The Gurus grace

Introduction
To say that, I am like anyone of you is actually a very profound statement. For now, let it mean the average IT professional, working as a Director with a French IT company, married, with a loving family and all the material comforts that one would want. An Engineer and MBA from the U.S, I am extremely fit, and have travelled and lived in 10+ countries. I was an agnostic, an occasional drinker and a non vegetarian albeit a Brahmin and for me everything from the mystical to the metaphysical had to be based on facts and logic and also in perceiving the proof through my senses.

Initiation
I cannot exactly pinpoint why I had an interest in spirituality; if you had asked me before July2011, Spirituality to me was no different than religion. I had dabbled in a course in Art of living (AOL) to overcome anxiety and stress at work, and thus switched to Yoga and a bit of meditation. In spite of all this, I still felt something was missing in life. Then the miracle happened. I searched for a True Guru because the meditation and practice dint make sense to me and how I found my Guruji was totally coincidental, which of course I understand now that nothing ever is what it seems on the surface. A Guru-Shishya relationship is pre-destined! I remember my first sighting with him towards end of August (Aug 21st 2011); I had spent the whole day travelling from Bangalore to Anusoni and sat in his prayer hall at the Ashram to catch a glimpse of him. People in the hall were doing japas whole day, and it was definitely not my cup of tea! The Guruji finally came to the dias, spoke in kannada, which I was completely unaware of. My neighbour sitting next to me told me how Guruji was quoting Adi Shankara to state Being born a human, the desire for liberation and finding a true Guru happens only due to grace of God. I came back the following day for some unknown reason, as he gives personal darshan between 10 12.30 PM, and to my luck there was no one that day. When he came out of his room, we exchanged few basic sentences, and I remember him telling me that things are fine with whatever I am doing with the yoga, meditation etc . With no insight in any philosophy about Hinduism, Vedanta etc, an inner voice in me told him that I needed initiation from a Guru because I felt my practice was incomplete otherwise! And then I cried like a baby, completely humbled for no reason. Then Guruji patiently waited for me to calm down and agreed to initiate me on (25th August 2011). Retrospectively, I realized that this was a epiphany moment for me personally. A Guru is indifferent to a thief or a noble and doesnt distinguish based on any personal attributes. But he understands the maturity of each and everyone who comes to him. I truly believe, if he considered that I was not mature, I would not have been initiated. This was a very powerful feeling to fall back on whenever I have doubts on what I am doing or feel disappointed for some reason on a poor meditation session. The meeting of a Guru is actually your own self seeking itself (its ok if you dont understand what this means for now)! And true to that this past one year has been an absolute revelation.

The practice
An initiation consists of the Guru giving you a mantra, basics on Pranayama/ i.e. breathing and basic meditation, in most cases, holding an image of your favourite deity or Guru in your heart/head and achieving single-minded focus through a guru mantra. Turning vegetarian and giving up alcohol was the easy part, I was anyways there, and with a new found determination I just had to sustain it. Getting to sit in one place for 5 minutes and trying to keep the mind still and focussed was the hard part. Repeating it two times a day even harder! I look back the past 1 year, and I have possibly not missed a single session in the past one year. I continue to do my meditation be it on a plane, boat, car or even if I return at midnight from work or an outing. Nothing is more important. This dedication was definitely not part of my personality or vasana as we call it. I am an Aquarian by birth and I need constant new things to entertain me, else I get bored very quickly! Now my sessions slowly have stabilized between 30 minutes to 1 hr at times, and mind has started listening more often and keeps still for longer periods. I continue to read multiple philosophies around Vedanta, Zen, and newer teachers like Ramana Maharishi and absorb as much as I can to progress further towards my larger purpose in life. I also do Yoga 5-6 times a week, for a strong mind needs to be controlled by an equally well-maintained body for initial practitioners, as it is important to keep the inner energies flowing smoothly from within and clear blocked nadis (subtle nerve currents).

Proof of the pudding

One of the first visible changes was that my intuitive abilities improved significantly and there was a general sense of well being all around. There was so much peace suddenly at work, home and yet one gradually tends to become more withdrawn. People often misconstrue this as renunciation of the world, introversion etc of people practicing spirituality but in reality I felt more aware of my surroundings. Its like a when the mind is always preoccupied one is like a lake with muddy water. Once you let the mud settle ( i.e calm the mind) you can clearly see the bottom of the lake. Similarly meditation helps you open up newer possibilities for yourself as an individual and you realize the power of the human mind and what it can accomplish not by thinking but by intuition, as this intuition is always available to all of us, just that we are unaware of it because of the constant mind clutter. As a result of this intuition, these days things just happen at work, there is no struggle anymore, and solutions keep coming from all directions, whenever I need them. My boss feels my quality of work is so much better while I have been doing nothing different. Also, there is a general compassion for everything I see around me, and more equanimity to see success and failure as part of the same coin. From a physical standpoint, I used to get panic attacks earlier as part of stress, and those have totally disappeared now. There has not been a single day for the last one year where I have gotten up in middle of the night with nightmares; this was frequently the case earlier. Infact, I have stopped getting sick all together, albeit a bit premature to assert this on just a one year period.

