son, who doesn't respond in any positive way - "This wasn't the man I knew from my photographs". They drink German beer together in Mengele's sparse, but clean, shanty-town shack, but both are wary of each other. Hermann has difficulty associating the broken old man in front of him with the monster he has read so much about. The son hands over presents sent by some of his old German friends; books and a video of an old German movie, and then throws down on the table some old newspaper cuttings detailing Auschwitz atrocities. Old Mengele eyes the headlines with total contempt and scowls, "There's the real truth!", pointing to his journals.
Hermann thinks about all the strange things that happened in his childhood, how puzzled he was by his mother burning his "Uncle's" letters from Argentina as soon as she read them, and how he was scolded by her for exchanging his Argentinian stamps with his boyhood friend. On his 15th birthday he is told by a friend of the family her version of the "truth", and that his "Uncle" is really his father, whom he had always thought was dead. Totally shocked at this revelation he burns a photo of them both.
16 March 1977, neighbours and friends throw a surprise 66th birthday party for Mengele. A cake with candles is wheeled in and a little Brazilian girl sits on Mengele's knee ready to help him blow out the candles. "The children love him" says the adoring mother, but Hermann is revolted by seeing his father with that innocent child, and the nightmare of what he did to the children of Auschwitz flashes into his mind. He can't stand it any longer and goes outside the shack where he suddenly notices the high proportion of twins in the area. Is his father still doing his operations here in Brazil?
Hermann invites his friend Robert from Germany to stay at his hotel in Brazil - a friend who once turned his own Nazi father in to the authorities to stand trial. They get drunk together at a nightclub and enjoy the company of some willing young Brazilian beauties, but the fun soon ends when Robert demands that Hermann turns in his fugitive father. Unwilling to do so, Hermann and his friend quarrel fiercely. Unable to cope with his anxieties he points a gun at his sleeping father - but cannot pull the trigger - and shakily aims the gun at himself. Just then Mengele wakes up and looks disgusted at his trembling, weak son, and rolls over back to sleep. The next day Hermann is driven further into despair at the sight of his father laughing with some Brazilian children as they watch the Charlie Chaplin classic THE IMMIGRANT on his television. There is a violent confrontation between them when Mengele then plays the video that he has brought over from Germany, called DIE GOLDENE STADT. He ejects the tape and slams into the recorder a video of the starving children of Auschwitz. Later, a photo of a very pretty, obviously Aryan, young lady falls out of Hermann's passport. Mengele enquires who she is. Delighted that she is Hermann's fiancee, with blonde hair and blue eyes, Mengele says "We can expect fine off-spring from this marriage", which sends Hermann into a frenzied attempt to strangle his father. He tries to turn his father in at the police station but backs down, which makes him feverish and he unwittingly gives Robert his father's secret address. Robert returns to their hotel with photos of Mengele, and Hermann accuses him of being a gold-digger just out for the huge reward, so Robert rips them to pieces and demands that Hermann turns his father in - or he will do it himself.
Mengele suggests that they go on a trip to see the lush, beautiful rainforests of the Amazon. "Today we will show this Black Forest native a real forest!" They sit in stony silence on the boat trip, and when the coach gets stuck in the mud, they walk through the awe-inspiring scenic jungle surrounded by exotic vegatation and giant trees. Now, comes the final head-to-head confrontation between the pair. It's Heston's final big scene of his career and he goes out guns blazing. Heston puts on some music, and then relates his ideology to his son.
"Not all music is appropriate for such scenery ... but this is. Look around you. Here none of the trees grows at the correct distance from the next. Each plant has to share space with a dozen others fighting to reach the light. What you see here is a battle willed on which for millions of years now a silent war has been raged. Until now you have only seen the toy forests. We have made a mistake. That is true. You hoped I would declare my innocence and I hoped to explain myself to my son without having to justify anything. But all along you've been asking the wrong questions and I'll now answer what you never dared to ask. Even though the camp's ultimate aim was achieved in a primitive and unscientific fashion, science cannot ignore it's findings. Since man realised that he is not made in the image of God but descends from apes he has had to accept he is neither equal nor free, nor brotherly. But just like animals and plants, he is subject to the laws of evolution. These favour the strong and eliminate the weak. His false ideals such as loving thy neighbour and the sanctity of human life that has hampered the rigid law of selection. Our duty is to make the necessary choices which ensure the survival of stronger races. It is unavoidable that the Aid Programmes fighting hunger in the world favour the secondary breeds, but by saving these races from natural extinction the white race is carrying out an act of self-denial in the name of misguided cultural notions. Modern natural science has led man to a crossroads, now he must either divide a system of values that correspond with the laws of genetics or these laws will crush him."
Hermann now has proof that his father is still an unapologetic evil Nazi monster, and picks up a huge log to strike him with.
"So ... what are you waiting for? every boy dreams of killing his father at some point in his life",
The Greatest (1977)
Ali can't play Ali!
