A Midsummer Night's Dream

SONG (The Whole World is a Stage)

Scene 1
All. The whole world is a stage
And everybody's playing a part
The stage is set
The curtain goes up
The scene is a broken heart
Scene 2
[Enter THESEUS, Egea, Lysander]
Hermia Tell me the worst thing that will happen to me if I refuse to marry Demetrius.
Theseus. You'll either be executed or you'll never see another man again
Demetrius. Please give in, sweet Hermia
Lysander. Her father loves you, Demetrius. Marry him instead.
Egea. Savage Lysander! I do love him, that's why I'm giving him my daughter.
Theseus. Enough! Hermia, do as your mother wants;

[Exeunt all but LYSANDER and HERMIA]

Lysander. Hermia. I have a widow aunt, rich with no kids, but thinks of
We can run away, and there, we can marry.
Hermia. My Lysander!

175

[Enter HELENA]
Hermia. Hello, beautiful Helena!
Helena. You're the beautiful one as far as Demetrius is concerned.190

me as her own son.

SONG(LOW DOWN DIRTY BLUES)

Hermia. I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

Helena. O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!

Hermia. The more I hate, the more he follows me.
Helena. The more I love, the more he hateth me.
Hermia. His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine.
BOTH. Oh Yeah!
Hermia. Don't worry, he won't ever see me again
[Exit]
Lysander. We're sneaking out of Athens tomorrow night. Goodbye, Helena! I hope Demetrius
comes to love you as much as you love him.
Helena. I'll go tell Demetrius that Hermia is leaving. He'll be so grateful, but she'll hate me for
sure!
[Exit]
Scene 3
[Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT)
Quince. This is the list of names of all the men in Athens good enough to perform the duke and
duchess on their wedding.

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Bottom. Ready. Name what part I am for,

Quince. You, are cast as Pyramus.
Bottom. What is Pyramus?
Quince. A lover, that kills himself.
Bottom. That will ask for some tears. (Weeps) That was lofty!
Quince. Francis Flute, you'll be Thisby.

Flute. Who is Thisby?

Quince. Thisbe is the lady that Pyramus loves.
Flute. No, I don't want to play a woman;
Bottom. Oh let me play Thisby, Ah, Pyramus. Tis thy Thisby
Quince. No, no, no; you must play Pyramus: and, Flute, you Thisby. Snug, the joiner; you're
the lion.
Snug. Is the lion's part written down?
Quince. It's just roaring.
Bottom. Let me play the lion!
Quince. (ANGRY)You can't play anyone but Pyramus. Gentleman, here are your scripts: and I
beg you to learn them by tomorrow night;

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Bottom. We will meet; and there we may rehearse most obscenely. Adieu.

Scene 4
[Enter, from opposite sides, a Fairy, and PUCK]
Puck. Hello, spirit!
Fairy. The queen will be here soon
Puck. The king is having his party here tonight! Oberon is furious because Titania won't give
him her changeling child. Here comes Oberon.
Fairy. And my queen! Scatter.

[Enter, from one side, OBERON, with his train; from the other, TITANIA, with hers]
Song (The Boy Is Mine)
Titania. Excuse me can I please talk to you for a minute?
Oberon. Um hum sure. You look kind of familiar.

Titania. Yeah you do too but umm I just wanted to know do you know somebody named...
hmm, you know his name.
Oberon. Oh yeah definitely I know his name.
Titania. I just wanted to let you know he's mine.
Oberon. Huh..no no he's mine.
Both. You need to give it up
Had about enough
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine
I'm sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine
Oberon. Not yours
Titania. But mine
Oberon. Not yours
Titania. But mine
Oberon. Not yours
Titania. But mine
Both. I'm sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine
Oberon.Proud Titania.
Titania. Jealous Oberon!
Oberon. I just want that human boy as part of my crew.
Titania. Get over it.

[Exit TITANIA with her train]

Oberon Puck, come here, Bring me this herb;

[Puck Exits]
Oberon. I'll drop the juice of it in Titanias eyes. But who's coming this way?

*sproikle*

[Enter DEMETRIUS, HELENA, following him]

Demetrius. Go away, or I will do you mischief in this wood.
Helena. AY! Do me mischief!
(Demetrius points)
[Exit DEMETRIUS]
Helena. I follow!

[Exit Helena]
Oberon. Before he leaves this forest, he will be in love with you.
[Re-enter PUCK]
Oberon. Look for a young man nearby: put some of the flower's juice on his eyes, you will know
when you've found him. He's wearing Athenian clothes.
Puck. Got it. I'm at your service. (out of breath)
Oberon. GO!

