The Island King

Written By
Jared Dangremond
FADE IN
EXT. DESERTED ISLAND BEACH - MORNING
TEXT: EARLY JANUARY 2014
NOAH sits up next to CAROLINE who lies in the sand asleep.
JARED walks in.
NOAH
Where have you been?
JARED
Ive just been scouting out the
island. How is Caroline?
NOAH
I think shell be okay. She looks a
little bruised from the fall, but
nothing too bad.
JARED
Can you believe we survived that?
Its crazy.
NOAH
I know. So lucky.
Caroline sits up and wipes the sleep from her eyes
JARED
Good morning, sunshine.
CAROLINE
Ugh, what time is it?
NOAH
Let me check my pho... shit. I keep
forgetting its gone.
CAROLINE
Well whatever time it is, its too
early and I feel like crap.
JARED
It looks like its about 11:30.
NOAH
How did you...
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
JARED
Noah. I built a sundial before you
even woke up.
CAROLINE
Wow, thats pretty...
NOAH
Gay? Lame? I know. Thats what I
thought too.
Caroline gets up and walks to the shore
JARED
Youre as salty as the ocean.
(TO CAROLINE) Which by the way we
cant drink.
CAROLINE
Dammit.
JARED
Look guys. Weve had a whole day to
register what went down, but I
think we really need to start
preparing. We could be here a
while.
Noah checks out Carolines ass
NOAH
I could get used to that.
CAROLINE
So whats your plan, Island King?
NOAH
Woah, woah. Who said Jared was
Island King?
CAROLINE
I didnt mean...
JARED
I think she just did. And as
official Island King, Im calling a
meeting here. We need to find food,
quickly.
NOAH
Shouldnt we go for water first?
Thats a pretty basic move there
Island King.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
JARED
If youd let me finish...
CAROLINE
Ha!
JARED
...I already found water.
NOAH
Well where is it?
CAROLINE
Yeah Im parched!
JARED
Well all go get water when we
figure out our next move. We were
on a commercial flight to Tokyo,
right? Im sure the world is
already going as batshit as it did
for the flight 370 in Indonesia. I
only expect us to be here a day or
two at most so we need to just
chill around.
NOAH
I dont "chill," Jared. Ill be
soaking up the sun and getting
jacked.
JARED
Just, can you just, like be cool?
CAROLINE
(TO NOAH)
Sorry, babe. I think Im with Jared
on this. We should conserve our
energy to just keeping ourselves
alive.
JARED
We should get on a rescue fire as
soon as we can.
NOAH
Alright.
CAROLINE
Then its settled. Jared, wheres
the water?
Jared points into the distance
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
CAROLINE (contd)
Off we go!
Caroline walks off. Jared begins to follow but is stopped by
Noah.
JARED
What are you doing?
NOAH
I know what youre trying to pull.
JARED
Excuse me?
NOAH
Just remember, even on the island
of no law, Caroline is still mine.
Dont even try to get her.
JARED
Yeah, sure Noah.
Jared and Noah turn to leave
JARED (contd)
But just remember, I am king of the
island.
CUT TO:
EXT. DESERTED ISLAND POND- MORNING
Caroline sits by the pond cupping water into her mouth.
Enter Noah and Jared.
CAROLINE
There you guys are.
NOAH
Yeah sorry, is it any good?
CAROLINE
This water is amazing, its so
fresh. Nice find, J-arod.
Jared eyes down Noah, who rolls his eyes.
JARED
Thanks.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
CAROLINE
But do we have any food?
JARED
Not yet. And Im hungry too, but I
think we should get that fire going
before we think about food.
CAROLINE
Youre probably right.
NOAH
And we can cook on top of the fire,
too.
JARED
(sarcastically)
Really? I hadnt thought of that!
NOAH
Oh screw you.
JARED
We need some fire wood to start
this. We can put it all down by the
waters edge.
NOAH
Alright, lets go get it.
JARED
I actually should stay here and
collect the stuff to actually start
the fire. Maybe you could go get
the wood?
NOAH
Are you kidding me? You...
CAROLINE
Noah, he has a point. Why dont you
grab the fire wood. Youre strong
enough.
NOAH
Yeah, Im more than strong enough.
Jared would just be a drag anyways,
hes so weak.
JARED
Thats right, Noah. Why dont you
go take your big strong self to get
the wood. Just leave me and
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
JARED (contd)
Caroline here. Alone. Together.
Alone.
Noah gives Jared a stink eye, but turns and walks off
CAROLINE
Why are you giving Noah such a hard
time?
JARED
Im just messing with him, hes too
easy.
CAROLINE
Well stop messing with him.
Jared turns and looks at Caroline
CAROLINE (contd)
And start messing with me.
CUT TO:
EXT. DESERTED ISLAND FOREST- AFTERNOON
Noah is sweating, breaking tree limbs.