THE GREATEST is a lamentable attempt to chronicle the tumultuous life and career of self-proclaimed 'Greatest boxer of all-time', Muhammad Ali, between the fourteen year period of his 1960 olympic success and regaining the world title against George Foreman in 1974. This flat, boring and unrealistic mess fails in every department, it doesn't entertain the movie fan, or enlighten the boxing aficionado. Ali plays himself - and doesn't do a very good job of it. The spontaneity, charisma, energy and humour that Ali displayed in his televised real life press conferences is sadly missing from his screen performance. What we get is a subdued, below-par Ali, sometimes mumbling and slurring his lines, making hard work of Ring Lardner's lackadaisical script and the inept direction of Tom Gries. James Earl Jones, who has a very brief cameo as Malcolm X, summed up Ali's acting ability with succinct honesty: 'Given his own words, he was a great performer, but given somebody else's words there was a self-consciousness that he was unable to overcome. Ali wasn't a great craftsman in the art of acting'.
Jones doesn't come out of this movie with much credit either. He's much too bulky and aged to convince as the dynamic Malcolm X. The only really good performance comes from Ben Johnson as the head of the syndicate who sponsor Ali after his olympic triumph. Johnson once starred in MIGHTY JOE YOUNG, in which a world heavyweight boxing champion, Primo Carnera, spars with a gorilla, the irony of which was not lost on me as I viewed this movie - given Ali's nickname for his bitter ring rival Joe Frazier.
In between the Acting-By-Numbers sequences, clips of Ali's real fights are shown. Grainy b/w footage of Ali battering Lamar Clark, Archie Moore and Willie Besmanoff, plus a montage in colour of his comeback bouts against Buster Mathis, George Chuvalo, Jerry Quarry, Floyd Patterson, Bob Foster, Joe Bugner and Ken Norton. What I found interesting was seeing his old amateur foe and gym-mate Jimmy Ellis once again sparring with Ali just before the second Norton fight. Ellis was one of the very few boxers to beat Ali as an amateur, in 1958 at Louisville.
There is a dedication at the end of the movie to director Tom Gries, who sadly died immediately after filming was completed. For a far better tribute to Gries talent, see the great Charlton Heston western WILL PENNY.
This Is Your Life: Charlton Heston (1994)
"Not so much a story, more of an Epic"
Michael Aspel surprised movie legend Charlton Heston with the words 'Charlton Heston - this is your life - not so much a story, more an epic; it tells of a young man who was a struggling young actor posing for art classes in New York to pay rent of a fifth floor tariff and went on to become the friend of presidents - here you are with no fewer than five of them'. (Shown is a photo of George Bush, Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford and Richard Nixon all listening to Heston making a speech).
Clips are shown from THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, BEN-HUR and THE BIG COUNTRY, and Carroll Baker then comes on and describes Heston as a "giant of our industry". Holly Heston flies in from New York and has 'A wonderful memory of getting off an airplane in Spain and being surrounded by hundreds of people screaming El Cid, El Cid". Film of Jack Heston calling his grandfather 'Ba' was shown.
Aspel then began chronicling Heston's rise to fame, beginning with some remarkable footage of a young Heston in the title role of PEER GYNT, a semi-professional movie made in 1941. Walter Seltzer, Hal Wallis' head of publicity described trying to locate an unknown Heston at Hollywood airport , armed with only a fuzzy 8x10 TV still.
A message from James Stewart was read by Aspel: "Dear Chuck, this being such a great occasion for you, I'm deeply disappointed that ill health precludes me paying tribute to you in person. Nobody is more deserving of being a subject of This is your Life than you. Your career has been nothing short of brilliant and the manifold honours which have been bestowed on you bear witness to your exemplary life as a citizen and an actor. Your long married life to Lydia has been an example to all who Know you. Our long friendship has meant a great deal to me and I look forward to it's continuation for many years to come. Sincerely, James Stewart".
Other guests included Nina Foch, who played Heston's mother in THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, a very frail Janet Leigh , Ronald Reagan was filmed reading a tribute, and Christopher Mitchum slightly irked Heston with his reminiscence about a Mexican border guard - 'You had to remember that, didn't you!' Dame Edna, John Forsythe and President George Bush gave filmed tributes, while other studio guests were Stephanie Beacham (who told a funny gun story) and Martha Scott, who played his mother in BEN-HUR. I found it strange that Fraser Heston, his son, wasn't seen or heard in this short (25 mins) tribute.
