SERIES EDITOR

Ellen Greene, University of Oklahoma

ADVISORY BOARD

Susan Guettel Cole, State University of New York, Buffalo

Carolyn J. Dewald, Bard College
Thomas M. Falkner, Tile College of Wooster
ARISTOPHANES
Elaine Fantham, Princeton University
Nancy Felson, University of Georgia
Helene P. Foley, Barnard College
Sara Mack, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill LYSISTRATA,
Thomas R. Martin, College of the Holy Cross
THE WOMEN'S FESTIVAL,
John F. Miller, University of Virginia
Jon Solomon, University of Arizona AND FROGS
Richard F. Thomas, Harvard University

Translated and with Theatrical Commentaries by

MICHAEL EWANS

UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA PRESS : NORMAN

 Introduction
Mainland Mt.Olp11pc1J
A

Greece

The Festivals of Dionysos

The Great Festival of the god Dionysos, at the start of the
" ,.
sailing season in March, was a preeminent focus for Athenian
life. It was fundamentally an affirmation of several core reli-
gious beliefs of this polytheistic society, in particular the
complex forces that swirled around the worship of Dionysos
himself. This god, though terrifying if rejected and defied,
had the power to augment the value of life through attain-
ment by his worshipers, who were also the theater audience
ZAKYITTHOS
and the tragic and comic actors, of a state of ekstasis, 1 standing
outside one's normal personality. Wine, the celebratory ambi-
ence of the festival, and above all the drama performances
I o 11 i a 11
,Q themselves all contributed to the attainment of Dionysian
S ea
ecstasy. And this experience was replicated on a less extrava-
gant scale at the smaller festival of the Lenaia, held in January,
at which plays were also performed. The Great Festival also
gave the Athenians an opportunity to affirm the ideology and
display the excellence of their city-state through ceremonies,
including the display of tribute from their subject allies and
a parade of war orphans who had now come of age and
60 &Omi\l'S pledged themselves to the military service of the state. 2
20
'"
20 40 60 80 100 120 kms At the festivals, the comic and tragic playwrights
enjoyed an almost unparalleled license to use their dramas
Greece c. 42~04 B.C. E. Map by John Gilkes. to critique any aspect they wished of the city's policies and

1. All italicized Greek terms are explained in the glossary of Greek words.
2. Cf. Goldhill 1990 and 1997.

3
4 Introduction Introduction
- - - - - - --- - - - - ___________s
values.3 This freedom of speech was granted because the
view, they were not only entitled to do this, but had a duty
festivals of Dionysos were detached from the cut-and-thrust to do so. 6
of debate in the Assembly and the Council in Athens's
extremely vigorous and robust participatory democracy. The
Theater of Dionysos nestled under the Akropolis, next to his Aristophanic Comedy
temple and in his sanctuary. It was sited a substantial distance
from the centers of daily political and social life, approxi-
Our knowledge of Athenian comedy in the late fifth
mately 1 kilometer from the hill of Pnyx, where the Assem- ce~tury_ B.C.E. comes from the nine surviving plays from
blies of the people were held, and 1.5 kilometers from the this penod by Aristophanes (who created more than forty
Agora, the marketplace where most other civic activities comedies between 427 and the late 380s) and from numerous
took place. Simply to walk to the theater from the city for the brief fragments of his lost comedies and of those by other
Festival was to detach oneself from day-to-day affairs, and the playwrights.7 To judge from the surviving plays, Aristophanic
social and ceremonial ambience of the Festival, as well as the comedy was a formidable combination of a richly exuberant,
use of masks by the actors in these performances consecrated surreal, and downright zany comic invention with a strong
to the god,~ ensured a special reception for the ideas presented sense of form.
by the playwrights. P. Wilson expresses the point perfectly: In this respect his medium has an ethos that is sur-
prisingly, parallel to that of Athenian tragedy; Aischylos,
The political character of Athenian drama is now gen- Sophokles, and Euripides disciplined the extremes of emo-
erally understood not as if it were a forum for narrow, tion in their tragic dramas within a similarly controlled formal
thinly-veiled political pamphleteering for a particular s_tructure. Tragedy and comedy were both performed at fes-
course of action in the "primary" political arenas of the tivals of the god Dionysos, and in each genre there was the
Assembly or courts; but rather more as an institution Dionysiac_ element of ekstasis. As the performers, through
in many ways parallel to them, one in which could be the act of impersonation, almost literally stood outside their
raised the more unwieldy, problematic "big questions" normal selves in a state of heightened realization, a the audi-
of life in the polis that underlie it but exceed the terms ence, collectively moved to tears or laughter, also reached
of its diurnal [everyday] debate. 5 metaphorical ekstasis.9 Just as actors and audience could
explor: the most extreme emotions in tragedy, so too the
The playwrights whose dramas were selected for pro- Athenian democracy in the late fifth century gave comedy
duction were entitled to speak out to the demos, the citizens of
Athens, on any matter that concerned them. In Aristophanes' 6. See below, Comedy and Politics.
. 7. In addition to the nine plays preserved from the Peloponnesian War
3. Though they were not immune from pr?secution by ag~rieved _ indi- period, we also have two Aristophanes comedies from the late 390s and earl
vidual members of the audience. Cf. Sommerstem 2004 on Kleon s reaction to ~.-Asse111~lywo111c11 and Wealth. They are almost a different genre certain!~
acking the vigor and bite of Aristophanes' earlier work '
Aristophanes' early comedies. . 8. Wiles 2007, 245-17. .
4. Cf. Wiles 2007, especially 230ff., 245-51, 258, on the sacred role of tragic
masks. TI1ere is no comparable work on the implications of the fifth-century ;- For the highly emotional response of Athenian audiences to tragedy.
comic mask. see ta~for~ 198~. Arbtophanes frequently shows awareness of his need t;
5. Wilson 2000, 67. ~ntertam his audience a~d make them laugh. See, for example, the opening
mes of Frogs and the closmg lines of TWF.
6 Introduction Introduction
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _!
the license to explore extremes. Aristophanic comedy exhibits
it that tragedy is serious and comedy frivolous. is The funda-
a total lack of inhibition-which extends both to sexual and mental differences are as follows:
scatological jokes and to a comic universe in which any-
thing is possible, nothing is sacred, and no one, from Zeus
• Tragedy almost never acknowledged that it was per-
to the lowest female slaves-except the city's patron goddess,
formed in a theater, 16 whereas in Aristophanic comedy the
Athena-is exempt from satire and ridicule. 10 Indeed, in the
presence of the audience, the stage machines (ekkuklemn
surviving comedies, Aristophanes satirizes not only indi-
and 111ecltn11e), and even, at the start of Frogs, the fact that
vidual public figures such as Kleon, Sokrates, and Euripides,
the actors are comedians first and players of roles are all
but whole classes of society-among them politicians, war- openly acknowledged.
mongers, jurymen, sophists, and women. But just as the
• Tragedy was almost invariably based on myths-legends
festival's Dionysiac ekstnsis was moderated through formal
about the distant, heroic past; 17 comedy could invade this
ceremonies and competitions, in which Athenian society
territory and provide mythical pastiche1 8 but was more
celebrated and affirmed the organizing powers of the polis,
frequently set in (or took its point of departure from) con-
so too in Aristophanic comedy there is, in creative tension temporary Athens.
with the liberating element of Dionysiac freedom, the disci-
• Comedy was open ended, drawing its subject matter from
plining power of form. 11
almost any conceivable aspect of society, with a total free-
Athenian tragedy and comedy shared many conven-
dom both of fantasy and of comic invention and no consis-
tions. Both were performed by a small number of solo actors
tency of character. By contrast, the plots of tragedy were
interacting with a clwros; all actors were masked and played
always plausible, and every character had to be credible.
multiple roles;12 and similar meters and verse forms were
used for dialogue and lyric verses. The difference between
Aristophanes' plays were written in verse-which to
the two media is not, as has sometimes been supposed, 13 that
the Greeks meant combinations of long and short syllables in
tragedy is static and comedy dynamic. Performance-based
varying degrees of intricacy. There were three main types of
research has revealed that Greek tragedy requires almost as
verse: iambic trimeter, the meter of spoken dialogue; tetra-
much flexible movement as Aristophanic comedy. 14 Nor was
meter, a longer verse used for declamatory "recitative"; and a
10. So too in tragedy, Theseus, the legendary founder of Athens, is always
variety of lyric meters for the sung and danced sections,
portrayed with respect. . . . ranging from the pedestrian anapest to choral lyric meters
11. On the civic values enshrined in the orgamzat10n of the festival, see
Goldhill 1997, 54-67. On the formal elements in Aristophanes, see below. The
harnessing power of comic form is especially evident in TWF,.whose .scenes
of high farce and tragic parody alternate with solemn choral mvocat10ns of 15. On the serious elements in Aristophanic comedy, see below, Comedy
and Politics.
the gods. . l · h 16. The exception that proves the rule is Athena's address to "our future
12. A suggested breakdown of the original doublmgs of solo ro es m t ese
citizens" (the actual audience in 458 B.C.E.) at Aischylos, E11111e11ides 681ff.
plays is supplied in appendix 2. It was rare for the clwros to play more tha~
one collective character in one play, but see Frogs (Frogs and subsequently Im 17. Two of the three known exceptions are political plays dealing with the
tiates) and Euripides' Hippolytos (Huntsmen and subsequently Women). ~reat of. Persia: Phrynichos's lost Sack of Mi/etas and Aischylos's surviving Per-
13. See, for example, Mcleish 1980, 48, and Revermann 2006, 3 and 108. sia1'.s. Aristotle records (Poetics 5lb21) that Agathon wrote a tragedy, A11theus, in
which all the characters were his own invention.
14. See the notes on staging (by Graham Ley, Gregory McCart, and Ewans)
in Ewans 1995 and 1996, and Ewans, with Ley and McCart, 1999 and 2000. 1.8. To judge from the titles of lost plays, the comedians often presented
pastiches of myth, but no example of this kind of comedy survives.
8 Introduction Introduction
~ - -- - - - - ---------- 9
with the capacity to become far more elevated-and passion- I~ should be emphasized that this simplified pattern does not
ate.19 Aristophanes selected his meters carefully to respond to fit all the surviving plays. Acharnians, Peace, and Birds conform
the nature and tone of each comic sih1ation he created. closely, but elsewhere Aristophanes experimented with form.
In Aristophanes' surviving comedies, there is a typical ~or example, he placed the parabasis well before the midpoint
and recurrent pattem: 20 a lead character who is highly moti- m Clouds and well after it in Wasps; he created conflict between
vated (usually because he or she finds something unaccept- Dionysos and assorted boastful characters throughout the
able about the current state of the polis) embarks on a fantastic ~irst half and reserved the only (and very important) agon
plan that in real life would be impossible but in the world of m Frogs for the second half; and he ended Clouds and The
the play is treated as totally achievable. The playwright then Wo11'.en's Festival without a celebratory ki5111os, and virtually
creates a series of episodes, each given form by a tightly knit abolished the parabasis in Lysistrata by leaving the choros as
structure and timed to last precisely as long as its humorous two hostile half choroses of Old Men and Old Women until
content can bear. This structure in its basic form (seen most late in the play-who therefore cannot speak with a united
clearly in Aclumzians, Peace, and Birds) is: voice ~t th~ midpoint. 23 We should also note that the plays
so~ehmes mclude causality-free episodes that, like the para-
• introductory scene: the protagonist's dissatisfaction leads bas1s, do nothing to advance the plot.2~
to a heroic resolve; Aris~opha~ic comedy was performed before a very
• parodos (entry of the c/zoros): usually a spectacular scene; 21 large audience man open-air theatro11. 2s These performance
• episodes: might include an agon (contest); conditions-and the fact that the comedies were played by
• achievement of the hero's goal; mas~ed actors in grotesquely padded costumes and (when
• parabasis (usually halfway through the play): the clzoros playing male parts) long artificial phalluses-make the orig-
addresses the audience, in character but outside the play, inal experience very remote from most modern experience
and often in the earlier plays speaking overtly on behalf of theater. As a result, all too often modem productions of
of the playwright; these plays use free adaptations rather than close translations
• further episodes, in which conflict occurs (the hero is of the text. The aim of this book is to try to place students,
often confronted by freeloaders, who seek either to under- readers, and theater practitioners inside Aristophanes' own
mine or to cash in on his or her achievement); 22 comic world.
• a komos of fulfillment (a final scene of revelry and festivity): Getting inside Aristophanic comedy demands a knowl-
celebration of the hero's triumph. edge of the sociopolitical context of each individual comedy
(each having been created for one performance at one specific
19. For the strategies I use to translate each of these styles of verse, see below,
Translation. In these translations, all chanted (anapestic) and sung (lyric) passages
are double indented to distinguish them from spoken dialogue and recitative. 23. See Theatrical Commentary, Lysistrata choros 3.
20. See especially Ac/1nmim1s, Pence, Birds, Lysistrata, Frogs, and Asse111bly- 24. See Silk 2000, 264-65.
wo111en. 25. Estimates of the seating capacity are normally between thirteen thou-
21. TWF is unique among the surviving comedies in that the clzoros enters sa.nd and .s~\·e~tee~ thousand. Revermann (2006, 168) adopts a more conserv-
in silence: 280ff. ative pos1tion m light of the findings of recent excavations for which see
22. An ngo11 may occur here too, as, for example, in K11iglzts, C/011ds, and Frogs. G~~20W '
10 Introduction Introduction
11
festival) and a knowledge of Athenian performance conven- Aristophanes regarded as a corrupt warmonger and whom
tions. It also requires the ability to understand how accurate he criticized stridently in Acharnians and attacked with
translations of these comedies might work effectively in venom in Knights. Each comedy from the first ten years of
modern performance. That in turn requires practice-based the war contrasts the sufferings of Athens as a result of the
research, in which the disciplines of the workshop and the war with the desirability of peace, and in 421 these culmi-
rehearsal room are applied to the draft script. This process nated in a play whose title is, simply, Peace.27
produces translations that have been road tested for acta- By a happy congruence with Aristophanes' comedy, a
bility and modified where specific passages failed to work peace treaty (the Peace of Nikias) was signed that very year.
in rehearsal. The process also makes possible the unique However, small hostilities soon occurred, and in 418 the war
feature of this edition, the theatrical commentary, which deals resumed. Then Athens disastrously overreached itself when
with staging issues both from the point of view of Aristo- it dispatched an expedition to Sicily to conquer Syracuse. In
phanes and/ or his producers and from the perspective of 413 the expedition was annihilated; not one man returned.
those striving to reclaim these dramas by realizing their comic With the ensuing desperation came political instability. Many
power in modem performance. The book's commentaries span blamed an excessively democratic system for Athens's wrong
the range of issues involved in performance-among them decisions. This led to a right-wing coup in 411, followed by a
the acting style; the spatial dynamics of performance in the restoration of full democracy in 410. But the threat of defeat
original stage shape; the use of stage machinery, set, props, loomed ever greater in the years that followed, and in 404
and costumes; and proven ways in which modem productions Athens surrendered to Sparta.
can respond to the forms and styles of Aristophanic comedy. This turbulent period is the background for the three
plays in this book. They contain notably less satire of indi-
vidual politicians than do the plays of the 420s, partly because
Aristophanes and the Athenians Aristophanes had already moved on, in Birds (414), to a new
kind of comedy, and partly because the political situation
Aristophanes grew up as Athens was reaching the was extremely sensitive-especially when he was creating
apex of its power, which the city had been consolidating The Women's Festival. But it would be a mistake to regard
steadily since the 460s, when it turned the Delian League these plays as less politically engaged simply because the
(founded in 478 B.C.E. as a defensive alliance against Persia) overt vitriol of Knights (an atypical play) is absent. Nothing
into an empire of tribute-paying states. He began to write Aristophanes wrote during the war is without a message to
comedies as a young man, four years after Sparta and its allies the polis about how to conduct its affairs.2s
declared war on Athens. Aristophanes blamed the Pelopon-
nesian War no more on the Spartans than on the Athenians, 26 27. ~c/mmim1s, K11iglrts, and Pence will be collected in the sequel to this vol-
ume, Anstophn11es: Acharnians, Knights, and Peace.
whose leaders, following the untimely death of Perikles,
28. For more detail regarding the political context of these plays and Aristo-
had made serious mistakes. Among these was Kleon, whom phanes' message in each of them, see below. I totally oppose the view, enter-
tained briefly by Mcleish in 1993b, xviii, and more fully expressed by Silk (2000,
318:-~9) and Halliwell (1998, xlff. and 8lff.) that Aristophanic comedy was not
26. Achnmin11s 509ff.
pohhcally engaged. I find strong support in McDowell 1995 (see below, note 44)
12 Introduction Introduction
13

