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Pastoral Psychology, Vol. 51, No. 3, January 2003 (

A Quality Life in the Shadow of Terrorism

Daryl S. Paulson1

After the demise of the Soviet Union, many individuals felt a sigh of relief as
fear was leaving them. Yet, over the years, counselors have seen a new fear
terrorismdemonstrated in drive-by shootings, hate crimes, and now, weapons
of mass destruction. In helping clients deal with this all-too-real phenomenon, a
reframing process is in order, one that views our lives not in permanence, but as
constant change. Much needless suffering is due to clinging to permanent belief
systems, which, in reality, are impermanent. Many clients I have worked with have
found effective ways not only to deal with, but to flourish in whatever life brings,
via a self-Being relationship.
KEY WORDS: fear; counseling; Being; change; psychospiritual development; synthesis.

Since the middle of the twentieth century, pastoral counselors have sat with
many clients riddled with the chilling fear of a nuclear holocaust and the erosion of
any permanence in their lives. But then the Cold War ended, leaving America as the
only superpower. With the demise of the Soviet Union, many people began to relax,
at least somewhat. But this is no longer true. In many ways, pastoral counselors have
witnessed that both violence and the fear of violence have dramatically increased
(Hall & Whitaker, 1999; Whitaker, 2000). Now, people fear the all-too-real driveby shootings, hate crimes, gang wars, school killings, and, currently, the use of
weapons of mass destruction on our own soil. Many individuals now feel that they
will never be safe again, after the complete destruction of the World Trade Center
complex and the partial destruction of the Pentagon on September 11.
The purpose of terrorist actsurban and foreignis to create fear, uneasiness, tension, and paranoia in citizensour clients (Laquer, 1999). And as lulls
1 Daryl S. Paulson, Ph.D., is a decorated Vietnam combat veteran and a counselor specializing in trauma-

associated disorders. He has a Masters Degree in marriage, family, and child counseling from Pacifica
and a Masters Degree in Transpersonal Psychology from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology.
He received his Ph.D. in Human Science from Saybrook Graduate School. Address correspondence
to Daryl S. Paulson, 605 Park Place, Bozeman, Montana 59715; e-mail: daryl@mcn.net.
241
C 2003 Human Sciences Press, Inc.
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occur, when no violence takes place, it does not reduce anxiety, but increases it
(Van der Veer, 1998). Individuals wait for the other shoe to drop, to experience
what violence is next. Because people are not sure who the terrorists areurban
or foreignnearly everyone becomes a suspect.
It does not take long to witness the widespread effects specific incidents of
terrorism produce throughout the population, nor does it take long for the positive
meaning people derive from life to vanish. Chaos appears to be the only truth,
as positive meaning, values, and feelings of permanence evaporate. Undoubtedly,
pastoral counselors will be ever more at the fore to counsel clients, who can find
no security in their lives, relationships, work, or pleasure (Carson, et al., 2000).

IMPERMANENCE AND CLINGING

Nargarjuna, an early Buddhist monk, formulated the view of the middle
way, which I find to be of immense help to clients. Nargarjuna argued that much
human suffering is due to making permanent in ones mind what is impermanent, and clinging to that impermanence, as though it were permanent (Garfield,
1995; Ramanan, 1966). For example, many individuals feel they will be rewarded
(i.e., have a good life) for hard work, saving money, raising children, and being responsible. A good life to most is being respected, feeling safe, loved, and
financially secure. But the reality for the vast majority of individuals is an unexpected divorce, an accidental death of a spouse, loss of a job, children who
reject not only their parents values, but them as well, little money on which to
retire, and death by a lingering and expensive illness. Not surprisingly, when these
life events occur, individuals strive to make up for the loss, believing they can
alter events and remake their lives the way they are supposed to be (Horowitz,
1998).
Truth is, there is no permanent constant in our earthly lives, except change.
Our lives are influenced by innumerable interactions, the majority of which we
cannot perceive, much less control. Life actually is whatever circumstances one
faces at the moment (Bugental, 1965).
This, in no way, means that peopleclientsshould not plan their lives and
look forward to the future, but instead that they should not project permanence
onto what is not. That is, people should plan and work for a desired life, but
learn to deal with their lives as life circumstances arise.
Others have also taken this view. As an existentialist, Heidegger (1962) argued that, in encountering Being, one must learn to accept what is. One simply
cannot live authentically according to what should be. This view is also a fundamental position in cognitive psychotherapy and counseling. One may worry about
all sorts of perils and problems, which may occur, but one can deal only with the
real issues one faces (Beck & Emory, 1985).