Clive Anderson Talks Back: Episode #10.8 (1995)
Great topical gags
Charlton Heston was in the UK to publicize his third book, "In the Arena", and appeared on every breakfast show and talk show in a two week period. I recently found a tape of these shows, and they make for interesting viewing over a decade later. "Clive Anderson Talks Back" usually began with the controversial ex-barrister taking pot shots at celebrities who were in the news that week. It was weird seeing Anderson cracking below-the-belt gags about Princess Diana and Paula Yates, knowing what I know now of the tragedies that were just around the corner. When Heston walked on to a thunderous ovation from the large studio audience, even Anderson was impressed, 'Well. I can confidently say that's the biggest cheer this show has had!' The trouble with Heston's appearances on chat shows is that the host ALWAYS asks the Hollywood legend the same questions and Chuck would ALWAYS give word-for-word the same answers on every show. At least Clive Anderson slipped in the odd original quip that broke up Heston's familiar responses. 'You are the best Moses since....Moses!!' and 'You haven't EVER been married to Elizabeth Taylor?' The show ended with the audience in hysterics as Anderson, playing an ape, demanded Heston to bellow his greatest screen line, 'Take your stinking paws off me you dam dirty ape!'
Quest for Love (1971)
Tear-jerker masquerading as Sci-Fi soap
After an explosion during an experiment, Colin Trafford, a young physicist, finds himself transported into a parallel world where he is a successful playwrite with an unhappy marriage. In this world, Kennedy wasn't assassinated, Leslie Howerd is still alive and making movies and the Vietnam war never happened. Trafford discovers that he is a philanderer and he is unable to convince his 'wife' Ottelie of the validity of his strange behaviour and amnesic tendencies. Eventually she believes him after Sir Henry Lanstein explains the whole experiment to her. There happiness is short lived however, for Ottelie then dies. The shock of her death returns Trafford to his own world, where he searches for and finds her equivalent (working as an air hostess) and saves her life. QUEST FOR LOVE is a love story masquerading as Sci-Fi soap, Joan Collins has never looked more ravishing or given a better performance. The most powerful scene in the movie is Tom Bell's explosive outburst when giving a speech at the First Night party to all the luvvies. They all think he's drunk ... but we share in his bewilderment. QUEST FOR LOVE is highly recommended viewing, any British film that has the great Sam Kydd as a cab driver cannot be missed.
Second Chance (1953)
The boxers are seeing stars
Picture this scene, it's a rainy Saturday afternoon in England, circa 1962, the televised horse racing on BBC has been cancelled and a voice-over informs us that "We are unable to bring you the scheduled programme, instead the film ... will be shown". It would usually be REBECCA, HIGH NOON or SECOND CHANCE. I got to love these three movies, which I would always associate with bad weather at Doncaster. SECOND CHANCE was the only movie in which screen tough guy Robert Mitchum played a prizefighter, and he really looked the part. Mitchum had experience as a boxer, official and unofficial. In November, 1951, he was on location filming ONE MINUTE TO ZERO and was involved in a brawl with the heavyweight boxer Bernie Reynolds, who fought Rocky Marciano and Joe Baksi. Mitchum proved he was a tough guy off the screen as Reynolds was taken to hospital while Mitchum walked away without a scratch.
The boxing match in SECOND CHANCE was filmed at the Plaza de Toros Bullring in Cuernavaca, Mexico, and was beset with problems, mainly due to the heat. Mitchum's screen opponent was Abel Fernandez, who had recently retired from the ring due to a near fatality. This was his film debut, which coincidentally had the story of an American boxer barnstorming the South American circuit trying to regain his nerve after a ring fatality in New York. Unfortunately for Mitchum, Fernandez occasionally forgot he was in a movie fight and not a pro fight, he knocked out Mitchum three times during the arduous all-day shoot in the boiling sun. Mitchum eventually flattens his movie opponent, and then goes over to his corner and enquires, "You okay, Rivera?" - no trash talking or histrionics back then in the fight game. Opponents showed respect. Fernandez later appeared in THE HARDER THEY FALL, but got type-cast playing Indians in television westerns before landing a leading role in the TV hit "The Untouchables".
The bad guy in SECOND CHANCE is another ex-boxer Jack Palance, who also fought Joe Baksi. Method actor Palance got carried away in his fight scene with Mitchum aboard the cable car, but Mitchum retaliated and Palance vomited after taking a right hand in the stomach. Palance frightened the life out of me when I was a child, the menacing voice, sinister grin, almost plastic facial features and intense air of menace about him are well served in this 3-D action thriller. Every time Palance makes an entrance, "Bad Man" music plays, as if we couldn't work out that he is a psychopath, hissing and virtually spitting evil every time he's in a scene with Linda Darnell. For someone so athletic, Palance never seems to be able to catch up with the fleeing Darnell, who is wearing very high heels on cobblestones. Palance is hindered in his chase by the local peasants, who conveniently always seem to get in his way, as he knocks their wares over. Palance confesses to Darnell that he's always had the hot's for her, and would be willing to forget about silencing her if she goes away with him (but wouldn't Spilato then send another hit-man to get them both?)