Women in Aristophanes Aristophanes and Euripides

Two of these three plays- Lysistrata and The Women's In The Wo111e11's Festival, Aristophanes opposes the inge-
Festival-place women at the center to an extent not only nuity of the women to the almost equal ingenuity of the
unprecedented in Aristophanes' earlier output, but also quite great contemporary tragic playwright Euripides, who tries
unexpected. Women were in every way second-class citizens to penetrate the secret rites of the festival and then devises
in classical Greece. Men regarded them as less intelligent and two successive tragic strategies to rescue his In-Law from the
less logical than themselves. Indeed, Aristophanes expects women. Both strategies fail, and in the end he must resort to
his audience to find it frnmy that in his imaginary version a compromise with the women and must use a comic, rather
of the secret rites of the Thesmophoria, the women have a than a tragic, stratagem to free the In-Law from the Police-
president, a secretary, and a meeting procedure that, in real man who is guarding him.
life, only the male administration of Athens would have We know that Aristophanes' senior rival, Kratinos,
possessed.29 Women had no voice in civic affairs-a feahire accused a character in one of his comedies of "Euripidari-
of the polis against which Lysistrata reasonably objects.)(! stophanizing."14 I do not interpret this brilliant coinage as
Respectable free-born females were expected to confine them- referring to the fact that Aristophanes sometimes parodied
selves as much as possible to the oikos, and their duties were Euripidean tragedy'' (although he does this with great effect
to remain chaste, to produce children (preferably sons), and in Aclwmia11s, The Women's Festival, and Frogs). 16 Kratinos
to manage the household. 11 was, in my view, suggesting that the two enfants terribles,
Perhaps following a well-worn comic path, Aristo- who were creating a new kind of tragedy and a new kind of
phanes satirizes women for lust and a fondness for alcohol,32 comedy at ar0tmd the same time, had much in common.
but in Lysistrata the women (especially the heroine) outwit Both Aristophanes and Euripides were theatrical itmovators
and defeat the men, and the playwright presents very who renewed tradition by rethit1kit1g the conventions of their
strongly the sufferings of the women as a result of war. Then, respective genres and explorit1g the boundaries between
as the play reaches its climax, he affirms the value of female tragedy and comedy. Both were alert to, and made great crea-
inclusiveness and bonding, in contrast to the men's petty tive use of, the rich pool of ideas that the "new thought" of
warmongering and their squandering of the city's wealth. 33 the sophists had brought to late fifth-cenhiry Athens, and
both had a fascit1ation with the Greek language and a desire
and Henderson 2000, 26-l (on L11si;/m/11). Robson 2009, 163, tries to make a dis- to explore how it might be used itmovatively in the theater-
tinction between what Aristopi1anes himself thought on political matters and
what his plays say about them. 1 do not believe this distinction can be made.
in particular by adaptit1g the techniques of the forensic orator
29. TWF 295ff., especially 372ff. Women and children did attend the festi vals. to the stage agon.37
See Henderson 1991 and Czapo and Slater 1995, 286-87.
30. Lt/5 507ff. 34. Kratinos, fragment 3-12.
31. F~r more detail on the role of women in Atheni<m society, cf. Henderson 35. Pace Halli w ell 1998, :1" - xxi.
1996, 20-29. 36. On the relationship of Aristophanes and Euripides, cf. Robson 2009
32. See, for example, Lys 201 - 39, TWF 733ff. (alcohol); Lys 706ff., TWF 103-19. '
477ff. (lust). 37. See, for example, Euripides, A11dro11111c/1L' 590ff.; Aristophanes, K11i~/1/
33. 506ff., 588ff., 6-!8ff., 1122ff. 756ff. and Clouds 889ff. ' •
Lysistrata
 Characters
In order of appearance

Lysistrata ("disbander of armies"): Athenian woman

Kalonike ("beautiful victory"): Lysistrata's neighbor
Myrrhine ("sexpot")*
Women from Athens (3) (Together with the Korinthian
woman, they can play the four women in scene 4.)
Lampito: Spartan woman
Korinthian: Woman
Boiotian: Woman
[Archer Girl]
Old Men: Half Choros
Old Women: Half Choros
Bureaucrat
Policemen (3)
Kinesias ("Prick")
Slave with Baby
Spartan Herald
Spartan Ambassadors (2)
Athenian Ambassadors (2)
Reconciliation (naked girl)
[Slaves and Revelers]

The play was first pe1for111ed in 411 B.C.E.

Props
Scene 1

[Shield]
Large black mixing bowl
Large bottle of red wine

•Literally "myrtle," but this was slang for the vagina.