NOAH
Stupid Jared... stupid fire...
stupid wood. Aggh, that should be
enough.
Noah grabs the bundle of wood and it is very heavy. With
great difficulty he lugs the pile of wood back torwards the
pond.
CUT TO:
EXT. DESERTED ISLAND POND- AFTERNOON
Jared and Caroline are making out on a log by the pond.
Caroline removes his shirt.
JARED
Oh shit, are you serious?
CAROLINE
Yeah Im serious, but we better
make it quick.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
JARED
Um... I dont know if Ill be good
at that.
CAROLINE
Jared. Please.
JARED
Alright fine.
Jared and Caroline proceed to make sweet sweet love under
the Pacific sun. Enter Noah.
NOAH
What the shit?!
Noah runs over and grabs Jared, who turns to Noah while
grunting in ecstasy. Caroline writhes with pleasure
underneath.
JARED
I told you I was the fucking Island
King.
Both Jared and Caroline yell out in passion while Noah steps
away. Noah turns and runs into the woods once again. Jared
turns back to Caroline.
JARED (contd)
Should we go after him?
CAROLINE
...or go again?
JARED
Definitely go again.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DESERTED ISLAND BEACH - NIGHT
Noah paces down the beach with tears in his eyes and a
coconut in his hand. He sits down and tries to open it and
cant. He cries out in sadness.
NOAH
Why have you done this to me, O
Lord? My best friend and my best
girl both betraying me? (silence)
WHY GOD WHY??
Thunder roars and rain begins to fall
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
GOD
You didnt recognize his status as
Island King.
NOAH
God?? Is that you??
GOD
Yeah, yeah, its me. God of
creation and such.
NOAH
What did you say to me, O God?
GOD
I got them together because you
didnt recognize Jared as Island
King. And you were kinda being an
over protective jerk.
NOAH
God, with all do respect, isnt
premarital sex against the bible?
GOD
Yeah. I guess so. But what humans
dont get is that life is kinda
like a basketball game.
NOAH
I play basketball!
GOD
Thats great, kid.
NOAH
Sorry, God.
GOD
Anyways, life is like a basketball
game. Im the referee and I dont
call all the fouls I see. Sometimes
Ive been paid off.
NOAH
Jared paid you off?
GOD
Oh, my son, no. I merely chose to
overlook their crime.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
NOAH
Whyd you do that, God?
GOD
Well, when two people that good
looking have the chance to get
together and make even better
looking humans, Im not gonna get
nit-picky about the details.
NOAH
I guess thats fair enough.
GOD
Anything I can do to make it
better?
NOAH
Well, Id like my girl back.
GOD
Ha! You think Im gonna take from
the Island King himself?
NOAH
Um... I guess not?
GOD
What else do you want?
NOAH
Well Id like more wishes.
GOD
Good me, Noah. I am the God of
Abraham not a genie.
NOAH
Im sorry, God. I guess I wanna get
back home.
GOD
Really? With a search vessel
already so close?
NOAH
Are you serious?
GOD
Oh I forgot, youre not God. Only I
know thats gonna happen. But yeah,
like maybe 2 1/2 hours? 3 top?
Youre gonna be rescued.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
NOAH
Well then I dont know what to ask
for. I mean youve been so generous
with me.
GOD
You do know youre on a deserted
island because of me.
NOAH
I guess youre right.
GOD
Tell you what, Noah. Im going help
you get Caroline.
NOAH
I thought you said you couldnt do
that.
GOD
What I can do is give you something
that will let her change her own
mind.
NOAH
You could make me really buff!
GOD
I could. I mean youre already a
pretty strong person.
NOAH
I know I am.
GOD
But if Im going to set you apart
from Jared, who she obviously
loves, you need to be strong in a
non-normal kind of way.
NOAH
What do you mean?
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. NOAHS BEDROOM
Noah gasps awake. He clutches his chest and looks around. He
looks at his phone and sees the conversation with Caroline
asking to meet up.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
NOAH
She never responded. Maybe Jared
really deserves her. Maybe Im not
good enough. I thought God was
gonna help me out with this but I
guess not.
GOD
Look in the mirror before you curse
me, you tool.
Noah looks up and jumps out of bed. He runs to the mirror
and looks at himself and sees his ripped back muscles.
NOAH
God, God theyre perfect. Thank you
for giving me an abnormally strong
back.
Noah sends a snapchat of his back to Caroline, who responds
with a yes to meet up. Noah smiles.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CAROLINES BASEMENT
Noah and Caroline are making out, Noah pulls back for a
moment.
NOAH
Hold on, let me send a pic of us to
Jared. I want him to be real
jealous.
CAROLINE
Haha, youre such a jerk.
Noah takes that photo, sends it, then gets back to making
out. A moment later, Jared responds. The picture shows Jared
with two of the hottest Puerto Rican chicks out there in
tribal island garb. The caption reads, "Dont mess with the
Island King."
FADE OUT