The climax aboard a stationary cable car thousands of feet in the air is very exciting, but recently came back to haunt me while on holiday in Matlock, Derbyshire. The wife and I were sitting hundreds of feet in the air in a cable car, which had come to a deliberate halt so the tourists could enjoy the marvellous view, when I suddenly thought of what happened to the cable car in SECOND CHANCE. I immediately had a panic attack which would have made Woody Allen look brave, unlike the plucky English couple in the cable car, who look like they have wandered into this movie from the set of THE LADY VANISHES. I love the way health and safety hadn't yet been invented in 1950's films. Mr. Woburn, a harmless middle-aged pipe smoking genial gent, scampers up the steps of the disabled cable, and climbs on top of it - 70,000 feet up - to survey the severity of the situation. He doesn't even blink at the possibility of losing his balance, and he still has his pipe in his mouth. When Linda Darnell collapses, Mrs. Woburn immediately takes over and asks the conductor for the First Aid kit, which seems to consists of just one item, the smelling salts, which she coincidentally needed.
Look closely at the fiesta dance sequence. Everybody seems to have overdosed on Happy Pills, except for just one extra, the 18 year old George Chakiris. He is observing a very sensual display of illicit dancing, with an expression that reads, "I could do that - if only the producers had given me a second chance!" Still toiling in bit parts in Hollywood musicals, it would be another decade before George got his chance to shine, in WEST SIDE STORY.
The best part of the movie is the Linda Darnell-Jack Palance chase sequence, up and down the cobbled streets of a Mexican village. Bizarrely, Palance appears to be moving in quick motion, while Darnell and all around her are walking in normal motion. You'll think twice about getting in a cable car after seeing this enjoyable 1950's flick, the only thing I didn't like was the dismal pastel Technicolor used.
The Blue Lamp (1950)
Post-war classic of British cinema
THE BLUE LAMP, voted Best Film of the Year in 1950 by the British Film Academy, is a semi-documentary homage to the post-war Bobby on the beat. PC Dixon shows a young rookie, Andy Mitchell, the ropes and offers him lodgings under his own roof. Two young hoodlums rob a cinema, and one of them, Tom Riley, shoots Dixon, who later dies in hospital. After his accomplice Spud is killed in a car crash, Riley is finally apprehended in the White City Stadium; the police are helped by the criminal underworld, and the bookies using their tic-tac code. THE BLUE LAMP is famous for two reasons, it made a star of Dirk Bogarde, and introduced Jack Warner to the character of PC George Dixon, who later appeared in 430 episodes, (1955-1976) in the BBC favourite "Dixon of Dock Green". The location shots are a breath of fresh air, real policemen were drafted in to control the crowds during the shooting of these scenes. The cast are excellent, particularly Bogarde and Warner, with three exceptions. Peggy Evans goes way over the top as Diana Lewis, the hysterical moll of Bogarde. She screams, and screams and screams her lines. The young couple who witness Dixon's shooting at the cinema, and disagree with each other on every subject, are just plain ridiculous. If only Bogarde had shot them instead of good old Jack Warner. Also, the little girl, Queenie, who finds the discarded revolver, and answers 'no' to every single question of Jimmy Hanley, is quite obviously not a child prodigy. It was great to see Sam Kydd pop up at the exciting White City climax as the bookies assistant. Basil Radford appeared in the movie by accident. Scenes were being filmed in a billiard hall near Piccadilly Circus when Basil went in looking for a game, and ended up in a scene with a background group of extras. THE BLUE LAMP is always a pure joy to watch, and is justifiably regarded as a post-war classic of British cinema.
Brief Encounter (1974)
Ghastly and pointless remake
BRIEF ENCOUNTER is a ghastly and pointless remake of the 1945 David Lean classic, which was based on Noel Coward's play "Still Life". A doctor removes a particle of grit from a woman's eye at a railway station, he is in a miserable relationship, she is happily married social worker of Italian ancestry. They meet by accident on another occasion, form an instant attraction and arrange to meet each other every Wednesday. The pair fall in love, but after spending a few afternoons together they realise that they have no realistic chance of happiness and agree to part. Coward's original one-act play concerned two ordinary people who fall in love. Sophia Loren and Richard Burton, two Super Stars and veterans of Hollywood Epics, are nobody's idea of 'ordinary people'. Loren in particular is miscast - Sophia Loren in full make-up, looking like a million dollars, working as a part-time voluntary social worker at a Citizen Advice Bureau just doesn't ring true. Burton, looking haggard, with dyed hair, too much make-up and wearing platform shoes, doesn't come across as your average General Practitioner. That said, you can't really blame them for having an affair after seeing their spouses. Burton is married to a literary critic who spends her evenings penning poisonous reviews and who treats her husband with total contempt. Loren's husband, Jack Hedley, potters around the house all day and is terminally boring: the most exciting thing he has ever done is nearly have an affair six years previous. Their final scene together will induce nausea, ("You've been a long, long way away", etc.). That great British jobbing actor, John LeMesurier, has a three minute cameo as Burton's friend, and appears to be slightly inebriated, speaking his lines in a barely audible voice. It's a sad and forgettable performance in a dismal, awful rehash of a cinema classic. Avoid at all costs.