[Exeunt whimpering]

Scene 5
[Enter TITANIA, with her train]
Titania. Come, Sing me to sleep;

Song(go to sleepy little baby)

Fairies. Go to sleep you little baby

Titania. (Go to sleep you little baby)
Fairies. Go to sleep you little baby
Titania. (Go to sleep you little baby)
Fairies. You're mama's gone away and you're daddy's gonna stay
Didn't leave nobody but the baby
Go to sleep you little baby
Titania. (Go to sleep you little baby)
Fairies. Go to sleep you little baby
Titania. (Go to sleep you little baby)
Fairies. Everybody's gone in the cotton and the corn
Didn't leave nobody but the baby
[Exeunt Fairies. TITANIA sleeps]
[Enter OBERON and squeezes the flower on TITANIA's eyelids]
Oberon. Whatever is near when you wake up will become dear to you:

*sproikle*

[Exit]
[Enter LYSANDER and HERMIA]
Scene 6
Hermia. My love, let's rest, and sleep until daylight comes to make things easier.

[They sleep]
[Enter PUCK]
Puck. (Trips over Lysander).Who is this? Athenian clothes!
Alright jerk, let this magic work its charm.

*sproikle*

[Exit]
[Enter DEMETRIUS and HELENA, running] [Exit Demitrius]
Helena. (trips over Lysander) Lysander? Are you dead? If you're alive, wake up!
(I woke up in love this morning) I

Lysander. I woke up in love this morning, I woke up in love this morning

Went to sleep with you on my mind
Lysander. [Awaking] I'd even run through fire if you told me to, radiant Helena!
Helena. You're making fun of me! Is it not enough that Demetrius will never love me, you also
have to play this cruel joke?

[Exit Helena Lysander follows trips over Hermia]

Hermia. [Awaking] Lysander!? Gone? Lysander! No answer? I'll find you right away--or die trying.
[Exit]
Scene 7
[Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM and FLUTE]
Bottom. Pata Quince, Pata Quince, Pata Quince

825

Quince. What Bottom?

Bottom. There are things in this comedy that will never please. Pyramus must kill himself?
Snug. Ooh, yeah, we should probably cut that
Bottom. Not a whit: Write me a prologue; tell them that I, Pyramus, am not Pyramus, but Bottom
the weaver:
Quince. Why. Why do you talk like that. Why are you like this.
Puck. That's the strangest Pyramus I've ever seen.

[Re-enter PUCK*sproikle*, and BOTTOM with an ass's head]

Bottom. Thisby, I am only thine.

Quince. Bottom! You've been transformed!

Song(old MacDonald had a farm)

Quince. Old McDonald had a farm
All. Ee aye, ee aye, oh.
Quince. And on that farm, he had a.?
Bottom. an ass?

940

[Exeunt QUINCE, SNUG, FLUTE, SNOUT screaming)

Bottom. Ah, They mean to fright me, I will sing, For I am not afraid.
[Sings] The ousel cock so black of hue,
With orange-tawny bill,
Song (I woke up in love this morning) II
Titania. I woke up in love this morning.
Titania. [Awaking] What angel woke me up? I love you.
Bottom. If I had but wit enough to get out of this wood,
Titania.

*sproikle*

Don't leave: you'll stay here, whether you want to or not. Peaseblossom!

Cobweb! Mustardseed!

[Enter PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, and MUSTARDSEED]

All. Whither shall we go?
Titania. Lead him to where I usually sleep. Silently.

[Exeunt]
Scene 8
[Enter OBERON] [Enter PUCK]
Oberon. Did you put the love juice on the Athenian's eyes liked I asked?

Puck. I found him when he was sleeping,so that's taken care of,

1070

[Enter HERMIA and DEMETRIUS]

Oberon. This is the Athenian.

*sproikle*

Puck. That's the woman I saw, but that is definitely not the man.
Hermia. Tell me what you did to Lysander! Tell me he's okay!

1075

1110

Demetrius. If I said so, what would you give me?

Hermia. The privilege to never see me again.
Demetrius. Haha, and then what ;)
(CLOBBER!)

[Exit]
Demetrius. There's no following her when she's mad, therefore, I will remain.
Oberon. What. Have. You. Done. Helena of Athens bring her here:
Puck. I got it, I got it; I got it guys, I got it

1135

[Exit]
Oberon. When you wake up, fall in love if she is near. *sproikle*

[Re-enter PUCK]
Puck. I brought Helena, boss

[Enter LYSANDER and HELENA]

Lysander. Demetrius loves her, and he doesn't love you.
Song(I woke up in love this morning) III
Demetrius. I woke up in love.

Demetrius. [Awaking] O Helena, goddess, perfect, divine!