53
54 Lysistrata
Lysistrata 55
-- - - - - -
- ~ -- -- --. - ~----- -
Clwros 1 Scene 1
Logs (Enter LYSISTRATA, left.)
Torches LYSISTRATA But if someone had summoned them
Coal buckets with coals for an orgy,
1 Old Man, ring
or a sleep-out, or a celebration of the love goddess,
Pitchers you wouldn't be able to move for all the wild
drumming.
Scene 3 As it is, there's not a single woman here-
(Enter KALONIKE, left.)
Crowbars except my neighbor who has just come out.
Basket with wool, stool Hello, Kalonike.
Garland, crown, ribbons
KALONIKE Hello, Lysistrata.
Why are you so upset? Don't frown, my dear;
Scene 4 arching the eyebrows doesn't suit you.
LYSISTRATA Kalonike, my heart is burning,
Bronze helmet and I'm very upset with us women,
Oracle 10
because all the men think
we are very devious-
Scene 5 KALONIKE -and they're right-
LYSISTRATA but when I told them to come here
Bed
to make plans about something really important,
Mattress they're sleeping in; they are not coming.
Pillow
KA LO NIKE Darling,
Blanket d tl ·n) they will come; it's difficult for women to get out.
Pots of ointment (2) (second one ta 11 an 11 We're always busy servicing our men,
waking up servants, putting the baby off to sleep,
or washing it or feeding it.
LYSISTRATA But this is something even more
important for them. 20
KALONIKE What is it, Lysistrata?
What is this thing? How big?
LYSISTRATA It's large.
KA LO NIKE And thick as well?
LYSISTRATA Yes, pretty thick.
KALONIKE Then why aren't they coming?
56 Lysistrata Lysistrata
57
LYSISTRATA I don't mean that! They'd have been here LYSISTRATA M f · d
. Y nen ' you'll always see Athenian girls
quick enough. do everything much later than they should
This is something I've thought out for myself, There's not a woman here from Paralia .
and tossed about on many sleepless nights. or Salamis.
KALONIKE It must have got exhausted with that tossing. KALONIKE Them? First thing each day
LYSISTRATA So exhausted that the whole of Greece they're hard at it, woman on top.
60
depends for its salvation on the women. 30 LYSISTRATA I expected and counted on the women
KALONIKE On the women? There's no hope at all. of Acharnai to be the first ones here
LYSISTRATA We've got to run the city, -but they've not come.
or there won't be any Spartans- KAL~NIKE [Theogenes' wife
KALONIKE Wouldn't that be great? h01sted her wine cup in the air and lost her way.]
LYSISTRATA -and all the Boiotians would be destroyed- (~nter MYRRH/NE and 3 other ATHENIAN WOMEN z,r.t d
KALONIKE Oh no, not all of them. Leave me some eels! nglzt.) , e;. an
LYSISTRATA I'm not going to say anything ill omened [KALONIKE]
But look-here are some coming for you,
about Athens; you can guess what I mean. LYSISTRATA
-and over here some more.
But if the women gather here KA LONIKE
Phew!
-the Boiotians, the Spartans 40 Where are they from?
and us-together we will save Greece. LYSISTRATA The st"m k yswamp.
KALONIKE How on earth could we do something like KA LONIKE
Oh yes,
that-sensible someone's just stirred it up.
and marvelous? We sit around all tarted up MYRRHINE Are we too late, Lysistrata?
in sexy clothes and lots of makeup, What do you say? Why won't you speak?
expensive negligees and fancy shoes. LYSISTRATA Myrrhine, I cannot praise
70
LYSISTRATA And that's exactly what is going to help a woman who is late for something this important.
-our sexy clothes, perfume, and fancy shoes MY~INE I couldn't find my panties in the dark.
and rouge and see-through lingerie. If It IS really so important, tell us now.
KALONIKE What do you mean? LYSISTRATA No, let us wait a little longer
LYSISTRATA None of the men for the women from Boiotia and Sparta
will raise his spear against another- 50 to arrive.
KALONIKE Great! I'll just slip on a sexy dress- MYRRHINE Good idea.
LYSISTRATA or take a shield- (Enter LAMP/TO and WOMEN from KORINTH and BO!OTIA riglzt)
KALONIKE -something extravagant- But look, here comes Lampi to. ' ·
LYSISTRATA or little sword- LYSISTRATA M d
. y earest, welcome Lampito from Sparta.
KALONIKE -and buy some fancy shoes. You look 3ust great.
LYSISTRATA So don't you think the women should be here? Your skin is glowing, your whole body's firm.
You could strangle a bull.
80
KALONIKE Yes, they should all have flown in long ago.
58 Lysistrata Lysistrata
59
LAMP ITO You bet.
LYSISTRATA And we don't even have adulterers to fan
I work out hard and do kickboxing. our flames.
KALONIKE Wow! Your tits are fantastic.
Worse still; since the Milesians deserted us
LAMPITO Hey! Don't feel me up! I'm not a sacred cow. I haven't even seen a compact dildo, '
LYSISTRATA And where is this young woman from? not one little leather friend.
LAMPITO She came with me, and has authority to speak 110
So if I find a way, d'you want
for the Boiotian women. to help me end the war?
MYRRHINE Ah, Boiotia, land KA LONIKE Yes,
of beautiful and fertile plains. count me in, even if I have to pawn
KALONIKE -please note,
my finest dress-and drink the proceeds that same day.
the grass has just been elegantly trimmed. MYRRHINE And me-I'd cut myself in two
LYSISTRATA And who is this? like a flatfish, and give half to the cause.
LAMPITO A splendid lady, 90
LAMPITO. And I would climb up Mount Ta!getos,
and she hails from Korinth. to see if I could catch a glimpse of peace.
KALONIKE Splendid indeed- LYSISTRATA All right. The truth must not be hidden any
great tits and butt. more.
LAMPITO Who summoned this assembly If we are going to force
of the women? 120
the men to sue for peace,
LYSISTRATA I did. we must give up-
LAMP ITO Tell us what KALONIKE -what, tell us-
you want from us. LYSISTRATA
-will you do it?
KALONIKE Yes, darling, KALONIKE We'll do it, even if we have to die.
please tell us your great idea. LYSISTRATA OK; we must give up the prick.
LYSISTRATA I will. But first, let me
Why do you turn away? Where are you going?
just ask you something small. You, why purse your lips and shake your heads?
KALONIKE Of course. Y~ur skin's turned pale, you're crying.
LYSISTRATA Don't you miss the fathers of your children Will you do it or won't you?
when they're off at war? I know 100 KALONIKE I won't do it. Let the war go on.
that all your husbands are away. MYRRHINE Me neither. Let the war go on.
KALONIKE Yes; mine, poor dear, has been away 130
LYSISTRATA Is that what you say, flatfish?
five months in Thrakia [guarding Eurykrates]. You just said you'd cut yourself in half.
MYRRHINE And mine has been away for seven whole
KALONIKE Anything, anything you want. If I have to
months in Pylos. I'll walk through fire. But not the prick. '
LAMPITO And mine; if ever he comes back home from There's nothing like it, dearest Lysistrata.
his post, LYSISTRATA What about you?
he puts a new strap on his shield and off he flies again.
1st ATHENIAN WOMAN Me too. I'd rather walk through fire.
60 Lysistrata Lysistrata
---------
LYSISTRATA Then we're all nymp l1omamacs. . I -- ----------61
LAMPITO Just suppose we can persuade our men
No wonder the tragedies are all about us;
140 to make peace fairly and without deceit; 170
we just fuck and get rid of the babies.
how can you persuade the common herd
Lampi to, my dearest, if you alone
of the Athenians to make a sensible decision?
stand by me now, we might still save the plan.
LYSISTRATA Don't worry, we'll persuade them.
Vote with me.
LAMPITO Not while they have their ships
LAMPITO It's pretty hard
and boundless wealth stored in Athena's treasury.
For us to sleep without an erect prick,
LYSISTRATA We've worked that out as well·
but still, I'll do it. We really need peace. I

we'll capture the Akropolis today.

LYSISTRATA You're marvelous-the only real woman here.
I ordered the older women to do this
KALONIKE But if we go without ... the thing you said I

while we agreed on our plan here.

-which I hope will never happen-just how
They will pretend to sacrifice, then seize the citadel.
would this bring peace?
LAMP!TO This is another great idea of yours. 180
LYSISTRATA Easily.
LYSISTRATA Then let us right away, Lampito, swear
We'll sit at home, perfumed
a solemn, binding oath.
and in our see-through nighties we'll 150
LAMPITO Disclose the oath, and we will swear to it.
parade ourselves, neatly Brazilian waxed.
LYSISTRATA [A good idea; where is that foreign girl?
The men will get erect and want to fuck us,
(Enter a slave girl with a large shield, left.)
but we won't go to them; we will hold off
and they'll make peace pretty damned fast, I'm sure. Pay attention;
place your shield face down in front of us
LAMPITO When Menelaos saw the breasts I

and someone give me sacrificial offerings.