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EXISTENTIAL SPIRITUALITY
As the client base becomes ever more culturally diverse, pastoral counselors
need to receive varying world views with tolerance, acceptance, and respect. It
was not that long ago that pastoral counselors dealt solely with Christian world
views. This is certainly no longer the case. Pastoral counselors are increasingly
seeing Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus and Judaists, who bring aspects of their core
religious beliefs to counseling. A pastoral counselor is likely to face, for example,
Christian clients wanting to kill Muslims because they are heathens and Muslims
wanting to harm Judaist infidels whom they feel have soiled their homeland.
Likely, nothing will change the outlook of fundamentalist Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Judaists, or Hindus. To these individuals, those of other religions
are nonbelievers of the truth. But, fortunately, most humans are psychospiritually
developed beyond this level so they can tolerate different religious views or become capable of it as they proceed in counseling. They are able to give up their fear
that, if their religion is not the absolute truth, it is nothing. One way I have worked
effectively with individuals of different religions is through the synthetic process,
of integrating the opposite belief poles to a highermore inclusivelevel, that of
synthesis see, (Fig. 1).
For example, clients may view their own religion as the whole truth, and the
other religions as false. At this level, there is an impasse, for there is no common
ground. What is needed is to transcend this adversarial position to include all
religions, going beyond them into Being. For it is Being for which they really
search. At this more inclusive level, one sees that all the major religionsBuddhist,
Zen, Taoism, Islam, Hindu, Judaism, and Christianitycome together in valuing

Fig. 1. Synthetic Process.

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the experience of Being, as well as becoming a creative, expressive channel for

Being.
Conversely, elimination of the spiritual domain from counselinga relatively
common practiceis an act of repressing the sublime, in my view. The result is
the loss of Soul, or ones essence, currently so prevalent in postmodern life.
From an applied perspective, I have worked with many clients in dealing
with the effects of physical and emotional violence. Those who have succeeded in
dealing with these issues have become more psychospiritually developed because
of them, grounding their lives in the stability and security of spiritual themes
centered in Being (Paulson, 2001). Most of these clients are not religious in a
traditional way, but instead, have personally experienced Being, a dimension
perceived as larger, more real, and meaningful than their personal, egotistic selves.
This self-Being relationship is often described as being at one with the infinite,
as aligning ones purpose with the Universal Force or Way, or as recognizing a
deeper, more inclusive relationship with themselves. This self-Being connection
is not a cognitive construction, but an existential reality. And these individuals
know that they have directly connected with their source of Being, and that this
is very important (Washburn, 1995). But recognition and experience of Being are
generally not enough. These individuals also strive to ground and apply insights
gained from experiencing Being into their daily lives. Being infuses them with the
strength to help not only themselves, but others. Additionally, once individuals
connect with Being, their life values change, particularly in their need for self time
to connect and reconnect with Being.
Clients I have worked with who have consciously discovered this self-Being
connection often find it in a place of psychological pain. It was difficult at first to
experience Being, they say, because they were not aware of its existence. They
became aware of it only as they dealt with their issues of pain, fear, vulnerability,
aloneness, depression, self-hatred, guilt, or meaninglessness. It was in this very
pain and aloneness that they discovered a place within themselves that is full, a
place of Being.

