Bye Bye Birdie

by Justin D. Wright

Setting

In and out of a car on a main neighborhood road. Late afternoon to evening

Characters

BODY: A man, Black

SCREAM-A woman, Black.

WHISTLE-A little girl, Black.

BOY- A boy, Black.

FLUTTER- A man, Cop

ST. ANTHONY- A man, White. Patron St. of the lost and stolen
SCENE 1

Lights up on the inside of a white Oldsmobile. BODY is driving and SCREAM is in the

passenger seat. In the backseat WHISTLE sits in a car seat. BOY, only seen or heard by

WHISTLE, sits on the seat next to her.

BODY

(In the front seat. To SCREAM, jokingly regarding the radio show playing)

Players are the boss!

SCREAM

But the picture is really bad, it speaks a thousand words!-

BODY

Okay, well where do his hands go in pictures 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6?

SCREAM

Ugh, he’s such a bad guy! How low has he gone? While she sleeps? I can’t believe it! This is

very sacred process!

BODY

How low does he have to go?!

SCREAM

I try so hard to be his friend!

BODY

Maybe someday that will happen!

SCREAM

He insulted me!

BODY

Sad!
 SCREAM

He called me old!

BODY

But you-

SCREAM

I would never call him short and fat!

BODY

Oh well, sad!

BOY

(In back seat. To WHISTLE)

You know how this is going to end, don’t you?

WHISTLE

Everyone knows this is not true, that this could, in fact, be a fraud on the American Public.

Lights flash. Faint police siren.

End of scene.
SCENE 2

A cat crosses to the center of the stage. It considers the car. ​CAT cocks its head. Smiles. The

CAT speaks.

CAT

Everyone knows this is not true, that this could, in fact, be a fraud on the American Public.

This ​could ​be a fraud. On the American public. Everyone. On the ​American​ public.

Everyone. Knows this is not ​true​. ​Not​ true. This could. In fact.​ Be.​ True. Everyone. Could. Be

a fraud. Everyone knows. That this could. In fact. Be true. That this could. In fact. Be.

American. That this could. In fact. Be. Public. Everyone knows. Fact. Everyone knows. True.

Everyone knows. Public. Everyone knows. Fraud. American. True.

Lights flash. A police siren can be heard.

End of scene.
SCENE 3

Flashing Blue and red lights. We hear birds chirping thought It is still late afternoon. The

Oldsmobile has been stopped. A policeman, FLUTTER, is at the driver’s side window. He

speaks.

FLUTTER

(To BODY and SCREAM)

Very little discussion of all the purposely false and defamatory stories put out this week by

the Fake News Media. They are out of control - correct reporting means nothing to them.

Major lies written, then forced to be withdrawn after they are exposed...a stain.

SCREAM

Fake news?

FLUTTER

(Jumps and pulls out a gun)

Hands!

BODY

Sir!/

SCREAM

Out of control!/

FLUTTER

Purposefully false and defamatory stories/

BODY

Sir!/

FLUTTER

I SAID HANDS!
 BODY

Sir!/

WHISTLE

(In disbelief.)

Fake, fake, fake, fake…

BOY

(Quietly, in the backseat to WHISTLE)

You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?

(It is not a question)

Police lights begin to flash uncontrollably. Loud white noise builds throughout the rest of the

scene.

SCREAM

(She has taken out her phone and begun recording the encounter)

Exposed, exposed, very little discussion, out of control,/

fake?---news---media---lies---forced---exposed---a stain-stain stain! ​Crying​, screaming.

Stain!

WHISTLE

(To BOY)

Fake, fake, fake, fake

FLUTTER

Purposefully false and defamatory. Means nothing to them. Withdrawn. After? Put out stain.

Means nothing to them.

SCREAM

(Shaking BODY)
Nothing? Nothing????

BODY

(Motionless. Fearful)

Sir-sir. Please. Out of control/

FLUTTER

Out of control, control control control hands hands hands hands stain stain stain-

White noise builds louder and louder. It is deafening.

Lights flash. Silence.