of naked Helen, he threw down his sword.
KALONIKE But what if they divorce us?
KALONIKE Lysistrata,
what kind of oath will you make us swear?
LYSISTRATA We'll have to get out the dildos.
LYSISTRATA What kind?
KALONIKE Artificial substitutes are just no good.
160 We'll sacrifice a Iamb onto a shield, as they say Aischylos
MYRRHINE What if they grab us and drag us once did.
into the bedroom?
LYSISTRATA Hold on to the door. KALONIKE No, Lysistrata, you must not
make us swear something about peace upon a
MYRRHINE And if they hit us?
shield! 190
LYSISTRATA Then submit-reluctantly.
(Exit Slave Girl, left.)]
They don't get as much pleasure from forced sex.
LYSISTRATA What kind of oath do you want?
And make them suffer. Soon enough
KALONIKE Suppose
they will give in. A man will never really enjoy sex,
we got a white horse and made it our sacrifice?
unless the woman wants it too. LYSISTRATA Ridiculous.
KALONIKE If you both think that this will work, we'll
KALONIKE Then just how
go along. shall we swear?
62 Lysistrata Lysistrata
63
LYSISTRATA I've got a good idea. LYSISTRATA And I will never voluntarily yield to him-
Let's take a large black drinking bowl KALONIKE And I will never voluntarily yield to him-
and sacrifice a great big bottle of best Thasian LYSISTRATA -but if he takes me by force-
and swear not to dilute the wine with water. KALONIKE -but if he takes me by force-
LAMPITO Wow, what a fantastic oath.
LYSISTRATA -I wo~'t cooperate or respond with my body.
LYSISTRATA Someone bring out the bottle and the bowl.
KALONIKE -I ':on t c~operate or respond with my body.
(One of the wo111e11 does this.) LYSISTRATA I will not lift my silken slippers up toward
MYRRHINE Ladies, look at the size of that bowl. 200 the ceiling.
KALONIKE Just let me get my hands on it!
KALONIKE I will not lift my silken slippers up toward
LYSISTRATA Let go, and place your hands upon the victim. the ceiling.
230
Goddess Persuasion and Drinking-bowl of Fellowship,
LYSISTRA!~ I will not adopt the lioness on a cheese grater
be favorable to us and receive our sacrifice. position.
(Size pours the offering.)
KALONI~~ I will not adopt the lioness on a cheese grater
KALONIKE The blood is a good color, and it flows out well. position.
LAMPITO It smells good too.
LYSISTRATA If I confirm these oaths, may I drink from this
MYRRHINE Ladies, let me be first to seal the oath. sacred bowl-
KALONIKE No, by the love goddess; we will draw lots to
KALONIKE If I confirm these oaths, may I drink from this
take our turn. sacred bowl-
LYSISTRATA All take hold of the bowl, LYSISTRATA And if I break the oath, may the wine be
and one of you repeat for all what I shall say. 210 changed to water.
The rest, swear to it too and make a binding oath. KALONIKE And if I break the oath, may the wine be
No lover or husband- changed to water.
KALONIKE No lover or husband- LYSISTRATA
Do you all swear to these conditions?
LYSISTRATA -shall come near me with an erection. Say it! ALL
KALONIKE -shall come near me with an erection. Oh, Yes.
LYSISTRATA Then let me sanctify the bowl.
Lysistrata, I'm going weak at the knees. KA LONIKE
LYSISTRATA I shall live my life at home unfucked-
Only your share!
Let's all stay friends.
KALONIKE I shall live my life at home unfucked- (Shouts of joy are heard from inside the skene.)
LYSISTRATA -dressed in my sexy clothes and perfectly LAMPITO Who cried out?
madeup- LYSISTRATA
That's what I told you earlier 240
KALONIKE - dressed in my sexy clothes and perfectly the w~men have now captured the Akropolis. '
madeup- 220 Lampito, you get going,
LYSISTRATA -so that my husband will burn with desire and fix everything back home.
for me. Leave these women here as hostages.
KALONIKE -so that my husband will burn with desire We'll join the others in the citadel;
for me. once we're inside, we'll bolt the doors.
64 Lysistrata Lysistrata
----- 65
KALONIKE Don't you think the men will come and try he breathed the true Spartan spirit,
to take it back it from us at once? but still gave all his weapons up to me.
LYSISTRATA I don't care. He left here in a tiny cloak-
If they bring threats or fire against us, 250 hungry, filthy, hairy,
they will not make us open up the doors six years without a bath.
unless they agree to do what we say. 280
* * *
KALONIKE No, never! If they did, in vain
1 OLD MAN That's how I conquered him-with valor!
are women called unbeatable and devilish.
We camped out here in seventeen rows of shields.
(Exit Lampito, right.) I was brave then, and I'll defeat these women
(All others exeunt into tlze skene.) hated by Euripides and all the gods. '
If not, take down my victory monument at Marathon.
* * *
Choros 1 1 OLD MAN (Bl) Only the little steep bit
of my path is left.
(Enter OLD MEN, left, carrying logs on their shoulders, torches, But how will we climb up
and a bucket of coals.) without a donkey?
1 OLD MAN Lead on, my friend, go step by step, although 290
The logs are crushing my shoulders.
your shoulder hurts from carrying these heavy logs. Still, we must press on
* * * and blow on the fire
1 OLD MAN (Al) When you live long, things happen so it does not go out
that you never would believe. when we are nearly there.
Who would have ever thought the women, 260 Puff! Puff!
wicked cows we feed at home, Look, look at the smoke!
would seize the sacred image, * * *
occupy 111y citadel, 1 OLD MAN (B2) Ow! It's leapt up
and bar the gates against us? and attacks me;
* * *
it bites my eyes like a mad dog.
1 OLD MAN Let's rush to the Akropolis, It's a volcanic fire
and drop these logs around them! the way it spurts;
The women who thought up this idea and executed it- 300
it's chewing up the gunk in my eyes.
we'll heap a pyre with our own hands Go on ahead to the Akropolis,
and burn them all[, starting with Lykon's wife]. 270 rescue the goddess.
1 OLD MAN (A2) By the gods, they will not laugh at us Is there a better time than this?
while I am still alive. Puff! Puff!
Kleomenes, who first captured the citadel, Look, look at the smoke!
did not get off scot-free; * * *
66 Lysistrata Lysistrata
- ---------- ------ 67
1 OLD MAN The fire's alive and blazing, with divine and tattoos. But I filled up my pitcher eagerly
support. and I am bringing water; I will help my sisters
1 OLD MAN Let's put the logs down here, who are under siege from fire.
light the vine-torch in the coal bucket, * * *
then attack the door like rams. 310 1 OLD WOMAN (A2) I've heard there are some burnt-out
If the women don't undo the locks when we tell them, men
we'll have to burn the doors an d m ake them suffocate.
h who've carried up their weighty sticks, like slaves
1 OLD MAN OK, let's drop our burden; watch out fort e heating the public baths, right to the citadel,
making most terrible threats
smoke! l 1 ?]
[Would any of the generals at Samos like to 1e p. . that they would kill those hated women with
1 OLD MAN At least this bloody log has stopped wrecking a fire. 340
* * *
my back. h
1 OLD WOMAN Athena, I don't want to see them burnt!
1 OLD MAN Now it is your duty, bucket, to make t e
They must free Greece and Athens from the madness
coal-fire burn,
of this war;
so I can have a blazing torch. . d that's why, 0 goddess of the golden crown,
.
1 OLD MAN Gracious ic y· tory' be with us·
' we will rewar I call on you to be our ally;
you with a trophy if a man sets them on fire,
when we have overcome these women join us in bringing water.
who have dared to take the Akropolis.
(Enter OLD WOMEN, left, witlz pitchers of water.)
1 OLD WOMAN I think I see thick smoke and haze, Scene 2
as if there's burning fire; let's hurry up. 320
* * * 1 OLD WOMAN Stop! What's this? Those miserable
1 OLD WOMAN (Al) Fly, fly, men! 350
before our friends are burnt How can they be good or reverent, if they do this?
to death, blown from all sides 1 OLD MAN This is unbelievable!

by bitter winds A swarm of women coming to defend the gates.

1 OLD WOMAN Why be afraid of us? We aren't many.
and horrible old men.
You haven't seen a fraction of our forces yet.
I am afraid; are we too late?
* * * 1 OLD MAN My friend, shall we just let them babble on?
Shouldn't we hit them with our sticks?
1 OLD WOMAN This morning I filled up my water-vessel
1 OLD WOMAN Put your pitchers down, so they're not
from the well . in the way, if someone tries to hit us.
with difficulty. There was a crowd, con:mohon, 1 OLD MAN If someone punched them in the jaw 360
pitchers clashing;
two or three times, we wouldn't have to listen to them
slave girls jostled me, covered with whip-marks 330 now.
 Lysistrata Lysistrata
68 69
1 OLD WOMAN OK, here is my jaw. Take your best shot. 1 OLD MAN But I am dead from shivering
I'm ready- 1 OLD WOMAN I thought you had an inne~ fire to warm
and I will be the last bitch ever who will grab your balls! yourself.
1 OLD MAN Shut up, or I'll beat your old arse to pulp.
1 OLD WOMAN Just touch her with your little finger.
1 OLD MAN What if I hit you with my fists? How would Scene 3
you get back at me?
1 OLD WOMAN I will devour your lungs and cut out all (Enter the BUREAUCRAT, left, with 3 POLICEMEN)
BUREAUCRAT It h I •
your guts. . seems t ere s been a flare-up of unbridled
1 OLD MAN Euripides is wisest of all poets; female misbehavior-loud music, orgies,
'there is no beast as shameless as a woman.' and the ~ooftop worship of a dead heartthrob.
1 OLD WOMAN Let's pick up our pitchers. 370 I once witnessed an incident in parliament·
390
1 OLD MAN You horrible creatures, what did you bring that wretch ?~mostratos was speaking in favor
the water for? ?f the expedition to Sicily, but his wife was dancing
1 OLD WOMAN Why did you bring the fire, old corpse? m the gallery and shouting "poor Adonis." Next
To light your funeral pyre? Demostratos
1 OLD MAN No-to kindle a blaze under your friends. s~id we should recruit troops from Zakynthos and th
1 OLD WOMAN I'll use my water to put out your fire. his drunken ·f ' en
. w1 e screamed "suffer for Adonis!" He. t
1 OLD MAN You're going to put out my fire?
earned on- JUS

1 OLD WOMAN Yes, right now. the wretched man who's hated by the d
B t h ' go s.
1 OLD MAN I think I'd better roast you with this torch. u t at s the way women behave.
1 OLD WOMAN If you've got some soap, I'll give you a bath. 1 OLD M~N What would you say if you knew what they'
1 OLD MAN You'll bath me, you smelly bitch? domgnow! re
1 OLD WOMAN Yes-your bridal bath. They have insulted us, and thrown the water 400
1 OLD MAN You wouldn't dare! from their pitchers on us; when we shake
1 OLD WOMAN I'm a free woman. our cloaks, it looks as if we've peed ourselves
1 OLD MAN I'll stop you shouting. BUREAUCRAT By the sea-god, yes-but that's ~hat we
1 OLD WOMAN You're not in court now. 380 deserve!
1 OLD MAN Set fire to their hair! We go along with all our women's wicked wa
1 OLD WOMAN Time for the water.... and teach them how to live in luxury-so the;s,
lOLDMAN Ow! come up with clever schemes like this.
1 OLD WOMAN Was it too hot? ~e go to a tradesman and we say,
1 OLD MAN What d'you mean, hot? Stop! What are you Goldsmith, you made a necklace for my wife·
doing? last night when she was dancing '
1 OLD WOMAN I'm watering you well so you will grow the pin fell out of her hole. '
410
again. I've got to go away on business;
•·, I
70 Lysistrata Lysistrata
71
if you have time, you must go over to my place tonight (Enter a second formidable WOMAN, wearing a tiara, from the
and fit it in again for her." skene.)
Another man says to a shoemaker- 2nd WOMAN If you touch her with the tip of your finger
a young one, with a hefty prick- I'll give you a black eye. '
"Shoemaker, the sandal strap is hurting
BU~EAUCRAT What? Where's a policeman? Seize her.
my wife's little toe because Ill stop at least one of you.
it is so soft and tender; in the middle of the day, (Enter a third formidable WOMAN, from the skene.)
please go and enlarge her opening a little."
3rd WOMAN If you go near her, I will pull out all your hair
Here are the consequences. 420 and make you scream.
I am a senior public servant, and I've ordered (The POLICEMEN hesitate.)
wood to make new oars-so I need money, BUREAUCRAT This is seriously bad. I've no more
and these women are preventing me from getting in. policemen.
But don't just stand about. Bring crowbars, But there's no way I'll Jet the women
so I can stop this outrage. 450
beat us. Troops, fall in;
What are you gawping for, you wretch; where are you get ready to attack.
looking? Dreaming about the nearest pub? LYSISTRATA You'd better know
Get the crowbars under the doors I have four companies of fighting women
and force them open; I'll help in the citadel, a11 fu11y armed.
over here. BUREAUCRAT Troops, tie them up.
(Enter LYSISTRATA, wearing a garland,from the skene.) LYSISTRATA Women, get ready;
LYSISTRATA Do not force the doors; 430
rnar~et-peas~-pudding-gardenveg-stallholdergirls,
I'm coming of my own free will. Why use crowbars? garhc-barma1d-breadbakergirIs,
Instead of crowbars you need brains and common sense. come on, hit them, strike them,
BUREAUCRAT Is that right, bitch? abuse them, humiliate them. 460
Grab her and tie her hands behind her back. (Th~ three WOMEN take on the POLICEMEN, who lose and exeunt
LYSISTRATA If that little bastard lays a fingertip rapidly, left.)
on me, he'll suffer for it. Stop, fa11 back, do not take spoils of victory.
(Tlze POLICEMAN hesitates.) BUREAUCRAT Looks like my Jot have Jost.
BUREAUCRAT Are you afraid? Grab her by the waist, LYSISTRATA What did you expect? Did you think
And you, too; hurry, tie her up. you were attacking slave-girls; don't you realize
(Enter a formidable WOMAN, wearing ribbons in her lzair, from women can be courageous?
tlze skene.) BUREAUCRAT Sure they can-
1st WOMAN If you just lay a hand on her very courageous, if they've had enough to drink.
we'll beat you till you shit yourself. 440 1 OLD MAN Dear bureaucrat, you've wasted many
BUREAUCRAT Shit yourself?! Where's another policeman? words.
Grab this one first, because she talks too much. Why are you trying to talk to these wild beasts?
 Lysistrata
--- ------- - - __________n
---'~~~~
72
__::