The Magic Christian (1969)
Wonderful 60's satire
This comedy passed me by when it was released in 1969. I had seen CASINO ROYALE and WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT? and automatically in my subconscious somehow roped this movie in with those two turkeys. I had always avoided it on purpose whenever the movie turned up on TV. The only reason I gave it a go this time was the fact that comedian Paul Merton gave it such a wonderful review on his recent "Paul Merton's Perfect Night In" show on BBC2. I am pleased I finally gave it a go, I actually laughed out loud on a number of occasions and didn't want it to end. I absolutely recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys the 1960's sub-culture. Peter Sellers plays an eccentric millionaire who adopts Ringo Starr, whom he fell in love with, but only in a 'paternal way'. Together they embark on a series of bizarre and degrading tests around London to illustrate the depths to which mankind will sink in pursuit of money: any man has his price and will do literally anything if the price is right. The movie makes less than subtle attacks on the establishment, including the annual Oxford-Cambridge boat race, that very British symbol of earnest endeavour and sportsmanship which is turned into a sea battle when referee Richard Attenborough accepts a bribe. The richest prize in sport, the World Heavyweight Boxing Championship, incites a riot when both protagonists actually kiss instead of punching the hell out of each other. The World Champ is played by that great character Nosher Powell, a former heavyweight boxer of the 50's. His challenger is none other than former European Champion Dick Richardson, a real tough guy who fought Ezzard Charles and Ingemar Johansson. This must have been an 'in-joke' by the film's director, having these two real-life hard cases acting as 'puffs'. "The Magic Christian" was a great surprise to me and I strongly recommend it.
The Square Ring (1953)
Clinches and clichés, not classic Ealing
Based on the stage play by Ralph W.Peterson, THE SQUARE RING hardly ventures outside its theatrical roots but is one of the very few British films about the 'Noble Art'. It contains every single cliché known to boxing movies: the nervous novice, the washed up ex-champ looking for one more shot at the 'big time', the anxious wife who threatens to leave if he doesn't quit, the behind the scenes 'fix', camera close ups of ringsiders screaming for blood and of course the rows of spectators throwing imaginary punches during the fight scenes. Unfortunately THE SQUARE RING has the worst impersonation of a 'punch drunk' boxer in celluloid history. George Rose narrows his eyes into slits, screws his mouth sideways and ends up resembling a grumbling grotesque gargoyle. His repetitious rendering of the line "first, first ...I'll show 'em" in a strange, gravelly groaning whine is deeply embarrassing. It's a terrible performance from Rose. Almost as bad is Bill Travers as a morose heavyweight in a permanent state of idiocy, reading a juvenile comic and only answering questions in a monosyllabic, moronic fashion. These two wouldn't pass the stringent medical examinations of todays Boxing Board of Control. On the plus side THE SQUARE RING has an excellent performance from Bill Owen, who bounces into the dressing room full of vitality and spouts out lines like "look at the nose son, not a dent in it". He moves like a confident fit boxer even when he's not in the ring. Real life man and wife Maxwell Reed and Joan Collins share a few scenes, your enjoyment of these scenes will be enhanced if you read her autobiography before viewing the film. Ronald Lewis makes his film debut as a clean cut, shy, Welsh amateur having his first professional fight, who learns the hard way that the pro ranks aren't "fair". Look out for the stiff way he moves towards the centre of the ring when the first bell goes, it's unintentionally hilarious. If he moved like that in a real fight he wouldn't last 20 seconds. Also, watch out for the ending of his bruising battle, he literally sees stars (and so do we!). The climatic encounter between Kid Curtis (Robert Beatty) and the unbeaten prospect Barney Deakon (Alf Hines) contains some excellent camera work and is quite realistic. Robert Beatty, 44 at the time, looks too mature to be sporting the ring moniker "Kid". His opponent was played by the former light-heavyweight from West Ham, Alf Hines, a good club fighter who fought at the Albert Hall, Wembley and Earls Court and had just retired from the ring. He played a boxer in another Joan Collins movie THE GOOD DIE YOUNG, boxing historians should find it interesting that the world famous gym owner, Joe Bloom, was the referee in both these movies. On 2 June, 1958, a TV version with Sean Connery playing Rick Martell and a very young Alan Bates was broadcast on the ITV Play of the Week. THE SQUARE RING's technical adviser was Dave Crowley, the former British Lightweight Champion, it's not a bad little movie and is well worth watching. Fans of CARRY ON comedies will enjoy the early performances of Sid James and Joan Sims.