Scene is frozen.

CAT crosses to the center of the stage.

It considers the scene; Fear, policeman, family, car.

Sound of a tea kettle whistling begins to build.

CAT cocks its head. Smiles.

The CAT speaks.

CAT

This is your land, this is your home, and it's your voice that matters the most. So speak up, be

heard, and fight, fight, fight for the change you've been waiting for your entire life. Fight for

the change. This is your land. You’ve been waiting for. Home. Your voice. Speak up. Your

land. Speak up. Your home. Your home. Your home. THe change. Matters most. Most. Fight.

You’ve been. Waiting. Waiting. And it’s. Your voice. That matters. Most. Your voice. That

matters. Your home. That matters. Your land. That matters. Your. Life. That matters. Most.
Kettle whistling turns into a loud, piercing scream.

Only FLUTTER unfreezes.

Still speaking to the frozen car. They do not hear him.

FLUTTER

We believe that every American should stand. Stand. We believe every American! We every

American stand! Should stand! Every America! Believe! Can you believe that the disrespect

for our Country, our Flag, our Anthem continues without penalty? Can you believe? Your.

hands. believe!

Kettle scream stops. Lights flash.

End of scene.
SCENE 4

Continues from last scene.

SCREAM

(Into the phone camera, tears)

Dear God, I’ve been here before. This place is the opposite of light. To love in a world like

this is to love without breathing.

FLUTTER

Sit back!

SCREAM

And they expect us to-

FLUTTER

Sit back-

SCREAM

And swallow, they expect us to-

FLUTTER

Sit back!-

SCREAM

And ease. They expect us to-

FLUTTER

Sit back!/

SCREAM

Sit back!/

FLUTTER
Sit back!/

SCREAM

Sit back and break every single bone in our body, ‘till we learn how to follow their lead!/

3 gunshots ring out into to car. Deafening. Silence. Screaming begins. Then crying.

BODY is slumped over the wheel, still clutching it. Blood.

WHISTLE is screaming and crying. BOY is motionless.

The ​Salve Regina ​hymnal begins to play low, almost imperceptibly, rising with the scene.
 FLUTTER SCREAM

No, no, nononono-I’m sorry! (Screaming)

Sit back! We are always second to some white man’s

I-I-I-IIIIII told him to-to-to SIT BACK! apology

SIT BACK Our children are always second to some

DON’T MOVE white man’s wink, smirk and nod

I-I-I-I TOLD HIM NOT TO MOVE I am a wink, smirk and nod

DEAR GOD, DEAR GOD, DEAR GOD, Dear God, dear God, dear God, dear God,

DEAR GOD dear God

WHISTLE BOY

(Tears) Didn’t we do this already?

Mommy-mommy-mo-mo-mo-mommy Didn’t I die for them?

It’s gonna be okay mommy, I-I promise./

FLUTTER
SCREAM
(Calling for back-up)
(In a low voice)
Yes, there’s been a shooting...
Dear, God. I am the opposite of light.

I have some questions...

Silence. Lights flash. End of scene.

Outside the car. BODY is strewn out on the ground. SCREAM is being held detained on the

sidewalk. WHISTLE and BODY sit on the ground next to SCREAM. Sirens, crying, birds

chirping, cars driving.

SCREAM

Dear God, I have some questions about the rumbling in my heart. This questionable shatter

How easy it was for me to sink to the bottom of the ocean? Ancestors wailing out in

complaint, asking questions like;

Didn’t we do this already?

Who let Jim back in the White House?

I thought we got rid of that nigga?

SCREAM BOY

NO. No.

Nigga be black. Nigga be electric. Nigga Nigga always be black. Nigga always be

always be the only one in the wrong place at electric. Nigga always be the only one in the

the wrong time. And I-I-I am the only one wrong place at the wrong time. And you,

left singing. The only one left, singing. The you are the only one left singing. The only

only one, left. one left, singing. The only one, left.