Don't you remember the bath they gave us recently they can do what they want,
still in our clothes, and with no soap? 470
but they won't get the money any more.
1 OLD WOMAN My dear man, you shouldn't raise your BUREAUCRAT What will you do?
hand
LYSISTRATA What do you think? We'll run the economy.
in reckless violence against your neighbors; BUREAUCRAT You will?
if you do, you'll get black eyes.
LYSISTRATA Is that so strange?
I want to sit down quietly like a little girl,
Don't we run your household finances for you?
no trouble to anybody, not moving a muscle- BUREAUCRAT That is not the same.
unless my honey's stolen and I'm stirred up like an LYSISTRATA Why not?
angry bee.
BUREAUCRAT We need the money for the war.
LYSISTRATA You shouldn't be fighting at all.
BUREAUCRAT How else can we save the city?
(Choros 2-Al) LYSISTRATA We will save you.
BUREAUCRAT You?
lOLDMAN What can we do LYSISTRATA
Yes, us-
with these animals?
BUREAUCRAT That's outrageous-
It's intolerable! You must LYSISTRATA -whether you like it or not.
examine this disaster carefully. BUREAUCRAT
What did they think they were doing when 480 -just terrible.
LYSISTRATA
they seized our citadel, Get angry,
but you'll have to do it anyway.
the sacred place, the holy shrine BUREAUCRAT Unfair!
on the great rock? 500
LYSISTRATA You must be saved, old friend.
* * * BUREAUCRAT If I don't need it?
1 OLD MAN Interrogate, do not give in, ask probing LYSISTRATA
questions. All the more reason.
BUREAUCRAT And why are war and peace your business?
It would be disgraceful if we let this go without a LYSISTRATA I'll tell you.
searching test. BUREAUCRAT Quickly, or I'll hurt you.
BUREAUCRAT I agree, and first I want to find out LYSISTRATA
the reason why you locked us out of the Akropolis. Listen,
and try to control yourself.
LYSISTRATA To keep the treasury intact and stop you BUREAUCRAT I can't;
waging war. I'm too angry.
BUREAUCRAT We use the money to wage war? 1 OLD WOMAN You'll regret it!
LYSISTRATA And stir up everything.
BUREAUCRAT Oh, stop screeching. Now, speak to me.
It's there for Peisandros and all the other politicians LYSISTRATA I will.
to steal- 490
For a long time we suffered in silence; because we knew
they always used to stir up trouble. Well,
our place, we let you do just anything you wanted.
74 Lysistrata Lysistrata
75

You didn't even let us grumble-and we didn't like it! upon her head? I'd rather die.
We saw right through you, and often we found out 510 LYSISTRATA If that's a problem,
that you had made a bad decision about something take my veil, and then be quiet.
important. lOLDWOMAN
Here's your little basket.
Although we were hurting inside, we asked you with LYSISTRATA Do some knitting,
a smile; chew on some gum,
"In the assembly today, what did you do about and leave the war to women.
the peace treaty?" "Mind your own business!" said my 1 OLD WOMAN Leap up, leave your pitchers,
husband; let us take our tum to help our friends. 540
"Keep quiet." So I did.
1 OLD WOMAN I wouldn't have!
BUREAUCRAT You'd have been sorry if you hadn't. (Choros 2-A2)
LYSISTRATA That's why I kept quiet.
So then we heard you'd passed an even worse decree, 1 OLD WOMAN I'll never stop dancing-
And I would ask; "Dear husband, why do you persist old age won't wear out my knees.
in such a stupid policy?" I'll go to any lengths
He'd give me a nasty look, and say if I did not get on to help these wonderful women, who
with spinning are noble, charming, courageous,
he'd give me a headache; "War is men's business!" 520 and wise; they love their city
BUREAUCRAT Absolutely right! and can think.
LYSISTRATA How can it be right, you idiot, * * *
if nobody can give you good advice when you go 1 OLD WOMAN Now, granddaughter of heroines, daughter
wrong? of stinging nettles,
But when we finally heard you saying in the streets; let rip; do not go soft; you're sailing well. 550
"There's not a single soldier left in the country," "Yes, LYSISTRATA If Eros and his mother, the goddess of love,
you're right," breathe hot desire into our breasts and thighs
then we decided to save Greece and this gives men sweet tension and stiff pricks,
by getting together with the other women. I think we will be called the women who have stopped
How long do you think we should have waited? the war.
If you would listen to our good advice BUREAUCRAT How?
and be quiet like we did, we could set you straight. LYSISTRATA First we must stop men charging crazily
BUREAUCRAT You will set us straight? Outrageous and across the marketplace in full armor.
intolerable! 1 OLD WOMAN Good idea!
LYSISTRATA Be quiet! LYSISTRATA They go past pottery and vegetable stalls
BUREAUCRAT I've got to be quiet for you, a woman clashing their arms like manic dancers.
with a veil 530 BUREAUCRAT Of course; that is a mark of courage.
 Lysistrata Lysistrata
76 77
No it's 1·ust ridiculous Mix everybody in-the immigrants, and friendly
LYSIST RATA . on shield to buy your fish. 560
I

foreigners, 580
to go round with a Gorg valry commander on
1 OLD WOMAN Yes, I once saw a ca or men who owe the state a debt-mix them in as well.
Next, all the cities that are colonies of ours,
his horse ld woman and put it in his
buy porridge from an ° you have to realize these are many separate piles

Th~~l:::e was a foreign soldier menacing with shield

of unspun wool; we need to take the wool from all of
them,
and bring it home and mix it into one, and make
and javelin; .
he terrified the fig-seller, an g
BUREAUCRAT But how can you so ve
i
d ul ed down all her fruit.
the knotty problems a giant ball of wool-then weave a new cloak for the
people.
in the cities? BUREAUCRAT Isn't it terrible for women to speak of
LYSISTRATA Very easily. beating fleece and spinning wool?
Then show me how. You do nothing to help with the war.
BUREAUCRAT d k . of wool we take it and
LYSISTRATA Given a knotte s em ' LYSISTRATA You bastard, we do
more than double what you do. First we give birth
we draw .d and then from the
it with the spindle, first from one si e and send our sons as soldiers off-

other. 'f · t get the BUREAUCRAT Don't say it; no past sufferings. 590
. l1ow we will resolve this war, i we JUS
That is LYSISTRATA Then, when we should be having pleasure
chance, and enjoying being young,
untangling it with . to one si'd e tl1en the
. emb assies, 570 we sleep alone because of war. Never mind us wives,
think of unmarried girls who're growing old in bed
other. th's terrible alone.
BUREAUCRAT You think tha~ you can stop i
affair with wool and skems . BUREAUCRAT Don't men get old as well?
~ ' t of your mmd. LYSISTRATA Yes, but it's not the same.
and spindles? ou re ou If you had any brains,
When one gets back from service, even with grey hair,
LY~~~1~:~n the city like we treat this wool of ours. he'll soon get a young girl to marry him;
This I have to hear. a woman's time is short, and if she's lost her chance,
BUREAUCRAT . you sl1ould wash it like a fleece,
First nobody wants to marry her; she just sits at home and
LYSISTRATA . Then lie it on a bench hopes.
to get out all the sheep dr~p~mgts~ll the troublemakers,
and beat it with a rod to pie ou BUREAUCRAT Right! If a man can still get an erection-
burrs and thorns, . LYSISTRATA Why don't you just die?
. and those who form tight cliques There's plenty of space; buy a coffin; 600
and the conspirators t ff all the knots.
1 . h ff ce· discard them, cu 0 I'll even knead your honey cake myself.
to gain 1ig o 1 ' . b k t filled with general
Then card the wool mto a as e Take this garland for your funeral.
goodwill. 1st WOMAN Here are some ribbons from me-
78 Lysistrata Lysistrata
- - - - - - -- - - -
- - ----- -- -- - - - ---------- 79
2nd WOMAN And a crown from me.
and sing heroic songs of victory.
LYSISTRATA What do you need? What do you want?
I will parade in arms like the great tyrant-killer
Just go!
and strike the same pose as his statue- nicely placed
The ferryman of the dead is calling you,
to hit this horrible old woman on the jaw.
but you're preventing him from setting sail.
* * *
BUREAUCRAT Oh, how terrible are my sufferings! IOLDWOMA
Your own mother won't recognize you if
I'm going straight to my colleagues you do.
to show them what these women did to me. 610
Take off your cloaks, dear ladies.
LYSISTRATA Are you complaining about our funeral
* * *
service?
I OLD WOMAN (A2) Citizens, we will begin
Don't worry; very first thing, two days from now,
with words of value to the city.
we'll come-and dance upon your grave!
This is just, because the city nourished us 640
(Exit BUREAUCRAT, left; exeunt LYSISTRATA and THREE WOMEN in luxury and comfort.
into the ske11e.)
When I was seven I served the goddess for eight
months,
I ground corn for the sacred cakes at ten, and then
Choros 3 stripped off
my saffron robe, and went through rites of passage
1 OLD MAN Now is the time for all free men to rise. before puberty.
Take off your cloaks, gentlemen; get ready for action.
* * *
And when I was a beautiful young woman, I carried
the sacred basket, wearing a necklace made of figs.
1 OLD MAN (Al) This business has the stench
* * *
of something sinister; I smell a whiff
1 OLD WOMAN So don't I have a duty to give the city
of tyranny. And I'm afraid some Spartans 620 good advice?
may have met here in secret to incite
Do not begrudge me, just because I am a woman,
these women, hated by the gods,
if I bring changes for the better. 650
to seize the treasure; that's the jury pay
I have contributed my share; I've borne you sons.
on which I live!
You miserable old men have not contributed·,
* * *
you squandered all the wealth your ancestors had won
1 OLD MAN It's terrible that they are telling us, the citizens,
from war with Persia, and you've not made up the
what we must do- women just babbling on about the deficit.
war-
Indeed, we're going bankrupt thanks to you.
and making peace with Spartans,
D'you dare to grumble? Don't a1moy us,
whom I trust less than hungry wolves.
or I will use my boot to kick you on the jaw.
They're weaving a web of tyranny. 630
* * *
I will not endure it; I will stand on guard
1 OLD MAN (Bl) This is a total outrage!
80 Lysistrata Lysistrata
81

