Basic Assertion

A simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions

Usually a simple "I want" or "I feel" statement
Empathic Assertion
Conveys some sensitivity to the other person.
Usually contains two parts: a recognition of the other person's situation or feelings, followed by a
statement in which you stand up for your rights.
For example, "I know you've really been busy. I've been busy too, and it's hard for me to clean the
apartment on my own. I'd like for you to make more time to do part of the cleaning."

Escalating Assertion

Occurs when the other person fails to respond to your basic assertions, and you become increasingly
firm May include the mention of resulting action on your part
For example, "If you don't complete the work on my car by 5:00 tomorrow, I will call the Better
Business Bureau."
I - Language Assertion
Especially useful for expressing negative feelings. It involves a 3-part statement:
When you do . . . (describe the behavior).
The effects are/I feel . . . (describe how the behavior affects you).
I'd prefer/I want. . . (describe what you want).

For example: "When you didn't buy the groceries, I couldn't cook dinner for my parents. I feel hurt
and angry with you. Next time, I'd like you to follow through when you agree to do something."The
focus in I-Language Assertion is on the "I feel," "I want" part of the statement, rather than on
blaming the other person

I-Language Assertion can help you constructively focus anger and be clear about your own feelings
Basic Assertion
Expresses needs, ideas, expectations.

This is what I think This is what I feel This is what I am.

Examples:

I would like to finish what I am saying.

I need some time to think about that.
This afternoon is not a good time for me.
I like you.
2. Empathetic Assertion
Recognizes the other person’s needs, feelings and situation but stands up for one’s self.

Examples:

You may not realize that interrupting me bothers me but it does.

I know you are trying to be helpful, but I would rather do this my way.
I know it is easier for you to file this under the old system but the new one is more useful to me.
Empathetic assertions confront the other person with behavior that is having undesirable
consequences without judging or threatening and also give the other person recognition for having
needs and feelings that you are aware of.

3. Escalating Assertion
When the other person does not respond to a basic assertion or request, it is sometimes necessary
to escalate the assertion by changing words or tone of voice so that the individual who is denying
your rights will be forced to consider them. An assertion is escalated from a simple request to a
demand if the request is ignored.

Examples:

I have asked you to please make an effort to get to work by eight o’clock. You have been late three
times this week. You will have to get to work on time. I cannot make any exceptions unless there are
unusual circumstances.

ypes of Assertion
BASIC ASSERTION
Basic Assertion is about making straight forward statements that show you stand by your rights. It
involves
making clear your needs, wants, beliefs, opinions or feelings. Examples of basic assertion are:
As I see it, the system is working well
I would like to make some changes to…
I need to be away by 5 o’clock
The cost is £2000
I feel very pleased with the way the issue has been resolved
Basic assertion is about being honest and polite, without being either forceful or apologetic about
your
needs. It is the most common form of assertion and would also be used to give praise or
compliments to
others.
It is a clear way of expressing what your position is, and what your suggestions are when raising an
issue
for the first time, or initiating a conversation.
EMPATHETIC ASSERTION
This method of assertiveness is about understanding the position of the person you are dealing with.
Examples are:
I understand that you are busy at the moment, however
I appreciate your position, what I feel is…
I realise you feel strongly about this, there are other viewpoints………..
I hear what you are saying; let me explain my position to you
I see you have a sound knowledge of the subject, my thoughts regarding this are
Empathetic assertion is about listening, understanding and gaining the other person’s interest in
your point
of view or perspective at the same time.
Empathetic assertion is a powerful tool that can sometimes be misused, and when this happens it
can be a
sign of aggressive behaviour. This would be evident where the other person’s needs are clearly not
being
listened to, rather that the impression of empathy is given in order to manipulate a situation or
person.

Stand up for your rights: five types of assertion and how to use them
Assertiveness doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Like anything, being assertive takes practice but
by using these five simple techniques you’ll be able to make a start on handling difficult situations
with confidence.
1. Stand up for your rights – basic assertion

If you find it difficult to be assertive, this is a good place to start to gradually build your confidence.
It’s also the most most common approach to express your needs, wants and opinions in a factual
way without seeming rude.

When to use it? This technique works best when you are raising an issue for the first time.

2. Put yourself in other people’s shoes – empathetic assertion

Empathy assertion is a useful technique to use to help you be assertive while demonstrating your
understanding of anther persons feelings. This not only shows that you have taken the time to try to
understand their position but that you’ve made a conscious decision with them in mind.

When to use it? When another person is engrossed in a situation and you want to indicate that you
are aware of and sensitive to it.

Basic Assertion
Simple expression of standing up for personal rights, beliefs, feelings or opinions.
Example: When being interrupted, "Excuse me, I'd like to finish what I'm saying."
Empathic Assertion
Recognition of other person's situation or feelings followed by another statement standing up for
speaker's
rights.
Example: "I know you are feeling angry and frustrated while you wait for a response. But, the best I
can do is
give you a ballpark estimate of how long It will take."
Escalating Assertion
Start with a "minimal" assertive response... Other fails to respond... Gradually escalate the
assertion?--
increasingly firm without being aggressive.
Example: From the first example, "I know what you have to say is important but I really want to
finish what I
was saying." "I really want to finish before you begin to speak."
Confrontive Assertion
Describe what was to be done... Describe what actually occurred... Express what you want.t.
Example: "I told you to complete the forms by November 15, and you agreed to do so. Now it is
January 15 and
you are telling me that you forgot the forms but you still expect to complete our business on time.
What is it that
you want me to do?"
I-Language Assertion
Description of behavior: "When you __________ ,"
How it affects you life: "It affects __________ ,"
Describe your feelings: "and I feel __________ ;"
Describe your desire: "Therefore, I would like __________ ."
Example: "When you shout the effect is I am unable to work with you and I feel angry. Therefore, I
would like
for you to stop shouting and tell me what you want."