The Dark Avenger (1955)
Enjoyable comic strip history
The American director Henry Levin once described THE DARK AVENGER as a "western in armour", which is an apt description of this colourful saga. The casting is hilarious: Errol Flynn, born in 1909, plays the son of Michael Hordern, born 1911. Although Sir Michael aged quickly, Flynn is no spring chicken either, and looks all of his 46 years. The result of living in the fast lane is right up there on the screen. Christopher Lee shines in one of his early roles and demonstrates keen swordmanship in his duel with Errol Flynn. Actually Lee duels with British Olympic sabre champion Raymond Paul - with Flynn taking over in the close-ups. The supporting cast is full of future TV household names. Rupert Davies and Ewen Solon had considerable success years later in "Maigret". Richard O'Sullivan, a talented child actor, went on to play swashbuckler "Dick Turpin" in the 70's. Fans of Patrick McGoohan had better not miss the beginning of this movie, the star of the cult TV classic "The Prisoner" only has a few lines in a brief appearance. This movie always crops up on Sam Kydd's filmography but spotting him is virtually impossible, maybe Sam was edited out of the finished film. THE DARK AVENGER was filmed on the abandoned IVANHOE lot and is enjoyable comic strip history, it's a good way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Life Is a Circus (1960)
The most grating show on earth
LIFE IS A CIRCUS is a sorry cinematic epitaph for the once great British comedians The Crazy Gang. Live on stage they were spontaneous, ludicrous and often hilarious - the forerunners of The Goons and Monty Python: but in this tedious fiasco they sadly look well past their sell-by date. However, as terrible as the movie is, it's still a valuable curio, only the Gang's fifth in 20 years. The minuscule storyline, slipshod direction and geriatric leading performers make this a woeful experience, even in 1958 it looked dated. I had a similar feeling in 1962 when Bing and Bob went on THE ROAD TO HONG KONG. The wafer thin plot centres on The Crazy Gang's attempts to save Joe Winters Monster Circus from closing down, it is in such a sorry financial state that the boss cannot pay the circus hands, so they all quit , except the cleaners (The Crazy Gang). These unlikely performers do their best to put on a show, but fail miserably and the circus looks doomed. Bud Flanagan meets his old pal Chesney Allen "Underneath the Arches" as he's sheltering from the rain and buys a cart load of junk off him for a pound. When Bud cleans a lamp from the cart, a genie appears and grants Bud any wish he desires, but the incompetent genie messes up every wish. This quickly becomes tiresome, especially when the genie produces chandeliers 'borrowed' from Windsor Castle, when Bud had only wished for lights for the circus. Side splitting stuff! There are many things wrong with this movie, the most obvious being it's not in the slightest bit amusing. I guarantee you won't laugh once during the whole sorry 90 minutes.Val Guest wrote the screenplay and also directed the whole mess, so I guess it's all his fault: you would think he couldn't stoop any lower than this, but 15 years later he scripted CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER. Michael Holliday, a popular crooner of the day, sings a few Crosby-like melodies and romances the gorgeous Shirley Eaton, who is completely wasted in this 'comedy'. Joseph Tomelty, as the circus boss, is grating as he constantly moans lines like "For the love of Pete - what's going on here?". Be warned, the 'n' word is used for supposedly comic effect. The only reason I gave this ridiculous rubbish one star was because of the antics of a young Oliver Reed. Look out for him as an extra as a side show spectator. He camps it up wonderfully as Holliday croons the title song. Bud Flanagan recorded the theme tune to DAD'S ARMY just before his death in 1968.
The Captive Heart (1946)
Authentic POW war movie
THE CAPTIVE HEART was the first WW2 film to be partly produced in Germany since the war started. The prison camp scenes were reconstructed at Morlag POW camp in Westertimke, Germany, and are very authentic. Karel Hasek (Michael Redgrave), a Czech Officer, has assumed the identity of a dead English Officer, Captain Geoffrey Mitchell, but gets captured and is interned in a German POW camp. He is forced to write to the dead man's wife, disguising his writing by injuring his hand on purpose. Mrs. Mitchell (Rachel Kempson) is pleasantly surprised by the warmth of the letters, as her marriage was on the rocks before the war started. Others in the POW camp include two former building trade partners, Corporal Ted Horsfall (Jack Warner) and Private Dai Evans (Mervyn Johns), who learns that his wife has died during child birth. Lieutenant David Lennox (Gordon Jackson) loses his sight and breaks off his engagement to Elspeth (Margot Fitzsimmons), while Lieutenant Stephen Harley (Derek Bond) is distraught after receiving a letter which states his wife is being unfaithful. Private Matthews (Jimmy Hanley), a former burglar, puts his questionable skills to good use when everyone is handcuffed in a reprisal by the orders of Herr Forster (Karel Stepanek), by immediately releasing all the prisoners. Repatriation arrives at last, and Matthews sacrifices his freedom by allowing Hasek to go in his place, and he visits the home of Celia Mitchell. She is shocked when hearing of her real husband's death, but eventually she falls in love with Hasek. Lennox and Harley are reunited with their loved ones, and Evans meets his daughter for the first time. Working as a technical adviser on THE CAPTIVE HEART was Sam Kydd, who also had a bit part as Private Sam Grant. This was Sam's first film appearance since his own experiences of captivity in a POW camp, which he related vividly in his book "For You The War is Over". If you can manage to get your hands on a copy of this marvellous book you will be rewarded for your efforts. It works as a perfect compliment to THE CAPTIVE HEART, and gives a greater understanding of the life of a POW in WW2. THE CAPTIVE HEART is a mature and realistic war film and is highly recommended. One of the scriptwriters, R.N.V.R.Lieutenant Guy Morgan, had actually been a prisoner at Morlag. The movies original title was "Lover's Meeting", but at the suggestion of future British TV stalwart Jack Warner, the title was changed to THE CAPTIVE HEART.