SCREAM

Dear God,

What happens, when I lose my voice? When the sun refuses to rise? When my daughter

refuses to die? When it’s three days later and no one’s coming? Dear God, what then?! What

happens?! I need to know. I need to know. Because this looks a whole lot like Revelations

and I can’t tell if we’re being killed or saved, all I know is that I am blood stained. And that

these men keep telling me about his body. Force me to love him and then kill him for me. For

me to have a baby and then kill it for me. A different kind of pillaging. What happens then?

God, what happens?

(Screams, yells, cries. The attempt of excising grief.)

Lights flash. End of scene.

Lights up on ST. ANTHONY. He is a tall white man, dressed in an all white suit. He has a

perfectly coiffed beard. Everything about him used to be perfect. He has an air of loss, of

something lost.

He considers the scene.

The sun is setting now. Birds chirp.

He pulls out a list. He begins to read.

ST. ANTHONY
The media will never be satisfied…

Truly bad people...Truly? Bad...Never satisfied...People...People never satisfied.

Sorry...so sorry people want border security and extreme vetting...

People want vetting...People want extreme...People want border...People...People want and

want and want...People want sorry.

Lights flash.

CAT crosses to the middle of the stage.

Regards ST. ANTHONY. ST. ANTHONY regards him.

CAT considers the scene; the car, the body, the screaming, the whistling, the fluttering

overhead.

A bird chirps, CAT perks up its ears. Cocks its head.

It's mo(a)(ur)(r)ning again.)

ST. ANTHONY

(To CAT)

Bye-bye, Birdy?

CAT

Bye-bye, Birdy.

Lights fall.
SCENE 7

Lights rise. ST. ANTHONY and BOY survey an empty scene. No body, no screaming, no

whitsine, no fluttering, no lights, no sirens, no car.

He pulls out a list and begins to read.

He and BOY speak simultaneously.

BOY/ST. ANTHONY

Three spare work uniforms for St. Paul Public Schools’ Nutrition Services — one blue, one

red and one white.

One gallon of bleach

One ice scraper

One flyer for Cub Foods: 18 eggs for 99 cents

One black T-shirt with marijuana leaves formed into a Nike-style swoosh

One pair of crisp white sneakers, still in the box surrounded by crumpled-up paper

Two bags of Halls cough drops, cherry and honey-lemon

One inhaler

One spare tire

One jack

One sauce packet of honey mustard from McDonald’s

One pair of black work shoes

One invitation to a preschool graduation on July 8, 2016

(Pause)

One stack of yellow time cards from St. Paul Public Schools

One completion certificate for a CPR course for Philando Castile

One 2015 Sports Illustrated with Minnesota Timberwolves’ Karl-Anthony Towns on the

cover

One piece of children’s art — made with crayons and a glue stick

One tourist guide to South Dakota

One box of brake pads

One bottle of water

One roll of red lens repair tape

One children’s worksheet: “Write and Find the Number 12”

One black bag

Three packages of Swisher Sweets cigarillos

One glass Mason jar with a plastic bag of marijuana in it

One bag of Corn Nuts, Ranch flavor

Two quarters

Three dimes

Four pennies

One pack of double A batteries

One child’s raincoat, blue

Four plastic grocery bags

One bag of frozen shrimp

One pound and a half of chicken breasts

Two kielbasa links

One box of Uncle Ben’s Rice

One bottle of grill marinade

One packet of strawberry Kool-Aid

Two frozen beef pot pies

Two frozen chicken dinners

One can of off-brand SpaghettiOs

One jar of Lawry’s seasoning

One box of beef Rice-A-Roni

One pack of Saltine crackers

One bottle of Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce

One pack of Tic Tacs

One box of Matches

One lighter

One packet of gum

One phone charger

One iPhone in a black case

One spray bottle of fresh car scent

One pink and black car seat

One SuperAmerica receipt for gas and an Icee

One pair of black framed glasses

Two bullet casings

Two bullets

A 50’s era laugh track begins low.

Lights flash. Fade into spotlight on CAT.

CAT crosses to the middle of the stage.

It cocks its head.

CAT

Big win today.

Lights fall.

END of play.