Love Essay

Sarah Klunder
Dr. Baker
World Literature
Self Discovery, Love, and Forgiveness
When I was younger, something in my naive, 10-year-old logic led me to believe that
every time my parents fought, they were surely on the road to getting a divorce. Now, I know
that logic is silly. Adults have a lot to talk about, a lot of responsibilities to manage. Sometimes,
it inevitably leads to tension and raised voices. Nine years ago, though? Yup. Mom and Dad are
splitting up. Although, honestly, was I so wrong to believe that? Statistics and experience tell us
that one in two marriages end in divorce nowadays. Thats a lot of tension and fights potentially
witnessed by kids even younger than I was. All this to say, so what? My parents are happily
married after years of disagreements and misunderstandings. They still fight to this day.
Somehow, though, they manage to move on. Push forward. Love, regardless of it all. So, whats
the catch? Or, what if there is no catch? What if the key to truly loving is a choice, an act? If we
look close enough, well see that true love is a combination of selflessness; the acts of self
discovery, and forgiveness.
Theres a quote by Thomas Merton that says, There can be imperfection even in the
ardent love of great perfection.When we forget that true contemplation means the complete
distraction of all selfishnessthe most pure poverty and cleanness of heart (Merton, 55). So
Merton tells us that true love is selflessness. And what is this true contemplation he mentions?
Lets call it self discovery, one of the potential keys to true love. Now that Im older, its clear to
me that an argument isnt simply an argument with my parents. Sure, there are raised voices,
some eye rolling from my mom (which is indefinitely where all of my own sass came from), and
much stomping around on the part of my father; however, theres something else, too, something
that follows from the both of them not long after: self discovery. Well call self discovery the act
of mentally seeing the situation from a birds eye view, taking a step back for a moment, seeing
things through a different lens. Or maybe, in the instance of love, we can call self discovery the
true contemplation needed to push aside any selfish ambition or petty desires we have in the
moment. I see this happen after every argument my parents have. They seem to take a deep
breath, look at each other, remember that theyre on the same team, and then its done. Like a
candle extinguished by a strong gust of wind, the anger is blown out fast and quick. In the next
moment, theyre back to teasing each other, and generally grossing their kids out. Self discovery.
The selfless act needed to remind ourselves of the bigger picture.
Shann Ferch, speaker of the Ted Talk The Greatest Work of Art is to Love, takes it a step
further, telling us that It all comes down to forgiveness. Ah, there it is. Forgiveness. The second
key to true love, and maybe one of the most difficult acts we carry out. Theres a reason God is
always telling us to forgive, isnt there? Shann Ferch shares with us that those who have a higher
forgiveness capacity are less likely to become depressed, and have a much slimmer chance of
getting heart disease. How about that, huh? Heres the thing: when we forgive, we experience a
previously mentioned moment of self discovery. We allow ourselves a moment to see more than
what is happening. In the Bible, Jesus tells us that, If you forgive other people who sin against
you, your heavenly father will also forgive you (Matthew 6:14). Its a tricky thing, forgiveness.
When we forgive our oppressors, no matter who they may be, we love them, dont we? As
strange as it sounds, as difficult or unbelievablemaybe this is why so many marriages end in
divorce, why so many friendships are broken up, or even why there is so much war. We know, in
some deep part of our soul, that if we allow ourselves to forgive, we will undoubtedly love the
other. And sometimes, this can be a very scary thing to admit to ourselves. When God allowed
his only son to be sacrificed, he looked at the world and still made the greatest act of selflessness
imaginable: he forgave us for being human. Surely, this is true love. Surely, this is the example
were meant to imitate.
Nine years ago, I was certain that every argument my parents got into meant inevitably
ending their marriage. I wish there was some way that I could go back and whisper in the ear of
my 10 year old self the secret I know now: Self discovery. Forgiveness. Love. Although Im fairly
certain 10 year old Sarah wouldnt have quite understood. If only I had known that there was
never any need to worry, because my parents had it figured out. They knew what it took to forge
on, accept any faults found, and love, regardless. In Shann Ferchs Ted Talk, he tells of us
looking at his daughter one night at the dinner table and asking her a question: Why do I love
you so much? His daughter replied, Because you were made to love me. Maybe its time we
stopped fighting this fact.

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Sarah Klunder

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