Curtain Up (1952)
Tedious farce, this movie WON'T get a curtain call
CURTAIN UP is a routine British comedy which fails to raise anything more than the slightest titter. I dread to think what the movie would be like without the considerable talents of Margaret Rutherford and Robert Morley in the leading roles, and even with them it's pretty dire 'entertainment'. The plot quickly becomes tiresome, a weekly repertory company is rehearsing a dreadfully written play, "Tarnished Gold". The producer, played with gusto by Robert Morley, quickly falls out with the play's authoress, the marvellously eccentric Margaret Rutherford, and after the first rehearsal he rips out 27 pages of the 30 page script. Adding to the 'fun' are the problems, tantrums and behind-the-scenes squabbles of the play's cast, which seriously hinder the rehearsals (and also the film). One of England's greatest post war character actors, Sam Kydd, makes a fleeting appearance at the finale, as an ambulance man. The only genuinely funny moment in 80 minutes is Morley's facial expression when Margaret Rutherford turns up and says "I've come to sit at your feet while my child is being born!"
Wipeout (1994)
Showcase for a comedy genius!
I always enjoyed watching WIPEOUT on television. This daily afternoon quiz show was worth taping just to see the comedy genius of Bob Monkhouse at its best. Bob seemed to have a hilarious joke or anecdote on any given subject, he was a superb professional. When my eldest daughter Gemma Byrne appeared on WIPEOUT a few years ago, I was absolutely proud to see my daughter sharing the TV screen with such a master of the comic aside. Behind the scenes, Gemma told Bob that she'd seen him in DENTIST ON THE GO, a British comedy film when she was a little girl. "Don't EVER watch that film again Gemma, it's cr+p!". Bob Monkhouse graced our TV screens for four decades and I was very sad when he died, he was a true professional.
The Prince and the Pauper (1977)
Perfect Sunday afternoon family entertainment
The major stumbling block in this all-star version of Mark Twain's classic children's story is Mark Lester, he just does not convince as a begging urchin, he lacks the street-wise cunning of a young man who has been dragged up, beaten up and abused by his monster of a father. There is no disguising his cultured and well-spoken dialect when attempting the pauper's lower class diction, and the Harpo Marx hairstyle doesn't help his cause. Charlton Heston, the only American actor ever to play King Henry VIII, gives a towering performance as the gout-ridden Tudor monarch and completely dominates every scene he is in. Oliver Reed is great as Miles Hendon, and proves to be a rollicking good swashbuckler in his clash with fellow British 60's hell-raiser David Hemmings.(It's sad when viewing GLADIATOR and seeing what twenty years of hell-raising did to these two talented actors). Coincidentally, Errol Flynn, the daddy of all hell-raisers, made a better version of THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER in the 30's, and also a terrible turkey called CROSSED SWORDS, which was the American title used for this film in 1978. What this version has over all the others is the marvellous supporting cast, not just Rex Harrison, George C. Scott and Ernest Borgnine (who is frightening as the pauper's father) but the excellent British character actors who keep cropping up in the minor roles. Michael Ripper, veteran of countless Hammer horrors, does a fine turn as the servant of Raquel Welch; Ripper also appeared in the very good Walt Disney 1962 version of this tale, as a broom merchant. THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER is excellent family entertainment, the sets and costumes are superb, and this movie may inspire younger viewers to pick up and read the wonderful Mark Twain classic story.
Pony Express (1953)
Rip-roaring western fun...PONY EXPRESS delivers
Want to win a bet with your know it all movie buff buddies? ask them in which film does Charlton Heston play a swaggering gun-nut who has violent and voluble exchanges with Michael Moore, but actually comes off the better! The answer is PONY EXPRESS, a rip-roaring Technicolor western made in 1953. Heston plays Buffalo Bill and Michael Moore, a 1950's second feature actor, is Rance Hastings who plans to split California from the Union and sabotage the newly formed Overland Pony Express mail route. After winning a battle with some Indian braves, Heston even gives us a precursor to his "Cold dead hands" NRA salute, as he taunts the very caucasian-looking Indians. Jerry Hopper, the director, later directed a few episodes of the TV hit "The Rifleman", which starred another Chuck with a gun, Chuck Connors. PONY EXPRESS, like SECRET OF THE INCAS, Hopper's next feature film, also includes a bath tub scene involving the red-headed leading lady who is engaged in dialogue about her different culture/background with the second female lead. The final few moments of PONY EXPRESS are great fun, the express riders gallop from post to post in frenzied fashion, Heston has the obligatory gun fight, and then rides off into the sunset, to a rousing musical score. A perfect mythical ending to a tongue-in-cheek western that upholds the legend of Buffalo Bill and Wild Bill Hickock. The movie finishes with the words of Abraham Lincoln, "A grateful people acknowledges with pride it's debt to the riders of the Pony Express. Their unfailing courage, their matchless stamina knitted together the ragged edges of a rising nation. Their achievements can only be equalled ... never excelled."