AUTHENTIC LIVING
One of the greatest side benefits I have witnessed in those who have found
Being is that their old plans for successful living fall away. Rather than demanding a very predictable, safe life, they are better able to accept whatever life
situations they encounter. Like others, they want their plans to work out and their
lives to be happy at all times, but they do not cling to these wishes.
These individuals view of good and bad, right and wrong, also changes.
Instead of being absolute, diametrically opposed conditions, they are viewed as

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being a function of relative perspective. That is, events do not exist in independent,
absolute categories of good or bad. Instead, they are relative, dependent upon ones
viewing point in life. So, for example, a nice sunny day may be termed good for a
picnic, but bad for a farmer in need of rain.
Another characteristic worth mentioning is that life tends to be viewed by
these individuals as if it were a school in which they learn, experience, and grow.
This perspective is vastly different from that of individuals who desire to escape
the unpleasantries of life, or those whose life goals are to become rich and powerful
in order to control life. In this respect, their lives are focused in helping others,
not just those in their immediate family, but all others, because they realize their
interdependence with all humanity.
Individuals who have aligned with Being are also less concerned about being
killed in a drive-by shooting or being blown up in a building by some terrorist,
for example. This is not to say that they have no fear of death. They do. But they
also are infused with Being, which provides them a greater sense of meaning and
purpose, so worrying about death is not a high priority. Their lives have meaning,
and channeling this meaning into purpose is what matters most to them.
Interestingly enough, these individuals are not above violence, themselves.
If they are attacked, they will fight back. They have no fear of using firearms,
physical force, or larger actions to prevent and eliminate violence, when they feel
it appropriate. But they are not psychologically stuck at this level, either. They
willingly look to transcend violence and work actively at solving differences in
ways mutually-satisfying and beneficial to those involved.

CONTROL
Many of the clients with whom I have worked who have dealt successfully
with their traumas readily acknowledge a desire for control. They strive to stay in
control of life situations. This is certainly normal, for all of us fear losing control
and will go to great measures to maintain it (Shapiro & Astin, 1998). This aspect is
so important that many counselors focus their efforts on helping clients learn how to
control their lives. Many of my clients have described a sense of levels of control.
They describe it as active control of their lives in situations they can control and
as accepting control of situations that are beyond their direct influence (Shapiro
& Astin, 1998). Yet, they do not view accepting control as having no control.
Instead, it is the control of letting go, letting go into their sense of Being.
So, while they protect themselves, they also realize they can only do so much. In
letting go of personal control, when appropriate, they acknowledge that life has its
own demands, and they put themselves in the hands of the Way, or the Force, or
Being.

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CONCLUSION
I have seen psychospiritual rewards in the way these individuals live. Because
they do not cling to self or cultural constructs about how life should be, they
quickly adapt to life situations as they are encountered. For them, their self-Being
connection enables them not onto to adapt to, but to flourish in the lessons they
have learned in the school of life.

REFERENCES
Beck, A. T. & Emory, G. (1985). Anxiety disorders and phobias: A cognitive perspective. New York:
Basic.
Bugental, J. T. F. (1965). The search for authenticity. New York: Holt, Rhinehart, Winston.
Carson, R. C., Butcher, J. N., & Mineka, S. (2000). Abnormal psychology and modern life. Boston:
Allyn and Bacon.
Garfield, J. L. (1995). The fundamental wisdom of the middle way. New York: Oxford.
Hall, H. V., & Whitaker, L. C. (1999). Collective violence. Boca Raton, FL: CRC Press.
Heidegger, M. (1962). Being and time. San Francisco: Harper.
Horowitz, M. J. (1998). Cognitive psychodynamics. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
Laquer, W. (1999). The new terrorist. New York: Oxford.
Paulson, D. S. (2001). The hard issues of life. Pastoral Psychology, Vol. 49:5, pp. 385394.
Ramanan, K. V. (1966). Nargarjunas philosophy. Delhi, India: Motilal Banarsidass.
Shapiro, D. H. & Astin, J. (1998). Control therapy. New York: John Wiley.
Van der Veer, G. (1998). Counseling and therapy with refugees and victims of trauma, 2nd ed. West
Sussex, England: John Wiley & Sons.
Washburn, M. (1995). The ego and the dynamic ground. Albany: State University of New York Press.
Whitaker, L. C. (2000). Understanding and preventing violence. Boca Raton, FL: CRC Press.