- and it's getting worse. 660 No matter if you voted seven times, you are quite
Now is the time for every man with balls to fight. powerless-
Off with your shirts; a man should smell you wretched man whom all your neighbors hate.
just like a man, and not be wrapped away. Only yesterday I tried to have a party 700
Come on, foot soldiers, for the local wives and kids. I sent an invite to
just as we went to battle when a dear and special friend from Boiotia-an eel·
we were still young. but they said they could not send her, becaus: of your
We must rise up again, take wing 670 decrees.
and slough off this old skin. You won't stop voting stupidly, until one of us grabs
* * * your leg,
1 OLD MAN If we give them even a tiny chance, gives a good heave, and breaks your neck.
there's nothing slippery that they won't do;
they will build ships, and try to fight
at sea against us, like the Karian queen. Scene 4
And if they turn to horses, we won't have a chance;
women just love horses and mounting up, (Enter Lysistrata from the skene.)
and they don't fall off. Think of the Amazons, (mock tragic)
whom Mikon painted fighting men on horseback. 1 OLD WOMAN Queen of our mighty enterprise,
We've got to get them all and put them 680 why have you come forth frowning from the temple?
in the stocks-so grab their necks! LYSISTRATA The deeds of wicked women and the female
* * * mind
1 OLD WOMAN (B2) If you inflame me, I'll let loose have made me lose my courage, and I wander restlessly.
my inner sow on you, and shear your fleece. 1 OLD WOMAN What are you saying? What are you
You'll beg your friends to rescue your shorn-off saying? 710
carcasses. LYSISTRATA It's true. It's all too true.
We'll strip for action too, 1 OLD WOMAN What is so terrible? Please share it with
so we will smell like women mad enough to bite. 690 your friends.
Come on, attack me, if you never want LYSISTRATA It is shameful to speak, and difficult to be
to eat garlic again silent.
or chew black beans. 1 OLD WOMAN Please do not hide from me this evil we
Just one bad word- I'm so enraged- have suffered.
and I will crush your nuts. LYSISTRATA We need a fuck. That's it in short.
* * * 1 OLD WOMAN 0 Zeus!
1 OLD WOMAN I don't give a shit for you, as long as LYSISTRATA Why call on Zeus? Here's how it is.
Lampito still lives I just can't keep them away from their men
and that dear noble girl from Thebes, Ismenia. any longer. They're deserting.
82 Lysistrata Lysistrata
----- -- - - - - - _ _ _ _ _ ____:8....:..3

First I caught one digging a hole in the wall 720 LYSISTRATA What is this nonsense?
near the grotto of Pan, 3rd WOMAN
I'm going to have a baby.
then another letting herself down the wall LYSISTRATA You weren't pregnant yesterday.
with a rope and running off. Then I caught by the hair 3rd WOMAN
But I am now.
another one who tried to fly Dear Lysistrata, please send me home at once,
on a sparrow down to her lover. so I can find a midwife.
They're trotting out any excuse to go LYSISTRATA What's the story?
back home. What is this hard thing?
(Enter 1st WOMAN from the skene.) 3rd WOMAN A baby boy.
Here's one right now. LYSISTRATA No, it's something hollow,
Hey, you; where are you off to? made of bronze. I'll find out for myself. 750
1st WOMAN I want to go home. This is absurd! You've taken the sacred helmet
I've got a special fleece, and pretended you were pregnant?
and moths are wrecking it. 3rd WOMAN Yes I did, and I am pregnant.
LYSISTRATA What do you mean, moths? 730 LYSISTRATA Then why did you take it?
Get back in. 3rd WOMAN
So if the child came out
1st WOMAN But I'll be very quick- still in the citadel, I could give birth into the helmet
just long enough to spread it on the bed. like the pigeons do. '
LYSISTRATA No spreading on the bed; you're not going LYSIS~RATA What's this excuse? Your plan's exposed.
anywhere. Wait for the ceremony five days after birth.
1st WOMAN Should I just let my fleece be destroyed? 3rd WOMAN But I can't even sleep up there,
LYSISTRATA If necessary. ever since I saw the sacred snake.
(Enter 211d WOMAN from the skene.) (Enter 4tlz WOMAN from tlze skene.)
2nd WOMAN Unhappy me, alas for the beautiful flax 4th WOMAN I'm being destroyed by those owls- 760
which I left untreated at home. their awful racket! I can't get a wink of sleep.
LYSISTRATA Here's another one LYSISTRATA You miserable creatures, stop these
who wants to have her flax worked on. preposterous excuses.
Get back inside. Sure, you want your men; do you not think
2nd WOMAN But I promise; they want us too? I'm certain they are having
I'll just strip it off and come straight back. troubled nights. Stand firm, good ladies,
LYSISTRATA No stripping off; if I let you, 740 hold out for a little longer.
another woman will want to do the same. There is an oracle which says that we shall win,
(Enter 3rd WOMAN from tlze skene, apparently lzeavily pregnant.) if we don't fall into internal strife. And here it is.
3rd WOMAN Goddess of childbirth, may I not bear my 3rd WOMAN Tell us what it says.
child LYSISTRATA Maintain a reverent silence.
until I leave this sacred place. "When the swallows fly to a single place, 770
84 Lysistrata Lysistrata
85
in flight from the hoopoes, and abstain from the phallus, * * *
that will be the end of our troubles. Zeus the thunderer 1 OLD WOMAN (A2) I'd like to tell a little story
on high in reply to yours about Melanion.
will turn everything upside down-" Timon the vagabond
2nd WOMAN -does that mean we get to go on top? used to hide away in thick bushland 810
LYSISTRATA "but if the swallows separate and fly out from like an offshoot of the Furies.
the sacred temple, then it will be shown He left the city
they are the horniest of all birds." and lived in the mountains
1st WOMAN The oracle is clear. Praise to the gods. with curses upon human wickedness.
LYSISTRATA Let's not give up the hard work we have done. He hated, as we do, all wicked men-
Come on inside. My friends, it would be shameful if but he loved women! 820
we failed to do our duty by the oracle. 780 (Enter LYSISTRATA on the roof of the skene.)
(Exeunt LYSISTRATA and FOUR WOMEN into the skene.) 1 OLD WOMAN Shall I punch your jaw?
1 OLD MAN Please don't; I'm terrified.
1 OLD WOMAN Then I'll kick you.
Choros 4 1 OLD MAN You'll show your hair.
1 OLD WOMAN Then you would see
1 OLD MAN (Al) I want to tell you a story I may be old,
but I don't let it grow;
I heard when I was a boy.
it's neatly trimmed.
There once was a young man called Melanion,
who was afraid of marriage; he went off into the wild
and lived in the mountains.
There he made traps
Scene 5
and hunted hares 790
LYSISTRATA Come here, ladies, come to me quickly.
and kept a dog
(Enter MYRRHINE and two other WOMEN on the roof)
and never came back home.
1st WOMAN What is it? Tell me why you're shouting. 830
He found women disgusting; so do all
LYSISTRATA I see a man, maddened and smitten
men of good sense like us. by the holy mysteries of sex.
1 OLD MAN I'd like to kiss you-
Goddess of love, ruler of Kypros, Kythera,
1 OLD WOMAN Eat less onions!
and Paphos, may he make his way straight here.
1 OLD MAN Stretch my legs and kick- 2nd WOMAN Where is he, whoever he is?
1 OLD WOMAN You've got a lot of pubic hair! 800
LYSISTRATA By the shrine of Chloe.
1 OLD MAN Myronides was fierce 1st WOMAN Yes, there he is. And who is he?
to all his enemies LYSISTRATA Look. Does any of you recognize him?
because his pubic hair was thick MYRRH INE Yes,
and black, and so was Phormio. I do. It's my husband, Kinesias.
86 Lysistrata Lysistrata 87
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-