Larry and Vivien: The Oliviers in Love (2001)
A real-life Shakespearean tragedy
LARRY AND VIVIEN: THE OLIVIERS IN LOVE was first broadcast on Channel Four on September 13, 2001. It's an absorbing documentary about two superbly talented, extremely attractive and totally selfish actors.Interspersed between archive footage, old photographs and film clips are some revealing anecdotes from family and friends, the most notable being Tarquin Olivier, who delivers some icily bitter comments about his absent father. This superior documentary contains interviews with Charlton Heston, who appeared on stage with Olivier in "The Tumbler" (Chuck turned down a film with Marilyn Monroe just to act with Olivier, his favourite actor). Heston can't resist quoting Larry's "St. Crispin" lines from HENRY V. Also interviewed are John Mills, Jean Simmons, Alan Bates and Michael Gambon. This is one of the most riveting movie star documentaries I have ever seen, highly recommended.
Christmas Night with the Two Ronnies (1987)
Classic Christmas fayre
The Two Ronnies final show, shown on BBC1 on Christmas Day, 1987, was also one of their finest. In a hilarious sketch, PINOCCHIO 11 KILLER DOLL, a send-up of the Disney cartoon feature, the cast included Charlton Heston, Frank Finlay, Alfred Marks, Denis Quilley, Lynda Baron and squeaky voiced Sandra Dickinson. Heston was playing Sir Thomas More in A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS at London's Savoy Theatre at the time, and agreed to do a cameo. He plays a drinker at "The Jolly Breathalyser Inn" who bellows "Hey, keep it down for God's sake!" at Finlay and Quilley, who are camping it up outrageously during a rendition of "An actors life for me". Considering Heston's serious reputation it amuses me that during his long and varied career he has appeared with some of England's greatest comedians and comic actors, including Roy Kinnear, Ronnie Barker, Ronnie Corbett, Graham Stark, Spike Milligan and Ken Dodd.
Secret of the Incas (1954)
Excellent 50s Jungle Jape
My father took me to see SECRET OF THE INCAS at the Regal Cinema in Lincoln in 1963. The now demolished 'flea-pit' was a beautiful building which showed double-features at reduced prices, most of which were filmed the previous decade. Of all the hundreds of movies I saw at the Regal, the most enjoyable and memorable was SECRET OF THE INCAS. The amazing Yma Sumac, in full throttle singing "Virgin of the Sun God" proved to be an everlasting cinematic memory, and worth the price of the tickets alone. The scenes showing Machu Picchu, the fabled lost city of the Incas, are a glorious technicolor treat, and form an unusual background to a familiar plot.
Charlton Heston is terrific as Harry Steele, an unscrupulous, arrogant, chauvinistic, ex-WWII pilot who is now fleecing gullible tourists in Cuzco, Peru. Nobody does heartless bastard as good as Big Chuck, the only characters in the movie that he does not insult, punch, swindle, lie-to or bribe are the Inca extras! Heston spends the majority of the film being a complete scum-bag, so the ending is pretty much a cop-out, Chuck turning out to be a good guy after all. Ironically, in one of the earlier scenes, the future NRA president destroys the rifle of the hit man sent to 'scare' him.
Aficionados of the Golden Era of Television will enjoy the numerous cameos that enrich the film. Leon Askin, who played General Burkhalter in HOGAN'S HEROES, is particularly good as the slimy Rumanian consul. Grandon Rhodes, the doctor in BONANZA, plays an American tourist who seems to turn a blind eye to his wife's (Glenda Farrell) constant sexual references to Heston. Glenda throws some great 'double entendres' at Chuck, who is actually young enough to be her son!
"You're the big one" and "I like it slow", she purrs at Heston, eyeing him like a middle-aged preying mantis. Farrell was the cousin of the director Jerry Hopper.
A very young Marion Ross, of HAPPY DAYS, is naive tourist, Miss Morris. Booth Colman, later to play Dr. Zaius in the TV series of PLANET OF THE APES, plays the museum curator. The actor with the worst dialogue in the film has to be Robert Young, who turned to television after appearing in this film. The scene in which he proposes marriage to Nicole Maurey is excruciatingly awful, a very badly written piece.
Michael Pate, an Australian actor who made a career out of playing Indians and baddies, plays an Inca with an upper-class English accent! Pate is wooden, but looks the part.
There is much to enjoy in SECRET OF THE INCAS, the wide vistas of Machu Picchu, the OTT performances of Yma Sumac, Heston's granite jawed arrogance and a whole host of excellent character actors, make this jungle jape well worth watching. Check it out!