1175

Helena. O spite! (Slap) O hell!(stomp) I see you are all in on this joke, mocking me for a few
laughs!
Lysander. Don't be cruel, Demetrius. You love Hermia; I've known this! You know that I know!
Dem. Keep Hermia; I don't want her: If I had ever loved her, I don't anymore.
Lysander. Helena, he's lying
Demetrius. Look, the woman that you love is coming; there she is, your sweetheart.

1215

[Re-enter HERMIA]
Hermia. Why did you leave me behind like that?
Lysander. Why stay, when love tells you to go?
Hermia. What love could make you leave me?

1225

Lysander. Lysander's love, fair Helena

Hermia. You stole my love's heart from him!?
Helena. Are you kidding me? I don't even want him! Damn you, you puppet, you!
Hermia. Puppet? Puppet? Are you calling me short? You won him because you're so tall! You
painted barber's pole!
Lysander. Don't be afraid, she will not hurt you, Helena.
Helena. O, when she's angry, though she's little, she is fierce.

1375

Hermia. 'Little' again! Again, with but 'short' and 'little'! Fight me, Helena.
Lysander. Get lost, you dwarf;
Demetrius. Don't talk on Helenas behalf. If you do, you'll pay for it.
Lysander. I'll pay for it? (SMACK!) Now follow, if you dare,
Demetrius. Follow! No, I'll go with you, cheek (SMACK) by jowl (SMACK) (FLEES from

Demetrius)

[Exeunt LYSANDER and DEMETRIUS]

Helena. You might be a better fighter than me, but my legs are longer, to run away. (points off)

[Exit]
Hermia. I don't even know anymore.

1400

[Exit]
Puck. You told me I'd know the man by his Athenian clothes!
Oberon. Lead these ridiculous kids around until they're exhausted1415

Scene 9
Song (Bad Blood/500 Miles)
Puck Here comes one.

[Re-enter LYSANDER]
Lysander. Where are you, Demetrius?

1460

Puck. *sproikle* (Lysander collapses)

Demetrius. Lysander, where are you hiding?
Puck.

*sproikle*

(Demetrius collapses)

Helena. What a weary night,

Puck. *sproikle* (Helena collapses)

Hermia. Never so in (puck *sproikle*) woe,
Puck. (Hermia collapses) I'll apply, to your eye, remedy.
[Exit]
[Enter TITANIA and BOTTOM; PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MUSTARDSEED]

Titania. Come, sit down, so I can kiss your beautiful, large ears.
Bottom Let none of your people stir me: I feel sleep come upon me.
Titania. Sleep now, O, how I love you!

[They sleep]
[Enter PUCK]
Oberon. I'll fix this spell over your eyes:

*unsproikle*

Titania. My Oberon! I dreamt that I was in love with an ass.

1625

Puck. *unsproikle* ( gets rid of asses head)

Oberon. My queen, take my hands,
Titania. Come, my lord, and while we're walking, tell me what has happened this night.

[Exeunt]
Scene 10
[Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEA, and train]
Egea. My lord, this is my daughter here asleep; and Lysander; Demetrius and Helena.
Theseus Wake them.
(LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS HELENA, and HERMIA wake and start up]
Egea. WAKE UP!
Lysander. My lord I can't say how I ended up here with Hermia.
Egea. Enough, my lord; I insist that the law punishes him!
Demetrius. My lord, by some power, all love I had for Hermia, has melted as the snow and the
only one I love now, is Helena.
Theseus. Egea, These couples will be wed along with myself and Hippolyta today. Away with us to

Athens
All. To Athens!

[Exeunt THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEA, and train]

Bottom. [Awaking] I have had a dream. I am an ass.
[ Exit]
Puck.So, good night everyone. (puck *sproikle*)
Scene 11
Song (Finale: Marry You)

Lysander. It's a beautiful night,

We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
Hermia.Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
Helena. Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go oh oh oh,
No one will know oh oh oh,
Demetrius. Oh, come on, girl.
Demetrius. Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow oh oh oh
Helena. Shots of patron
Demetrius. And it's on, girl.
Oberon and Titania. Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;

And we'll go, go, go, go-go.

Oberon. If you're ready
Puck. Like I'm ready.
Bottom. Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
Helena. Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
Demetrius. I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So what you wanna do?
Let's just run girl.
Lysander. If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool.
No, I won't blame you;
It was fun, girl.
Hermia and Helena. Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Demetrius and Lysander. Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
Theseus. And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
Hermia.If you're ready
Helena. Like I'm ready.
Oberon, Titania and Puck. Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.

Oberon and Titania. Hey baby,

I think I wanna marry you.
Hermia and Lysander. Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Helena and Demetrius. Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
[x2:]
Titania (1)/ Hermia (2). Just say I doooooo-ooo uhu
Oberon (1)/Lysander (2). Tell me right now baby,
Puck (1)/ Helena (2). Tell me right now baby
Puck (1)/Demetrius. Baby.
All. Oh, it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.