LYSISTRATA It's your job now to make him burn, KINESIAS Well, yes, if you want.
torment him, I've got this; and what I've got, I'll give to you.
cheat him, make love but not make love, 840 LYSISTRATA I'll just go down and call her out.
and give him everything except what we swore we KINESIAS Please hurry up.
wouldn't. (LYSISTRATA descends into the skene.)
MYRRHINE Easy. I'll do it. I have no pleasure in my life
LYSISTRATA I'll stay here; since she left home.
I'll help to work him up I ache when I come home, and everything
and get him on heat. Off you go. seems empty; I cannot enjoy
(Exeunt MYRRHINE and other WOMEN down into the skene.) my food or drink. I'm permanently stiff.
(Enter KINESIAS, left, hugely erect. A SLAVE follows with lzis MYRRHINE (offstage, to LYSISTRATA, as she climbs to the
baby son.) skene roof)
KINESIAS Poor me, I'm in convulsions, and my prick I love him, yes, I love him. But he doesn't want 870
is straight as if it had been stretched upon the rack. me to. Don't make me go to him.
LYSISTRATA Who's penetrated our defenses?
KINESIAS Dearest, darling Myrrhie, why are you doing
KINESIAS Me. this?
LYSISTRATA A man? Come down here.
KINESIAS Can't you see that?
MYRRHINE (011 the roof) No, I won't.
LYSISTRATA Then go!
KINESIAS Won't you come down? I'm begging you,
KINESIAS What right have you to throw me out?
Myrrhine.
LYSISTRATA I'm the guard of the day.
MYRRHINE No, you don't need anything from me.
KINESIAS Then please, by all the gods, send Myrrhine
KINESIAS I don't? I'm suffering.
tome. 850
MYRRHINE I'm off.
LYSISTRATA Why? Who are you?
KINESIAS Her husband, Kinesias; I'm a fantastic fuck.
KINESIAS Please don't go. Listen to
LYSISTRATA Welcome, dear man. Your name your baby son. You, call out to Mummy.
BABY Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.
is famous and is celebrated here.
Your wife is always mentioning you, KINESIAS What's the matter with you? Six days 880
and if she eats an egg or an apple, he's gone without a bath or a breast-feed.
'This is for Kinesias,' she says. MYRRHINE I do pity him; but his father
KINESIAS Then please- neglects him.
LYSISTRATA Just a moment. If we're talking KINESIAS Do the right thing-come down to your baby.
about our men, she says at once all of the rest MYRRHINE Motherhood has awesome power. I must go
are nobodies compared to her Kinesias. 860 down.
KINESIAS Please call her out. I have no choice.
LYSISTRATA Will you give me a fee? (MYRRHINE goes down inside tlze skene.)
88 Lysistrata Lysistrata
89
KINESIAS She looks much younger and much sexier; Look-no more baby.
OK, she's angry and treats me like dirt, Let's lie down.
but that's exactly why I long for her so much. MYRRHINE But where could we possibly 910
(Enter MYRRHINE from the skene.) do it, darling?
MYRRHINE My dearest, darling child of a wicked father, KINESIAS Where? Pan's grotto looks good.
let me give you a kiss, you sweet little thing. 890 MYRRHINE But how could I go back into the sanctuary?
KINESIAS Myrrhie, I'm sick of this. Why have you been I'd be impure.
persuaded by those other women? You're making KINESIAS Wash in the nearby spring and you'll be pure
me sore, and beautiful.
and doing yourself no good. MYRRHINE But darling, I'd be breaking an oath.
MYRRHINE Don't touch me! KINESIAS Let that be on my head. Don't worry about it.
KINESIAS Our household management MYRRHINE OK; I'll just get us a little bed.
has gone to pieces. KINESIAS No!
MYRRHINE I don't care. The ground will do.
KINESIAS You don't care if the cockerels are ruining MYRRHINE No! Even though
your finest dress? you have your faults, I won't lie with you on the
MYRRHINE I don't. ground.
KINESIAS And you haven't celebrated the sacred rites of (Exit MYRRHINE into the skene.)
Love KINESIAS You can all see how much my wife loves me.
for all this time. Please come back home. (Enter MYRRHINE with bed.)
MYRRHINE No, I won't, unless you come to terms with MYRRHINE There, lie down quickly, and I'll get
the enemy 900 undressed.
920
and stop the war. But wait-we need a mattress.
KINESIAS If the people vote for it, KINESIAS What? I don't!
we will do that. MYRRHINE No, we can't do it
MYRRHINE If they vote for it, just on the springs.
I will come home; but right now, I am bound by my KINESIAS Give us a kiss.
oath. MYRRHINE Of course.
KINESIAS Then at least lie down with me-it's been so (And after a really sexy kiss, size goes back into the skene.)
long. KINESIAS Wow! Come back quickly.
MYRRHINE No way. But I'm not saying I don't love you. (Reenter MYRRHINE with mattress.)
KINESIAS You do? Then please lie down with me,
MYRRHINE Here's the mattress. Lie down, and I'll undress.
Myrrhine. But this is awful; you don't have a pillow.
MYRRHINE What? You idiot! In front of the baby? KINESIAS I don't need one.
KINESIAS Manes, take the baby home. MYRRHINE Well, I do.
(Exit SLAVE with baby.) (Exit MYRRH/NE into the skene.)
90 Lysistrata Lysistrata 91
-'---- - - - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - - -
KINESIAS How long will this poor prick be forced to wait? (Size tiptoes towards tlze skene without lzis noticing.)
(Reenter MYRRH/NE witlz pillow.) But just remember, darling, 950
MYRRHINE Lift up now, lift. There, I've got you must vote for peace.
everything. 930 KINESIAS I'll think about it.
KINESIAS Yes, everything. Come here, my darling. (Exit MYRRH/NE into tlze skene.)
MYRRHINE I'm taking off my bra. But just remember; Aah!
don't cheat me about the peace treaty. She's destroyed me and ruined me
KINESIAS I swear I won't. and stripped me and left me.
MYRRHINE You don't have a blanket. What shall I do? Whom shall I fuck,
KINESIAS I don't need one; I just want a fuck. betrayed by the fairest of all creatures?
MYRRHINE Don't worry; you'll get one. I'll be right back. How shall I nurture this poor little orphan?
(Exit MYRRH/NE into tlze skene.) Where's a pimp?
KINESIAS She's ruining me with all these bedclothes. I need to hire a nurse.
(Reenter MYRRH/NE with blanket and ointment.) 1 OLD MAN You poor man, you are suffering.
MYRRHINE Raise yourself up. Your soul is worn down by this awful trick. 960
KINESIAS This bit's already up. I pity you. Alas!
MYRRHINE Would you like me to rub ointment on you? What kidneys could stand this,
KINESIAS Absolutely not. what soul, what testicles,
MYRRHINE Oh yes I will, whether you want it or not. what groin, what prick
KINESIAS I wish she'd spill the lot. 940 stretched out like this
MYRRHINE Hold out your hand and you can rub it on. without a fuck?
KINESIAS Look here, I don't like this stuff; KINESIAS Oh God, more pain!
it's just making us wait and it doesn't smell sexy. 1 OLD MAN She's a disgusting bitch
MYRRHINE Oh stupid me, I brought the wrong one. for doing this to you.
KINESIAS It's fine. Leave it, please. KINESIAS No, she's loving and sweet. 970
MYRRHINE Don't talk nonsense. 1 OLD MAN What d'you mean, sweet? She's a bitch.
(Exit MYRRH/NE into tlze skene, with ointment jar.) KINESIAS OK, she's a bitch. 0 Zeus, Zeus,
KINESIAS I'd like to kill the man who invented perfume. if only you could carry her off
(Reenter MYRRH/NE with a tall, phallic-shaped bottle.) like a pile of leaves in a gigantic hurricane,
MYRRHINE Try this. spin her around and shake her up
KINESIAS I've got one of those already. and then let go,
You irritating girl, just lie down and don't bring me so she was carried back to earth
anything more. and suddenly
MYRRHINE OK. I'm taking off landed on my prick.
my shoes.
 Lysistrata Lysistrata
92 93
unless we all agree to make
Scene 6 peace with the other Greeks.
,,...AN HERALD 111nssively erect, right.) KINESIAS Now I get it! This is a conspiracy between
(Enter a SP.'A.R '" ' 980
HERALD Where are the Elders of Athens the women everywhere. You must advise
or the Executive? I need to let them kn~:nso;ea~~;s. your government to send as fast as possible
KINESIAS Who are you? A man, or a wa g ambassadors with full power to negotiate. 1010
I'll just show the Athenian Council this prick,
symbol? d I' me and they'll appoint negotiators as well.
HERALD Young man, I am a Herald ' an ve co
HERALD I'll fly; yours is the best advice.
from Sparta to negotiate for peace. d
' h" d"
KINESIAS Is that why you re i mg a weapon un er (Exeunt HERALD, right, and KINES/AS, left.)
your clothes? 1 OLD MAN No wild beast is harder to fight than women;
HERALD No, I'm not.
not fire or panthers are so dangerous.
S Why turn away? 1 OLD WOMAN If you know that, do you intend to go on
~m~ · ll~ fighting us,
Don't try to hide it. Did your groin swe
on the long journey? you silly man, when you and I could be true friends?
HERALD He's crazy. 1 OLD MAN I'll never stop hating women.

KINESIAS Liar! You've got a hard-on. 990 1 OLD WOMAN OK, stop when you want to. But I can't
ignore
HERALD No I haven't. Don't talk nonsense.
Then what's this? . the fact that you're half naked. It's ridiculous. 1020
KINESIAS A Spartan message-stick. Let me help you put your shirt back on.
HERALD
(Size does so.)
KINESIA S If th at's one ' here's another.
t me 1 OLD MAN That was very nice of you;
Trus , I know-so tell the truth.
How are things down in Sparta.7 . I was bad-tempered when I took it off.
HERALD Everyone's erect and all the allies d firm 1 OLD WOMAN Now you look like a man, and not
have been aroused; we're desperate for a goo ridiculous at all.
If you'd behaved, I would have got that bug
thrust. . ?
out of your eye.
KINES IAS Wha t god inflicted this suffering on you.
1 OLD MAN Yes, it's been troubling me. Here is a ring;
Was it Pan? ·hL "to scrape it out, then show me.
HERALD N o. It all began I believe, wit ampi '
I

My eye's been hurting for ages.