I also remember an interesting anecdote. My brother who lives in Coimbatore had almost turned alcoholic, multiple advices from family made no difference. I thought about him and his predicament and wished he came to Bangalore and took treatment in two meditation sessions. And it happened, just as i had wished for. He came to Bangalore the fourth day post those sessions and since has completely given up alcohol. I also frequently keep get tingling sensations on my head and occasionally a visual light showing up at end of a meditation (a small light getting larger like the sun but with small broken fragments joining together) and then disappearing. I have realized that these subtle currents that we call as prana are always there, you just have to focus on it and it manifests. Further, I just have to focus on any part of my body, and I get a pulsation and the aliveness of the cells inside that body part. One word of caution here is to not take spirituality for miracles, for the entire above are only phenomena or a guide to indicate progress to a seeker, but not what we ultimately seek in itself.

The purpose
I am sure we all have to ask this question sometime Who am I. When I asked myself this question, first the answer was obvious this 6-feet body and that thing called my mind that constantly keeps thinking, rationalizing, judging without stopping , together called me or I. But, here is the profound truth. You are definitely not who you think you are! Try an experiment. Go to a dark room and shut off everything outside and close your eyes. Now think about a closed family member like your father, wife or son. You will see that to recollect them you will have to think of some kind of a name and form. Now try to think about yourself. You will realize that you dont need a name or form to think of yourself; you know that you exist. It is a permanent feeling. Now if you believe you are the body like I did, try to imagine that you cut your legs off (hypothetically of course!). Will you become less existent now that part of your body doesnt exist? No, you still feel that you exist fully, you may be hurting a lot but still you exist. Then what gives you that absolute feeling of existence? It cannot be the mind, because mind is a collection of thoughts, feelings and emotions, but they keep going up and down and are never steady. But the truth that you exist is ever-present, undifferentiating. Some people immediately think, but what about when I am asleep. I dont know if I exist. Well, lets say that if someone asks you to go to a river bank ex: Cauvery and find out who is there at night. You come back the next day and say Nobody was there. However, what we typically ignore is that you must have been there to make the assertion that nobody was there. Similarly, you the same person existed before you went to sleep and after you woke up. This same existence actually connects you. I slept unaware really means you are at present conscious of a memory that relates to the absence of thought! To illustrate this further, look at two pictures of yourself, when you were say 5 year old and when you were lets say 40 years old. If I ask you who is in the picture you say I. But, what gives the continuity to the 5 yr old based picture and a 40 year old based picture? After all, the body is totally different and the mind as well when you were 5 vs. 40, nothing is similar or the same? Then how come you say its the same I. What brings that sense of continuity and existence in you? Interesting isnt it, and this is the goal, find out Who am I.

The other question that I had asked myself is what is the point in finding out Who am I. The answer is simple: To realize your true nature as happiness is our core being. Why is this true? Because from the age of 5, I have always wanted that cricket bat, the best education, Engineering, MBA, car, apartment, the list is endless, but every time I have gotten something I desired, I have lost interest and needed something else. Though there was temporary happiness when I got that object, the happiness always moves on till i get the next latest iPad or a Mercedes Benz. And life unfortunately is not always a bed of roses. Thats when it hits you bad that its a never ending cycle. This means that happiness is not in the external objects we seek, if it were, we should be equally happy every time we have that object but it is not the case. It is not in the mind as well, for if it was we should be happy whenever we wished so! It thus means that the happiness comes from within somewhere and we experience it on occasions whenever we have a conquest or own something we desire for long, however short, at that moment you become one with that object, you are in touch with you own self. Its kind of the same satisfaction when you really have a good nights sleep or you are in love with someone for the first time! The good news is that you can be like that always!

Gurus Grace
If you are reading this then congratulation, you are lucky. Lucky on two counts, firstly, people skip many lives to understand that they are something beyond this body. Secondly, you have the possibility to get blessings of a true Guru (which is extremely rare in this age) who will automatically guide you to find out the answer of Who am I and help you understand how your sufferings and emotions are misplaced on the ego i.e. That which claims to have been conscious of an event at which it was not present . Now, why is a Gurus grace essential? So that you dont lose your path, he s the modern day GPS for the trek you are about to take. As you will realize that this is not for the faint hearted and very few will last the course, including possibly me. However, any effort that you make towards attaining this goal, never goes waste, as certified in the Bhagwad Gita. You will carry this in this life or next, for all of us are to attain this very truth, and by attaining I dont mean it is some object that you strive to attain. You cannot attain truth for you are the truth itself. No matter how much language I try here to help you understand the reality, it will always be my representation of the reality, but not the reality itself. You have to experience it yourself. Somebody asked Ramana Maharishi , how do I Meditate? He said Find out who the meditator is, this is meditation. In Zen there is a famous Koan ( philosophical riddle) - Before I sought enlightenment, the mountains were mountains and the rivers were rivers. While I sought enlightenment, the mountains were not mountains and the rivers were not rivers. After I realized the truth, the mountains were mountains and the rivers were rivers. Hope you find the Guru in you.