a nd then all the other Spartan
. women
1000
decided suddenly to depnve 1 OLD WOMAN I'll do it, even though you've been
their menfolk of their pussies. so grumpy. 1030
My god, look at the size of this insect;
KINESIAS How are you going? b dl We all walk around it has to be a Hexham grey.*
Very a Y·
HERALD · d day
bent over like lamp-carriers on a wn~ y . •Aristophanes here named the notorious mosquitoes of the Trikorythos
The women w1 ·11 not let us touch their cunts marshes in the Tetrapolis, NW of Athens. We substituted the large and fierce
94 Lysistrata Lysistrata
95
1 OLD MAN Thanks for the help; it was digging boreholes ready to eat- the finest, tenderest bits of pork.
into me. Come to my place today-come early!
That's why, now it's come out, I'm crying. You must all have baths (the kids as well)
1 OLD WOMAN I'll wipe these tears off, even though you
then come on over, walk straight in
are a pest,
as if you were at home. One problem, though; 1070
and give you a kiss.
we will have locked and barred the door!
1 OLD MAN Oh, don't.
1 OLD WOMAN Whether you want it or not!
1 OLD MAN Oh, shit! You're so persuasive, Scene 7
and the old proverb is right; we can't
live with you or without you.
(Enter TWO SPARTAN AMBASSADORS, riglzt, with large erections.)
I will make peace with you, and for the rest of time 1040
1 OLD WOMAN Here are the ambassadors from Sparta,
I won't abuse you and you will not do the same to me.
looking like they're wearing panty pads.
So let us stand together and join in this song.
Spartans, greetings to you; tell us
in what state you are.
1st SPARTAN What need of words?
Choros 5
Just look and see.
1 OLD MAN (Al) From now on we will not say cruel words 1 OLD MAN Oh dear. The disease has got really intense;
about any of our fellow-citizens; it looks inflamed and far worse than before.
no, quite the opposite! We'll say and do 2nd SPARTAN Unspeakable! What can we say?
good things; there's been enough suffering already. Whatever way you want, 1080
All of you-men and women-if you need 1050 get someone to come here and let's make peace.
a little bit of money-just a few thousand bucks- (Enter ATHENIAN AMBASSADORS, left, also erect [attended by
come to us; we've got the cash. slaves].)
When peace and prosperity come, 1 OLD WOMAN Here are our local ambassadors
if you've borrowed from us you need never repay bent over like wrestlers, and with their clothes
'cos we may not have lent you a cent! pushed out from their bellies. It's clear
* * * this is a swelling disease.
1 OLD WOMAN (A2) We're going to have a feast for some 1st ATHENIAN Who can tell us where Lysistrata is?
most loyal allies, noble gentlemen. 1060 Look at the state we're in.
There'll be a hearty pea soup, and I've got a suckling pig 1 OLD MAN Looks like they've got the same illness.
D'you get a special seizure around dawn?
1st ATHENIAN It's driving us mad all the time. 1090
mosquitoes of the mangrove swamps at Hexham, west of Newcastle, Australia,
where this translation was first performed. Insert your own audience's least If someone doesn't reconcile us very soon,
favorite insect here! we'll have to fuck a queen.
96 Lysistrata Lysistrata
97
1 OLD WOMAN If you have any sense, you'll cover up; or First bring me the Spartans,
else the men . with a gentle, not an angry hand,
who knocked the pricks off all those statues might see
not in the stupid way our men have treated us,
you. but as a woman should-affectionately.
2 nd ATHENIAN Good advice. If he doesn't give you his hand, pull him by the prick.
2nd SPARTAN Agreed. Now bring the Athenians; 1120
Let's fold our cloaks around us. whatever they give you, grab it and bring them here.
1st ATHENIAN Greetings, Spartans. We have suffered Now, men of Sparta, stand near me,
terribly. Athenians over here, and listen to what I say.
1st SPARTAN Dear friend, we might have suffered even I am a woman, but I have a brain,
worse . I'm old enough to have intelligent ideas,
.
if those statue-mutilators h a d fou nd us in this state. and I've learnt much about our great traditions
1st ATHENIAN All right, Spartans, let's get down to listening to my father and to other elders.
business. 1100 First I'm going to rebuke both of you
Why are you here? with justice on my side;
1st SPARTAN We are ambassadors at the Olympic games and other festivals 1130
for peace. (I could name many, but I won't) you share one bowl
1st ATHENIAN Great. So are we. to sprinkle altars just like kinsmen;
Let us call out Lysistrata, .. . why, when we have enemies abroad to fight,
the only person who can bring us reconciliation. do you kill fellow-Greeks and wreck Greek cities?
[1st SPARTAN Bring Lysistratos as well, if he can help.]
That's my first point.
(Enter LYSISTRATA from tlze skene.) . 1st ATHENIAN I'm dying from this hard-on.

2nd ATHENIAN I don't think we have to call her, LYSISTRATA Now, Spartans, I'm turning to you.

she heard us, and here she is. Don't you remember how a mighty Spartan general
once
1 OLD WOMAN Greetings, bravest of all! Now you must be
fierce but soft, honest but tricky, stern but gentle- came here to Athens as a suppliant, and sat down at
an altar
brilliantly multiskilled. Your charm has ~o.nquered
two great cities; 1110 in his scarlet cloak-his face was white with fear- 1140
begging us for an army? You could hardly cope
they both defer to you and trust you to resolve their
with both an earthquake and a slave revolt.
grievances. .
The great Kirnon marched down there with 4,000 men
LYSISTRATA It will not be too difficult, provided the
and saved the whole of Sparta.
ambassadors are all
So we Athenians did that for you, and yet
eager for peace and not just sco~i~g. po;nts.
you're ravaging this land that helped you out?
I will soon see. Where's ReconCihation.. - - 2nd ATHENIAN Yes, they are doing wrong.
(Enter RECONCILIATION, a beautiful, naked gzrl,from tlze skene.)
1st SPARTAN We are-but that girl's bum is beautiful.
98 Lysistrata Lysistrata
99
LYSISTRATA D'you think I'm going to let off you (Exit RECONCILIATION d ·
skene.) , zscomfited and in haste, into the
Athenians?
Don't you remember how the Spartans, when the LYSISTRATA When you are reconciled, this shall be done
tyrants 1150 If you've agreed, then go, ·
had reduced us all to poverty, came fully armed? and tell your allies the good news.
They killed a host of foreign occupying troops, 1st ATHENIA What allies? We are stiff.
and many of the tyrant's friends and allies. The allies will all say the same as us·
They also helped you, by themselves, to throw him out "We need a fuck." '
and gave us freedom, so instead of slavish rags, 1st SPARTAN That's pretty much what ours
will say as well. 1180
we once more wore the cloak of freedom and
democracy! 1st ATHENIAN Even the warmongers.
2nd SPARTAN I've never seen a girl with such great tits LYSISTRATA Well spoken. Now let's go and solemnize
and buns. the treaty,
1st ATHENIAN I've never seen a cunt more beautiful. so the women can entertain you in the citadel
LYSISTRATA You've done so many good things for each with what we've got inside our boxes
other; and you can swear your oaths and give each other ,
why are you still fighting? Why won't you stop this pledges.
wickedness? 1160 Then each of you can take
Why not be reconciled? What's standing in the way? his wife and go back home.
1st SPARTAN We're willing, if we can have 1st ATHENIAN Let's d 01't now-
this nice round bit. 1st SPARTAN I'll follow you.
LYSISTRATA Which one? 1st ATHENIAN
-as fast as possible.
1st SPARTAN Pylos, the secret entrance. (Exeunt AMBASSADORS and LYSISTRATA into the skene.)
We've always wanted it, and now I'm going to grope it.
1st ATHENIAN No way, they can't have that.
LYSISTRATA Let them have it. Choros 6
1st ATHENIAN Where can we attack them from?
LYSISTRATA Ask for another place instead. 1 OLD WOMAN (Al) This ceremony will need sons to
1st ATHENIAN This is terrible; give us instead of that carry things, and basket-girls;
the Hedgehog, and the Malian Gulf I won't begrudge them spreads and fancy
just behind it, and the Legs of Megara. 1170 clothes
1190
1st SPARTAN No way, not all of those, good sir. and cloaks and stately robes, and gold.
LYSISTRATA Back off; don't argue about a pair of legs. I tell you all-take everything that's in
1st ATHENIAN I want to get my clothes off and farm my my house; nothing is so well sealed
patch. that you can't break the seal and take
1st SPARTAN I want to get in first with the manure. what's there. 1200
100 Lysistrata Lysistrata 101

Unfortunately-you won't find a thing, 1st ATHENIAN That's fair enough; we're pretty stupid
unless your eyesight is better far than mine! when we're not.
* * * If I can persuade the Athenians,
1 OLD MAN (A2) If you've no grain, and you have got we'll always be drunk when we negotiate. 1230
to feed When we go to Sparta sober,
your slaves and lots of little kids, we're always looking for something suspicious.
you can come and get flour from my store- We don't listen to what they're really saying,
little grains, but they will make a good-sized loaf. and we suspect they're saying things they're not,
If you are poor, come to my house 1210 and we come back with differing accounts.
with sacks and baskets for the flour; Today has been fantastic; if someone sang
my slave will fill them up. the wrong song, we'd just praise him
I should just mention-you cannot come in! and congratulate him.
I have a savage dog. {(T/ie slaves co111e back toward the door.)
Oh, here come the slaves again.
Get out of here, you wretches! 1240
Scene 8 (Finale) 2nd ATHENIAN Yes, here come the Spartans now.]
(Enter SPARTAN AMBASSADORS from the skene.)
[1st ATHENIAN (inside the skene) 1st SPARTAN Good friend, play the bagpipes,
Open the door! so I can dance and sing
(enters; to slaves) to honor the Athenians and ourselves.
You should have got out of my way! 1st ATHENIAN Please do; we love your Spartan dances.
Why are you lying around? (Enter LAMPITO, 3 WOMEN, KORINTHIAN and BOIOTIAN women,
I'll burn you with my torch! Athenians (three policemen and KINESIAS) from the skene.)
(to the audience) 1st SPARTAN Goddess of Memory,
No; that's an old inspire me through the Muse
comic routine, and I won't do it. (pause) Well, OK, who knows how we and the Athenians
if I must-anything to please you. 1220 made war like gods at sea 1250
(Enter 211d ATHENIAN from the skene.) and beat the Persians.
2nd ATHENIAN And I'll help you. Our own Leonidas
Go away, or I'll pull your hair. led men who fought like boars
1st ATHENIAN Go away, so the Spartans inside sharpening their teeth.
can leave in peace when the banquet is over. Sweat flowered on their cheeks,
(The slaves retreat toward an eisodos.)] and dripped down to their knees.
2nd ATHENIAN I've never seen such a good feast. There were as many Persians as 1260
What great company the Spartans were, the grains of sand.
and we are very witty when we're pissed. * * *
102 Lysistrata Lysistrata
------ - --------
103
Wild virgin goddess of the hunt, 1st SPARTAN Muse of Sparta, come-
come here to seal our treaty, leave beautiful Ta:igetos once more, and praise
so we may be united forever. Apollo, and Athena,
Be kind to us, and help us to be rich and the noble Twins 1300
because we have made peace, who race beside the river.
and we'll be rid of men who act Dance on, dance on;
like wily foxes. 1270 step nimbly. We'll praise Sparta,
Come here, come here, where we dance for the gods
goddess of the hunt. and stamp our feet
(Enter LYSISTRATA, KALONIKE, and MYRRH/NE from the skene.) and where like colts the girls
LYSISTRATA Now everything has been done well, leap by the river.
so Spartans and Athenians, each take your wives; Their feet raise dust, 1310
let man stand next to woman, woman their long hair streams,
next to man, and we will celebrate our fortunes their bodies twirl like maenads·
dancing for the gods. Let us make sure '
Helen leads the sacred dance.
we never make the same mistakes again.
* * *
(as tlze couples begin to dance) Come, bind up your hair, and leap
I OLD MAN Bring on the dance, like deer, and clap your hands;
call the goddess of the hunt to us, 1280 let's praise the conquering goddess; praise
and her twin brother, god of healing, Athena!
1320
leader of the dance; (Exeunt ALL.)
I OLD WOMAN call the god of ecstasy,
who dances with his maenads, eyes ablaze,
and Zeus, lit by his thunderbolt-also
his noble, happy wife.
I OLD MAN We call the gods, who don't forget,
as witnesses
of this serene Tranquillity
which the goddess of love has given us. 1290
CHOROS Hooray!
Dance off to victory!
Hooray!
(Tlzey are about to exit, when tlzey are detained by this dr1111ke11
request from tlze 1st Athenian:)
1st ATHENIAN Let's have an encore!